is it possible that i'm the subject of some kind of nazi experiment or something?

well, it seems like incomprehensibly bad luck, doesn't it?

i need to say the same thing i've said repeatedly: i don't want to sit in my apartment by myself and do drugs. that's not going to make me "happier", and that's not going to increase my productivity. it's certainly not going to make me want to participate more in society. it's just going to force me to spend large amounts of time trying to sleep the drugs off before i can back to what i'm doing in a clearer state of mind.

i don't need drugs, i need a stable environment that will allow me to get back to my work in a sober and clear-headed state.