i currently feel great.

if that sustains itself as i add further ingredients, i'll have no choice but to conclude that, for whatever reason, those sunflower seeds just did not go down well.

"he should've never done that" 

i fell off my bed laughing.

it's a better idea than trying to spur innovation via pigovian taxes, that's for sure. and, i mean, in this sector, the innovation isn't even necessary - we have the product on the market, already.

obviously, it's not likely to land well in washington and, for that reason, it might be a political trick designed for internal consumption. but, it doesn't matter. it's a shift in the narrative, at least - and it may pay off in a few years if somebody stands up and says it.

so, this is a positive step.

https://nationalpost.com/news/politics/environment-minister-suggests-idea-of-joint-canada-u-s-ban-on-new-gasoline-powered-vehicles

as i slept all day, i was going to skip tonight and go to the eggs in the morning, but the reality is that i'm hungry, so i retreated back to the base pasta meal - the same ting that was ok the other day, which is what i had yesterday, but without the sunflower seeds.

and i'll try it with hemp seeds tomorrow.

i am perfectly happy to live out the rest of my days without having sex, and entirely expect to. that's fine. i have better things to do.

it takes up a really huge space of your life, and you can really benefit incredibly by just ejecting it from your consciousness, altogether. i've been happiest in my life when i'm not forced to interact with it, and when i'm forced to think about it the least.

and, i'll state it again: while i have turned down several women and several men over this period, the last time i had consensual sex at all was in 2006. 

i have only had sex with one person in my life. that i remember, anyways. 

i identify neither as straight nor gay nor bi but as asexual. but, should i have sex again, it will only be post-op, and probably with somebody with a penis.

regarding the efficacy of those testosterone suppressors, which i haven't said much about in a while...

the fact that i haven't said much about it reflects the fact that i've made some positive adjustments, except when i go out and come back in, for some reason. i don't know why, but leaving my apartment to do groceries or go to the doctor or whatever else seems to reduce the efficacy of the t-blockers for a few days when i get back in. and, the reduction of effectiveness only kicks in after i've been in for about 12 hours. it almost seems like somebody is poisoning my food or coffee or something. thankfully, it consistently starts working again after a few days. so, i don't understand that, but i wish i did so i could stop it.

but, the reason i haven't said much is that the following combination of things have largely undone the problems i was experiencing:

1) i'm eating more, and with better vitamins, and with specific food items (like flax) that have anti-androgenic effects.

2) i've stopped taking the pills with coffee.

3) i've started taking the pills with vitamin c.

together, these three things have brought back the efficacy of the testosterone suppression and have even led to some increased breast growth, but i know it's temporary and i know i need to get them taken out to really be done with testosterone production forever.

i have been trying to get them taken out for years and have concluded that my doctor (who is flamboyantly gay, and seems to think i'm straight, apparently because he's attracted to me) has been playing interference in trying to stop me from doing this. i have ministry funding to get this done, but finding a doctor to do it is more difficult. see, that's the hard part about being trans in canada - it's actually relatively easy to get the government to pay for it, but it's extremely difficult to find a doctor willing to do it. 

after getting into a physical exchange at the local hospital in spetember, i finally got him to send a reference to a local doctor that agreed to do it. but, i haven't received a response.

with the end of the pandemic, i'm going to need to get more aggressive about this. whether these drugs work or not is secondary - i'm not supposed to be on them for more than ten years at a time, and the fact that they're wearing off is entirely predictable. i'm supposed to have this dealt with surgically within a few years, not be on high dosage androgen blockers for the rest of my life.

so, that was a lot of sleeping. why do i always get exhausted like that whenever i go out anywhere?

and, why does the air quality in here always degrade so terribly when i go out and come back in?

if there's any ambiguity, the place i went on wednesday morning was the fucking dentist, because i'm trying to mitigate the effects of however many years of smoking, which are long past. i quit smoking in 2016. that was five years ago, you fucking idiots. i did not smoke anything on my way to and from the dentist, to try to remove stains on my teeth from years of smoking.

i went back to the dentist on thursday for a cleaning. i also went to get my blood taken for an upcoming appointment with an endocrinologist to approach tactics for increasing the efficacy of testosterone suppression. and, then i got some groceries. i did not smoke anything before or after my teeth cleaning.

but, it seems i'm going to have to run the shower all night to clear the air out because the fucking retards upstairs seem to think the only time i leave the house is to smoke something.

& the beeturia reappeared when i woke up.

these are hulled sunflower seeds, they shouldn't create absorption problems. but, have i found my problem, nonetheless?

we'll skip today and try again tomorrow.

i will admit this was perhaps a bit more formative on me than it ought to have been, regarding the vocation of dentistry.

there is nonetheless some substantive truth in it.

the sunflower seeds i'm eating are raw and unprocessed:

https://www.bulkbarn.ca/en/products/all/hulled-raw-sunflower-seeds-139

i added them as a source of b5, but they also come with e and iron. i knew they were high in omega 6s, so i only use a tablespoon, which is about 10 g and i made sure to get them both uncooked (because it may damage the nutritional content) and unsalted. but, this may make them more prone to contaminants.

if i think back, there were sunflower seeds in the non-fibre bowl when i tried to isolate it that way. i considered them least concern, so they were always a base component until recently. and, i don't think i've ever reacted to an iteration without them.

more testing is needed, but this might be it. and, if it is, i'll just get rid of them.

well, i definitely reacted poorly to that bowl of food, and the idea that the sunflower seeds were contaminated with something - or that i'm just reacting badly to them - is certainly plausible, if unexpected.

i'll have to take them out and move forward and see what happens.

there's a twist - that was the end of a specific batch of them. if there was a contamination, it could be over.

it seems to me that matt stoller is fake.

it's perhaps worthwhile to point out that the region that aoc represents is a gentrified and very upper class part of new york, and the people that live there don't just have access to health care, but to world class healthcare. that was, after all, the reason she opposed amazon relocating there - it would have brought too many low income workers into an upper class enclave, and the constituents didn't want that. that fundamental truth is worth remembering as you struggle to understand why she consistently represents upper class interests; she knows who elected her.

i've tried to be agnostic about these kids, because the fact of the matter is that they've never done anything worthwhile. ilhan omar is a vicious racist and should be thrown out of everything there is for it, but the other three are just rookie congresspeople starting off in new jobs. it's flat out delusional to place any sort of hope or aspirations on people with no political records or experience, whatsoever. if i was voting directly in their various jurisdictions, i'd have probably voted for a more experienced candidate with a stronger record, if there was one on the ticket. but, as it is, you really have no grounds to expect anything from any of them at all except very steep learning curves and training wheels for the forseeable future.

nobody knows who aoc is or what she will be in the end - not even her. disappointment in fantasy projections is just delusion.

in the long run, if you want to insist on this sort of messianic politics, you need to pick people from more working class jurisdictions to be your flag-bearers - not people whose job is literally to be spokespeople for the high bourgeoisie in the wealthiest parts of new york city.

in the short run, skepticism is the only rational approach towards politicians that have no background or record in which to judge them.

...and, the frustrating thing is that you idiots should have learned this after you got conned by obama - you need to look at records, not rhetoric. and, if no record exists, tell them to build one first and come back. the united states congress shouldn't be an entry-level position straight out of school.

===

no, jimmy, you're not her base. you can't vote for her at all.

her base are the people in her district - and go look up who they are. it'll make sense real quick.

so, i'm trying with the sunflower seed added today, and let's see what happens.