i don't like the fact that i have to do this, but it's the reality of the situation. i have a stalker that is obsessed with me that is keying in on specific things that are not real and that is currently living upstairs. i would surmise that the individual has some kind of schizophrenia which, combined with "medicinal" drug use, has led her to be unable to process reality. i tell her the same things over and over and she isn't mentally capable of processing them if they don't align with her preconceptions. she may have an educational background in some kind of psychology, as well, which is not helpful in understanding reality as it's just pseudoscientific babble. however, her training in freudian or lacanian or whatever pseudoscience may have left her so confused that she can't process reality and it may be a substantive hindrance in getting facts and evidence through to her.

i am not getting anywhere communicating with this woman; she is utterly hopeless. i need to go over her head.

the woman is in search of the "real inri", which she believes is represented by this picture, which i had on the inri youtube site falling off the mock narrative:

further, the woman has apparently been confused by the narrative mechanism, in that she seems to think that this is a recent picture and i'm narrating recent events, despite the clear dates on the blog posts. she is apparently looking for a young man named inri that looks like i did in this picture and is confused that she can't find one here in the apartment.

the narrative tells the story of my music production beginnings from my perspective as a young person, in the 90s. the picture on the web site is zoomed in of my face. i have zoomed the picture out to make it clear that the picture is not recent (and would not be expected to be, as it is representative of a young person telling a story that took place in the 90s, from their perspective), which you can tell by the clothes and the cars. the picture was taken outside of frank ryan middle school in ottawa in june, 1995 at my grade 8 graduation ceremony. the man in the di meola glasses holding my shoulders is my father, who was 38 years old at the time. i will turn 43 years old this week. my father died in 2013.

my father was actually an austrian celt according to the dna tests, but he had recent ancestry in northern italy. he also had some quebecois and some mikmaq ancestry and he seems to have had a secret russian ancestor that has been hard to trace. he did not have jewish or middle eastern ancestry, but my mother does.

as this was a formal event, and i was a young child, i am wearing the clothes i was told to wear. the shirt, tie and pants all belonged to my father.

this is consequently a picture of a little boy in his father's clothes graduating from the eighth grade. it is not a picture of a sexy man. however, the fact that what appears to be a lesbian think it is a sexy man demonstrates a fundamental truth about lesbians: lesbians are in truth actually frequently straight female pedophiles. they're actually into little boys because they suffer from arrested development, which is why they spend time with women that act and look like little boys. what they really want is their little boy grade school crush back, because they haven't emotionally progressed beyond that point, and they go for boyish women as substitutes for their broken little girl hearts. what most lesbian women really need is a strong man that will help them emotionally grow out of girlhood and into womanhood. lesbianism is really just an expression of immaturity.

for myself, i did not really go through puberty at all, but i went through a sort of partial puberty that made me look less boyish, until i went on hormones in my early 20s, which undid that. in this picture, at the age of 14, i truly hadn't started puberty at all and that is the reason i have boyish features that make me look "cute". it is very literally a picture of a little boy that hasn't hit puberty yet, and who has been dressed up in his father's clothes for a special event.

my father in that picture is younger than i am today, if you want a reality check as to what i would look like if i was a male. i would not be happy with that appearance. at all. at 43 years old, i certainly would not look much like i did as a 14 year old boy that had yet to go through puberty. the picture on the side is a little out of date because i had to shave my head in march, but is certainly closer to what i actually look like, due to years of estrogen therapy and a recent physical castration. i am still contemplating the value of vaginoplasty.

yet, the reality is that i really never looked much like my italian father, but rather always looked more like my irish-finnish grandmother or my jewish-swedish grandfather. it is unlikely that i'd actually look much like the man in that picture at all, regardless.

this woman upstairs is severely mentally ill and i want her removed from my existence. i will need to appeal to outside voices to do so, as she is incapable of learning new things or reacting to evidence and appears to be suffering from brain damage due to heavy drug use.