i bumped into her a few times after the cut-off point, and she really wasn't angry with me. if anything, she was strangely flirty, in ways i hadn't seen from her in years.

like, when she called me around 2007/2008, it was just going for lunch with an old friend, which is what i wanted to maintain for, like, ever. there was legit comfort there. we trusted each other.

but, when i bumped into her in 2011 or 2012, she was all fidgety and weird, like a teenager trying to hide a secret crush - which weirded me out, 'cause i wasn't expecting it. like, at all.

like, i thought maybe it might ease her into it if we went shopping, and she had a fit.

and, it kind of clicked, that a part of the problem was that she feared she might be triggered by the effects of the hormones into something deeper, even as she was ultimately just waiting it out, under the assumption i'd fall back off them again.

...which i didn't, and which i don't want to.

i still think she'd return my calls, even now, if i dropped the t-blockers, at least. 'cause, i'm ultimately not of any use to her, if i can't get hard....