in fact, the places i hang out at are mostly full of straight white men in their 30s-50s.

...because that's what i'm actually attracted to.

duh?

about the last thing in the world that i'd want to do is hang out in a space full of cis-women, as they have nothing to offer me. i've learned that; i may have thought differently when i was younger, but i know better, now. nowadays, i purposefully avoid places that are full of women.

so, why not just be a gay male then? because i'm not attracted to gay men, i'm attracted to straight men. it's a big difference. and, if i were to show up presenting myself as a dude, i'd be being dishonest.

so, for example, i'm probably going to some rock shows this weekend, to take advantage of the weather, while i can. i've pointed out several times that i'm expecting a shitty summer; it's at least going to be nice this weekend. almost all women at these spaces are going to be somebody's girlfriend, and there in that capacity - that's the reality of the types of rock bands i'll be checking out. it just is. really.

so, i'm going to check out some guitar music with a nearly exclusively straight white male audience.

if i were to show up to these spaces in a male-presenting way and try and interact with the people there, they would assume that i'm like them - a straight white male. but, in fact, the truth is that i'm checking them out. they may even think i'm a "cool guy" because i'm at a lot of the same shows as them, and try and build a friendship with me on that basis - but i'm going to be consistently interpreting them sexually and/or romantically, and not reciprocating in their desire for basic friendship. and, i know this because i've been through it when i was younger. they will eventually figure this out, and the end result is a lot of wasted time for everybody involved, if not something more dangerous or uncomfortable than that.

the most honest thing for me to do is present myself as what i am, which is a female-identifying person that is attracted to straight men. it's then up to them to decide how they want to react to that. but, i'd rather get a negative reaction up front then string people along on a charade of friendship, only for them to realize in the end that i want to sleep with them.

i'm very keen on honesty, and this is just consistent with that.

i have the intuition that there's a larger and/or different audience here than there used to be, and much of it may be confused by the events i actually go to. you might be expecting me to go places where there are lots of younger women, for one reason or another. but, you're wrong - check the event history. i've usually gone to shows full of straight men for years, and that isn't going to change, now.

but, i need the people there to interpret me properly from the start. i've had enough problems with making friends with straight men, who misinterpret me via first impression and then get turned off when they realize the truth of what i'm actually like.