i'm weird in a different way; i've never been sexually rejected, because i've never asked anybody for sex.

really.

never.

well, i guess i was rejected once, but that's even weirder, because i got rejected without asking. see, she thought i was calling her for sex, when i actually wasn't - and that's an exceedingly awkward argument, because you have to win it. you can't let her walk away thinking you're trying to have sex with her. you have to convince her you're not. so, i kept calling her over and over trying to convince her i wasn't interested in sex, and she just kept thinking i was more and more interested in it because i kept calling.

the frustration on my end of this was really complicated by the fact that this wasn't a casual ex; we dated for several years and lived together for most of those years, and then remained friends for years after. we hung out as friends after we broke up, so the call wasn't really weird at all. she shouldn't have thought this; she should have known better. so, i wasn't just trying to convince an ex i wasn't trying to sleep with her, i was trying to convince a friend that i valued her.

and, i did.

but, you know - somebody gets their mind made up and it doesn't matter what you tell them.

kind of heartbreaking.

the weirdest thing is that she spent years convinced i was gay, then all of a sudden totally flipped on it, and flipped on it right when i went back on hormones. see, the reason i started calling right at that point was that i was going back on hormones. like, i wanted to go shopping. that's what we did when we met, and what i missed and wanted back: a female-female friendship, not a sexual relationship. and, she randomly accuses me of trying to sleep with her and then makes a big deal out of turning me down, when i never asked her in the first place.

but, other than that weird misunderstanding (which was being driven by something else that i never quite figured out...), i've actually honestly never been sexually rejected - and it's because i've never made any sexual advances.

like, ever.

i'm the one doing all the rejecting...

there was one time i showed up at this ex' place on a dinner request (she called me and asked me over for dinner), and walked into a request for a threesome, which i turned down. i can barely handle monogamy, i'm way too shy for casual sex with a stranger and an ex like that. she's not, though; she never understood that about me, or she never understood why i seemed so shy. in hindsight, i think that was probably at the heart of it.

but, i guess i was naive about it; i thought she was really getting the wrong message. well, i kind of knew that the actual truth was the other way around. but, if you're naive and you think she really thinks that, you have to keep trying to smooth it over. and, what rule are you breaking by calling a friend to try and convince them that you don't want to have sex with them?

it didn't work out in the end. but, in hindsight, she can't have still thought i was trying to sleep with her by the end, after i'd explained to her a dozen times that i wasn't.

that's my one story of sexual rejection.

because i've honestly never felt the urge to even try.