"too civilized for sex".

but, honestly. they've done studies on this. did you know that testosterone spikes are actually tied to brain damage? that testosterone actually kills brain cells? that's not hyperbole. these are controlled clinical trials, here. meatheads are morons for a reason, even if they're better at passing on their genes.

steroids kill brain cells...

but, hey, nobody ever said that intelligence was selected - at least not literally. and, some prominent biologists - ernst mayr was one - have argued the opposite point, that intelligence is an evolutionary dead end.

i'm hardly the first person to articulate this idea of macho stupidity, or react against it. it's actually one of the central themes in the alternative musical culture i'm so immersed in - however outdated it might be at this point. you just need to take it to the next level of abstraction to get your head around where i am on this.

my dad was a football star when he was in high school, so i was forced to played football when i was a kid, and i probably should have been relatively good at it. i was fast, fairly fit & in good shape, overall - i've seen pictures of myself from this period and i'm actually kind of surprised by the definition around my shoulders. this was about 16-19. i started to lose weight after that. but, i actually wasn't very good at football, and the reason was that i didn't have the aggressive nature in me to hit. i was faster than most of the kids on the field, but i couldn't make a tackle. i didn't have the energy.

likewise, when they put me in karate as a kid, they were frustrated at my disinterest in sparring. i was good at the fundamentals, but i just didn't have any interest in actually fighting anybody.

that's not an argument for gender transition, in and of itself. if it's hormonal, and it probably is, then it's just the start of one. but, it does explain my disinterest in heterosexual male sexuality: i just don't have the aggression for it.