this is from the meal journal:
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- oct 15-16 cycle 11 salsa 2 & cycle 12 salasa 1-2 with doubled key ingredients, added chick peas and other nacho ingredients (no doritos, no bacon). need to eat this up. shift weight targets up. t=130.x but ate at 131.8. maxxed at 138.
- oct 16th (0:00): 137.2
- oct 16th (11:00): 136.4
- oct 16th (15:00): 135.8
- groceries with trillum & remaining from gst money ($85+):
- use $85 from nov's trillium to buy groceries for november early.
& $85 from december trillium for staples and toiletries.
- 85*3 = 255
- total spent: $207
- oct 16th (18:00): 134.4. eating cycle 6 1 & 2 strawberry component (1 kg of strawberries, 1 L of soy milk, 3 tbsp chia, 3 tbsp hemp) now because two containers of strawberries require immediate consumption. holding at weight=130 until end of fruit, reevaluate for broccoli soup phase in december. strawberries were half price. therefore, will have sufficient cash to make a second pot of broccoli soup before jan normalization, if required. may buy glue for shelving early. weight after strawberries: 139.4
oct 16th flax (skipped, just finished eating, spilled bowl of strawberries, needed to clean t up) (21:00): 139.4
oct 17th (00:00): 138.0
oct 17th (3:00): 135.4<---- weight gain was from water in soy milk. urinated it out instantly. good sign.
oct 17th (6:00): 134.0
oct 17th (9:00): 133.6
oct 17th-18 (11:00): 132.6. i had a violent reaction to the last salsa meal and am quickly losing weight. that's a good sign. but i'm also sleeping a lot, which is bad. i need to eat this up so i can switch to the fruit in the fridge before it rots (i was supposed to be done the salsa in september) and it looks like i'm going to need to get in the shower tonight for a culmination of reasons (rather than finish the resulting setup first and then showering for several days in a row). it's all very annoying. these persistent, stupid people don't want to give up. i've heard them talk about spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on this and it getting them no footage they can use, like i'm supposed to give a fuck. it seems to be some kind of film project. i'm supposed to be detransitioned in order to film some type of pornography, but i'd rather kill these people than have any sort of sex with them and that's what is going to happen if they succeed in breaking their way in here. i'm going to slit their throats on camera if it comes to it. i don't care. waste all of your money, you fucking idiots. waste your lives, or i'll waste them for you. i care about my time, i don't care about their money or their gross porn or even if they survive this in the end. and i care about my web presence, which they're also apparently trying to steal (they want control over my vlog). i don't know who they are but they seem to have crawled out of some dirty, disgusting hole in the dark web and i just can't get them to fuck off. the more money they waste, the more determined they become. the weight loss and other signals indicate i have probably eaten through any unwanted androgens put in my food, but other signals (the diarrhea, the cold sweats) suggest i'm still sweating and shitting something out. it might just be withdrawal. or it might be some drug other than an androgen. i know gay men do weird drugs for gross reasons but i don't really know very much about it, what the drugs are or what the effects are. i am sure they're still here. i have been persistently concerned about film on my skin and hair that seem to be creams or sprays (perhaps applied through an open window) or aerosols that might have been sprayed or smoked through walls, windows or vents. right now i'm noticing something in my sweat while sleeping (i think) so i need to wash the sweat off with a long shower tonight. i'm also noticing a lingering headache. the infection on my face has almost entirely cleared up, which is consistent with the idea and itself strongly suggests that the androgens are entirely or mostly cleared. so i am going to eat early (at 132.6, at 11:00) and hope it continues to come down rapidly. i'm still holding at 130 for the rest of the fruit, but i might finish the salsa tomorrow, depending on how i'm feeling. if i'm able to clear my pores at 130, i might try to carefully let the weight come back up a little, to around 135. i intend to actually take the flax this afternoon. i still need to set the drums up and might be able to tonight before the shower but it's the last piece of furniture to place, and then it's just remnant cleaning and tidying and installing new things after i get the rdsp money transferred. i also have the special tape coming in today which will let me get the aluminum up on the kitchen ceiling, which is important given that it's now mid october. so, the persistent wastes of time and slow downs are continuing, but there's signals i'm on the cusp of turning back over and getting back to normal. i need to make sure they can't get in here when i'm in the unit and that i'm not giving them an opportunity to get in when i'm out of it. either i'm going to eat and fall asleep and get up in the evening to shower or i'm going to eat first, finish up in here and then get in the shower when the family upstairs goes to sleep, for an all night wash up. i'm eating early to organize my schedule around the shower and because i'm clearly metabolizing something that i want to flush out and the evidence over the last few days is that eating may facilitate rater than hinder flushing the garbage out. i'm going to need to spend the winter inside with doors locked to finalize a detox process to get any further unwanted androgens out of my system and return to estrogen dominance. cycle 12 salsa 1 with doubled key ingredients, added chick peas and other nacho ingredients (no doritos, no bacon) (t=130.x). actual weight: 132.6.
oct 17th flax (15:00):