it would be great if crazy basement gatekeeping guy could give me a call soon.

i got beat to something last month by a mom trying to put something down for her daughter. i just got elbowed out.

and, i had to pass on a non-smoking unit in july because i couldn't get my landlord to give me back my last month.

so, am i foolish to skip over this?

it's just....it's not what i want, dammit.

see, if i skip on this, and i can't find anything three weeks from now, i'm going to look like a goof. but, if i sign a lease tomorrow, and then the exact thing i want opens up the next day...

i'm gambling either way, right?

the first place i tried to put something down on is getting the foundation redone.

the second has this crazy guy gatekeeping.

and the third is desperately looking for a non-smoker but won't talk to me because i don't have a current reference, completely ignoring the fact that i'm trying to escape from a hellhole run by a druglord.

see, the thing is this.

it's a little smaller and a little more pricey because it's a little nicer.

it has some well kept carpets. the bathroom looks like it was recently done. so, this is just a little bit nicer of a place, overall. ok.

but, that's just it - i moved here because i wanted cheap, substandard housing, not nice housing at a market rent.

so, i would rather have that big dirty basement for cheap, because it's what i moved here for. there would be no question i'd have enough space, that way. and, i'd have that extra few dollar in the bank.

most people would make the opposite choice - they'd reason this place is a little smaller, but it's a nicer unit, so it's worth the extra money. and, that's fine - good for them. this unit is better suited for them. its not what i want - i want bigger and cheaper at the expense of niceties.

i don't mind fighting off the odd roach. i don't mind fighting off the odd rodent. i just want the space i need to create.

but, i'm getting all kinds of bad luck when i find what i want. and, may have to settle for the nicer unit at the higher price - at the expense of the big, cheap space i really want.

see, it would be easier if it wasn't just barely acceptable.

it's just barely big enough.

it's just barely affordable.

and, while it's non-smoking, and that's so key, i can tell that these are tenants that i'll just barely get along with - that i'm not going to have anything in common with these people. and, it's close enough living arrangements that that's not irrelevant - not entirely.

so, it's just barely acceptable.

if it was that much smaller, or i smelled a whiff of pot, or it was $50 more....you know....

but, i could move there.

i could stay there for a while.

so, i'm forced to make a choice - if it's not taken, already.

but it's not what i want....

let me sleep on this.

i just don't like the idea of walking into a lease as "settling for the unit".

i want what i want.

and, i know settling never works out, in the end.

i want that basement. but that crazy guy is fucking gatekeeping me on it. ugh.

i guess you have to understand that i spend almost all of my time at home. and, when you're inside for up to fifteen days at a time (in the winter), the space you're inhabiting becomes extremely important.

so, i'm not just looking for somewhere to relax on the weekends, or make something to eat in the evening - i'm looking for somewhere to exist.

that's a big factor in why i'm so picky, compared to other people.

but, i'm going to call this place back tomorrow morning. i expect somebody took it moments after i left. but, we''ll see. it is the long weekend. and, i might soften up after having slept on it.

i'm not entirely clear how the apartment works next door, but it seems like a bunch of them are moving out. and, that might get me some fresh air for the night.

i'm sure the next tenants will be just as bad. i may even have to start all over again :(.

i saw something tonight, and it was good enough - i could have moved in tomorrow.

but i just...

i didn't like it. you know?

it was a tad small, but i could fit things in. and, it was overpriced, but i might have to get used to that. and, it seemed adamantly non-smoking.

but, the place seemed too...like...it had this condo feel that i didn't like.

the owner was out in the back working on his car. meathead.

they don't appear to recycle.

it just rubbed me the wrong way, all around.

i want a quiet, non-smoking place to work in. but, it just didn't feel right.

and, in the back of my head, i'm holding out hope on this crazy guy's basement, even though i know he's not going to call me back.

i might regret this.

but, i just don't want to move there.

they'll probably tell me to move to toronto...

i do think i'm being discriminated against for gender expression.

i don't know if michigan is much of an answer, but at least detroit is a bigger city.

i mean, that's the truth, right?

i don't really want to live in windsor.

i actually want to live in detroit.

see, if nafta was like like the european union, i could do that, too....

i don't know how.

not yet.

what would happen if i went to detroit and claimed refugee status?

i know what i'm looking for.

what i'm looking for is detroit. detroit is still a liberal place with a vibrant culture. and, surely i can find somewhere non-smoking.

but, that's a dangerous idea.

the lease requirement for disability in ontario is that you have to live in ontario. so, you can't live in montreal, and you can't live in gatineau....and you can't live in detroit.

but, could i figure something else out?

well, i guess that, if i end up putting things in storage, it's a possibility to explore, isn't it?

i can still come home for healthcare...

i just don't know how that would work. i'd only have $670/month. canadian. i'd need some other source of income.

i'm neither legally entitled to live nor work in the united states, and i simply don't know how hard it would be for me to get a green card. i am well educated, at least.

it's frustrating, though. i'm going to lose access to what is a liberal haven in detroit, because windsor is being slowly taken over by conservatives, and oriented in a hard right direction. everything i like about detroit is being pulled away from me by the rising rents in windsor.

it's an accurate microcosm of what is happening, though, regarding the united states and canada.

for the first time in my life, i'm getting an urge to cross to the other side of that border.

more often than not recently, on a weekend afternoon, you're subjected to listening to somebody angrily yelling arabic phrases into a microphone - phrases that we would mostly all no doubt be appalled by, if we understood them.

they set up in parking lots.

they draw crowds.

it's a matter of time before they get violent.

it is a great place to raise a family - if you want your kids to grow up in filth & ignorance.

and, you probably actually do, don't you?

because you're probably filthy & ignorant, yourself.

i'm not broke.

i have a stable income source.

& it's not even exactly that the market is saturated - there are places coming up every day.

it's that the city does not have affordable smoke-free housing - or what little exists of it is not friendly to artists on disability. and, you consequently cannot live here if you don't smoke, and you care about your health.

all these kids moving in here are going to get asthma....or worse...

the counter-argument is that they're going to cut my check by $479 anyways. so, as long as the room is less than that...

but, if i'm taking this path, i don't want to sign a lease. and, i can actually apply for them to recoup costs spent in hostels. i've looked into this before.

it means i won't have a place to sleep every night, but that's ok - the intent is for this to be very short term.

if i get my things into storage for the first week of october, i could potentially move them into a place in hamilton or niagara or waterloo by november 1st. and, that is what i want - not to waste away my life in a rooming house.

& i have a lot of cash in the bank. the winter will eventually hit. & when it does, if i have to, i can rent something over air bnb for a few weeks at a time.

there has to be somewhere in this province where i can just focus on my work, in a safe & healthy environment. and, we'll see how long it takes to find it...

again, let us understand the costs associated with me renting a room.

the room itself is going to be in the $400-500 range. but, then i need to put my things in storage, which is another $300-400.

so, the total costs of getting a room are not $400-500, but $700-900 - which is the price of an apartment in the first place.

further, if i get to the point where i am placing my items in storage, that is going to be the last straw for windsor. i'm already fed up with this place: it is culturally dead, unremittingly filthy and rapidly being taken over by muslim conservatives, who seem to have the full backing of city council, and the tacit support of the dwindling christian right. i'm searching every nook & cranny for a healthy, affordable, queer-friendly, artist-friendly place to exist. & it's increasingly clear that it doesn't exist here.

so, if this happens, if i put my things away, i will have already given up on this town - and be looking to get out.

i'm going to see something tonight, but it's low probability. and i'll have to decide over the next week whether i want to buy time with an appeal or not.

i don't think it's worthwhile.

& i want to escape from this filthy space, not put up barricades to stay longer.

punk kid, looking tough in my leather jacket.

mid to late 80s.

again: he was raised catholic.

i wasn't.

stumbled upon a few files this morning...

just in case you didn't believe my dad's side is jewish:

(yeah, that's me.)

he wasn't always so conspicuous. that beard was gone by the time i was five, ne'er to be seen again.

there are plenty of shots like this where it's easy to think he's palestinian - but it's italian/jew/cree/french, from what i know.

his skin lightened a lot as he aged, to the point where he looked like an elder chomsky. really. it was almost uncanny.

so, it's always been weird to see these pictures of him as a young man, looking so notably ethnic.

i mean, that's me in both shots. but, i don't remember it. and, rates of change as they are, people can transform before your eyes without truly noticing it.

the prime minister really is a good example, and it's not what you think.

i don't suspect that justin trudeau would do particularly well on iq tests, but he has inherited a lot of wealth - and a lot of power. but, this is actually counter to design.

his father set that trust fund up so he "wouldn't have to be a lawyer or a politician". dad was trying to give him a way out. but, dad was rich and powerful - and smart. so, what gives?

maybe the correlation isn't there for a better reason than mere inheritance. mmmm?

i love this graph...

really.

i pulled it out of a psychology journal, years ago.

what it says is that if you're stupid, you might be more likely to be poor. but, if you're smart, you're not more likely to be rich - at all.

and, while one may be tempted to use it to point out that wealth in our society is so dominated by inheritance rather than ability, i think this is missing the point.

http://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2016/06/j-reacts-to-specious-claim-that-trump.html

there is absolutely nothing that is more important than saving your own life - no apartment, no reference, no neighbour, nothing.

your life is literally the only thing you actually have that matters.

the idea that smokers have rights is just another anti-science position, to exist beside the anti-vaxxers and the climate change denial types.

and, you'll see lots of correlations, too - that's the funny part.

been to anti-gmo rally?

notice everybody smokes?

it's the society that is sick, not me.

if i were to stay here, and develop carcinoma as a consequence of their behaviour, would these people face any consequences for their actions?

and, would that not be a grave injustice? should they not be liable?

but, they would not be. and, no level of liability could overturn the result.

so, how can you tell me that i am over-reacting, when i have no remedy to undo their behaviour?

no behaviour short of knocking down the door and pulling the thing out of the smokers' mouth wouldn't be under-reacting - but all property law exists to protect some type of asshole.

the real question is this: when will we start charging smokers with manslaughter, in cases where their habits are responsible for the deaths of the people around them?

and, especially the people they claim they care about?

and, the proper indictment belongs to a society that takes a permissive attitude towards a behaviour that has deadly consequences on innocent bystanders.

my behaviour in this manner is evidence of my sanity; it would have been insane to allow the situation to exist as it did, without taking dramatic steps to change the environment around me.

what is rational, in context, is to defend yourself by whatever means necessary.

what is irrational is to ignore the situation, or otherwise give in, by citing some concept of "rights" that does not exist in any relevant law.

and, again: recognizing what is rational and what isn't, in context, comes down to understanding the relevant science.

when somebody asks you to smoke elsewhere, you have an obligation to immediately move - that's how a polite society operates.

and, if you're not going to do that, you deserve whatever happens to you in response, from people protecting their health and their environment from your carcinogens and pollution.

the culture in this city is pathetic, and the people that live here are idiots.

the woman below me should have been evicted months or perhaps years ago.

and, while the woman across from me has apparently decided to smoke elsewhere, she should have immediately moved upon first request; i should not have had to resort to the kinds of tactics i had to resort to (which were successful, you will note) in order to get her out of my air supply.

any rational agent would do everything they possibly could - including resorting to violence, if necessary - to escape from being slowly poisoned by their neighbours.

the reality is that you are ignorant of the science on the topic; if you understood the severity of the threat, you would recognize my behaviour as entirely rational.

but, i'm just curious if you could extrapolate upon this claim that fighting hard for a right to fresh air is somehow a sign of low intelligence.

if i was smart, i'd just shut up and die, right?

or, is the truth what i really suspect - that you don't accept the science on second-hand smoke?

you think it's harmless, right?

you're a buffoon.

http://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2016/06/j-reacts-to-youtube-removing-carriage.html

http://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2016/06/j-reacts-to-bernie-sanders-confounding.html