maybe i should clarify the story a little, so i'm not accidentally defaming anybody.

i don't know if i was drugged; last night, occam's razor is probably that i wasn't. if i was, i don't know who did it or why. there's no sign of assault or theft at all. it's just...when you black out, it's prudent to explore all possible explanations. so, i don't think the evidence of being drugged is very strong (unlike that other night a few years ago, where i passed right out and i have video evidence of clear aphasia...), but i can't rule it out, either.

i went out last night to see the telescopes, a band i didn't know much about, but had heard name-dropped repeatedly many times. it was an enjoyable set; a little less aggressive than i thought, but that had something to do with the composition of the band. i finished my drink in the back and had another, then left around 1:00. i was 100% ok when i left the outer limits, and was actually initially planning on going to marble, and then maybe to an ad-hoc after hours that i'd been to a few times. i didn't have a solid plan.

instead, i stopped at small's because i was there (it's a block from outer limits), i probably wasn't going to catch last call at marble and i'd heard of it from my casual time spent at city club. i was late to outer limits, so i didn't finish my pre-drink before i went into the bar; i drank this with some smokers outside, near small's. i caught last call, drank a large beer, and was out of the bar a little after 2:00 - still 100% fine.

i stood outside for a little bit, having a few more smokes. it was late, and i had several hours to blow. so, i was going to try a few things.

but, somebody outside the bar that looked kind of like the foofighters' drummer intercepted me, instead. now, i initially thought that i had spoken to this person outside the city club previously (and that he had followed me around a few times); my perception of this person that i remembered from previous encounters was that he was not threatening. naively interested in me, perhaps, but not threatening. however, after looking more closely at facebook pictures, i'm thinking that i may have misidentified him. i don't think this was the guy i thought he was, meaning i actually got into a car with a stranger - which i never do.

i'm terrible with faces. it's a condition. really.

he offered to get me to a gay club down the street and i decided to take him up on this, seeming as it wasn't clear what else i was going to do. i guess i figured i'd leave if it sucked.

i let him pay cover, but i bought my own drink. i remember dancing in the corner, and buying another drink; i initially thought there was two more, but there was only one more. and, it's blurry from there, until the staff at the diner told me i was falling asleep and had to go - around 10:00.

the term 'gay bar' is pretty vague, but this was a man's bar - a place where men go to meet men. and, the truth is that i know that i'm broadly not welcome in these kinds of places. women at gay bars is a weird thing, and always attaches itself to an amount of underlying tension. i've picked this up repeatedly over many years: some of them shrug it off out of a feeling of inclusion, but you can tell that so many of them are feeling like their sanctuary is being invaded. as gay bars run the spectrum, the depth of these feelings do as well. had i known i'd be walking into a bear's den, the most hostile of gay bars to a transwoman, i'd have avoided it.

what i'm getting at is that it's not just true that the patrons at the bar would have been largely sexually disinterested in me, because they were mostly all rough macho gay men, but they would have probably preferred that i hadn't shown up there at all. and, i'm ok with that, actually; there's a reason i avoid explicitly homosexual spaces. if i was drugged with intent, it is unlikely to have been by a regular at this bar.

i'm actually wondering if they told me to put a sweater on because they didn't want to look at my tits. i'm just having a hard time piecing that together because i don't expect to have been outside for much of any length of time...