it feels good to finish this.

this is just a temporary post to split it off. there is a very big post coming...

that said, i've added data for soy & yogurt, and it has filled out the chart for almost everything. the anchovies & spices should take care of the rest of it.

and, now it's time to eat it - something i haven't been doing, lately. ironically. it's the sleeping; i get scared to eat.

		pasta salad bowl (20:00)																					coffee
		durum wheat fettuccine 55 g  (dry) + h20	red pepper raw cut 1-2 175 g	carrot raw cut 1-3 110 g	beet raw cut 1-2 82 g	lime raw cut with pith 1 67 g	g a r l i c	medium cheddar cheese raw cut 60 g	van soy milk .8 cups 200 ml	pro biotic yogurt 2 tbsp 50 g	c a y e n n e	nut yeast 1 tsp 3 g	hull hemp seed 1 tbsp 10 g	sun flower seed 1 tbsp 10 g	m u s t a r d	p a p r i k a r	t u r m e r i c	p e p p e r	o r e g a n o	a n c h o v y	sum	bounds	coffee 1 cup 350 ml	choc soy 50 ml	total
	raison d'etre	b3,8,9 b15 f1 fe,cu,se	b3,4,8 b9 c,e k,fe	a b3,8 na,k	b9,15 k,fe	b8	-	a b12,13 f1, k2 na,p,ca zn	b3,8 b12 d, f1 na,mg k,fe,zn	b12 d	-	b1,2,3 b4,6,8 b9,12	f1, f2 mg,p mn, fe cu, zn	b5 e	-	-	-	-	-	f2
	calories	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	<500	0	32	-
	cost	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.10	.12	-
v i t a m i n l i k e c o m p o u n d s	a retinol (900 μg rae)	0	274.75 μg	918.5 μg	1.64 μg	1.34 μg	-	30 %	8 %	38 μg	-	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	175 r:38 c:137	30<r<100	0	r:2 %	177 r:40 c:137
	b1 thiamin (1.2 mg)	.55 mg	.0945 mg	.0726 mg	.025 mg	.02 mg	-	.0174 mg	6.4 %	-	-	155.625 %	.098 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	235 u:73	>125	4 %	1.5 %	240.5
	b2 [g, j] riboflavin (1.3 mg)	~ .2912 mg	.14875 mg	.0638 mg	.033 mg	.013 mg	-	.2568 mg	20 %	~ .1143 mg	-	144.375 %	.02 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	236.5 u:72	>131	20.5 %	5 %	262
	b3 niacin (16 mg)	~ 5.824 mg	1.71325 mg	1.0813 mg	.274 mg	.134 mg	-	.0354 mg	8 %	-	-	65.625 %	0.954 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	136 n:26 f:110	>125 f<200	4 %	2 %	142 n:30 f:112
	b4* adenine  (75 mg)	2.2 mg	27.825 mg	.77 mg	?	?	-	4.92 mg	15.44 mg	1.025 mg	-	49.38 mg	?	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	135	>100	?	5 %	140
	b5 pantothenic  acid (5 mg)	.23705 mg	.55475 mg	.3003 mg	.127 mg	.145 mg	-	.246 mg	12 %	~ .357 mg	-	2.25 %	.056 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	54.5 u:40	>110	18 %	3 %	75.5
	b6 pyridoxine (1.7 mg)	.0781 mg	.50925 mg	.1518 mg	.055 mg	.029 mg	-	.0396 mg	4.8 %	-	-	133.125 %	.06 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	192 u:54	>118	0	1 %	193
	b7 [h] biotin (35 μg)	2.2 μg	5.775 μg	5.5 μg	~ 0 μg	.335 μg	-	1.62 μg	7.8 μg	-	-	45 %	2.73 μg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	119 u:74	>171	0	5.5 %	124.5
	b8* inositol  (1000 mg)	41.25 mg	99.75 mg	13.2 mg	9.84 mg	129.98 mg	-	5.4 mg	13.776 mg	-	-	14.85 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	32.5	>30	0	1 %	33.5
	b9  [m, b11, r] folic acid (400 μg dfe)	~ 155.29 μg	80.5 μg	20.9 μg	89.4 μg	5.36 μg	-	16.2 μg	4.8 %	-	-	35.625 %	14.98 μg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	136 n:61.5 f:74.5	n>100 f<133	1.75 %	1.25 %	139 n:64.5 f:74.5
	b12 [t] cobalamin (2.4 μg)	0	0	0	0	0	0	.66 μg	40 %	~ .142857 μg	0	187.5 %	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	261 n:33.5 f:227.5	>250 n>30	0	10 %	271 n:33.5 f:237.5
	b13* orotic acid  (10 mg)	-	-	-	-	-	-	~ 37 mg	-	>	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	370	>100	-	-	370
	b14* taurine  (100 mg)	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	>	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	t:>120 --->	-	-	---->
	b15* betaine  (550 mg)	77 mg	.175 mg	.44 mg	106 mg	.134 mg	-	.42 mg	1.6 mg	-	-	.50	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	33.5	>30	~ 0	~ 0	33.5
	b16* choline (550 mg)	8.25 mg	9.8 mg	9.68 mg	4.92 mg	3.42 mg	-	9.9 mg	48 mg	-	-	12.3 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	19	>30	~ 1.68 %	~ 2.23 %	23
	b20* [I] l-carnitine (29 mg)	.43175 mg	?	.44 mg	~ 0 mg	?	-	2 mg	.12 mg	2 mg	-	.072 mg	?	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	17	30<s<35	0	0	17
	c ascorbate (90 mg)	0	223.485 mg	6.49 mg	4.02 mg	19.5 mg	-	0	0	0	-	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	281.5 u: 281	>234	0	0	281.5
	d calciferol (15 μg)	0	0	0	0	0	-	d3: .36 μg	d2: 36 %	d3: 1 μg	-	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	45 u:9 d2:36 d3:9	>40	0	d2: 9 %	54 d2:45 d3:9
	e alpha- tocopherol (15 mg)	.0605 mg	2.765 mg	.726 mg	.033 mg	.147 mg	-	.426 mg	.12 mg	0	-	0	.313 mg	2.61 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	48 n:48	>40 n>30	0	0	48 n:48
	f1* linoleic  acid (17 g)	.297 g	.175 g	.11 g	.045 g	.024 g	-	.3462 g	1.6 g	-	-	0	3.027 g	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	5.6242 g 33.08%	>30	~0	.4 g 2.35%	6.0242 g 35.4%
	f2* alpha linolenic acid (1.6 g)	.0132 g	.098 g	.0022 g	.004 g	.013 g	-	.219 g	.24 g	-	-	0	.902 g	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	1.4914 g 93.2 %	>30	~0	.06 g 3.75%	1.5514 g 96.96%
	f3* eicosa pentaenoic acid (0.375 g)	-	-	-	-	-	-	.006 g	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.006 g 1.6%	>30 <	-	-	.006 g 1.6%
	f4* docosa hexaenoic acid (0.250 g)	-	-	-	-	-	-	.018 g	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.018 g 7.2%	>30 <	-	-	.018 g 7.2%
	f1:(f2+f3+f4)  ratio	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	3.73	<4	-	-	-
	k1 phyllo quinone  (120 μg)	.055 μg	8.575 μg	14.52 μg	.164 μg	.402 μg	-	1.44 μg	5.856 μg	-	-	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	25.5	s<30<<67	0	1 %	26.5
	k2 mena quinone  (180 μg)	0	0	0	0	0	-	115.32 μg	0	~ 0 μg	0	0	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	64	s<30<67	0	0	64
	k1+k2	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	89.5	>90 <110 each	0	1	90.5
	s* salicylic  acid  (10 mg)	0	1.05 mg	.253 mg	.0902 mg	-	-	0	0	0	-	.024 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	16	>30	17.5 %	0	33.5
e l e m e n t s	f fluorine (4000 μg)	-	-	3.52 μg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.088	-	-	-	-
	na sodium (1500 mg)	0	7 mg	75.9 mg	64 mg	1.34 mg	-	360 mg	64 mg	~ 21.4286 mg	-	5.625 mg	0	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	599.2936 39.95%	-	-	-	-
	mg magnesium (420 mg)	29.15 mg	21 mg	13.2 mg	18.9 mg	4.02 mg	-	16.2 mg	16 %	~ 6.8571 mg	-	0	65.646 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	57.66	-	-	-	-
	p phosphorus (1250 mg)	103.95 mg	45.5 mg	38.5 mg	32.8 mg	12.1 mg	-	273 mg	8 %	-	-	3 %	153.033 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	63.71	-	-	-	-
	s sulfur (?)	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
	cl chlorine (2.3 g)	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.3 %	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	.3	-	-	-	-
	k potassium (3400 mg)	~ 129.412 mg	369.25 mg	352 mg	266 mg	68.3 mg	-	60 mg	216 mg	100 mg	-	~ 64.125 mg	110.933 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	1736 51.06%	-	-	-	-
	ca calcium (1300 mg)	~ 19.412 mg	12.25 mg	36.3 mg	13.1 mg	22.1 mg	-	400 mg	24 %	~ 64.2857 mg	-	0	6.263 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	67.36	-	-	-	-
	cr chromium (.035 mg)	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
	mn manganese (2.3 mg)	.50435 mg	.196 mg	.1573 mg	.27 mg	.005 mg	-	.0162 mg	-	-	-	.9 %	.766 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	84	-	-	-	-
	fe iron (18 mg)	~ 1.9412 mg	.7525 mg	.33 mg	.656 mg	.402 mg	-	0	8 %	~ .02857 mg	-	.1875 mg	1.26 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	38.88	-	-	-	-
	cu copper (.9 mg)	.15895 mg	.02975 mg	.0495 mg	.061 mg	.044 mg	-	.018 mg	-	-	-	1.2 %	.142 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	57.111	-	-	-	-
	zn zinc (11 mg)	.7755 mg	.4375 mg	.264 mg	.287 mg	.074 mg	-	2.184 mg	8 %	-	-	3.75 %	.941 mg	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	56.868	-	-	-	-
	se selenium (55 μg)	34.76 μg	.175 μg	.11 μg	.574 μg	.268 μg	-	17.1 μg	-	-	-	6 %	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	102	-	-	-	-
	mo molybdenum (.045 mg)	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	16.05 %	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	16	-	-	-	-
	i iodine (.15 mg)	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-

...and, my hydroxyapatite just shipped from 'leetsdale, pennylvania, a no doubt exceedingly wealthy suburb of pittsburgh, located plonk on the ohio river.

that's just up the interstate.

it could be here tomorrow.

there is also a dental school around the corner, and they may offer discounts.

hrmmn.

let me see if i can contact them.

so, they should cover the fluoride treatment, too - because the water isn't fluoridated:

they should actually cover the root planing.

good. that's what i really need.

if i can convince them i need to special coverage due to the cyproterone, i might be able to get a graft mostly covered.

it's discretionary, so i need to write an essay and talk them into it. they usually cover diabetics and people on diuretic medicines - and i am on diuretics. i mean, it's legit, even if it's an excuse, it's just not the most common claim.

right now, i'm more worried about cleaning them. but, that's the next thing coming up.

https://www.accerta.ca/usercontent/2018_January_MCSS_Schedule_of_Dental_Services_and_Fees_FINAL1.pdf

you know, the nhs covers gum grafts....

i'm reading up on gums, now, and i don't seem to have any sign of gum disease, exactly.

my gums don't bleed. ever.

they're firm, not flabby. they're pink, not red.

but, they are receding. and, while i do overbrush, and admit it, i'm wondering if it's just genetic. we get old and fall apart....

if i'm going to fix the gums, i want to try to do it using biological tactics as well - stem cells, gene editing, skin grafts, etc - and not using engineering methods ("gum surgery"). and, these tactics are at least mature. but, trying to get them covered might be a challenge.

the grafts are a pretty routine surgery, from what i understand, and something i'd let them do. so, i'll need to ask if that's something covered by "extended coverage", which i think i can get because my medication lists "dry mouth" as a symptom.

i mean, it seems to be pretty inert, right now.

why fix something that's not broken?

we don't know.

but, we can be sure that, while vaccines will reduce mortality in certain demographics, it will also spur evolution in healthy subgroups. what doesn't kill a virus will make it stronger.

i suspect we may realize in the end that mass vaccination was a mistake, and we should have targeted the vulnerable, instead.

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-02544-6

we don't even know if it works, yet - or how long it will work for.

the continuing stupidity is just astounding.

i've never received a flu shot in my life, but i expect i'll start getting them when i'm older. as it is, the chances of me getting vaccinated before 2040 are pretty slim - and the chances of me getting vaccinated over 2021 are exactly 0.

https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/ontarians-could-face-restrictions-if-they-refuse-to-get-covid-19-vaccine-health-minister-says-1.5222009

my chromebook is trying to get me to restart to "install flash".

in 2020.

that doesn't even make any sense - i'm in guest mode. i can't install extensions.

listen, pigs. i'm in guest mode. that means i can't even access the kernel. i'm in the most restricted mode possible, and i have to be, because it's the only way you'll let me do anything. 

you can't install anything on this machine. i can't, either.

i am going to mail my foia request tomorrow. i didn't realize the counter was closed; i was waiting for my gst check to clear. i should have done it last week. whatever. 

when it gets here, i will take the documents to the justice and attempt to have this woman charged and arrested - as she should be. she's a liar and a crook. it's no doubt long overdue.

and, you can spy on me all you want, in the mean time. i don't know what you're looking for, but i'm really as boring as i look - there's nothing to find.

to be clear: this bill still doesn't go far enough in removing statist restrictions around personal bodily autonomy.

however, it's another incremental step in the right direction towards full self-ownership, and the right thing to do is support the bill and wait for the court to tear it down, again.

throw the fucker out of caucus.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/liberal-mp-marcus-powlowski-maid-c7-assisted-dying-lametti-1.5833493

ok. this is about the time of day i want to wake up at.

let's try again.

no.

still exhausted.

i don't get it, but whatever.

i'm a night person.

fuck the sun.

i'm going to drink a lot of coffee and try to wake up and get started.

i didn't want to sleep all night, i wanted to work all night. let's hope i can do an all-nighter tonight to compensate.

all of this unwanted sleeping is really screwing up my schedule and disorienting me badly.

like, what day is it?

wednesday?

what the fuck?

you're going to tell me i'm delusional, but i think my teeth are already getting better.

insofar as that's true, i may have scraped some shit off them, and demonstrated there's nothing wrong with them. but, it's just becoming more and more apparent as they clean up more and more.

i could still use some kind of strengthening one way or the other, and i'll still take the cleaning if i can get it. but that one i was worried about? doesn't seem so bad, anymore. at least half of the plaque is gone.

if that's the case, they could be in great shape for when the hydroxyapatite gets here.

if this is going to work, the teeth have to be clean. that's one of the excuses that dentists want to throw at you - you can't just remineralize, because your teeth are full of bioplaque. so, let's get the fucking bioplaque off then, eh? so, i need to keep up with the surfactants, which are what i think is making the actual difference - it is probably the cleaner teeth that is letting the toothpaste work better.

now, as to how to fix the gums? i don't have any ideas for that one.

i got an email back from palmolive telling me i was fucking bonkers, and trying to sell me some actual toothpaste. i thought about telling them to fuck off, but decided it'd be best to ignore them. so, i don't know what the ppm for these biocides actually are. if it's for use with dish soap, it can't be that different than mouth wash, though, right?

fucking patents. we gotta get rid of those...patience, friends....we will win in the end....

wow, what a complete piece of shit.

just when you think they can't sink to new lows, this guy thinks he has some kind of right to decide if somebody can kill themselves or not.

the arrogance is just baffling. 

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/conservatives-prepared-to-debate-assisted-dying-bill-around-the-clock-o-toole-1.5221886

the problem is basically that this generation of liberals doesn't understand economics. at all.

they think that inflation will siphon wealth upwards, rather than lead to poverty and crime and increased social spending, and they're looking to squeeze the poor as hard as they can in order to do it.

what you will see is long lines at the food bank, and rotting food on the shelves.

but, this is what they want, and we're going to have to suffer through it.

yeah, the liberals seem to be excited about this, actually.

but, i tell ya - i'm not paying for it. nor is anybody around here.

if the price of junk food goes up, whatever. i don't eat it anyways.

but, if the price of produce goes up, it's just going to rot on the shelf, as people find ways around it.

https://globalnews.ca/news/7508030/canadian-families-groceries-cost-2021/

ok, i figured it out.

calcium hydroxyapatite pills are on their way.

they come in a gelatin capsule that i'll need to break open, and i'll have to see - if i mildly wet it, will it create a topical? 

i'm going to separate the fluoride from it for now, and use it to "catch" the calcium & phosphate molecules that leach out.

why are all these sites forcing me to pick premium shipping options?

why can't i just pick the cheapest option?

i'm not paying $20 for shipping. that's stupid.

this is recent and they claim they basically figured it out.

i don't have access to the tools they do.

but it's a proof of concept. 

i repeat: this is a recent (oct, 2020), peer reviewed article claiming that they were able to rebuild cavitated teeth using hydroxyapatite and fluoride gelatin.

i'm on the right track.

https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acsomega.0c03125

i got this from an indian journal trying to remove the fluoride from the water. idiots. 

it's the chemical reactions i wanted to see, in a legible form. no stupid pictures.

so, that's at about ph 4.8, and you see what happens - the enamel dissolves in acidic water into a dicalcium phosphate and a calcium hydroxide. that's without fluoride.

but, then the sodium fluoride breaks down into sodium, hydroxide and hydrofluoric acid. yikes. that would make everything worse. more acid. the hydroxyl overpowers, thankfully.

...and then the fluoride spontaneously regenerates the matrix, into fluoropatite, which gets reabsorbed by your teeth. no such regeneration of the initial hydroxypatite seems possible - what they call "remineralization" seems restricted to parts of the matrix that suffer acid erosion, in the sense that hydrogen peels off the hydroxyl, leaving behind the calcium phosphate.

so, that means that if i bathed my teeth in calcium & phosphate & fluoride, the best i could hope for is fluoropatite, because it's only the distorted matrix that gets uploaded. it won't reform hydroxyapatite. but, what if i give it hydroxyapatite, in addition to fluoride? the studies seem to suggest it works.

now, there's another article here by the cda:

https://www.cda-adc.ca/jcda/vol-69/issue-11/722.pdf

...and i get the point - you can't remineralize with the building blocks. because we don't know how.

but, it doesn't address remineralizing with the finished product.

the fact is that i have nothing to lose in trying except a few bucks.

naw, i'd have to buy diammonium hydrogen phosphate, and that costs more than the hydroxyapatite pills in the first place.

sneaky abstract - the eggshells are just a source of calcium carbonate.

that said, i could recycle the eggshells like that. if i want to brave the salmonella...

eureka?

i have lots of eggshells and am constantly producing more.

let's see if i can figure this out.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167577X99001184

so, should i find a place for bones in my diet?

it's topical - i'd have to chew them.

i dunno about that.

let's see if the capsules help, first.

osteophagy is actually fairly widespread, even in herbivores.

the article claim they're looking for phosphates to build bone matter. but, that's not really how it works, is it?

i wonder if they're not looking to suck the hydroxyapatite off the bones.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteophagy

yeah, i'm going with the lattice.

i don't think this is something that can be answered clearly. i need to go on a hunch. so, don't take what i'm about to say totally seriously - yet.

it seems like the only way we know how to put these molecules - calcium, phosophate & a hydroxyl goup - together is using a specialized kind of cell called an ameloblast that disappears in early childhood. it seems like we can give our bodies as much calcium and as much phosphate as we want, but we don't really know what to do with it. we could maybe fix that with stem cells, by growing teeth in a lab and implanting them or with crispr technology - and that might not be very far in the future. but, for right now, this is a puzzle that eludes our biology. we see the pieces of the puzzle, but we can't put them together properly.

hydroxyapatite is insoluble in water, and thankfully so - otherwise our teeth would fall apart. but, solubility increases as ph decreases, because it reacts with the free hydrogen in the water. there seems to be a perception that this is reversible if you increase the ph in your mouth, but i think the point is that it isn't - that once we strip the calcium, and the phosphates, out of the lattice, we don't know how to rebuild the lattice.

but, we've figured out that the lattice seems to spontaneously rebuild in the presence of fluoride, and that we seem to uptake it quite readily once it does. for that reason, our teeth end up replaced by a different molecule - fluoropatite - that contains calcium, phosphate & fluoride. this substitution is actually beneficial, but others - such as replacing calcium with carbonate - are not.

but, we have little control over it. we don't know how to put the pieces back together, and will absorb screwy lattices when we put them back together wrong - both at our benefit and at our expense.

it follows, then, that we ought to be able to absorb a prebuilt molecule of actual hydroxyapatite, if we can find it - we can absorb it with fluoride (an improvement), and we can absorb it with carbonate (a worsening), so we should be able to absorb it the right way, too. right?

and, why don't we just fucking do it, then?

because the only natural source is animal bones, and we don't eat those anymore, or pick our teeth with them anymore, at least. some of us eat soup, perhaps. but, the molecule isn't soluble - you need to smash them up. you can't eat it either, exactly - it's topical. but, if you chomp on them long enough, you could release it.

your dog loves chewing on bones. 

maybe it's on to something...

so, i have actually purchased some 90 nm fluorite (it's a rock form of calcium + fluoride, ground into tiny bits, good stuff for your teeth), and i'm looking to get either hydroxyapatite in the form of ground cow bones or just get dicalcium phosphate instead.

this is what i need to figure out - when your teeth absorbs these minerals, does it absorb them in ionic form and put them together as hydroxyapatite, or does it absorb the hydroxyapatite in full? and, is the reason we have such a hard time rebuilding teeth actually just that we stopped eating bones?

no, hear me out, here. it's about activation energy. this is turning into a high school chemistry lecture - and i know all you arts majors didn't bother, did you?

when you split molecules apart, you need to generate energy to do it. when you put molecules together, energy is released. so, if your body splits the molecules apart and puts them back together again, that requires energy you don't want to waste - and you want to give them to your teeth in ion form so it doesn't have to break them apart. conversely, if your body wants it in complete form, you don't want to give it the pieces, because it's going to require energy to put it together, even if the end reaction generates it.

as it is, the idea i'm getting is that your enamel is dead. there's no biological activity at work - this is just pure chemistry. which is why i don't understand why it stops working when the enamel runs through. it shouldn't matter, if it's just an attended process.

but, that means it's important to get it right.

your saliva can produce calcium & phosphate ions on it's own, so it's maybe not clear what i'm adding by introducing calcium phosphate, if it's not working in the first place. i'm neither calcium nor phosphorus deficient. is it spitting on a fish?

but, if you give it the completed molecule, will it uptake it whole?

i'd like to see some verifying source before i make a choice.

here, kitty kitty kitty.

what?

...or maybe just check it in a reaction with baking soda, if i can't get any stray cats to sit still while i dump a solution on them.

yes, i'll test it on a stray cat or something before i put it in my mouth.

this doesn't appear to be sold in canada:

https://www.nowfoods.com/supplements/calcium-hydroxyapatite-capsules

but, i can surely order something from detroit.

for now.

until i hear back from the engineering firm.

and, you can get finely crushed fluorite from art stores, it seems. it's used as a decorative material.

what might be even better is if i took the hydroxyapatite & fluorite and mixed it up in a blender with just a tad of water, so it's a paste - and then put it directly on, like a topical. almost like a cement.

the first thing i'm going to want to do is to test to see if the powdered fluorite burns through my table or not.

see, the calcium should balance it. how much?

Carter (1928) determined the solubility of laboratory precipitated calcium fluoride in distilled water at 25C at a pH of 6.4. He reported a calcium fluoride solubility of 0.004 grams (g) per 100 cubic centimeters (cc) of solution, or 40 mg CaF2/L.

https://mountainscholar.org/bitstream/handle/11124/172317/Henry_mines_0052E_11488.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y

so, it's not dangerous.

and it will probably work.

great.

raw fluorite powder is affordable, it seems.

so, what happens if i take powdered hydroxyapatite and powdered fluorite and mix it together and use it as mouth wash? don't eat this. 

i didn't tell you to fucking eat this.

but, will it stick to my teeth?

see, this is more or less what i'm trying to hack out with the hydroxyapatite & high fluoride toothpaste. and, it's close to what my teeth actually look like, too.

he's using silicon dioxide + hydrofluoric acid. that is extremely dangerous, but i get the point - these ten percent fluoride toothpastes are probably not good enough. so, while the novamin + prevident is perhaps the right idea in principle, it's too weak to actually work.

can i buy crystallized fluorite somewhere and suck on it like a lozenge, with hydroxyapatite? 

https://www.mcfarlanedental.com/patient-education/remineralization-is-real-reversing-bracket-scars-and-discolored-roots/

yeah.

no more red hot. no more mustard. i'll get some spices, instead, in a few days.

i want to focus more on strengthening and disinfecting but that doesn't mean i should be reckless. 

i should add a ph entry to the chart and try to deal with anything much less than 5.

however, if i replaced the frank's with cayenne pepper (that is, remove the vinegar.....and the salt), i could flip something that's acidic (ph ~ 3-4) to something that's basic (ph ~ 8.5)..

likewise, mustard powder has a ph over 6, whereas bought mustard is quite acidic.

fuck, i wish i sat down with this and worked it all out sooner.

i'm going through the inositol double check (yes, i'm still doing this), and one thing i'm thinking i should step back from is the limes. i have more options for the pasta bowl than i did for the fruit bowl.

but, i wonder.

see, i'm not drinking straight lime juice, which i agree is a bad idea. 

- i'm eating the lime whole, including the pith,

- i'm putting it in a mixture that includes soy milk & yogurt, amongst other things

i doubt it's really that bad. but, is it necessary? that's something to contemplate. i don't have to decide right now.

potential replacements:

- green beans

- artichokes

- tomato <----lycopene

- bread

- bran

- peas <----coumarin

i'm also mixing my grapefruit juice with apple juice, which is a modest improvement, and could conceivably put a teaspoon of calcium carbonate in it to try to balance it out a bit better.

william the conqueror enjoyed his male conquests at least as much as his feudal ones.

the church histories don't like to tell you about that, though.

is this eurocentric, this rejection of identity?

well, whatever i think of identity, i'm hardly going to define myself in terms of somebody else's. if i were to have an identity, it would be european. in that sense, i couldn't be anything but eurocentric, and i'm happy to embrace the concept.

i think it's at least worthwhile to dissect identity from a european perspective to understand how socialism arose in opposition to it.

while feudalism was not unique to europe - tibetan feudalism was particularly vicious, and longlasting in the form of the aristocracy around the dalai lama - the way that feudalism gave rise to the concept of the modern nation-state is somewhat unique to europe, and follows european models when it's applied to the areas affected by colonialism. and, this is important because identity, as we understand, or at least as white people understand it, was irrevocably shaped by the development and dissolution of feudalism.

all of it - language, religion, race...

so, consider the feudal-era struggles between catholicism and protestantism in the united kingdom, specifically. the divisions between english, welsh, scottish, norse, danish and irish were not the same in the year 1300 as they are today. what you had, at the time, was something more like british on one side - which included the celtic nations - and german on the other, which included the angles, saxons, jutes, danes, norse, etc. and, these two broad nations would fight both within and against each other. by the year 1300, the aristocracy, at least, had mostly been catholicized, even if wide swaths of the peasantry had resisted christianization, to the point of continuing the old ways in secret. so, this is what we really had at the dawn of the reformation in england - a broadly christian aristocracy with a broadly pagan peasantry that saw itself as either british (celtic) or english (german). while the french get a lot of credit in christian-centric histories for the reason that the norman invasion is seen as a resurgence of roman civilization in britan, the fact is that the by then long no-longer-french-speaking aristocracy was norse/german in background, and just happened to speak french for a few decades upon landing. they were only french & christian in terms of fealty; the norse had already been in control of england by that time since the fall of wessex, and the norman invasion should really be seen more in terms of the constant infighting between scandinavian warlords. this "william the conqueror was conquering for rome" thing has always been a stretch.

and, dominant billy was openly bi, btw, too.

anyways, what happens after the year 1300 is that the aristocracy begins to bicker with itself, and it's only from this aristocratic infighting that you start to see these identities begin to develop. first, the scots remained loyal to the papacy, when henry viii told the pope to fuck off; it is only from this point forwards that wales (then under english control, since the plantagenet conquest) and scotland begin to develop separate identities as more than non-english, indigenous british tribes (the scots actually being migrants from ireland....), as a consequence of religious decisions made by aristocracies on the behalf of working people. eventually, there is a reformation and a counter-reformation in scotland, with tyrannical stuarts enforcing catholicism at knife point. this is thankfully ended by elizabeth, who was then famously invaded by the catholic spaniards. it was from these decisions by queens and kings that the british, scottish, welsh and irish derive their religious and ethnic identities from today, not from grassroots movements on the ground.

so, what is membership in the church of england or church of scotland, then? it's a stamp of ownership upon you by the ruling class. it's a way for the feudal lords to identify their property.

and, yet they continue to fight over this, to this day.

with language, you could look at the situation in france. we're taught that french is a romance language that descended from latin and became widespread amongst the celtic peasants of gaul, but that is arguably so wrong as to be a blatant lie. in fact, french as we understand it today is an administrative language that was initially spoken only by the parisian elite. the mass of french people spoke languages such as gascon, breton, occitan, alanian (an iranian dialect) and west german. it wasn't until, again, about the thirteenth century (when philip II defeated the angevins) that the capetians and eventually their junior branch the bourbons began conquering the areas around paris, and enforcing it's own dialect amongst the people. this is a process that continued for centuries, all the way to world war one. this happened with all kinds of violence and oppression, including a crusade, the inquisition and the kind of cultural destruction we usually associate with residential schools in canada, south africa and australia. yes, the same kind of assimilation was directed at white romance and celtic speakers in fucking france.

what is "french" then? the french people - perhaps no more so than in quebec - insist it is the definition of who they are, as a nation. but, the history of the language suggests otherwise - that it was the dialect of latin spoken strictly by the elite, and that it was enforced on everybody else through extreme violence and oppression. once again, what it is is really a mark of ownership - to speak french is to broadcast that you are the property of the capetian/bourbon feudal landholding class, and little more.

and, what is a country, in europe? the treaty of westphalia notwithstanding, all a "country" ever was from the time of the dissolution of the empire (and, there were no countries when there was an empire. the emperor ruled the entire world. by definition. that was a good thing, at least in the sense that it abolished identity, as we were all romans. or, at least, all of us who were not barbarians were.) to the time of that important treaty was land held in the ownership of some family. all england ever was was the land held by the english king; all france ever was was the land held by the french king. these borders were, themselves, based loosely on roman provincial boundaries, but much more so on the area that whatever warlord was able to conquer at whatever time. so, france is really the land that clovis managed to conquer, and little else - before clovis conquered it, it was a part of the empire, not france. and, it is from this concept of feudal land ownership that different realms developed - the bourbon, the hapsburg, the hohenzollern, the romanov - that determined what a country is, and what a country is not. italy, for example, was not a country, because it was never the sum total of a feudal landowner's possessions; austria, on the other hand, became a country solely because it was the sum total of a feudal landowner's possessions.

and, so what does it mean to have a nationality? it simply means that you exist in the realm owned by this landowner, that has this religion and speaks this language.

so, it should be no surprise that the rise of socialism in europe sought to do away with all of this as a means of control, or that a strictly by-the-book leftist such as myself would have no patience for it.

rawr.

*paw*.

i'd actually rather be a tree, if i could pick. i'd rather watch over the land from a major vantage point. i'd rather have 10,000 years to think it through. imagine that kind of deep breath, that kind of exhalation.

and, some fucking human would no doubt cut me down mid treatise to build a fucking mcdonalds or something.

i will acknowledge that there may be some ignorance out there regarding what it is that these women actually did, but there shouldn't be, not if you're still here reading this.

go educate yourself on the topic and get back to me when when you're done.

"but, don't you oppose guantanamo bay?"

sure.

see, that was an indiscriminate round-up, and most of them didn't do anything - they were just kidnapped at gunpoint and paraded in front of the camera to make it seem as though the government was doing something - catching bad guys, fighting crime.

the isis wives, on the other hand, are guilty to a woman. and, the children are already indoctrinated.

do you understand yet?

"and, aren't you opposed to torture?"

absolutely. no exceptions. partly because it's horrible, and partly because it doesn't work.

one of the crimes that isis is accused of is mass torture.

"and, don't you argue in favour of prosecuting war criminals from the 2003 invasion of iraq?"

yes. 

and, you think this is an argument against holding these women to account, don't you?

see, the difference between you and i is that you see the world in terms of identity and i don't. you can't make sense of me because i don't identify with or wave the flag of any tribe. and, that's part of being an anarchist - and actually getting being an anarchist. i have no time for gender, for religion, for race or for any other dividing factor that's going to lock me down intellectually and herd me into some specific quarter, where i'm easy to dissect and analyze and control.

i'm an animal, but i'm not a fucking farm animal. 

i'm not livestock.

i'm wild. i'm free...

all i've called for is the need to hold some war criminals accountable by the terms that we generally hold them accountable, and the pushback i've gotten from that is revolting and depressing.

you all need to look yourselves in the mirror and ask yourselves who you are and what you're supporting.

listen: i've been clear for a long time.

i wouldn't ever identify as a member or supporter of the democratic party, even if i might endorse them from time to time in the face of a republican party that has, until recently, been discernibly worse. the only support i've ever articulated for this party (since the 90s, when i became old enough to have an opinion.) has been pure lesser-evilism, and it hasn't always been consistent.

i supported nader in 00. i supported kerry in 04, because he had an anti-war background (gore, on the other hand, was a hawk). i was a kucinich supporter in '08, and while i never supported mckinney, i never endorsed obama, either. i supported jill stein in 2012. i endorsed clinton in 2016, but i'm sure i would have voted for stein. and, my endorsement this year was for howard hawkins - because i suspect biden will, broadly, be worse than trump, a historic flip in which party is worse than the other.

so, don't pretend i'm a democrat, or a democrat supporter, or morally in line with the democratic party. i've spent my whole life being starkly critical of the party and i've often advocated voting against it.

broadly speaking, i've also been exceedingly critical of what identifies as "progressivism". i identify this strain of american history with racism, eugenics, the stifling of free expression and the worst type of upper-classism. this isn't some new thing, either - it's always been that way. i identify as a socialist & an anarchist, and i do so in direct opposition to "progressivism", which i consider to be a fundamentally conservative movement.

i am less critical of the canadian liberal party because it has historically been less elitist, but they are at least in a down moment, if they haven't permanently fallen into the abyss.

my opinions are articulated relatively clearly, i think, and there's a lot of them here, if you care to look. i'm happy to debate, if you'll engage. but, please be careful not to erect strawmen, or to put words into my mouth. i'll eventually just make a fool of you, if you do.

so, you may find yourself frustrated when things more or less carry on as they always did.

can't you see that all they did was change their clothes?

the actual role of almost all of these positions is to act as a front, or a spokesperson for the deep state.

this is just a reminder that, while there are always some exceptions, the vast majority of people that biden is going to pick to do this or that are going to be handed scripts written by the civil service, that does all of the actual work.

so, with notable distant exceptions, it really actually doesn't matter who he picks to do what.

...and he'd might as well just fill it with whomever he thinks looks nicest.

i want to be done with this, but i want to finish it too....

*sigh*

why do i keep doing this - starting these projects i think will take a day and end up taking a year?

ugh.

the other thing is, like...

i don't want to passively brush my teeth in 10% nanohydroxyapatite and hope it works, slowly.

i want to aggressively bombard my mouth with it, with constant contact, in everything, for weeks.

so, here's what i can get when i go to the dentist:

1) i've located pure, powdered calcium carbonate in windsor. i can pick that up when i go out.

2) i cannot locate pure, powdered nanohydroxyapatite (powdered tooth enamel). there are some supplements bound to magnesium, which aren't useful for this purpose. i sent an email to an engineering company asking them to send me a baggie for a $20.

3) i looked up the ingredients for the various nanohydroxyapatite toothpastes, and every single one of them either had some kind of sugar in them or had something acidic in them :\. well, except the expensive one, apagard - that seems ok. the only one available in stores has carrageenan in it, and i went over that - that breaks down into sugar in the presence of amylase. the risewell looks like it might be ok, but it's full of all kind of weird shit like lemon peels. call me skeptical about brushing my teeth with lemon peels. so, i may need to get the powder in bulk, somehow.

for whatever reason, i never vomit. i know i'm really sick when i vomit.

it's been years and years. and years....

i push everything out the other way, instead.

like i say, i know how this works - i'm expecting a ridiculous movement that would no doubt bring tears of pride to my parents' eyes. you wouldn't believe something like that could possibly come from little me. and, yet, it's been the norm since i moved to this diet.

i think it's just too much.

but, i'll do the experiment tonight.

it's had too many chances to be random.

it's repeat, now.

relief seems to be more connected to bowel excretion, so it seems more likely that the pain is in the intestine.

and, this is a "familiar" pain - if this was a bladder attack, you'd think it would be a weird sensation i don't realize. it's not. it's just a stomach ache....

it feels like food poisoning, and maybe it is, still. but, whatever is causing it needs to be identified and removed.

the pain is sharp and it's very low in my gut. 

so, it's either in my intestine - which is what i thought at first - or in my bladder. if it's in my bladder, the beets are the most likely culprit, unfortunately, and i'll have to take them out. but, if it's in my intestine, it could be total fibre, and i'd be more likely to take the carrots out first.

i'll have to do the experiment.

it's diet-related, clearly. i'm not sick - it's what i'm eating.

i've been through this enough now that i know how it ends, anyways - it pushes through in hard, dry, fibrous feces, of fishing story proportions. and, then i'm fine.

so, it's either something specific...or it's too much fibre at once. and, that is something that happens when you eat too much fibre.

the meal has 55 g of pasta, 110 g of carrots, 82 g of beets and 175 g of red peppers. the root vegetables are particularly compact and probably the culprit, if it's fibre.

but, i don't know, really.

i should start next time by eating one component of the meal at a time and seeing how i react to each one, and stopping when or if i get sick again.

i am not aware of any allergies.

i may have found one.

i thought i was sick, i thought it was food poisoning....

no, it's the item.

it's consistent.