is the reason it's worse when i wake up simply because i haven't excreted anything when i'm asleep? when i'm awake, i'm going to excrete every few hours. when i'm asleep, it could be twice as long.
i hear them talking to me when i wake up, but maybe i'm faking causality. maybe i'm confusing myself by the correlation. maybe it's really 100% just the drugs.
i don't want this to be true. i'm sick of this. i don't want to have to move again. i want this to end and to get back to working on my art. i want them to fuck off and leave me alone.