that was a lot of sleep, even if i kept trying to wake up. and, am i feeling better now? i'm feeling a little better than i was the last time i tried. if that continues, i may be at full strength by monday.

the air in here has cleared out substantively.

so, what happened?

i dunno. i'm going to ask him to add a check for stress hormones on thursday, but i'm operating under the assumption that i'm dealing with anxiety due to second-hand marijuana smoke exposure as a consequence of elevated cortisol levels. and, because it's not making me high, i'm not sure if the elevated stress levels are occurring due to the actual effects of the drug, or due to a psychological aversion to marijuana smoke. see, that's the trick, right: because i really, really don't want to be exposed to the drug, it would be almost impossible to know if the stress is a consequence of exposure or a consequence of the disinterest in exposure. it's just as likely that i could be freaking out at the premise of being exposed as i am freaking out at the actual exposure.

but, i mean, that's not going to change: 95% of the time, i don't want to be exposed to drugs, and i'm not going to chill out about it. if it's true that i'm freaking out at the idea of exposure, that's a constant that will never change.

for right now, the air is better and i feel a little better so i'm going to try and start the day off fresh by getting something to eat and showering. hopefully, i'm reading to get back to work afterwards.