i just want to update this meal list for the last few days and post the pasta recipe i've been eating. i've spent the last two days focusing on writing a document for police. while i believe i have as of yesterday or maybe the day before fully metabolized the drugs that entered my system on june 26th, and perhaps again on july 1st, the result is that i'm absolutely exhausted today and i had to spend it catching up on sleep, which i did. the losers did succeed in waking me up several times (which the hypnosis they put me through can succeed in doing), but the drugs have worn off, and the painful and embarrassing erections were not present when i was being woken up. they keep thinking they're forcing me to generate sexual fantasies (which i really don't have) by talking to me in my sleep, but they aren't. i don't know why they're wasting their time, but they seem to be True Believers in the pseudo-scientific religion of psychoanalysis, and seem to believe this ideological nonsense describes real things that actually exist in real life rather than often poorly developed symbolic analogies, that are best mildly useful in literary analysis, and have no relevance to reality. they keep resorting to drugging me because their therapy is specious nonsense that doesn't actually work, and the drugs certainly do work, but they want to apply their psychoanalysis, not the drugs. they want to prove their therapy works on the level of psychoanalysis, without the need to resort to drugging me, and it just doesn't.

if i could flip this over on them, i would diagnose them with schizophrenia for believing that psychoanalysis is real. it's utter, complete nonsense to the core. i'm not an expert in any of this, and i've really only read the basic texts by freud and jung (and, yes, i have read all of them), but i would cite chomsky as the go-to source to tear this bullshit down, as there is more than sufficient media sources of him very effectively doing this. this is the bullshit i'm dealing with.

as an example of what they're able to do and not able to do, i'll point out that i had a dream about a week ago of taylor swift playing a foofighters song (it was alone and easy target, from their first record). taylor swift was in my grade school class (it was the same grade 5/6 classroom at uplands that i went to elementary school in) and she volunteered to play the song on an acoustic guitar in front of the class. it might be a good music video, actually. when i woke up, i heard the losers talking to me, and i realized they were trying to get me to have a sex dream about taylor hawkins, the now deceased former drummer of foofighters. oops.

i actually don't own a single record with taylor hawkins playing on it. i do still have the first foofighters record, but it was all grohl. i had the second foofighters record for a few months in the 90s, which i believe had the sunny day real estate guy on it, but i actually sold it because i thought it sucked. i have heard almost nothing at all by the foofighters since. i know who taylor hawkins is because he was a famous guy with a recognizable appearance, but i know almost nothing about him, and i'm not a fan of anything he recorded with anybody. i have or am familiar with a few dozen records with grohl playing drums, exclusively from before 2005, and mostly from before 2000. i am a passive taylor swift fan; i wish she was more artistically creative than she actually is. i like the idea of a giant pop star doing art rock, which has ceased to exist in recent decades; taylor has cited people like peter gabriel as an influence, so i was hoping she would better live up to her potential, but it seems like the bean counters won in the end. fucking jews, right. (you should laugh uncomfortably, that's the intent). so, when somebody tried to put the words "taylor" and "foofighters" together to alter my dream patterns, my brain actually constructed an image of taylor swift playing a foofighters song, and not the gross fantasy they were trying to generate. 

there's things they're doing that do work - the drugs work, hypnosis works on an empirical level (but is clinically useless) and, sure, if somebody talks to you when you're sleeping, it just might influence what you're dreaming about, sometimes. however, this ideological framework they're working in is completely pretentious, nonsensical bollocks. an id or an ego is about as real as a soul. it's a religion, not a science.

here's another question, then: are these creeps actually scientologists?

i woke up briefly this afternoon to finish some pasta and eat some baby cookies (which, given that i am not a baby, i am realizing are far too sugary to give to a small child. that's craziness.), but i otherwise slept from about 4 am to about 10 pm, and i needed it. i've been smelling something burning downstairs for the last 24 hours that i think is a hard drug (again. but it's the same losers.) and woke up to the smell of marijuana saturating the other side of the apartment, and feeling terribly sick and drained. so i pounded some water and made some coffee, and i'm starting to wake up.

i noticed another result in my lab, which is urinary ketones at dangerously high levels, which has three possible explanations: deathly diabetes that needs to be controlled (but i'm not diabetic), cancer (i don't think i have cancer) or steroids or some other drug fucking with my metabolism and forcing me into ketosis. look at my diet. it's all pasta and soup. it's a high carb diet! how am i in ketosis?

i'll go through this in the document i'm preparing for police, but it's suggestive of something gone extremely wrong that requires deeper medical attention, which i'm going to need to get in the next day or two.

as mentioned, i think this is required to refocus. it will help me remember what i'm doing and what needs to be done.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs, third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs

what is this pasta recipe?

further, if your goal is really peace in eastern europe, you should not be trying to prevent russia and germany from economic integration. germany would rather buy resources than steal them by force, but they'll react to the condition in front of them.

should russia back down and sign a treaty?

well, they should meet their demands, or accomplish their objectives. if nato won't agree to russian security guarantees, it should continue to construct a buffer state in ukraine, to protect it from a potential invasion by germany.

they said stalin was paranoid, too; he was right.

i don't use tiktok, but ordering it shutdown is foolish in the context of the governmen's own goals of canadianizing media content. if you shut down canada's tik tok offices, users will use vpns to access tik tok from other countries (if they have to), thereby getting less canadian content. 

rather, as tik tok appears to be operating in canada, it should be forced to adhere to canadian law and prosecuted if it doesn't.

but, to get back to what i was saying.

i have no interest in the protestant work ethic; i think people that work hard and play by the rules are losers, and should be treated with contempt. the goal of the free individual in a capitalist system should be to avoid being enslaved, not to volunteer for it.

russia is a major source of raw materials for much of eurasia, who is reliant on them. this will not alter behaviour.

the country that's going to get hit the hardest from this is not china, but germany.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/ukraine-war-trump-rutte-1.7584415

i spent the pandemic radically redesigning my diet, and i ended up shifting my budget to buy more healthy food, as i was no longer able to spend money on concerts. instead of going out to bars, which in canada were closed much longer and opened with much deeper restrictions, i stopped drinking altogether and started going on long bicycle rides, instead. i've completely cut out smoking anything, which was a social activity i did when i was socializing and drinking at bars.

i would imagine that forcing people to make their own meals and eat in restaurants less would actually be good for them.

i would be more like to assign the cause to the fact that they closed the gyms, and forced people to stay inside, thereby cutting down basic levels of exercise like walking to the bus stop, or around the office. if you don't eat very well, cutting out the minimal levels of exercise you get could be devastating. 

https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/obesity-canada-covid-19-study-1.7583300

this is coming up again, so i want to articulate it clearly.

i agree that there are winners and losers in a capitalist society, but what makes me an anarchist (and not a capitalist) is that i define winning and losing by your membership in the proletariat, and not by your material conditions. stated more clearly, the losers in a capitalist society are the people that go to work and the winners are those that evade wage slavery. i need control over my tools of production, but material conditions and wealth generation have no value to me. 

in my political value system, somebody on welfare is winning if they manage to survive in a way that allows them to accomplish their goals (which are personal and defined strictly by the individual, not enforced by collectivist institutions like free markets), which the person on welfare is often able to do, while somebody that goes to work at a good job every day and generates large amounts of wealth and lives in a house they own is losing if they can't accomplish their goals because they don't have time and hate their life because it's tedious and boring. an artist is winning if they can create the art they want, not if they sell it; the doctor or lawyer is losing if they can't do what they want, even if they have millions of dollars to their net worth.

freedom is valuable. wealth is not valuable. those that are free are winning; those that are wealthy are usually losing. wealth rarely presupposes freedom, and more often creates conditions of enslavement.

something i share in common with capitalists is that i don't have a lot of respect for losers, but i flip the definition of winning and losing on it's head, relative to how a capitalist would define it.

i thought about this a lot in the 00s and realized that i have a choice between letting society enslave me into bourgeois excess (which is losing) or finding some way to escape the bourgeois condition by enslaving the society, instead. it's how capitalism operates; you're a slave or you're a slave master. there's no middle point. i have to support unions if i want to find some way to abolish capitalism, but i know that unionized workers are the biggest slaves and the biggest losers of them all.

i am lucky enough to live in an advanced enough form of capitalism that i have some way out and i've taken advantage of it. i'm not dragged out of my home and chained to a factory.

yet.