if you thought i was going to see a porn star perform at a vape lounge, you've got me very wrong.

my friends tried to take me to a strip club once around my 18th birthday by surprise, like they put me in the car and didn't tell me where we were going because they knew i wouldn't have gone, but i pretended i left my id at home and sat in the car, instead.

i'm 37 years old; i've never been in a strip club.

you'd have to drug me and drag me in unconscious.