so, i was always going to be sleepy this weekend, as i push through the physical nicotine addiction. i know how to do this - you sleep for five, six, seven days and then it's done. this much, i understand, and can work through. the side effects range from manageable (dehydration, sore throat) to brutal (violent, sweaty defecation events that are not quite describable as diarrhea).

but, i'm a little taken aback by just how quickly my urge to smoke a marijuana & raspberry leaf spliff absolutely crashed, indicating how right i was - i wasn't smoking 10 joints a day because i wanted the thc, i was just smoking very expensive and very unhealthy cigarettes. i've had that spliff sitting out for hours, now. if there was any tobacco in it, i'd have inhaled it hours ago.

so, that's some reinforcement that leaving pot in the cupboard won't be so hard, without the tobacco, after all, at least so long as i have some tea leaves. i was worried that even having the pot in the house at all could just be an excuse to get more cigarettes. maybe that's overreacting, or maybe i'm being naive.

was this predictable? well, i didn't really make a choice. it was around the solstice and i was headcaving, and then all of a sudden it's mid-august and i've been smoking tobacco every day for two months without stopping to think about it. oops. the answer is that, yes, this was predictable, but i didn't think it through, so i didn't make that prediction. i should have...

i'm not really taking the purgative properties of raspberry leaves very seriously, even if i am taking the estrogenic content seriously. so, this will be the mix that i leave in the cupboard - raspberry leaves & green tea. & we'll see if i can drop an 1/8th in there and forget about it, too.

for now, though, i'm going to smoke through what's left of this a little bit more slowly, as i pull myself back off the nicotine, hopefully for the last time. right now, i'm at least confident in, if not content about, what i've learned about the physical plant. when i was a smoker, the pot had no pull to it, because i'd just have a smoke whenever i wanted one. it's only been since i quit smoking that this has seemed different, and it seems to be nicotine-related; taking the nicotine out of the js entirely eliminated any craving i had for them. so, the lesson is rather clearly that i cannot have nicotine in the house, and cannot continue to use it for marijuana, as a non-smoker. i need to forget about that relationship, entirely.

that means that the next experiment will be with edibles, but i'm going to give it some time first, as i want to clear the thc out of my body to kind of normal background levels. this could take upwards of six weeks (i'll see how i feel), so those eds could be sitting there until october, and i could be on the brink of a month of approximate normality.