i tried to sleep all day yesterday and couldn't. so, i was in a haze yesterday and couldn't really do anything - it was that awful feeling you get when you're exhausted, but can't actually sleep. so, i kept sitting down to do something and kept concluding "nope. too tired.", only to not be able to sleep.

i drink a lot of coffee. i guess that fighting off everything from last week - getting over strep throat, dealing with the hangover, and getting used to not smoking, again - all at the same time meant it lifting all at the same time. then, your body ends up under the dominant influence of large doses of caffeine without being strong enough to deal with it, and you just end up dragging. those moments of purgatory can both be incredibly rewarding if you're in the middle of something and are pushing your self to finish it and incredibly brutal if you're not. it's all context.

right now, i want to be fresh and able to think clearly in order to do legal writing. it's a bad time for me to be unable to focus. so, this was just a wasted day spent cleaning and ranting when i wasn't tossing and turning, and when i wanted to be focused and productive. *shrug*.

this is probably the new normal for me, until the spring. i tend to smoke and drink very, very little in the winter. last year, i was completely straight edge from october 1st (actually, since the end of may - movement, 2018) until mid-april (the acid mothers show at phog). it was a good 11 months of total abstinence. again - that's only usual for me in terms of it being 11 months instead of three or six months, these long period of complete sobriety are a normal part of my life. so, i could be straight edge for months, now. and, if i can buy legal marijuana on both sides of the border in the spring, i may have smoked my last cigarette, ever, too. the timing remains unclear, but that is something that will happen within the next little while....

in fact, it's imminent. date of last smoke: sunday, oct  6th, 2019. is that the end of smoking j? stay tuned.

but, i finally got some sleep this evening and think i might be awake. i'm going to get some fruit, to start, and we'll see when i sit down to do something - if i'm still unable to focus, it's back to sleep.

how's my health?

well, it seemed like i was just about there, but then the sewers reasserted themselves. i'll remind you that i was sick all week, so just how bad the p-traps were isn't totally clear. but, the initial symptoms i felt when this started last came back when i first noticed the smell - dried throat, dried sinuses, even the headache (although much weaker, as of yet). it makes you wonder what the actual cause was - did i actually catch strep throat when i was out, or did i get sick from breathing in sewer gas when i got home, unable to tell because i was smoking all weekend, and then not able to figure it out because it made me sick?

you need a swab to figure that out.

i mentioned previously that i'd go to a clinic if i was still sick on monday, and i didn't initially think it was necessary, but now i'm less sure. after waking up, the most pressing concern is that i have a very large "frog" in my throat, and a bit of a dry cough. i should be able to expel this with water and the sheer force of hacking, and then we'll see what's next. but, i feel congested again. i didn't yesterday...

it's unclear whether the lingering smell is a consequence of the previous sewer eruption or signs of a continuing problem. if the root cause of the problem is disuse, and he's been gone a few days, the lines upstairs may be too dry for anything i do down here to make a difference, in which case i just have to keep running the water until he gets back. if i could just get somebody up there to flush the toilet...

i need to go out and do some running around tomorrow. i'll get that letter printed when i'm out.

again: my intent here is not to drag this guy through court. i won't feel bad about it, if i have to, granted, and am preparing for it. but, what i want is for him to fix the problem, and i'm actually hoping that he's rational about it without being ordered to be - that he doesn't need a judge to tell him to do the right thing, here.

the liberals are supposed to do better than this