my mom is still alive.

i don't talk to her much, and haven't since i was a teenager and she got very heavy into heroin. i abandoned her more than she abandoned me, and i actually don't regret that; i could see as clear as day that she was hopeless, and that i had to make a choice about it: was i going to let this affect me for my whole life, or was i going to move on?

i was about 14 or 15 when i decided to move on.

there was never a talk or anything. i just showed up for a scheduled visit once to find her passed out, naked on the couch and washed my hands of her. we made no attempt to contact each other for years afterwards. i don't know if she had overdosed at the time or not.

to this day, she's a heavy methadone user that comes in and out of heroin relapses.

she got it through AA - drinking buddies looking for something stronger. she may have been blacked out when she first tried it; i don't know. maybe we can call that the "rob ford defense", moving forwards.

nobody and nothing gets 100% blame for this, and lots of entities get partial responsibility. but, knowing my mother, i don't think she would have sought it out. i think it was presented to her, and she went along to fit in. i'm consequently very much of the opinion that restricted access could have prevented her from walking down that path.