- i just need tons and tons of iron to smash through a likely genetic absorption difficulty or
- the nature of the diet makes iron absorption difficult and i need to isolate it (and maybe zinc, too) from phytates or
- lead poisoning in the water, which is not yet ruled out
so, my ferritin is now at 17.
i'm still anemic - i'm still freezing in 25 degree weather, and i'm still exhausted. but, the pills are apparently working, and i should stick at them.
my cbc is a little better than previous cbcs, with everything in the normal range except those large rbcs, which are just a tad big. but, again - the mcv's range for this lab are smaller than standard. i have four data points now, and the mcv is in the 95-97 range for each of them; this lab puts the cut-off for "normal" at 95, but most suggest up to 100 is normal.
i wanted to test for spleen bleeding, because my shoulder has been bugging me (and that's apparently a symptom of a ruptured spleen). the tests came back fine. they tested for reticulocytes to determine if i'm overproducing to compensate for blood loss and it's fine - indicating that i was probably producing almost no blood at all, previously. there's no blood in my urine (and no nitrites, either). and, my urine albumin is so low they couldn't even calculate the ratio.
so, there's no evidence that i'm bleeding anywhere, and i'm reacting well to the iron pills - suggesting it was an absorption issue. as previously, every other test except the iron-related ones have comeback more or less ideal.
annoyingly, the lab didn't release zinc levels, which would help me better understand the nature of the absorption issue. i'll have to call the doctor and ask for the full report to be mailed to me on monday, as that's the only actual actionable result here, given that i know the pills are working.
so, i guess i need to sleep it off until it gets better.
so, i'm biking to the grocery store, and this low rider pulls up behind me.
"you smoke drugs?"
i answered truthfully; it's legal, and it doesn't matter if they're cops or not.
sometimes.
it turns out they're trying to sell the old fashioned way, and i got a free gram of what appears to be "death bubba". i haven't touched it yet; it could be a while. this wouldn't be my preferred type, but i won't complain - i'll just make sure i need the sleep. nasty stench, though - some of the worst i've ever smelled.
i'm not going to post any details here. it's not illegal for me to accept free bud, but it is still illegal to sell it outside of the taxation schematics. so, i'd be breaking the law by buying it from them, and don't want to publicize the number for that reason. for all i know, they're cops; i'll take the bud and say thank you, but there's no chance i'm calling them back. and, i would highly advise that, if you're going to buy illegally, you make sure you know who you're buying from. the whole point of legalizing it was to go after the small dealers - you don't want to find yourself a victim of entrapment.
but, whether police entrapment or old-skool dealers (i have no idea which is true. at all.), that's actually something i haven't seen in a while - somebody selling pot on the street.
right now, i want to eat and take a shower, not smoke drugs. that could sit for quite a while, really. but, it's in there.
i got about half of the test done:
- cbc
- reticulocyte
- ldh & ck isoenzymes
- zinc
- ferritin
- urinalysis
next time, we'll do:
- haptoglobin
- lead
- hepcidin
- h pylori
i wanted the hepcidin done, but it would have required a 5th vial and i just couldn't deal with that. the tests that did get done should give me enough info to tell me if i need injections or not, whether i'm bleeding or not and whether the absorption issue is strictly related to iron or not.
they also gave me the fecal kit, but it says not to do it if you're on iron, so i'm going to wait to talk to the gastro-intestinal specialist, first. i probably don't want to go off iron to check for blood in my stool. but we'll see what he says next week.
and, i got everything i need, except strawberries....with $3.15 left to followup on it. thankfully, they're on sale this week, they're just out.
as mentioned before, i spent an unbudgeted $50 on meat this month and it screwed me up, but the hit should be marginal if i can pull that off tonight.
so, i gotta face the music, here.
as mentioned, i think there's a fair chance i'll pass out. so, i'm going to need to take some coffee first and hope it works.
i can't believe i found a way to salvage the diet with less than $13 for the week.
i've had to cut out guava since mid-month, partly because i'm not even sure anybody's carrying it. i might be down to the walmart, only. if i can't find guava anymore (i live in canada...it's exported from mexico.....), i'm going to need to pull the c up a tad with extra strawberries, and maybe extra raspberries. for now, i'm just sort of taking the hit, although i've taken the strawberries up by 50% (partly because i needed to use them up). i mean, it's going from 250% of the rdi to 200%...but i want to keep those numbers up...
and, i've been putting tomatoes in the pasta bowl recently, but they're not calculated. they're on sale, and i might barely be able to squeeze a few in, but i'll probably have to put them aside. i'm definitely not going to have space for blueberries this week.
otherwise, i need
- 2 kiwis (<$1)
- 10 smallish avocadoes (<$6)
- 6 medium-to-small bananas (<$1.00)
- a very small clove of garlic (<$0.50)
- 1 container of strawberries ($3)
========================
<$11.50
if it comes in close to $11, i might have enough for 4 tomatoes.
i'm exhausted. really. i do not feel good. but, i need to get this blood work done and then take a deep breath and figure out how bad it is.
i don't know where that meme came from.
i think it's at least from before about 2013ish.
i actually had a copy of this on cd in the late 90s, though.
yes, that was marvin the martian asking where the drop was, in 1999.
today's post is inri034, the last proper inri release.
=======
this is another lost track that exists in a sort of an ill-defined alter-reality.
it came out of a jam in my basement that fall. i was feeling a little more lonely than usual. see, i was quite literally the only person in my social group that bothered doing grade 13. so, school was converted from my only real social grounding (and i was always an extremely introverted loner) into a place of isolation and alienation. i skipped a lot of classes, actually, in a desire to escape the people. looking back, i sort of regret not reaching out to the people around me a bit more; it would have helped in more than just a social context. but, in hindsight, i'm also able to understand the separation better as one of class; as much as i regret keeping myself isolated, i think i would have been better off not carrying on with school at all.
i mean, i did well. my average was over 90. but i felt hopelessly out of place. i knew i didn't belong there....that they would never accept me unless i became the kind of pretentious jerk i despised. nor did i want anything to do with them, anyways. i really hated the superior attitude that i found myself immersed within. so, i just kept my physical distance and my mouth shut, hoping the condition was temporary (it wasn't).
the flip side of this is that i was also working a part-time job in a fast-food restaurant and i hated it just as much. i didn't fit in any better there, amongst the kids with no aspirations in life except to work in order to exist.
so, i found myself stuck between worlds, not wanting anything to do with either. in both cases, though, what i found the problem was was the people. "i don't mind the job, but i'm repulsed by the staff".
what i really wanted was just to be able to lock myself in a room and never have to engage with anybody ever again. i think that i'm the only person that could have written this. it exudes my idiosyncrasies in surreal, tongue-in-cheek humour. but it's also dead serious.
"i'd rather have a book than a friend.
it's loyalty will never end,
doesn't succumb to fashion or trend,
and all the information it sends,
will never get lost along the way.
when things get as tough as they may,
it will always know exactly what to say,
'cause books don't hurt...
...or do they?"
musically, there's some fancy playing here. everything is completely live: no loops (except the drums, programmed into a 909 emulator). that guitar part is sort of tricky. and check the bass part in the breakdown.
the thing i really like about this the most, though, is the gorgeous kosmische ending section, which is built up on overlapping sixths and is just the most dreamy thing to escape into ever. dramatic ending chord care/of a day in the life.
and, indeed, this is the dramatic ending chord for inri.
written & recorded in the fall of 1999. originally released on inridiculous in december, 1999. split into it's own ep on january 3, 2014. remastered, finalized & re-released on sept 28, 2017. as always, please use headphones.
this track was removed from my third record, inridiculous (inri033):
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inridiculous
the lead version is now on the outtakes compilation, inrimoved (inri042): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimoved
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1999, 2013, 2014, 2017).
released december 15, 1999
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, sequencers, drum programming, flute, digital wave editing, vocals, production
he forgot the provacateurs when he talked about the sources of "violence", by which he means property damage.
this is sort of surreal to listen to , but i'm going to let him finish, first.
=====
obviously must be the russians, though.
=====
so, what's going on here is that you're asking homo economicus to explain something that requires a little depth of understanding into human culture, and he just can't grapple with it - and admits it. there was a study done a few years ago that indicated that only economists understand economics, which sounds tautological when stated like that; what they determined was that these growth ratios, these appeals to gdp and even the concept of competition are things that are entirely irrelevant outside of an economics classroom, and that only an economist wouldn't be able to see that, immediately. maybe an economist might laugh at a study like that. but, that's what's going on here - the economist is asked to explain what the numbers mean, and can't begin for a second to even feign to be able to grasp it. and, that's predictable, and repeatable.
near the end of the video, he's asked about the lag in growth rates and suggests that the function of privatization is not to maximize profit but to decrease poverty, which no doubt causes this baffled kid to drop his jaw to the floor. i mean, you don't hear that kind of nonsense this side of goebbels. maybe he let his time at the educationally superior catholic university seep a little bit of that christian exceptionalism into his brain, there. yikes. i'm old enough to remember a time when this was a debate; this kid no doubt just laughed at him for openly propagandizing.
....the point being that this guy isn't honest, and his charts are not honest, and he destroys any pretense to it at the end.
but, let's put that aside.
what the economist doesn't and can't understand through the filter of it's training is that people don't base their views on the value of the economy they interact with and live within strictly, or even moderately, on accumulation. rather, we have these ideas about quality of life and they get in the way of good jobs and rising gdp in terms of understanding how we want to live, how we want to exist. some people may tell you that what happened in chile was about student loan debt, but i've been in student protests in quebec and i know that what it's really about is a rejection of the world that the school to corporation pipeline really creates. it's not just about wealth generation, it's about how people spend their time; it's not just about access to health care in some abstract sense, but about how you have to spend your life gaining access to that care.
in years past, we had systems of social control to brainwash us into romanticizing the concept of work. catholicism was one; calvinism was even worse. these systems taught us that the meaning we seek is not outside of the workplace, but within it, either via some kind of rewards system of cosmic air miles points or via some concept of individual identity. but, we've seen that fall apart everywhere, and exposed as the nonsense that it really is.
so, if we are to be elitists from the catholic university, maybe we might argue that the system of control has withered away, and all of these kids are just lost souls that need guidance. sending them to school just took away their chains. what good is that, really?
but, if we are to be a little more enlightened than the faculty at the catholic university, maybe we might realize that the kids are right - that the world we live in is empty, and that what all of this book learning gave them was a better sense of self-recognition. maybe these kids saw themselves in the mirror and realized their existences were futile. and, maybe they decided they wanted something more than a desk job, something more than a pay check - and realized the foundational principles of the economy would need to change in order to facilitate it.
or, you can send your kids to oxford and get them to listen to superior rubbish like this.
up to you.
putting it in quotes appears to confuse the filters.
so, it will delete - and youtube just removes comments it doesn't like. it doesn't even tell you it did it. - the following:
so, what's going on here is that you're asking homo economicus...
but it won't delete the following:
so, what's going on here is that you're asking "homo economicus"
good to know.
youtube appears to be blocking the term "homo economicus", probably because it contains the term "homo".
we've truly reached a state of idiocy.
so, i didn't finish eating before i passed out, which is terrible because we're talking about a 15 minute bike ride both ways. it wasn't a long day, either.
the idea that a half hour on my bike might knock me out for 12+ hours is absurd. i can normally do that in my sleep.
so, this is very bad - my iron has clearly crashed. and, i'm expecting depleted hemoglobin and a potentially vicious reaction to the blood test.
so, we're going to take two vials tops when i get there - and come back for two more next week.
i need the cbc, the ferritin, the reticulocyte & the hepcidin done immediately. and, if we can fit lead & zinc, great. the rest can wait until i know if i need injections or not.