the smoke tonight is ridiculous. i've got my front door open to try and clear it out.

"it's a friday night."

but, i'm at home. i don't want to be stoned when i'm at home. pretty much ever.

when i go out somewhere, it's not to get drunk or stoned, it's to see a concert. you'll note that i don't go to parties, that i don't go to get togethers, that i don't have a group of friends, etc - that the only time i ever go anywhere is to see a concert. and, that is the purpose of going out - to experience the music.

but, i have a lot of difficulty socializing with people. i need the intoxiucation to deal with the people.

so, i go out to see the show - but i can't handle the social interactions unless i'm inebriated. the need for inebriation is consequently a function of the social interaction. so, if you take away the social interaction, i have absolutely no interest in the inebriation.

so, it's easy to ask "why don't you just stay home and get drunk?", but you're missing the point - the only reason i'm drunk is because i can't deal with the social interactions. if i were to stay home, ii wouldn't have to escape from the social interaction, and i'd rather be sober.

i hope i'm helping people understand this conflict a little bit better. it might not seem like it makes any sense for me to complain about marijuana smoke, if i'm stoned every time anybody sees me. but, the only reason i'm stoned is because i can't handle talking to you when i'm sober. do you get that? that when i go home, i want to be straight edge, and i'm only fucked up because i can't handle talking to you, otherwiise?