i know it sounds like she thinks i provided the sperm. how much more obvious could she make it, right?

you don't get sarah.

it's more like a type of sympathetic magic. out of all of the "signs" she gave me to get my attention, it was the pregnant sex that was most important, as it represented a replacement process. and, she was, in essence, actually admitting that i wasn't - but that she wishes i was.

it was all a kind of ritual, for her.

i always approached her like an anthropologist: i found these kinds of behaviours to be interesting. and, on a level, i guess they were experiments, right? but, the reality is that she was the kind of person that would pray, and expect it to work. i think she grew out of that around the time we stopped talking, and my decision to go back into transition may have had something to do with that, as well.

so, she might have been trying to send me a message, yes - but not the one you're thinking of.

and, i really don't think i am.

but, there's a lingering non-zero possibility, absolutely.

and, i assure you that i am telling you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me, me.

despite it's flaws, i'll take my oath on the principia.

some other people may remember some things a little differently in terms of context or perspective, but i'm not making thing up. my stories are real. legit.

if you wouldn't vote for clinton, you shouldn't vote for warren, either.

what is it that the silly christians say?

she's a "wolf in sheep's clothing".

and, fwiw, i think a biden/warren ticket is probably a losing one, too.

a biden/warren ticket is a more likely outcome.

i will make a bold prediction: warren will endorse biden before she endorses sanders.

remember when everybody was upset with warren for not endorsing sanders?

you all thought it was obvious. but, it's because you don't understand warren very well. if you did, you'd know it never was.

and, now you're doing it again - even as she runs hard against him.

there's a definition of insanity, guys.

i'm just trying to think back to what warren said when she endorsed bernie in 2016, to glean points on her perspective about this.

oh.

that's right.

she didn't endorse bernie, did she?

she lobbied to be clinton's running mate, though.

reality check: elizabeth warren would neither want to be bernie's vp, nor would she pick bernie as her own.

but, if the two somehow ended up on the same ticket, she would subtly work to undermine him. because that's her mission, as determined by head office.

so, those arguing for disaster are right, but not for the reasons they think.

bernie does not know who his friends are.

the reality is that, so long as biden remains in the race, he remains a longshot candidate. but, he needs to be looking towards somebody that is a little closer to him, ideologically.

it's just surreal.

if you were to force a basic intelligence requirement on seeking this office, it's pretty clear that this guy would fail it.

“if you put money into our hands in a dividend, we’re going to spend it right there in our economy — it’s going to be trickle up..."

see, he really, really doesn't understand the words he's using.

technically, he's actually right - if you give everybody a thousand dollars a month, it will trickle up to the 1%.

but, what the fuck kind of policy is that?

who the fuck wants that?

if you want trickle-up economics, why not just pass more tax cuts for the rich?

so, we're not doing a crazy weekend. there's just not enough to do, and the weather's not going to be very good. so, there's no reason to push myself. i may actually get mostly washed out.

these are my picks this weekend:

fri - likely
20:00-00:00 - saajtak / unnatural ways. art of amageddon beach beach party. $5.
??:??-??:??. if really early then try teener @ ufo. $10.
??:??-04:00. if still early then go home else goto leland. $5.

sat - will likely skip first part and stay in windsor for second
16:00-23:00 - city sculpture extravaganza @ alexandria park. free.  <-----does not fit into my schedule
21:00-02:00 - palm haze @ phog. no list price. assume $5 (cdn). <---weather dependent

sunday - strictly weather dependent, as they are calling for rain all day. i will probably just stay in.

option 1:
15:30-17:00 - pat metheny & ron carter. hart plaza. free.  <-----super pick.
18:00-20:00 - stanley clarke. hart plaza. free. note: no billed guitarist in band.
home?

option 2:
13:00-02:00 - ambient festival. outer limits. free before 21:00, $5 after..
late party?

monday - depends on what happens on sunday.
15:00-17:00 - pat metheny. hart plaza. free.
19:00-21:00 - stanley clarke. hart plaza. free. note: no billed guitarist in band.

and, these are some tentative picks for the rest of the month, the stars being the almost certain shows.

06: big business
12: massive attack
13 & 14: strange beautiful music festival  (*)
16: ride.
21: man man ---> luke vibert (plug)  (*)
23: pig (raymond watts)
24: fly pan am (windsor)  (*)
27: blanck mass  (*)

oct
01: melvins
02: joy formidable ----> defeater.  (*)

for now, i need to force myself to get a few hours of sleep if i'm going out tonight.

hey, kids.

check this out.

it's fucking corea + di meola.

you going to tell me i'm too young for beethoven, too?

this shit's timeless.

and, i did actually see return to forever once at confed park in ottawa.

though, that was all about al.

of course.

stanley clarke actually isn't nearly as old as i thought he was.

i thought he was like 80-something. well, davis would be 93.

he's only 68.

the arthritis might be a little bit of a problem, but i'm sure he can still walk and stuff. hrmmn.

i don't think she's my daughter,

but, i'm not completely sure.

and, we had a previous agreement that i would not actively parent, if i was.

but i was supposed to be around - a friend.

i was supposed to teach her how to play guitar, one day.

none of that happened.

i know.

sad.

there will always be an emptiness, a void, so long as i can't have her as a friend.

but we couldn't fulfill each other's needs.

when she told me that she named her first-born after me, i initially thought it was some kind of a joke. the name is synonymous with "oracle", "guru" or "wise person".

a couple of years later, she fessed up and told me the whole story.

after we left tofino, we spent some time in the okanagan valley. we were outside of oliver, when we got into a big fight and i stormed off; i guess i just needed to get some air, to take a walk by myself, but at the time it seemed like i wasn't coming back - i was halfway to kelowna before i turned back, and she was in shock.

so, she sat and picked wild herbs, for a few hours, convinced she'd been left in bc by herself.

until i came back.

so, the idea was that i was supposed to come back - like i came back, back then.

but, the fact was that, this time, i didn't want to.

or, at least, not like that.

it's a bittersweet story, all around.

actually, given that the joy formidable are opening (and i care not for devotchka), i could potentially catch defeater after.

i'd just have to get to ferndale very early.

but again: these are the same old bands.

*shrug*.

it's at the beginning of october, but defeater is the same day as the joy formidable.

ugh.

i might end up skipping defeater. i haven't been that impressed by them in a while, frankly. but i need to check out the new stuff, too.

if necessary, i may have to take a road trip somewhere i've never been before.

on second thought, there is a lot happening in hamtramck this weekend.

it may be hard to avoid a long weekend.

also, i've cut another week of calories out, this time more or less by accident.

i just haven't been that hungry.

i really *did* blow this....this week, really.

i didn't even really do a proper sort over the last week or so. i stopped at last thursday, and then found myself listening to music from 2013 over the last week. i just decided that it was too cold out to bother and that was that. and, i actually wanted to get much more of this done than i have. ugh. it's really, truly been completely wasted.

i kept telling myself that i'd get this finished and then (...). but i've just spent the time ranting and haven't finished anything. it happens sometimes, i know that. i need to get to the next step, now.

in fairness, it *was* cold last friday & saturday, but it hasn't been that bad the last few days, although it was a little bit rainy monday and tuesday. did i miss something? i doubt it, but i'll have time to sort over it, backward, eventually.

i was honestly just in a rut.

for right now, i'm sorting through september as a month, rather than just focusing on this week. as mentioned, i'm not going to be looking at crazy weekends for the rest of the year because i'm not expecting it to be close to warm enough. but, i'm hoping i can get some more normal nights in, with shows that are a little closer to the border, and for bands that i actually legitimately want to actually see. i'll get a short list up soon.

if i go anywhere this week, it looks like it will be centered around the jazz festival. but, it's not obvious that that will actually happen. i've never seen stanley clarke, but...i doubt he even can play that old stuff any more. i'll make space for it, if i go over for something else, though. i might be looking more at next week to start.