so, i forgot that most bourgeois and government things are closed this week.

i don't have any problems with acknowledging the solstice, but aren't we all a little too old for christmas? isn't the society too old for christmas? the culture? aren't we beyond this? can't we all grow up a little?

we have this weird holiday in canada called "boxing day", so i won't be able to make any calls until thursday. but, i'm planning on kind of pivoting on thursday morning, too.

i've been sleeping for the better part of the last week; outside of a grocery run on saturday morning, i've barely been awake since wednesday, except to eat. i kind of want to get back to rebuilding, but i'm still having a hard time staying awake.

i want to be clear on the point about my father's estate. i was offered the role of executor, but turned it down, as i expected to be on long term disability. in ontario, the government either seizes assets or throws you off disability, and on a certain level i actually agree - if you can effectively execute an estate, you're not very disabled. i don't know exactly what the will says. but, the agreement we came to was not designed to exclude me, but rather to get around the government in a way that would ensure i wasn't excluded, because he couldn't leave me money directly.

my father didn't like my politics, but he's one of the few people that understood them, because he had so much exposure, and such an opportunity to do so - and you can imagine that a moderately conservative parent would have these kinds of arguments about finances and employment with their anarchist child, so long as the level of discourse can remain respectful, and it usually did. he wanted me to embrace a normal life of capitalist excess, and found it frustrating that i refused to, but i think i got through to him well enough that he understood that i wanted a way out of all of that, rather than the thing itself...

and, i would still rather get a disability check than go after my step-mother or sister regarding mismanagement or broken promises. i don't want my dead father's money. i want a guaranteed income. but, i have to adjust to what the state is doing, whether i like it or not.

he didn't have millions of dollars to leave me; i'm sure he would have, if he did. what he could do is what he did - he sat me down with my stepmother and had her agree to wire me "gifts" on a regular basis. it's a henson trust in theory, without the actual trust. and, maybe i was naive to believe her, and maybe he was naive to suggest it, but there wasn't another reasonable option - i was not able to work, and am still not able to work, and could consequently not accept the magnitude of funds on offer without losing access to required long term benefits.

as mentioned: i don't expect anything has been probated, yet. i'll find out near the end of the week.