i've been quiet.

i've been tired....

at the end of the second day of shopping, which was the 1st, i took a walk downtown in search of soy milk and found two cartons (fwiw, the repackaged organic vanilla soy good has the same stats on the side, but has lost it's distinctive vanilla hue. i initially avoided the rebranding because it looked like they weren't fortifying it as well, but they seem to have fixed that. first, we lose strawberry, now we lose vanilla.....ugh.....and, this stuff was truly the most deliciously healthy elixir you could imagine, too. you should be forced to drink three glasses of this stuff, daily, by law. instead, there's no market for it. because we're collectively a bunch of fucking idiots.). while i was there, i picked up a gram of marijuana at the new store that was downtown, and a small pre-roll for the walk. this was actually mostly medicinal - i know from experience that walking substantive distances with a limp is a lot easier when you're a little bit stoned. so, i smoked through the rest of that on friday, but the combination of things - the panic attack, the overexhaustion and then the marijuana - meant i was mostly using it as a sleep aid. i'd go for a walk, and be out for three or four hours within minutes after coming back in.

on the one hand, i think that i clearly needed some sleep and rest in general, and if it helped with that then great. on the other hand, the day felt sort of wasted overall - i wasted the time, i wasted the pot.

so, i went back on saturday and got myself my biyearly quarter, a ritual i haven't observed since the beginning of 2018. there was no head cave over the summer of 2018, as i was in a straight edge phase, as i sought smoke-free housing. there was no head cave over the winter, as i was still living straight edge. by the summer of 2019, i found myself more interested in partying in detroit than hermiting with a head cave. and, we skipped that this most recent winter solstice as well - partly because i was sick, but mostly because i was laser-focused on trying to get a lot of work done.

i was very sick with a weird pneumonia in october after beethoven's 5th (something i attributed to smoking cigarettes the wrong way due to being handed a 40 of vodka earlier in the night) and again after the plaid/armed weekend in december (something i attributed to a massive joint that was handed to me). i was around a lot of people that had recently traveled, on both weekends. who knows; what i want is an antibody test. it could be a while before we figure out where this thing really came from.

i was planning on getting a small amount for 4/20 and maybe headcaving in july. but, on friday, they announced plans to close the stores indefinitely, so i got my quarter in while i could. it cost me $65 cdn for a quarter of 15% thc marijuana, which is a little on the high side, but not terrible. i'm used to paying $55-60 for a quarter. in fact, it was $59 + tax.

after getting a lot of rest on friday night, i got some cleaning done in here early on saturday morning before i headed out to the store to get the quarter. my knee is better, but it's still bugging me, and it's developed a lot of bruising around it. i don't explicitly remember anything happening, but i must have smashed it into a shopping cart or something. my feet are getting better, but the walk was still a little bit challenging.

and, i was able to locate four more cartons of soy as well, bringing me up to 8, meaning i probably have enough until mid-may. a carton lasts me about 5 days, on average. so, i go through around 6 a month.

i guess i was still exhausted, because i didn't last very long after my first roll on the quarter, and slept more or less the entire afternoon.

what about internet usage?

when i checked yesterday morning, it was the second that had no stats, not the first. oddly. reasonably low stats came in for the 3rd, but they seemed to be offset by a time frame at the server, as it logged 0 hours in off peak (and i know i was online in the morning). so, the numbers have gone down to something more reasonable and expected, but the server and modem also seem to be out of sync. i'll have to check again soon.

am i awake now? let's hope so. but, i may need to sleep this off a bit more, too.