so, he was demanding health transfers as a precondition, but that's a complicated legal thing, and the feds actually just announced $20 billion of transfers.

it's bluster.

but, the ramifications of triggering an election right now are pretty dire, considering that the elderly vote at such high proportions. i mean, i'm critical of authoritarian responses, but it's with the caveat that everything possible be done to isolate and protect people with immune systems that can't handle this until it's essentially run it's course. 

asking old people to come out and vote for a health transfer in a pandemic is irresponsible.

https://twitter.com/yfblanchet?lang=en

and, as for the bloc?

i know he lost badly - twice - but i miss gilles duceppe.

this new guy seems like a dumbass. how he's deduced that triggering an election before an aid extension is passed in the middle of a pandemic (of which he's in isolation for) is in the interest of quebeckers is beyond me.

nor is this a particularly moral stance, given that he supported the government through the snc-lavalin fiasco. overt corruption was fine with mr. blanchet, so long as the recipient of the corruption was quebecois capital.

the right calculation was to wait it out. he flubbed this. badly.

alright, so it looks like they're doing the right thing and acknowledging they miscalculated - that this isn't over, and that if they're going to continue to enforce reduced economic activity (whatever it's public health benefit, or lack thereof) then they can't be cutting off aid, too. they can't have it both ways.

that provides a justification to pass the throne speech, at least.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7356014/cerb-replacement-ei-amount/

no, i'm not going to....

i don't like christian holidays in general, but thanksgiving is beyond the pale racist and should be totally abolished for something less colonial.

...like samhain.

refusing to acknowledge it at all is pretty longstanding for me.

like, one year i actually went to the post office to mail something, and didn't even realize what day it was until i got there and it was closed. no joke.

send a turkey to a reserve, this year. just check it for viruses, first.

hi.

my name is jessica parent. i have an appointment with dr. ====== confirmed on monday dec 14, 2020 @ 14:30. this fax is in reference to the topic of that appointment - and sent by fax because sometimes things are better sent in writing.

the short story is that i'm asking for an rx of cyproterone acetate of 200 mg/day, effective right away, either via direct rx or via sending a note to dr. ======= to ok him prescribing it. dr ======= claims he can't do it without an ok from a specialist. my understanding is that, while this is a safe request, it is an unusual one. but, my situation is unusual, and i will explain it. 

so, that is the reason i was referred to dr. ======= - i need an endocrinologist to overprescribe cyproterone acetate. to my knowledge, i don't have prostate cancer, although it's a frustrating reality that i'd have a quicker path to what i want if i actually did :\. rather, i'm a male-to-female transgendered person that's gotten myself into a bit of a mess, and i need to tell you the story to let you know what i'm looking for.

this is a somewhat desperate request, and i can only hope you enjoy the writing style, in compensation.

while i was on them earlier and put the transition on hold for longer than initially intended, i initially started taking hormones in 2009. they were prescribed to me by an endocrinologist in ottawa named dr. ======, who, amongst other things, put me on 100 mg of cyproterone acetate per day in order to aggressively suppress testosterone. dr. ======= was both an endocrinologist and a gynecologist who ran a fertility clinic that carried out some unethical practices and is now barred from practicing medicine. but, to the trans community in ottawa, he was the only doctor there was. being able to see an endocrinologist for treatment meant that he was not bound by clinical recommendations around dosages the way that my gp is. while i simply followed the recommendation of my doctor, i realize in hindsight that this was a powerful dosage with the intent to completely ameliorate any testosterone production at all.

and, in fact, it worked exactly like that. it took a few months to kick in, but i then experienced more than five years of essentially 0 testosterone production. this meant i had absolutely no male sexual urges, never masturbated, and would have been unable to produce an erection at the most urgent plea for one. i was fully chemically castrated. and, i not only got used to this but absolutely loved it. i was happier in those years than i've ever been in my life.

but, cyproterone is a drug, and i am a user of it, so, as is this case with all drugs, i eventually developed a tolerance to it. it was around 2017 that i first noticed the return of symptoms of rising testosterone. so, i went to my doctor and initially asked for a voluntary orchiectomy, which i'm still trying to work out due to delays (some on my behalf due to finances, some on behalf of the doctor's office, which apparently lost my application for over 13 months). when the doctor tested me for testosterone, he claimed it was very low, but that didn't address the symptoms i was experiencing. we agreed to look into surgery as an option, rather than prescribe further medication.

when i came back the next year, my testosterone, while still very low, had doubled. the symptoms had increased further, but it was still at such trace levels that the doctor insisted it didn't make sense to prescribe further.

and, when i came back in 2019 and again in 2020 it had doubled again and again, in the midst of continued delays around the surgery, until i decided i had to take action this year.

so, in 2016 my testosterone was 0. today, it's around 0.8, which my doctor doesn't seem to understand is a problem for my quality of life. i want it back at 0, like it was.

my doctor initially suggested i move from cyproterone acetate to spironolactone, but that seems to have been in the context of misunderstanding what i've experienced and what i want. i took his advice, and filled an rx, but i never took any spiro. in fact, the maximum safe dosages of spironolactone appear to be unable to suppress testosterone beyond the levels i was experiencing at that time (the spiro would increase the levels from .8 to 3!), so moving to spiro would mean i would have to expect an increase in testosterone production. and, this may even be desirable for certain people that are approaching their transsexuality from the filter of a previous life as a homosexual male. that is, if somebody wants to go into transition and maintain a healthy sex life, then some level of testosterone production is going to be desired so they can continue to have sex.

but, i am not entering into this with a history of living as a homosexual male and i am not interested in maintaining a sex life. this is the point i don't seem to be able to get across effectively. i want total annihilation - i want zero testosterone, like i had from 2010-2017. i want to be unable to have an erection, again.

so, i ripped up the spiro rx, and doubled the cyproterone to 200 mg on my own, expecting my gp to fill it. but, he didn't, and i couldn't reach him for months for an explanation. this was at the beginning of june, and i then spent all of june, july and august taking 200 mg/day, and waiting for my gp to update the rx accordingly.

it wasn't until the end of august that i got a clear answer that he could not update the rx, and i found myself forced to move from 200 ack to 100 until i could speak to an endocrinologist.

unfortunately, at this point, the suppression is barely working at all. i'm experiencing unwanted erections on a nearly daily basis, as well as angry feelings and suicidal thoughts as a result of it. i'm extraordinarily unhappy and can't do anything about it.

the best answer would be an emergency surgery. but, as of now, due to the pandemic, voluntary surgeries are not likely to occur any time soon. worse, i would need to go to toronto to do this because there isn't a urologist in windsor willing to perform this kind of operation - every single one of them appears to have a religious opposition to it - and the greyhound & trains are all canceled...

as the drug is currently barely working at all at the prescribed dosage of 100 mg/day, i don't feel i can wait until december to speak with dr. =======.

as dr. ======= is aware, this drug is not dangerous, and is routinely prescribed at much higher doses than 200 mg/day. the problem is just that the clinical recs for trans people (as set in the literature) are well below that. but, it's with the assumption that surgery will occur well before ten years. if i had had the surgery before 2016, the drug would have worked the way it as supposed to at the recommended levels. but, coming up on 12 years of daily cyproterone use is highly unusual, and requires unusual dosages to maintain efficacy.

i understand that we haven't met, but i'm really in a crises point. and, i would certainly like to see dr. ======== in december, regardless. we may even decide to go higher than 200, if testing suggests it's necessary to get back to absolute 0 testosterone.

but, if there's any way to give dr. =========== the ok to overprescribe to 200 mg as of, like, now, that would be about the only thing that's really going to help me get back anywhere close to 0 before i implode in a fit of rage and self-hate.

i would appreciate some kind of response, whatever the answer is.

i would also advise fighting these kinds of tickets as far as you possibly can in court in order to make sure that it costs the government more than they raise, in the end, and even if you lose.

that's the way you send them a message they understand.

these $1000 tickets won't seem worth it anymore after they've spent $10,000/case to prosecute them.

what's incomprehensible is that anybody in a free society may find themselves with a $1000 fine for throwing a party.

but, the government is broke, and they are going to be looking to raise money any way that they can.

so, if you see the cops, run - they want to rob you.

and, if you want to have fun for the foreseeable future, you're going to need to keep it exceedingly low key. 

i'd advise finding clearings in forested areas that may require a bike ride to get to.

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2020/09/23/incomprehensible-behaviour-john-tory-reacts-after-scarborough-party-leads-to-14-people-fined-880-each.html

the supreme court, in the united states, must actually be quite a depressing place to work.

i mean, it's like death row, basically.

all of your colleagues will slowly die - until you die, yourself.

i really can't think of another job like that, where nobody retires and nobody quits - you literally lose every single coworker you will ever have to death.

so, if you're on there for a while, you could watch ten, fifteen of your friends die.

then, we wonder why they're all such assholes.

abc has a history of being a mouthpiece for the cia, and when they post polls like this that buck the trends in the media, they are worth taking note of, if you want to understand what's going to actually happen in november.

so, according to abc, trump is currently leading in both florida and arizona.

"but, this is an outlier."

exactly.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/context/sept-15-20-2020-florida-and-arizona-washington-post-abc-news-polls/48276797-3b93-4ab2-835b-ed2fcdc8581e/

blanchet could argue that, while he wants trudeau to resign, an election right now would endanger the lives of quebeckers.

and, he should hold to that until at least after the first week of october.

and, are the liberals bluffing?

it doesn't look like it. that is, it doesn't look like they're bluffing about cutting the cerb. they are bluffing about the support - this budget is going to be vicious.

however, they seem to have legitimately miscalculated the strength of the virus. but, i mean - if i saw this coming, almost perfectly, why didn't anybody else? you'd think they saw it coming, they just ignored it.

there is some possibility that they may acknowledge a miscalculation and give in.

i need to call on the bloc to support the speech, because the other possibility is not good for anybody.

if the ndp are truly concerned about the fate of workers this upcoming month, they should realize that dissolving parliament is the worst possible thing that can happen to them - no legislation can pass during an election.

they should wait - and wait for it to hurt.

wait for people to get mad.

i also have to say that allowing the ndp to frame an election around an extension of the cerb is quite a gift.

what singh doesn't seem to realize is that trudeau will probably hit the campaign trail and just lie his face off about it. pulling the plug before the budget - before the cut-off date - allows them a path to weasel their way out of it. and, while i can see through this from a block away, i'm not sure if most voters can.

it would certainly be a turn towards outwards, transparent cynicism for mr. trudeau. but, is this lie obvious enough for people to clue into it? or will they carry through with the delusion?

singh at least strikes me as honest, if a little bit naive. and, i remain exceedingly uncomfortable about the depth of his theological convictions. i also don't like my local ndp mp. i am a very likely green supporter this cycle, but i'll need to hear what she has to say a little more carefully. the greens don't have a party line in the same way as the others, and you have to be very careful about who you're voting for.

forcing them to actually table a budget will take a lot of that bullshit away from them. which is probably why they want to force an election, first.

i worry that mr. singh may be too sheltered to realize a cynical tactic when presented to him, and may take the bait.

i would like to see the government fall over the budget, not over the speech.

if you take them out before the budget, they can pretend they had things in the budget that they don't intend to put into it.

make them prepare a budget, first.

and, if they eek together something that is more than a bunch of corporate welfare under a veneer of social responsibility, fine.

so, would i support the throne speech?

i would vote "present", or otherwise avoid voting.

stupid bitch, indeed.

you should see a level of consistency in the policies that the government is pushing through: it's an elaborate series of handouts to businesses, sold under the guise of being "progressive".

in truth, it's just lavish amounts of excessive corporate welfare, everywhere you turn.

because this is what a government is in a neo-liberal, randian, colonial state - a way to collect taxes from workers and hand it out to businesses, in a stark and total reversal from what it is supposed to be, which is a means to collect taxes from the wealthy and redistribute them to the poor.

so, i mean, can we go after management for fraud on this?

or are they going to keep attacking single mothers that had to find some way to feed their kids?

i remember reading a report around this that indicated that most of the money is just being pocketed by unscrupulous small business owners.

if you want to help workers, you give the money to workers; if you want to help management, you set up the kind of supply-side bullshit they're pushing through with.

so, i mean, maybe that's their priority; this is a bourgeois party, so it's not surprising.

but, when they spin it as a way to help workers, they're just lying to you. and laughing at you.

you remember this.

trudeau and freeland are in there, somewhere, at the back.

fwiw, i think that trickle-down economics - corporate welfare subsidies, essentially - is the wrong way to do this.

if they're going to carry this forward, they should be putting money directly into the hands of workers, not forcing it to go through the hands of employers. that's very american, in concept, and not how we normally do things, in this country.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/liberals-vow-wage-subsidy-extension-to-2021-revamp-of-ei-system-in-throne-speech-1.5117125

my dad was a mix breed, he spoke french and mostly looked jewish, but he was culturally italian and he liked to cook.

so, he'd make things like pasta quite regularly, those little mini-pizzas you put on english muffins, etc. he made a lot of tacos, too. & chicken burgers - he liked to bbq

i spent a lot of time reheating food when nobody was home, granted, but it was mostly food that he cooked.

my mom, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to pack me a lunch, which is something i had to do for myself from the first day i went to school. you could maybe talk her into making eggs once in a while, if you were willing to listen to her yell at you. i actually watched her spit on my plate before she gave it to me, once.

there was a stepfather in there for a few years, and he cooked, so i found myself fed more often than not. i don't want to pretend i was malnourished; it was no thanks to my mother, but i did find ways to eat. i wasn't a starving child.

....but, i have almost no recollection of her ever doing anything in a provider role. like, at all. i did the cleaning - starting at, like, seven.

when my grandmother came over, she liked to pick raspberries out in the back, which was always a pleasant experience. so, i'd go for walks in the woods and stuff. 

but, i'm getting a point across - families don't look like they did in the 50s, and a policy designed around the assumption that they do is backwards and tone deaf. child care policies need to reflect reality as it exists, not be reflective of out of date gender stereotypes as they exist in some backwards conservative alter-reality.

it is true that i lived with my mother from the time my parents divorced (i was 4) until i moved out (i was 13). 

however, i spent mondays, wednesdays, fridays, saturdays and sundays at my father's for virtually that entire period. and, my mom would tend to disappear on tuesdays and thursdays. when i was very young, my grandmother often came over to cover for her.

he paid her child support, too - which just got spent on drugs. he had to send me home with food to make sure i was eating.

like i say - that was the 80s.

this discussion is 40 years out of date.

their daycare system is really just going to be corporate welfare.

what do i think they're actually going to do?

they're going to increase the welfare checks that harper brought in, and pretend that'll increase the number of spaces, rather than just increase the price.

in the end, it's just a handout to daycare providers.

but, i'm not being facetious about the idea of making the school system at the centre of any expanded child care program. 

there's a lot of things that a cursory analysis of the way we do schooling here presents as irrational, on their face. why do we have summer holidays, for example, in a society that is overwhelmingly urbanized? why does school end so early? why does it start so late?

and, while you may get immediate answers like "the teacher's union won't allow it" (which is probably not true) or "it costs too much money", they essentially all collapse on the premise of expanding state involvement in the child care sector.

is it not obvious that we have a crisis in education, rather than a crisis in child care?

and, i need to push back against the idea that the system should be designed to maximize employment opportunities for women. to begin with, this is based on a lot of outdated assumptions, such as that only women face the burden of child care. it's an essentially sexist argument, at it's core, that is built on conservative assumptions about the role of women in the family and no doubt fails to reflect actual, real-world statistics. i'm not young - i'm 40 - and i was raised by a working father that just left me at home by myself, because my mother was a mia heroin addict. that was reality in the 80s, it's not something novel or obscure, anymore. any approach to childcare needs to start with the premise that it's not 1955, and families don't look like they did in 1955, anymore.

but, regardless, even if it was 1955, designing a child care system around the needs of their mothers, or their mother's employers, is selfish and missing the point.

the system needs to be designed around the needs of the kids themselves, and that should mean putting education at the centre of it.

so, whatever this ends up looking like, i want it built around the school. bring kids to school earlier and younger. make them stay later. and, stop giving them the summers off.

problem solved.

also of note is that i was able to go for a walk today without bumming a smoke, or even wanting to.

i've had something like 10 smokes, total, max, since mid-august, when i caught myself re-engaging with it, in the midst of smoking too much pot. but, that was really the first time in a while that i've been able to go out of the house without looking for one.

we'll see how i'm feeling through october regarding finally trying those edibles. i wanted to wait until i felt the pot was out of my system, and then explicitly experiment with doses. but, now that we're coming up on it, and we're passed the equinox rather meekly, i may want to wait until samhain, which is the next holiday in the list that i have any interest in acknowledging.

so, he said absolutely nothing worth analyzing and just wasted everybody's time doing it.

i never thought i'd say it, but i hope that doug ford has the intelligence to realize the futility of future lockdowns and pushes back against the feds if they try to implement one.

this is not a second wave. it is the conclusion of the first.

so, we can get this over with now, or we can do it all over again in a few months.

i know we're collectively a stupid people. but, just how stupid are we? how able to learn are we?

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/second-covid-19-wave-has-already-started-pm-in-address-to-nation-1.5117465

and, what did we do in response?

we put that racist piece of shit robert borden's ugly worthless face on the currency.

and, the idiots in power today want to take laurier, who valiantly led the opposition against this moronic war in our country's greatest act of civility, off of the $5, instead.

ugh.

i'm on the side of the rioters.

and, only the most morally inept idiots amongst us would refuse to acknowledge that the rioters were on the right side of history, today

this was a war without a purpose that pointlessly destroyed millions of young people for the benefit of the rich and the old - much like the one we're being asked to fight, today.

so, no - i will not be conscripted to fight your war.

fight your own damned war.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscription_Crisis_of_1917

the version that i'm familiar with was an anti-war anthem sung during world war one, in solidarity with the russian revolution, and had lines such as "we'll kill the generals on both sides" and "we'll end the age of kant".

the version on the internet is just pro-union worker-capital synergist propaganda.

i would have been arguing loudly against conscription at the time, and i'll argue loudly against mask use, today.

it's funny; the version of "solidarity forever" that i'm familiar with appears to have been erased from the internet.

you can enjoy the bullshit pete seeger if you want.

don't forget to sing it on labour day, instead of may day.

listen - i would have opposed whatever war you want to compare this to, and gone to jail as a conscientious objector, if you tried to conscript me.

this shit is not going to work on people like me.

sorry.

we'll kill the generals on both sides.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7350128/canadians-support-wearing-mask-coronavirus/

if sarah were telling these stories, she might tell you about the time we were sitting on the forest floor up in the rockies, talking quietly about existence, as we packed up our tents and sought to move on, and she caught a little mouse running around, and said hey, j - look, a mouse. 

disney upbringings lead to certain levels of naivete that i watched be absolutely crushed before my eyes, as an owl swooped down and ripped it's head off, in front of us, as we observed it.

and, she screamed. and started crying...

but, that was life, and that owl no doubt got it's vitamins on that day, as it consumed that mouse's organs, one by one. we, ourselves, store our fatty vitamins in our liver. it would no doubt be nutritious to a tiger, or a cougar, if one were to cross us on our own paths through existence.

i had to calm her down first, and it's not like she didn't get it. she'd just never seen it. we talked it through and she seemed to be less angry at the owl after a stark discussion.

....although i still heard snide remarks from her about owls, years later.

she was never the same, after that.

phil collins warning:

if you're going to eat meat, and i'm still trying to find a way not to, and you're concerned about minimal environmental and ethical impacts, then you should be eating things like chicken liver and pig hearts, avoiding cows altogether, and throwing away the useless muscle meat.

so, after taking a closer look at my options for the vitamin a fortified breakfast cereal, i appear to have misled myself.

this is really my only serious choice, if i want to keep the salt down:

https://www.creamofwheat.com/product/original

in one of those packets, i'll get:

- 25% a

- 40% thiamin

- 35% riboflavin

- 40% niacin

- 35% b6

- 7% sodium [170 mg]

it would be nice to find something with less salt. further, i want something with some b5, too. and, i'm taken aback by the racist packaging.

i can't find it now, but they had these no name (not really) "instant meal packets" at the store that basically overpowered the cream of wheat entirely and, while a bit higher on sugar, had almost no salt. salt is more dangerous than sugar (which is what we turn everything into, anyways). i initially didn't like that idea, but i think i'm coming around to it. those packages were more like 30% a, 50% bs and cost about $0.20 each; it was $7.50 for 40 of them.

i need to be clear - i don't want to take these as a meal replacement, even if they're branded that way. rather, i'm essentially aiming to super-fortify my soy milk, because i want a vitamin surge. what i really want is a soy-like mixture that will give me 150% of all of the bs per cup. i'm then adding bananas, kiwis & ice cream to fill it out. i'm not looking to eat less food, but pre-formed vitamin a is pretty scarce in a diet that seeks to minimize it's harm on living, thinking animals while minimizing mercury. my options are really margarine (maxed out), cheese (maxed out), ice cream or fortified breakfast concoctions (which i'm working on).

for vitamin a, they even fortify the cow's milk you buy in the store.

do you know how our ancestors got pre-formed a? they got it by eating organs - liver, heart, brains. eyes. that's reality - it's the only way you really get this vitamin. and, who wants to do that?

it would be easiest if they put it in pasta, bread and/or soy in higher amounts, although the soy is a step there. you'd think they'd realize, though, that most soy consumers eat almost no meat, and fortify it at the same levels they fortify b12. if they put 30% a in the soy, that would resolve the problem. that's basically what i'm fixing by putting it in there myself...

i'd rather get some highly fortified cereal, but it doesn't seem to be a choice. for less than a quarter per packet, this is likely the best way to boost the a just over the 100% mark. and, it helps with the rest, too. 

so, i've pretty much decided on that.

now, that doesn't mean actual cereal is off the table. i'm still coming in low on b5 and am trying very specifically to cut out the salami. crickets are great for b12, but aren't going to help me with niacin. 

but, if i really want to do this right, i need to give my soy milk a boost. and, i'm going to get more vitamins per dollar by just buying the fortified vitamins and topping them up than i am by doubling the soy or tripling the soy.

i can't add the precise data because i don't have it, and i likely won't get out again until the end of the month. i'll put something in...

the switch to flax bread, however, is decided upon, and i can add that to the pile. that's also going to hurt me a little on niacin, but it should also help to suppress the testosterone.

so, there's an update post coming....

my doctor gave me a referral to a urologist in toronto, which is of minimal use to me until the greyhound starts running again. i have no way to get there, besides hitching; i can't hitch back. there are still some options in leamington that i can try that may get me there and back on public transit.

what i really need is to contact an endocrinologist. the guidelines the doctor is following are arbitrary, and it's disappointing that he won't budge, but he claims he's legally restricted from boosting the dose. the initial doctor that i saw and gave me what i'm on was an endocrinologist. so, these little legal trivialities are kind of clarifying themselves; there's not any good reason i can't have what i want, but the guidelines are...

the guidelines don't say "this is the maximum dosage". rather, what they say is "this is the clinical recommendation". but, you're not supposed to be on t-blockers for the rest of your life, you're supposed to be on them for a few years, until you get the surgical removal. i initially made steps to do this in 2016, but it's consistently fallen through. now, i need to exceed the clinical recommendation because i've been on them past the expected time frame, and i'm looking at dosages that are still only 60% of the maximum amount on the safety data sheet. really, i'm absolutely right and the clinical recommendation needs to be updated. but, i'm clearly not going to win that argument. the doctors are all concerned about liability, even though there's more of a threat that i'm going to harm myself if i have to detransition.

so, i'm going to reach out to the endocrinologist directly, explain the situation and see if he's even willing to talk to me at all. if he is, maybe he'll just boost the dosage without having to go in to talk.

so, that's my update for today - disappointment all around, but also developing clarity, all around. and, i'm going to post an update with some estimates that may clarify themselves at the start of the month....

so, i found myself supremely disappointed sorting through cereal at the store today. 

nothing had any a. nothing. well, except "vector", and a daily packet of astronaut food they were selling, which i'm wondering about. bizarrely, it seemed to have less sugar and less salt. if i dump one of those things in, i'm just basically fortifying the soy milk.

likewise, an array of salad dressings demonstrated no nutritional value at all. 

i need to do more research...

but, i think i'm happy with switching to the flax bread, which is reasonably priced.

i'm past my bed time. more later.

and, we'll see whether the author of the budget thinks this is any time for austerity or not.

wait for it.

so, i just walked home from picking up some kiwis & bananas & soy milk, past the school around the corner, which was letting itself out at 15:00.

and, i asked myself - if we are in such dire need of child care options, why don't we just extend school to 17:00?

at the elementary school level, this might manifest itself best as an in-class homework session. but, you could surely add an extra block to the high school day without overburdening anybody.

with young kids, extending the school system into ece is long overdue. but, it's always baffled me why we need extra childcare to fill this gap in, when we could just close the gap.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

if the other published numbers are right, then the magic number you want to look for in the united states before this starts to slow down on it's own is 200,000 deaths.

but, i'm still calling for 350,000 deaths there, minimum.

in canada, the magic number is about 25,000.

so, this is the irony - as they are (much) closer to the hump than we are, they could get through this faster than us.

look at new york, today. the rest of the country will be there in another six weeks. i see no end to this here, at all - we could be dragging our asses through this six months from now.

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2020/08/if-other-published-numbers-are-right.html

i need to be clear - i'm not looking for the seeds. they're just fiber. so, these whole grain breads that throw hemp seeds in as decorations are totally useless.

i need it ground and actually used to make the bread.

yeah, the other thing about moving to flax seed in the bread is that i might be undoing the e. maybe. that was the point.

if i think about it carefully, i'm going to have to buy hemp seeds, grind them and dump them in a salad in order to get enough e, which may be less delicious than i want to imagine.

if i'm going to spend a little extra money on bread, why not get a hemp-flax-wheat mix? that would,

1) get me the vitamin e i need

2) get me a good 6:3 ratio.

3) actually get me some 6s while i'm at it.

that way, i could maybe actually avoid buying and crushing the seeds myself.

does it exist, though?

where else can i introduce flax, besides cereal?

well, this is a potential bread possibility:

that's dempster's flax seed, which is better than a dempster fire. i'd have to take a bit of a hit to the niacin, but it's otherwise comparable and consequently a potentially positive substitution. for the egg meal, substituting this for plain jane whole wheat would alter the 6:3 to the following:

(5.0641-.161+.5)/(0.9075-.07+.9) = 3.1:1

overall, the substitution would be to:

(8.2711-.161+.5)/(1.7241-.07+.9) = 3.37:1

so, that sounds like a good choice, too. i just need to balance the price. i'm getting mixed signals via a google search - some suggest it's about the same price as cheapy whole wheat, others put it in the fancy breads category.

i actually am running low on omega-6s it seems - and doing quite well with omega-3s. 

so, i'm just going to briefly drop in some data on carrots.

i should be able to do some shopping tomorrow, which will give me a good idea of what kind of options really exist with the cereals, which are the likely next add, and at this point more for the bs than the a.

these bs are all water soluble (except 12, which is wonky. sort of. your body stores a bit of it...). so, what i want is 100% per meal, rather than 100% per day or 300% per day. well, maybe 75% per meal is enough - if i'm eating three times a day. that means i need to get them up across the board.

there's some b in cheese, i need to figure it out. but, these are what i'm going to need to look at for bs in each meal:

fruit bowl: cereal. groundcherries, maybe.

pasta bowl: dressing, crickets.

eggs: i need to figure out what kind of juice is best, and that will boost my c. a juice with both bs & c is best with the egg meal, it would seem. and, i may need a supplementary protein source, like salami.

d & e are fat soluble, and i'm going to aim to just get to 150%, somehow, which may be tough. i'm going to rely heavily on hemp seeds in the salad for the e, it would seem - but it's gamma, and i need to be getting enough alpha, too.

k is fat soluble as well. i want to keep the k as close to 100 as i can, so i want to avoid sources high in k.

and, that's it, really.

carrot data is from the self site, except biotin data for carrots which is from wh foods.

the 15% for a comes from the cheese company's website. i've otherwise pulled data from the self site, as well as here (particularly for biotin) : https://www.journalofdairyscience.org/article/S0022-0302(62)89506-X/pdf

the numbers are roughly consistent, so i've lowballed, as i am doing.

it is true that peppers dominate carrots on everything except beta-carotene, but the differences are largely marginal (the exceptions being b6, b9, c & e, where the red peppers clearly outperform). what if i ate 3x or 4x as many peppers, instead? well, that would clearly be superior, in every way - and get me past where i want to be with the bs. and, i may find myself doubling the reds, in the end. but, it would also be quite expensive. if i can get the bs up enough with the dressing, and the e up enough with seeds, relying on carrots for the extra a is more cost-effective. i should get everything in first. but, yeah - that's an option. 3.5x the reds would replace the carrots for beta-carotene 1:1, but even doubling the peppers would help dramatically with the b6, b7, b9 & e [& send the c into the stratosphere]. let me get everything else in first, to see what the most reasonable factor really is.

surprisingly, the relatively low omega-6:omega-3 ratio in cheese actually improved the overall ratio to less than 5:1. adding seeds to the pasta, and potentially the fruit, for vitamin e should balance that out even more. 

can i find highly fortified flax cereal with no salt or sugar?

the next important thing would be minerals.

disclaimer:
i've gone to town with a few things - i'm not making up vitamins but rather filling things in. i mean, there's all these "missing vitamin names". what were they, exactly? it also gives me an excuse to work in a few things like choline that are hard to otherwise define as they are essential in some amount but not technically vitamins.

note that these numbers are scavenged and should be interpreted approximately. that's partly why i'm aiming to overshoot on most of it.

	fruit bowl					pasta salad bowl				fried eggs
	banana 2*8" 2*136 g	strawberries 75 g	kiwi 2*75 g	soy milk 250 ml	cherry ice cream 200 ml	red pepper 3"x4" 175 g	durum wheat pasta 75 g	medium cheddar cheese 60 g	carrot 8" 72 g	fried eggs 2*70g	medium cheddar cheese 30 g	margarine 2 tbsp	whole wheat bread with germ   (1 slice) (35 g)	sum
a	2*2=4	0	2*1=2	10	13	103	1	30	241	21	15	10	0	-
b1 thiamin	2*3=6	2	2*1=2	8	5	6	63	1	3	6	.5	0	7.5	-
b2 [aka g, j] riboflavin	2*6=12	1	2*1=2	25	10	8	31	13	2	42	6.5	0	3	-
b3 niacin	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	10	1	8	59	0	4	1	0	0	12.5	-
b4* adenine (mg)	2*1.63=3.26	0.375	2*0.3=0.6	19.3	0.9735	27.825	3	-	-	3.36	-	0	4.27	-
b5 pantothenic acid	2*5=10	2	2*1=2	15	5	5	6.5	2.5	2	21	1	0	4	-
b6 pyridoxine	2*25=50	2	2*2=4	6	1	24	5	2.5	5	12	1	0	3	-
b7 [aka h] biotin (rdi: 35 mcg)	2*10=20	2.5	?	30	1	16.5	1	3	12	65	1.5	13	9	-
b8* inositol (mg) (myo or lipid)	2*10=20	10	2*102=204	25	5	99.75	52.7	-	-	6.3	-	16	50	-
b9 [aka m, b11, r] folic acid	2*7=14	4.5	2*6=12	6	1	19	53	3	3	18	1.5	0	2.5	-
b10* pABA	~0	~0	~0	>0	~0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b12 [aka t] (cyano)cobalamin	0	0	0	50	20	0	0	8.5	0	33	4	0	0	-
b13* orotic acid (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	20	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b14* taurine (mg)	~0	~0	~0	~0	2	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b15* pangamic acid	~0	~0	~0	0?	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
b16* choline	2*2=4	1	2*1=2	11	5	2	2	2	1	68	1	0	2	-
b20* [aka I] l-carnitine	~0	~0	~0	~0	5	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
c	2*20=40	74	2*117=234	4	0	350	0	0	7	0	0	0	0	-
d	0	0	0	45	0	0	0	2	0	12	1	30	0	-
e	2*1=2	1.5	2*10=20	0	2	13	1	1	2	9	.5	20	6	-
f1* linoleic acid omega-6 (g)	2*.0626=0.1252	.09	2*.187=0.374	1.5	.300	.0738	.405	.3462	.0828	3.23	.1731	1.5	.161	-
f2* alphalinoleic acid omega-3 (g)	2*.0367=.0734	.065	2*.0319=.0638	0.2	.200	.041	.018	.219	.0014	.228	.1095	.5	.07	-
k	2*1=2	1	2*38=78	5	0	10	1	1	12	9	.5	10	3	-
q1* coenzyme q10 (mg)	2*.136=.272	.075	2*.0375=.075	.625	.0308	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q2* pyrroloquinoline  quinone (mu-g)	2*1.768=3.536	?	2*2.025=4.05	.063	.2101	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
q3* queuine (mu-g)	?	?	?	?	?	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
s* salicylic acid (mg)	~0	~1	2*~0.375=~.075	~0	~0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-

* not really.

- so nice vanilla soy milk
- chapman's black cherry ice cream

- irrestibles brand olive canola oil

- selection brand pasta [metro/food basics]

- selection brand bread [metro/food basics]

- black diamond brand medium cheddar cheese

fruit bowl, so far:

a - 26---->27---->29% (6% carotenoids, 23% retinol)

b1 - 18% ----->21%
b2- 43% ------->49%
b3 - 19%---->18---->23%
b5 - 28%----->27%----->32%
b6 - 36%------>61%
b7 - 43.5%----->41% ---->51% (+ 2x unknown kiwi amount)
b9 - 24.5%----->26------>33%
b12 - 70% (still)
choline - 20% ---->22%
c - 215%  ----> 258 ----->278%
d - 45%  (still)
e - 14.5% ----> 23---->24%
omega-6: 2.1396 g ----> 2.2366 g -------> 2.2992 g
omega-3: 0.5336  g -----> 0.5005 --------> 0.5372 g
ratio: 4:1 ---->4.5:1 ------> 4.26:1 <----- a bit better, even
k - 45% ----> 84------>85%

pasta salad bowl, so far:

a - 15%---->104%------>375% (30% retinol, 345% carotenoids)

b1 - 2------>66%---->73%

b2 - 1------->39%------>54%

b3 - 3-------->67%-------->71%

b5 - 1------->11.5%-------->16%

b6 - 4------->29%--------->36.5%

b7 - 10------->17.5%------>32.5%

b9 - 3------->72%---->78%

b12 - 0 ------->8.5%

choline - 1------->4%---->7%

c - 19-------->350%---->357%

d - 0 (still)---->2

e - 2--------->14%------->17%

omega-6: 0.4788----->0.9078 g

omega-3: 0.059 g------->0.2794 g

ratio: 3.25:1 <------not bad at all. note that the cheese, which has a surprisingly low ratio of 1.58:1, dominates this dish. seeds may undo the need for a flax dressing. b vitamins may be more pressing.

k - 9----->11-------->24%

fried eggs, so far:

a -  21----->26%--->31%----->46% (46% retinol)
b1 - 6---->69%----->13.5%---->14%
b2- 42--->73%----->45%------->51.5%
b3 - 1--->60%---->13.5% (still)
b5 - 21%------>25%---->26%
b6 - 12% -------->15%---->16%
b7 - 65% ------>87%---->88.5%
b9 - 18--->71%---->20.5%---->22
b12 - 33% -----> 37%
choline - 68%---->70% ---->71%
c - 0%  (still)  (but add juice)
d - 12----->27%  ----> 42%---->43%
e - 9---->19%---->35.5%
omega-6: 3.8 g----->4.891 g------>5.0641 g

omega-3: 0.228 g ----->0.798-------->0.9075
ratio: 5.58:1 <------- the margarine & cheese actually balances the eggs fairly well. good. a smart choice for protein supplement can fix that up even more. this is my fattiest meal, so it's the one that needs the most attention.
k - 9---->22----->22.5%

total, so far:

(vit - fruit + pasta salad + eggs)

a - 29 + 375 + 46 = 450%  (351% carotenoids, 99% retinol)

b1 - 21 + 73 + 14 = 108%
b2- 49 + 54 + 51.5 = 154.5% 
b3 - 23 + 71 + 13.5  = 107.5%
b5 - 32 + 16 + 26 = 74%
b6 - 61 + 36.5 + 16 = 113.5%

b7 - 51 + 32.5 + 88.5 = 172% + kiwi

b9 - 33 + 78 + 22  = 133 %

b12 - 70 + 8.5 + 37 = 115.5%

choline - 22 + 7 + 71 = 100% 

c - 278 + 357 + 0 = 635%
d - 45 + 2 + 43%  = 90%
e - 24 + 17 + 35.5 = 76.5%
omega-6: 2.2992 + 0.9078 + 5.0641 =  8.2711 g    [rdi is 17g ]

omega-3: 0.5372 + 0.2794 + 0.9075 = 1.7241 g    [rdi is 1.6 g]

ratio: 4.797:1 <------- not terrible, but i'll improve on it. i want this at 3:1 or 2:1, max.
k - 85 + 24 + 22.5 = 131.5%

(<100%, (100,199)% , (200, 400)% or 400%+ & secondary requirements not met, >400% & secondary requirements met)  

secondary requirements

fat soluble:

- 100% of pre-formed + 300% of convertible, total daily

- vitamin c needs 100% each meal, minimum

- vitamin k should not exceed 100%/meal

water soluble:

- 400% total + 100% for each meal

+75<<100% each meal

+50<<75% each meal

<50% each meal

==========

daily:

1) fruit bowl:
- 2 bananas (8")
- 2 kiwis (75 g)
- 200 ml ice cream

- 250 ml soy milk  [but double it?]
+

- strawberries [but, looking for a fruit replacement]
- blueberries
- raspberries

- cereal (for retinol)
- red cherries <------------- a

- ground cherries  <------- a, b1, b3

- rosehips (if locatable)  <------------ a, b2, b3, b5, e

- goji berries (if locatable) <------------ a, b1, b2

2) pasta salad bowl:

- 75 g cooked pasta
- one medium to large red pepper

- one large chopped carrot

- 60 g chopped medium cheddar cheese [12 slices]

- caesar dressing [need to shop for best option, mine is soy-based and has unclear value]

- glass of pasta water 

+

- tomatoes

- bacon bits 

- chopped crickets?  
- microwaved/chopped broccoli (maybe) 
- hemp seeds (ground) (probably)   
- flax seeds (ground!) (probably)
- kalamata olives (probably) 
- lemon (probably) 
- garlic cloves (probably)
- oregano & pepper (probably)
- broccoli leaves or kale or dandelion leaves? (probably not) 
- red clover (if locatable or foragable)
- alfafa?

3) eggs:
- 2 jumbo fried eggs
- 1 slice of whole wheat bread (including the germ!)
- 2 tbsp olive oil margarine

- 30 g sliced medium cheddar cheese [6 slices]

+

- salami?

- crickets?
- indoor grown tuna or salmon?
- + apple juice? carrot juice? 

4) coffee
~ 600 ml [1/2 pot] [strong] [low-ball]

- with chocolate soy

weekly:

1) banana peel smoothie:
- 14 banana peels

- red pepper seeds from 7 peppers [soak? pre-grind? figure this out.]

- chocolate soy

- cherry ice cream

- strawberry tops

==========

the list of everything i need to get.

added are green

13 vitamins:
1) A
2) B1 (thiamine)
3) B2 (riboflavin)
4) B3 (niacin)
5) B5 (pantothenic acid)
6) B6 (pyridoxine)
7) B7 (biotin)

8) B9 (folic acid)
9) B12 (cyano-cobolamin)
10)  C
11) D
12) E
13) K

15 amino acids:
1) histidine
2) isoleucine
3) leucine
4) lysine
5) methionine
6) phenylalanine
7) threonine
8) tryptophan
9) valine
10) arginine
11) cysteine
12) glycine
13) glutamine
14) proline
15) tyrosine
+ measure 6 non-essential

4 fatty acids:
1) linoleic acid
2) ala
3) dha
4) epa

23 minerals:
1) calcium
2) phosphorus
3) potassium
4) sulfur
5) sodium
6) chlorine
7) magnesium
8) iron
9) zinc
10) copper
11) manganese
12) iodine
13) selenium
14) molybdenum
15) chromium
16) fluoride
17) bromine
18) cobalt
19) tin
20) vanadium
21) silicon
22) boron
23) nickel
24) lead?

carotenoids (not including pro-vitamin a)
1) lutein
2) zeaxanthin
3) lycopene
4) phytofluene
5) phytoene
6) astaxanthin
7) capsanthin
8) canthaxanthin
9) cryptoxanthin

chlorophyll:
1) chlorophyll a
2) chlorophyll b

other molecules required for proper metabolic functions:
1) choline (cannot synthesize properly)
2) coQ10
3) lipoic acid
4) glutathione precursors
5) ergothioneine  (cannot synthesize)   <-----mushrooms
6) pyrroloquinoline quinone (PQQ) (cannot synthesize)   <-----kiwis
7) queuine  (cannot synthesize)    <-----cheese
8) taurine (cannot synthesize properly) <----cheese

9) betaine (more than a choline precursor?)

glucose:
i'm more concerned about diabetes than weight gain, so...
the glycemic index is:
running total...

fiber:
i don't need many different types, i just need some. i'm not worrying about this.

& water

also, let's measure flavonoids:

anthocyanidins:
1) pelargonidin
2) delphinidin
3) cyanidin
4) malvinidin
5) peonidin
6) petunidin
7) rosinidin

flavonols:
1) isorhamnetin
2) kaempferol
3) myricetin
4) quercetin
5) fisetin
6) kaempferide

flavones:
1) luteolin
2) apigenin
3) techtochrysin
4) baicalein (to avoid!)
5) norwogonin
6) wogonin
7) nobiletin

flavanones:
1) eriodictyol
2) hesperetin
3) naringenin
4) hesperidin
5) isosakuranetin
6) pinocembrin
7) sterubin

isoflavones:
1) daidzein
2) genistein
3) glycitein
4) biochanin A
5) formononetin

i should try to measure some further phytoestrogens:
1) matairesinol
2) secoisolariciresinol
3) pinoresinol
4) lariciresinol

5) coumestrol

& finally, let's also measure:
1) saponins
2) ursolic acid (& precursors)
3) cafestol
4) resveratrol
5) ellagic acid
6) coumarin
7) tyrosol
8) hydroxytyrosol
9) oleocanthal
10) oleuropein
11) gingerol
12) phytic acid

i apologize for the crude presentation. i'm on a fucking chrome book :\.

but, you get the point.

so what do i think of this picture?

i think that liberals have a thing for infinite growth - they just can't grasp that it's not sustainable.

you should recognize that the graph is an idea, and try to mentally map it to a map with the same shape that has been scaled down quite substantially.

we're about three months behind the yankees and have about a tenth of the population. however, the density is a lot different, and we shouldn't think it's as easy as predicting a peak of 7600 cases on oct 17th. more likely is a peak of 5-6,000 cases around samhain.

but, then it's going to start coming down. slowly....

so, the graph looks like a graph you'd expect from a liberal - it goes up, way up, and never comes down...

for the first time, i'm going to roughly agree with it - except to point out that it implies there's no end. and, of course, there is....

i didn't get much done today, but i got some sleep. let's hope i can get something done by the morning. i have an appointment with my actual doctor tomorrow, and i'm hoping he gives me the oversupply i want.

as mentioned, i don't think i suffer from depression. like, at all. and, i was the happiest i've ever been when i got back on hormones - i finally felt alive, like i could be myself. but, i'm overwhelmingly depressed right now, in a way i've never really felt before. and, i need to find a way to permanently eliminate my ability to produce testosterone (which is the cause of the depression) in order to undo it.

i'm not just tired. i'm cloudy - experiencing a sort of brain fog. i smell terribly, and i'm too depressed to care. i feel and look disgusting, and i'm disgusted with myself for being this way.

i've now received four firm nos, and i cannot reach the other four doctors. i cannot travel until the end of the pandemic, and will no doubt face extremely long waits to get access to a surgeon, anyways. and, i can't cross the border, even.

i need to resign myself to months or years on the kind of doses of testosterone suppression that are usually reserved for cancer patients. and, if i can't get access to it, i'm going to detransition - and have to deal with the effects of this horrible chemical ravaging my body and my mind, and turning me into an idiot.

i just woke up from a dream where i had a woman that i don't recognize - a girl, really. she looked about 19. - try everything she could could to have sex with me, and i just ignored her. like, the dream was about avoiding sex. if it expressed some deep, inner desire, that's what that deep, inner desire is - an absolute disinterest in sex with women, at the least. and, it mirrors my life experiences. i can't count the number of times i've had women aggressively seek out sex with me, only to find myself utterly revolted by the premise of it. the one woman i gave into, all those years ago, under pleas that i experiment, was such a counter-example to the norm. there's basically no possibility i'll repeat that mistake.

i haven't had a dream like that in something like 10 years.

but, these are the changes that my body chemistry is undergoing against my will, and that i seem to have no recourse to stop.

i've taken to breathing exercises to ignore it. i don't know what else to do.

the amount of this drug that i want to take is clinically safe, and there's not a good reason i can't get a sufficient supply of it other than the arbitrary dosage requirements set out in the literature, which are clearly not working. i can only hope i get a nice surprise tomorrow....

the claim is that this is being done to save the lives of the elderly.

but, what is truly being done is that the lives of the young are being sacrificed at the altar of the holy gerontocracy.

and, civilized cultures left literal human sacrifice behind in the iron age. 

this is barbarism, and it needs to stop.

i'm less concerned about the money, though.

you stole my summer from me - the last one before i turn 40. you've erased six months from my life. that's six months i can never get back - gone.

how much more of my life will be stolen from me to stupidly fight a battle that can't be won?

i don't generally go for rhetoric about fiscal mismanagement. really. i don't usually care.

but, 350 billion dollars flushed down the drain to accomplish nothing at all is a pretty big fuck up. even the least fiscally conservative people on the planet, of which i am, should see that.

clearly.

hey, this horribly stupid mistake only cost 350 billion dollars.

no biggie.

canada should be the laughing stock of the world right now.

eh?

oh, and btw, get ready for crushing austerity.

that's tomorrow, right?

again: people are going to call this a second wave.

they're going to claim we reopened too quickly and should have dragged it on.

and, then they'll complain the deficit is too high, not enough is being spent on social services and their taxes are too high, too.

also, it's fucking cold out.

but, all that the lockdown really did was put the pandemic on hold, and all that's happening right now is it resuming where it was, back in may. sure - they could have clamped down for another six months, and then had the same thing happen when they let go. and, sure, we can clamp down again, only to have the same thing happen when we let go, again.

this is the brilliance in the foresight of the swedish model, which aimed for a sustainable strategy that could be held to, in order to avoid exactly what we're seeing in canada, right now.

if we had listened to the science, right? alas, we did not - we gave in to magical thinking, and listened to the theologians, instead.

so, we can clamp down again. and again. and again. but, will we ever learn?

or, will we run around on a hamster wheel, perpetually, in a quixotic fight against the common cold?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/covid-19-coronavirus-ontario-september-22-fall-plan-1.5733733

hi.

somebody attempted to reach me from your number yesterday and did not leave a number. some clarification is requested.

i have attempted to reach many urologists in windsor and have been told by four of them that they will not perform a voluntary orchiectomy. i have not been able to reach the first two or the last, and i am not sure if dr s is even practicing as he was cited for malpractice.

1) =====

2) =====

3) ======

4) =======

5) ===========

6) ============

7) ==========

8) ==========

on top of the problems with accessing voluntary surgery right now (as trivial as this one is....can you even really call it a surgery?), the buses are all on indefinite hiatus. so, i cannot travel outside of the immediate region, anyways.

i find the situation frustrating, to say the least, and i don't have much respect for anybody that would deny somebody medical treatment based on a religious belief in the middle of a pandemic, but i don't have the time or interest to drag them through court, even if i think i would be correct to do so. 

what is clear at this point is that surgery is not a likely option for, potentially, years. so, i am going to need to find a way to double or even triple the medication, and plan to be on the higher level of suppression for the indefinite future. this may come with unintended health consequences; i can only tell these doctors that my blood is on their hands, should some complication arise.

i received your referral for the endocrinologist in the mail and appreciate that.

in the mean time, my emergency rx runs out on the 29th of september and i need to find a way to get some t-blockers at that point. i guess i have a bottle of spiro, but, given that it's not nearly effective, i'd want to come in at twice the prescribed dosage - and i expect that will harm my kidneys, and potentially damage my heart. but, if i can't get access to cyproterone, what else can i do?

i have been back on normal dosage since the beginning of september, and while i have been forced to ignore some unwanted erections until they go away, and have been dealing with some violent thoughts and angry mood swings, i am slowly adjusting, even though i don't want to.

the problem is that, because i doubled up from the beginning of june until the end of august, i have exhausted my odb billing. the only way around it is an rx for an increased dosage. or, i will need to pay out of pocket and eat at a food bank, which means some starving, homeless person will get less food because i have to eat it instead. this is stupid....

if you send an rx for one month at twice the amount, i can carry forward with the regular dosage until i can see the endocrinologist and ask him to double or triple it.

i'm very unhappy about the situation. i don't generally suffer from depression, but i have been suffering from extreme bouts of it, over the last three weeks. i've barely been able to stay awake, or get up, and i'm too embarrassed about what's happening to me to go outside and face the world. i don't want to end up back in the hospital. i'm trying to reach out...

jessica

if the choice is between australia and sweden, i'll pick sweden, thanks.

yeah, it worked....for a while.

if you want that to continue to work, it has to become normal. and, then we've become iran.

no thanks.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7347955/australia-coronavirus-lockdown-canada/

a more pressing question, in my mind, is why brown workers keep voting for management.

a proper union movement would want to wake them up and convince them to stop doing that.