i got a little bit distracted yesterday by this playlist embedding feature on youtube, which has tended to be broken more often than not. i just realized it works again. i'm almost caught back up...

i was feeling great yesterday in the high humidity - finally - but i woke up to chapped lips from the fucking air conditioner upstairs, and i've been groggy and unfocused since. we're going to get a mild spike, but it's nothing like yesterday and that contraption might ruin it :(. but i want to wait until the sun comes down before i shower.

i've given it a few tries, and the red peppers are an acceptable change in taste. it's a little sweeter, but, really, it's the tomato that overpowers, in the mixture. so, it's less like i'm introducing something sweet in and more like i'm losing the bitter green pepper - which i actually like, but i'm more concerned about nutrients just right now. so, i'm going to stick with them for a while and see what it does in the long run...

how about the meds? it's been a week since i doubled the t-blockers, and i haven't notice a whole lot yet. it's got me wondering, though. what if this doesn't work? what if i'm doomed to detransitioning?

i never really experimented with homosexuality. i had one girlfriend, and the way that worked was that she went after me, and i relented at a weak point; i would have normally resisted her. but, i was just starting hormones, as a virgin. she talked me into it as an experiment; it wasn't supposed to be a long term relationship. but, i got very emotionally attached in a way that seemed to confuse her...she never really grasped the whole concept of transsexuality. i would have probably otherwise gone through with this years ago.

as it is, i've turned down a lot of girls since then (i don't tend to show up properly on the gaydar of women) and have long realized that i'm just not into them and am probably never going to be. but, i've never made an actual attempt to be a gay male.

if i'm stuck with these stupid things whether i like it or not....

let's hope it works and i can get to a surgeon sooner or later, so this isn't an actual issue. but, if i end up detransitioning, maybe i can try the whole gay dude thing out for a bit, at least. maybe it's worth a try. i dunno.