she's been blazing hard since she got into that fight downstairs, and i just have to repeat what i've said before: the pot she's smoking doesn't get you high, it just makes you overwhelmingly tired. it's like getting hit with a tranquillizer. why does she even enjoy this?
on saturday night, i drank two shots of jager before i left, took a shot of vodka at the bus stop (don't ask.), drank half a rockstar vodka on the way to hamtramck, had four beers at the bar, finished the rock star vodka, nearly chugged a tall boy and then got through three cranberry somethings of questionable integrity before i blacked out, all without falling asleep. in between, i found some random hits of pot.
but, the second hand smoke from the "medical" marijuana user downstairs is frequently enough to physically knock me out.
it's nasty stuff, whatever it is.
don't expect to have any fun smoking this buzzkill prozac shit...
Monday, May 7, 2018
surreal.
but, we've known this for a while: humans actually don't act much like the homo economicus model at all, except for economists. this appears to be why classical economics doesn't make any sense. it's been a little unclear if studying economics turns people into sociopaths, or if sociopaths are attracted to studying economics. i would have thought the former was obvious; maybe it's the latter.
https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2018/4/26/econ-grads-peer-support-network/
but, we've known this for a while: humans actually don't act much like the homo economicus model at all, except for economists. this appears to be why classical economics doesn't make any sense. it's been a little unclear if studying economics turns people into sociopaths, or if sociopaths are attracted to studying economics. i would have thought the former was obvious; maybe it's the latter.
https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2018/4/26/econ-grads-peer-support-network/
what?
haven't you ever seen if they mated?
would you have preferred an in the year 2000 joke, instead?
"in the year 2000, homer simpson will be genetically engineered to appear in human form, and then that human form will be spliced with an orangutan, to produce two offspring named after an automobile company, and both will run for office in canada."
haven't you ever seen if they mated?
would you have preferred an in the year 2000 joke, instead?
"in the year 2000, homer simpson will be genetically engineered to appear in human form, and then that human form will be spliced with an orangutan, to produce two offspring named after an automobile company, and both will run for office in canada."
how's the smoke situation?
for a few days, it seemed like the "medical" user below me & the tobacco smokestack outside my window had become hard and fast friends, sitting outside and smoking together and bonding over their shared love of constant inebriation. that made it impossible to open the window, but seemed to keep the smoke outside of the unit, reducing the environmental problem solely to the a/c.
but, this relationship does not appear to have lasted; their dogs appear to have ended up fighting, and the 'medical' user is now back inside.
worse, she may now have anxiety about smoking outside because she's afraid of the neighbour.
*shrug*.
again: it's probably better that this happened sooner. i was worried that i might withdraw, only to have the situation immediately reverse.
but, i shouldn't be surprised that they couldn't stay friends for more than a few days, should i?
i got my rescheduling request in this morning. i'll call tomorrow to request a response.
for a few days, it seemed like the "medical" user below me & the tobacco smokestack outside my window had become hard and fast friends, sitting outside and smoking together and bonding over their shared love of constant inebriation. that made it impossible to open the window, but seemed to keep the smoke outside of the unit, reducing the environmental problem solely to the a/c.
but, this relationship does not appear to have lasted; their dogs appear to have ended up fighting, and the 'medical' user is now back inside.
worse, she may now have anxiety about smoking outside because she's afraid of the neighbour.
*shrug*.
again: it's probably better that this happened sooner. i was worried that i might withdraw, only to have the situation immediately reverse.
but, i shouldn't be surprised that they couldn't stay friends for more than a few days, should i?
i got my rescheduling request in this morning. i'll call tomorrow to request a response.
you can pick the one you like better.
either ford is way ahead and it's a coin toss for second, or ford is in minority territory and it's a coin toss for challenger, or the liberals are collapsing at the seams.
the one you pick will depend on your biases. post-modernism is fun, right?
but the reality is that none of them mean anything. by luck, you'll find one that's right, in the end - in contradiction to the thirty that are completely wrong.
which one do you like better?
vote at citytv.ca.
either ford is way ahead and it's a coin toss for second, or ford is in minority territory and it's a coin toss for challenger, or the liberals are collapsing at the seams.
the one you pick will depend on your biases. post-modernism is fun, right?
but the reality is that none of them mean anything. by luck, you'll find one that's right, in the end - in contradiction to the thirty that are completely wrong.
which one do you like better?
vote at citytv.ca.
the tory media will of course spin it the way the tory media will.
but, doug ford predictably came off as the retarded offspring of homer simpson and an orangutan. i can't believe that anybody would vote for such an obvious dumbass.
wynne actually had the opportunity to point to her record, which is what i think she should be doing. they tried to throw hard questions at her, and she just had to keep saying "actually, we're working on that - so bring us back to see it through.". which is the right argument.
horwath was often talked over and ignored, and this is the status quo in canada - the liberals constantly want to frame every election as a two-party race, so the ndp are constantly finding ways to get into the conversation. the problem is that it often works.
i don't think anything changed as a consequence of this, although you might see ford fall a point or two. in fact, i think this is a general truth: the more often that you see doug ford on tv, the weaker his numbers will be.
but, doug ford predictably came off as the retarded offspring of homer simpson and an orangutan. i can't believe that anybody would vote for such an obvious dumbass.
wynne actually had the opportunity to point to her record, which is what i think she should be doing. they tried to throw hard questions at her, and she just had to keep saying "actually, we're working on that - so bring us back to see it through.". which is the right argument.
horwath was often talked over and ignored, and this is the status quo in canada - the liberals constantly want to frame every election as a two-party race, so the ndp are constantly finding ways to get into the conversation. the problem is that it often works.
i don't think anything changed as a consequence of this, although you might see ford fall a point or two. in fact, i think this is a general truth: the more often that you see doug ford on tv, the weaker his numbers will be.
Pollara Strategic
Insights conducted a 10-minute online survey of 1,010 Ontarians who
self-identified as eligible to vote in Ontario Elections from May 3 to
4, 2018. Because the sample is based on those who initially
self-selected for participation in the panel rather than a probability
sample, no estimates of sampling error can be calculated. All sample
surveys and polls may be subject to multiple sources of error,
including, but not limited to sampling error, coverage error, and
measurement error. A probability sample of equivalent size would have a
margin of error of plus or minus 3.1 per cent.
ok.
i have checked my vlog camera.
you have to understand that i don't remember any of this.
but, i checked in at about 4:30 when i got back to my bicycle, and pointed out that the situation was cool - that i was picked up at small's, brought to the gay bar, and brought back to my bicycle. and, i pointed out that this was a pretty cool turn of events. occam's razor appears to have been correct. i also point out that i'm drunk and i know it.
like i say - i didn't feel i'd been drugged, but it's hard to lose that lingering suspicion, when all you know is that you blacked out.
i checked in again around 5:00 to point out that i'm too drunk to keep drinking, so i should go to the diner.
i'm very well aware of my condition.
and i got to the diner around 6:30 - without a sweater on.
i think i was right the first time; i think that sweater was put on me at the diner.
so, there is no mystery of the sweater.
and i have no lingering doubt that i was treated well; i just drank too much last night
i have checked my vlog camera.
you have to understand that i don't remember any of this.
but, i checked in at about 4:30 when i got back to my bicycle, and pointed out that the situation was cool - that i was picked up at small's, brought to the gay bar, and brought back to my bicycle. and, i pointed out that this was a pretty cool turn of events. occam's razor appears to have been correct. i also point out that i'm drunk and i know it.
like i say - i didn't feel i'd been drugged, but it's hard to lose that lingering suspicion, when all you know is that you blacked out.
i checked in again around 5:00 to point out that i'm too drunk to keep drinking, so i should go to the diner.
i'm very well aware of my condition.
and i got to the diner around 6:30 - without a sweater on.
i think i was right the first time; i think that sweater was put on me at the diner.
so, there is no mystery of the sweater.
and i have no lingering doubt that i was treated well; i just drank too much last night
maybe i should clarify the story a little, so i'm not accidentally defaming anybody.
i don't know if i was drugged; last night, occam's razor is probably that i wasn't. if i was, i don't know who did it or why. there's no sign of assault or theft at all. it's just...when you black out, it's prudent to explore all possible explanations. so, i don't think the evidence of being drugged is very strong (unlike that other night a few years ago, where i passed right out and i have video evidence of clear aphasia...), but i can't rule it out, either.
i went out last night to see the telescopes, a band i didn't know much about, but had heard name-dropped repeatedly many times. it was an enjoyable set; a little less aggressive than i thought, but that had something to do with the composition of the band. i finished my drink in the back and had another, then left around 1:00. i was 100% ok when i left the outer limits, and was actually initially planning on going to marble, and then maybe to an ad-hoc after hours that i'd been to a few times. i didn't have a solid plan.
instead, i stopped at small's because i was there (it's a block from outer limits), i probably wasn't going to catch last call at marble and i'd heard of it from my casual time spent at city club. i was late to outer limits, so i didn't finish my pre-drink before i went into the bar; i drank this with some smokers outside, near small's. i caught last call, drank a large beer, and was out of the bar a little after 2:00 - still 100% fine.
i stood outside for a little bit, having a few more smokes. it was late, and i had several hours to blow. so, i was going to try a few things.
but, somebody outside the bar that looked kind of like the foofighters' drummer intercepted me, instead. now, i initially thought that i had spoken to this person outside the city club previously (and that he had followed me around a few times); my perception of this person that i remembered from previous encounters was that he was not threatening. naively interested in me, perhaps, but not threatening. however, after looking more closely at facebook pictures, i'm thinking that i may have misidentified him. i don't think this was the guy i thought he was, meaning i actually got into a car with a stranger - which i never do.
i'm terrible with faces. it's a condition. really.
he offered to get me to a gay club down the street and i decided to take him up on this, seeming as it wasn't clear what else i was going to do. i guess i figured i'd leave if it sucked.
i let him pay cover, but i bought my own drink. i remember dancing in the corner, and buying another drink; i initially thought there was two more, but there was only one more. and, it's blurry from there, until the staff at the diner told me i was falling asleep and had to go - around 10:00.
the term 'gay bar' is pretty vague, but this was a man's bar - a place where men go to meet men. and, the truth is that i know that i'm broadly not welcome in these kinds of places. women at gay bars is a weird thing, and always attaches itself to an amount of underlying tension. i've picked this up repeatedly over many years: some of them shrug it off out of a feeling of inclusion, but you can tell that so many of them are feeling like their sanctuary is being invaded. as gay bars run the spectrum, the depth of these feelings do as well. had i known i'd be walking into a bear's den, the most hostile of gay bars to a transwoman, i'd have avoided it.
what i'm getting at is that it's not just true that the patrons at the bar would have been largely sexually disinterested in me, because they were mostly all rough macho gay men, but they would have probably preferred that i hadn't shown up there at all. and, i'm ok with that, actually; there's a reason i avoid explicitly homosexual spaces. if i was drugged with intent, it is unlikely to have been by a regular at this bar.
i'm actually wondering if they told me to put a sweater on because they didn't want to look at my tits. i'm just having a hard time piecing that together because i don't expect to have been outside for much of any length of time...
i don't know if i was drugged; last night, occam's razor is probably that i wasn't. if i was, i don't know who did it or why. there's no sign of assault or theft at all. it's just...when you black out, it's prudent to explore all possible explanations. so, i don't think the evidence of being drugged is very strong (unlike that other night a few years ago, where i passed right out and i have video evidence of clear aphasia...), but i can't rule it out, either.
i went out last night to see the telescopes, a band i didn't know much about, but had heard name-dropped repeatedly many times. it was an enjoyable set; a little less aggressive than i thought, but that had something to do with the composition of the band. i finished my drink in the back and had another, then left around 1:00. i was 100% ok when i left the outer limits, and was actually initially planning on going to marble, and then maybe to an ad-hoc after hours that i'd been to a few times. i didn't have a solid plan.
instead, i stopped at small's because i was there (it's a block from outer limits), i probably wasn't going to catch last call at marble and i'd heard of it from my casual time spent at city club. i was late to outer limits, so i didn't finish my pre-drink before i went into the bar; i drank this with some smokers outside, near small's. i caught last call, drank a large beer, and was out of the bar a little after 2:00 - still 100% fine.
i stood outside for a little bit, having a few more smokes. it was late, and i had several hours to blow. so, i was going to try a few things.
but, somebody outside the bar that looked kind of like the foofighters' drummer intercepted me, instead. now, i initially thought that i had spoken to this person outside the city club previously (and that he had followed me around a few times); my perception of this person that i remembered from previous encounters was that he was not threatening. naively interested in me, perhaps, but not threatening. however, after looking more closely at facebook pictures, i'm thinking that i may have misidentified him. i don't think this was the guy i thought he was, meaning i actually got into a car with a stranger - which i never do.
i'm terrible with faces. it's a condition. really.
he offered to get me to a gay club down the street and i decided to take him up on this, seeming as it wasn't clear what else i was going to do. i guess i figured i'd leave if it sucked.
i let him pay cover, but i bought my own drink. i remember dancing in the corner, and buying another drink; i initially thought there was two more, but there was only one more. and, it's blurry from there, until the staff at the diner told me i was falling asleep and had to go - around 10:00.
the term 'gay bar' is pretty vague, but this was a man's bar - a place where men go to meet men. and, the truth is that i know that i'm broadly not welcome in these kinds of places. women at gay bars is a weird thing, and always attaches itself to an amount of underlying tension. i've picked this up repeatedly over many years: some of them shrug it off out of a feeling of inclusion, but you can tell that so many of them are feeling like their sanctuary is being invaded. as gay bars run the spectrum, the depth of these feelings do as well. had i known i'd be walking into a bear's den, the most hostile of gay bars to a transwoman, i'd have avoided it.
what i'm getting at is that it's not just true that the patrons at the bar would have been largely sexually disinterested in me, because they were mostly all rough macho gay men, but they would have probably preferred that i hadn't shown up there at all. and, i'm ok with that, actually; there's a reason i avoid explicitly homosexual spaces. if i was drugged with intent, it is unlikely to have been by a regular at this bar.
i'm actually wondering if they told me to put a sweater on because they didn't want to look at my tits. i'm just having a hard time piecing that together because i don't expect to have been outside for much of any length of time...
is it possible that i did get drugged, and the guy just missed his chance?
i don't feel unusually hungover, although it's worth noting that i've barely slept since i got back - three hours this afternoon and three more tonight. but, there is really no sign of anything. with the exception of a little bit of ass sweat that i recognize as dance-induced, my clothes are really in pristine condition.
if i had sex last night, it appears to have been fully consensual. i don't think i actually did. but, a missed opportunity doesn't prove it didn't happen, right?
this is kind of why i want to know who gave me the sweater. was it the same guy that drove me to the bar? was i being babysat or was i being groomed?
in hindsight, i do remember somebody saying something [it's blurry] about mdma in the drinks; it's blurry, but it's solid - there's a difference between trying to figure out the accuracy of a memory bicycling alone and remembering something that was said. this was said. although, frustratingly, it's blurry who said it.
if somebody dropped "mdma" in my drink, it was probably actually some mixture of cocaine and meth, and not actual mdma. and, if anything, it might have helped keep me awake.
*shrug*.
i'm ok. that's what's important.
https://www.thecut.com/2014/10/what-you-might-not-know-about-getting-roofied.html
i don't feel unusually hungover, although it's worth noting that i've barely slept since i got back - three hours this afternoon and three more tonight. but, there is really no sign of anything. with the exception of a little bit of ass sweat that i recognize as dance-induced, my clothes are really in pristine condition.
if i had sex last night, it appears to have been fully consensual. i don't think i actually did. but, a missed opportunity doesn't prove it didn't happen, right?
this is kind of why i want to know who gave me the sweater. was it the same guy that drove me to the bar? was i being babysat or was i being groomed?
in hindsight, i do remember somebody saying something [it's blurry] about mdma in the drinks; it's blurry, but it's solid - there's a difference between trying to figure out the accuracy of a memory bicycling alone and remembering something that was said. this was said. although, frustratingly, it's blurry who said it.
if somebody dropped "mdma" in my drink, it was probably actually some mixture of cocaine and meth, and not actual mdma. and, if anything, it might have helped keep me awake.
*shrug*.
i'm ok. that's what's important.
https://www.thecut.com/2014/10/what-you-might-not-know-about-getting-roofied.html
i hadn't really looked into this before.
i guess it's what you'd have to expect, really: alcohol damages your ability to take information out of ram and store it to your drive. so, you lose the session. and you eventually crash.
it's a reminder that memories aren't mysterious, metaphysical abstractions, but energy stored in chemical bonds. and that we are machines...we really are...
https://www.livescience.com/14952-alcohol-blackouts.html
i guess it's what you'd have to expect, really: alcohol damages your ability to take information out of ram and store it to your drive. so, you lose the session. and you eventually crash.
it's a reminder that memories aren't mysterious, metaphysical abstractions, but energy stored in chemical bonds. and that we are machines...we really are...
https://www.livescience.com/14952-alcohol-blackouts.html
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