i'm going to send my doctor a fax.

so, there are drugs that result in hyperplasia in 70% of patients.

that's what i want, right?

nobody seems to have decided to try using something like cylosporin on people with gum recession...

you don't need to be on it forever, right? just until it grows back.

like i say, i need to call somebody. but, if i were to take cyclosporin for three months or something in the hopes that it creates hyperplasia, is that that dangerous?

like i say: i intended this.

i knew it.

let's hope i'm right.

bacteria are made of cells.

gums are made of cells.

there's not really a good way to kill one without killing the other.

it's kind of like how cancer is made of cells, and killing cancer means killing other cells, too.

if i'm approaching fixing my teeth like chemotherapy, the idea is you eradicate the bacteria and lose a little gum, then pull back and hope you've wiped out the bacteria and can still regrow the gum.

if i'm pretty sure i've wiped out the bacteria, it's time to switch directions and focus on healing...

i knew when i started doing this that i'd be dealing with tradeoffs - that there wasn't any really good option, and that anything that is going to work really well at one task is going to have a downside. so, if you're trying to kill bacteria in your mouth, you're going to run up against the consequences of that, and it might mean killing other cells, as well.

i knew that.

and, i told myself from the start that i'd pull back on the dish soap at the first sign of overuse.

i think i'm there. but, i don't want to cease it, i just want to tone it down.

i'm not joking or exaggerating it when i say it - my teeth feel and look ridiculously clean. like, it's working. really well.

a little too well -  i'm worried that it might be hurting my gumline, as it's effectively eradicating bacteria. because that's what oral health is - it's all tradeoffs.

so, let's tone it down.

and, let's call the fancy dentist.

but, let's spend some time tonight figuring out if there's anything that can be done to regenerate gingival tissue, too.

actually, because it's working so well in cleaning my mouth, why don't i just tone it down to the start of the cycle only?

i've been using dish soap every 12 hours, before every meal.

let's take it down to every 36 - before the fruit bowl, only - to start.

to be clear: i may go back to the dish soap at a later time but, for now, my teeth are entirely free of any sort of plaque at all, and i consequently want to lay off and see if it helps with gum regrowth a bit.

anyways, there may be some ways to deal with this.

gingival cells are not isolated from your blood stream like enamel cells are. surely, there's a way to stimulate growth besides using stem cells.

i need to look it up.

the rest of the world is laughing at us - our entrance requirements are a joke.

so, then i show up at a doctor's office and can't understand the ignorance i'm seeing in front of me.

but, it's less baffling than i let on. we do this to ourselves...we take in the world's worst students, and then get confused at the results.

we take in thousands of indian students a year that can't get in to schools in india.

that's why they're here.

i'm not being an ass.

the university of windsor is a major centre for international students of the lowest quality. this is where people come when they can't get in anywhere else.

as in, can't get in anywhere else in the world.

what a bunch of idiots...

no wonder they ended up here - they probably couldn't find a job in the countries they came from.

i want to save my teeth, but not at the expense of forcing myself to endure the effects of testosterone.

as much as i want to save my teeth, tooth loss is an acceptable side effect.

but, again - this is stupid. what kind of retarded doctor is going to look me in the eye and tell me to lose my teeth rather than perform basic surgery on me, because their imaginary friend condemns it in their two thousand year old, obsolete system of morals?

what kind of moronic discourse is this?

another thing to point out is that cyproterone may be a factor, so if i can hurry up and get my orchidectomy, and get off the cyproterone, it might help.

would i go off the testosterone blockers to save my teeth?

no.

i'd rather be a woman with dentures than a man with teeth.

there are ways to generate "gingival overgrowth" using medication.

my doctor thinks i'm insane as it is. and maybe he's right.

if i can figure out something without an rx....

i don't have any of the signs of gum disease - there's no bleeding, no redness, no swelling.

they're just receding.

and, whether it's due to genetics or brushing or something else (i quit smoking in 2016 and, when i did, i had no gum recession. so, this has developed entirely post-smoking. it's an easy answer to blame it on smoking, but it's wrong.), i don't know....

but, i need an expert to look at it and tell me what can be done about it.

i'm done with the court stuff now, hopefully until monday, at least.

i need to call the periodontist tomorrow...

i keep saying my teeth are in good shape right now and my gums aren't, so i'm going to put the dish soap away for a bit. i feel it's done it's job for now, and i want to ensure i'm giving my gums every chance they have to heal on their own.

can gums grow back? i'm told they can't. i haven't found a trick, and this seems far more complicated, and perhaps without a good answer. can i get a graft? i may need one. it might come down to what kind of dentist i can find. but, i think i want to shift focus on this, now - i need to worry about gums at this point and not teeth.

so, if i can stay awake long enough to get through it, i'm closing down for the week, finally:

- the karen case has two components:

a) the divisional court case, where i'm trying to get the cop charged with harassment and/or fired, is on indefinite hold until the end of the pandemic. i sent them an email asking if it was appropriate to resume the filing process at this time, and they told me to apply for a virtual hearing - which i can't actually do, because i don't have access to the technology. i simply don't have a computer that is fast enough to run zoom, and i simply can't get to toronto until the greyhound resumes. it's legitimately stuck. but, the process is at least put in motion; if i can get a judge to at least provide some direction regarding future direction, that would be helpful. the court staff didn't get it, but i've had that problem with them before. the filing process in place also seems to be explicitly for virtual hearings, so it's probably not useful to try to file there, but i'll wait for a response. they've brought in a new case management system, and even if the hearing is indefinitely postponed, it may be helpful to get the filing process in motion. i'm waiting for some reaction from the justice... 

b) the human rights case, where i'm trying to get a pay out from the karen directly, is awaiting an imminent response through a backlog of requests that continues to pile up, and that i'll continue to add to until i get a response. as of today, there is a second form 10 request to the police regarding the conflict of interest in (d). so, there's about 20 requests to sort through. if i have to ask the divisional court for certiorari in the end, i'm going to make it ridiculous on the way - i'm going to make sure there's a hundred unresponded to requests, first.

c) i need to file with the privacy commissioner regarding the omitted statement, but i want to wait for a reaction from the cops, first.

d) i have contacted the crown's office regarding the conflict of interest, and they've told me to file a foia with the cops. so, i'm producing another form 10 request for information regarding the conflict of interest. if i don't get a response by the end of the month, i'll need to file with the privacy commissioner regarding this, as well.

e) i will eventually be filing a constitutional challenge in this case.

f) i am still looking at filing criminal charges against the karen, and the results of the fippa were helpful, but i want to wait for a few things to play out, first. locating ryan myon as a real person would be helpful. what was the conflict of interest? that would be useful if i want to file charges.

- the discrimination case against the hospital has two components:

a) the additional form 10 regarding the guard's report has now been filed. i am awaiting the tribunal's response to set a hearing date.

b) i will file with the oiprd this evening, after i take a shower and eat lunch.

c) i have everything from the hospital, now.

d) a foia is filed with the cops and will arrive mid-month.

e) i have filed with the privacy commissioner.

- i still haven't received the foia regarding the grocery store case.

so, this week i am

- if i can file a foia with the crown about the conflict of interest, i'll do that. the karen won't respond, so this doesn't appear headed for a hearing, either way - i'm either going to get a ruling in my favour or a dismissal.

- wait for the criminal charges against the karen & the request to the privacy commissioner about the omitted statement, but both are coming up.

- file something with the privacy commissioner about the video.

- file a new form 10 when the security report appears

- file a first response with the oiprd

- file against the grocery store 

what's coming up then?

- i may start refiling documents with the divisional court case digitally. i can't schedule a hearing, but i can get the files online, at least. if that's allowed. the answers i got from court staff were not well-informed, and what i'm asking for seems to be outside the existing direction. so, i may have to just wait.

- i see no imminent filing decisions in the hrto case against the karen. rather, i'm just waiting and will need to file weekly requests to rule immediately. i'm expecting to need to file a certiorari at this point.

- i will need to contact the privacy commissioner by the end of the month if i don't get a response.

- the hospital case has no imminent filing, and i am awaiting responses.

- the grocery store case should be filed soon.

and, as soon as i post that, the idiot lights a cigarette.

it's crystal clear what is going on - there is an abusive, harassing person sitting upstairs reading this blog and intentionally pissing me off.

that's fine, the window can stay open all day, then.

idiots.

i at least got the human rights case update in to the hospital before i had to pass out.

i said that it doesn't add much, but he admits to removing me for non-medical reasons. i presented it as an admission of guilt, and i think it truly is.

it's much better this afternoon. i can only hope it stays that way. 

so, let me work through this point by point...

there is no ambiguity as to the source, either. i had the door open for a bit to clear it out, and it's crystal clear that the smoke is coming from upstairs and not outside.

i thought i was awake, but i'm not. i need to fall back asleep.

a $100/night habit that makes you feel like shit.

i don't want anything to do with that...

and, they just don't stop. they must have smoked through $100 of the stuff tonight, because they were still at it when i woke up.

and, i do not want this.

i want to be healthy - to eat well, to exercise. to experience sobriety as a normal state, and to only ingest psychotropic drugs as intoxicants in moderate, infrequent dosages.

i like smoking a joint once in a while.

but, i'd rather be dead than be a stoner.

being a marijuana addict is just like being a drunk, except you remove the drunkeness from the process - instead of being drunk 50% of the time and hungover 50% of the time, you're just hungover 100% of the time.

this is a worthless way to exist.

the smoke is making me sick.

and, the drugs are making me feel like shit.

it's fundamentally a quality of life issue.

i don't want to live my life like a zombie in a perpetual hangover, like i am right now. i want a clean, healthy living space free of drugs and smoke and pollution. i want sobriety.

and, i'm feeling suicidal. 

the life of a drug addict isn't worth living. and, a life breathing in second-hand marijuana smoke isn't of any greater worth than a life breathing in first-hand marijuana smoke.

if this is the new normal, i don't want to live in it at all.

somebody has been chain smoking drugs up there tonight, and it actually knocked me out around 21:00. i wanted to get some work done last night, but i've been stuck sleeping, instead :(.

i have the window open in -10 weather, and i'm going to need to rewash everything in here. it's depressing. and it's disgusting.

the security guard's report doesn't really add anything to the argument, and my response is going to be very short. but, this is very frustrating - i need to write a two page report and can't even sit down for an hour to do it without falling asleep due to a contact high.

legalization of drugs is not a straight forward concern, for this reason: drug addicts are inherently anti-social people that care little about the externalities of their actions. the criminality of drug addiction may not be the right approach, but the behaviour is hardly benign; for everyone that claims this is a victimless crime, i must object - i am being victimized by a drug addict landlord as we speak, with no legal recourse as he won't admit to it. and, there are now no longer any laws on the books to protect my health. i am forced to endure the suffering of living in a polluted environment, with no legal remedies available to me besides the assertion of market logic - "if you don't like it, move.".

move where?

with what wealth?

i have no way out. i must sit here and die, stoned, in a deprecated mental state. i have no choice, and there is no solution.