and, what can i say about this year?

it has not been a good year at all, and i'm not sure i've found much of a solution. i've been optimistic about most years since 2013, at least. i'm rather pessimistic about 2019 - i don't expect it to be a good year, and i expect to waste a large amount of it on the trivialities of market capitalism.

i spent most of the last year trying to escape an uninhabitable scenario, only to end up in a place that is merely unhealthy. i don't have the same urgent need to immediately escape this place, but i'm nonetheless not planning my stay here to be lengthy, either.

i'm going to need to spend the next year continuing my attempt to find a healthier, more isolated living space, which is going to need to begin with finding some source of wealth. i'm going to need to look into my father's estate, with the intent of probably launching a lawsuit against my step-mother, and potentially also against my sister. i am going to need to sue the woman that put me in jail for discrimination in housing, and seek a settlement for trauma and emotional harm. and, i'm going to need to sue the police for false arrest. beside my continuing work on the aleph discs, these three lawsuits are going to be my primary focus, moving into 2019.

so, i think that the best i can hope out of 2019 is that it puts me in a better situation for 2020 - that it gives me an opportunity to move to somewhere that is less polluted, has less smokers and perhaps has less people, per capita. that will probably be away from windsor. and, how far away is going to be determined by how much money i can win in these lawsuits.

as such, i'm going to be focusing more on saving money than spending it, as i have been for much of 2018. my living arrangement is not stable; i don't have the luxury of being able to spend money, any more. i could lose my income source in the next 24 months, and if i can't find some way to cushion it immediately, i'm going to have to find some way to buffer it. i can currently put aside around $250-$300 a month if i stay in and don't do anything. if i can put the odsp renewal decision off until 2021, and hope that the conservatives are removed from power in 2022, i could maybe get back on disability for 2023 - and live off of savings in between. but, it's going to mean an extremely frugal lifestyle for the years in between - no partying, no concerts, no drugs or alcohol. just food & rent. that's fine; it's better than getting a job. and, if i find myself forced into working part time, i will at least have some savings to cushion it.

there's currently roughly $2000 left in there. if i can put aside $275/month for the next year, that will push it over $5000, which is enough to live on for around five months. and, the longer i can put the decision off, the more breathing room i end up with.

how about the music, which is supposed to be the point?

well, as mentioned, i'm circling around a pivot. i was hoping to be caught up by now, but have lacked energy recently. i've added 60 pages of emails to the liner notes over the last few days, which is a level of direct productivity that has been elusive of late. i should get most of that done by the end of the day, and potentially get through the filing push by the end of the week. i do expect more rapid movement forwards once i get to that hook up at the end of november, 2016 - meaning i should be able to get to actually closing discs in the alter-reality in early 2019.

but, the fact is that i have essentially nothing completed for the year. and, i can only present this journal as the explanation for it.

again: this year won't be much better, but, if i'm lucky, 2020 will be.