if they actually do this, it's the best news i've heard in years.
Tuesday, August 5, 2025
the coffee made me poop. that's normal. there was some bacon in there, but also bits of the previous pasta, like red sauce (paprika or tomatoes) and some spices that might have been dill. i wasn't completely cleared out. i should have eggs again tonight, then.
i don't know if it's because it cleared my colon or because the muscle contractions in peristalsis also tend to completely clear your urinary tract, but that cleared me out, as it has previously. repeatedly.
the thing i understand is the steroids and testosterone. it's pretty clear somebody is drugging me with that. i should focus on catching and prosecuting that, and then try to figure out the rest after.
this morning was very weird but is upholding my previous deductions.
i didn't get to cleaning up or dying my hair, which is today's priority. i put together some documents for police, and i had some eggs around 7:00. i fell asleep around 8:00. i was already feeling a little agitated, but very tired, and i succumbed.
they woke me up a couple of times - around 9:00, around 10:30, around 12:30. i was limp each time. i sleep with my midsection covered. they have no actual idea what is going on down there, but they aren't reacting to evidence, they're operating on "theory".
this suggests that the suppression worked and that there was no testosterone in the bacon and eggs. the bacon and eggs uses a lot of margarine to make, and i used up the last of the bin. i think i can be confident that it's not in there. i had a big glass of juice; it wouldn't be likely to be in there, but the grapefruit juice might be making it worse. i put a little ceasar dressing on there. i did not use hot sauce.
however, on two occasions that i woke up to urinate i went back to sleep and experienced something i might describe as a full body orgasm. this would be building on the sensation i started feeling in the morning before i ate. i was limp throughout the process both times, but parts of my body were triggering. i could feel my scrotum contracting, with nothing coming out, and no subsequent erection. what was going on?
i don't know. i know my estrogen, progesterone and prolactin were all very high before i gave myself the hormone bath and, under different circumstances where i didn't think i was being watched and controlled, the feeling is such that i may want to fantasize about having vaginal sex. this was something more similar to female than to male arousal, and while i don't like being controlled, i'd be far more likely to get into this if they'd stop trying to masculinize me, which i don't like and think is gross and dumb. i'm not interested in male performative behaviour, which i think is primitive and stupid, and i'm going to push back and fight against them forever if they keep trying to generate erections, which i don't want. if they were to pump me full of estrogen and oxytocin, i might find myself unable to resist in the same way that i'm resisting their drugging of me with testosterone. this isn't an invitation by any means, i'm just pointing out that my reaction to their control methods in the absence of testosterone is very different than it is in the presence of it. cutting the testosterone out and replacing it with massive amounts of estrogen and progesterone almost made it not so bad, although i'm sure i'd get tired of this pretty quick, as well, if it started happening more frequently.
the first time, i fell asleep and woke up limp again around 12:30. the second time, i couldn't fall back asleep, and i couldn't stop the contractions, which kept coming, with no result. i was in this state of full body orgasm with my body repeatedly trying to trigger into priapism and repeatedly failing to do so for well over an hour before i took some calcium. i'll note i'm a little constipated, but i did pass some gas and it did relieve some pressure.
this is essentially the same thing that i've experienced over the previous few days, except that i'm back to being impotent and presume that there is minimal to no fructose sitting in my tubes to be cleared. it indicates that this is a two or three step process, but i already knew that. i've cut the testosterone out and am going to try to isolate it. i've determined that this started building before i ate.
i'll note that there was a smell of stale marijuana in the building this morning. i'll also note that if they came in here to put steroids in my hot sauce, they might have been able to put something like viagra in my juice, although the cause and effect doesn't uphold that. i was drinking a packaged instant coffee that is unlikely to have been tampered with.
i think the high female hormone levels are actually contributing and might be what i was feeling this morning, and that's ok, so long as i can get the testosterone back down to 0 where i want it. they wouldn't be causing my scrotum to dry contract and my body to repeatedly try to get erect and repeatedly fail, in the absence of any sexual stimulus, which i don't want. this only happens after i urinate, when i wake up. i think i'm breathing something in when i'm sleeping and pissing it out when i wake up and that thing isn't testosterone but some other hormone that triggers the process, like cortisol or oxytocin.
it's going to be very hard for me to prove that they're smoking something when i'm sleeping and it's chemically raping me when i wake up.
let me see if i can clear this out with coffee and water, get my hair fixed and focus on getting another blood test in the next few days.
have you noticed that some types of juice and fruit didn't double in price?
it's because they're from mexico, or brazil.
it's trump's choice to force us to buy from other countries. it doesn't hurt us to do that.
i looked into this a little, and the big companies, like walmart and sobeys, already use a market system to find the cheapest source in their manufactured products, like juice. that's why their brand name juice didn't go up. the market-based juice sourcing process just shifted sources.
this is right in trump's backyard, too. he should take a walk around some orange plantations in florida and ask the farmers how business is going. that won't come up in the job numbers, because america doesn't pay it's farm workers, it enslaves them.
this is just getting started. there's lots and lots of things that we can start buying from mexico, instead. that's going to take a big chunk out of us gdp. it's what trump wants.
we should call the brazilians and the chileans, as well. brazil is a big economy, but it's still developing. chile is generally considered a first world country, and argentina isn't that far off.
"Mexico will continue to pay a 25% Fentanyl Tariff, 25% Tariff on Cars, and 50% Tariff on Steel, Aluminum and Copper," Trump said in a Truth Social post. "Additionally, Mexico has agreed to immediately terminate its Non Tariff Trade Barriers, of which there were many."
all evidence is that trump just doesn't understand.
he thinks he's taxing the outside world to pay off the debt. he's repeatedly talked about making other countries pay.
of course, americans will pay the 25% fentanyl tariff, the 25% tariff on cars an d the 50% tariff on metals, no mexicans, which trump is insistent should not pay any tariffs at all, and would get very angry if the mexicans did levy tariffs n their own citizens.
i'm not a scholar of american history, but i don't think this level of insanity has ever existed at the presidential level before, with the possible exception of reagan. trump is nowhere near as flat out stupid as george w. bush was, and he won't be remembered for lacking intelligence. this is more in the neighbourhood of a nero or a henry viii.
but the best examples are chinese, even if i don't know them off of the top of my head. this level of nonsense is actually rare in the west. it's more reflective of the decadence of oriental despotism.
this salted caramel iced latte is supposed to be a cold drink, and it is relatively tasty when prepared with cold water.
maybe i should just drink it on it's own and get to the next round of coffee after.
there's five left.
what do i do with jello, exactly? jello, like marshmallows, isn't really food. can i put jello in coffee?
on my first blood test, i wasn't fasting and my ketones were in ketosis levels. on the second blood test, i was fasting and the ketones were trace. neither test suggested any sign of diabetes.
it would seem to be far more likely that the ketones in the urine were byproducts of how steroids were manufactured, which i hadn't picked up before. i've found three types of anabolic steroids that are manufactured as ketones (acetates or enanthates) and which are soluble in vinegar.
i'm going to avoid the hot sauce for a few days and see what happens.
however, anabolic steroids are not water soluble. they are fat soluble and soluble in alcohol. they would be soluble in vinegar.
i should be able to identify if somebody put steroid pills in my juice or milk, as it should separate out (like oil and vinegar). it would potentially be harder to identify in the salad dressing, the margarine or the hot sauce.
i put heaping amounts of hot sauce on almost everything.
i don't think this is how they're doing it, but i have to be rigorous about this.
the next few meals are going to need to be things that they couldn't have spiked. things they could have spiked are
- open juice
- open soy milk
- open salad dressing
- open frank's
they couldn't have spiked things like fruit, eggs or cheese. so, it makes sense to have bacon and eggs this morning and take it from there.
i need to document this somewhere as i'm doing it.
over the next few days, i need to come to a clear answer on whether i'm being drugged via food, via injection, via smoke or some combination of them. specifically, i need to figure out whether there's testosterone in my food or not. then i need to make a choice and act on it.
what i learned from that pdf document is that orally administered steroids take a while to digest. you couldn't drop steroids in somebody's drink and expect it to effect them that night. it needs to go through their system, and most absorption occurs in the colon. this is probably why i'm experiencing the effects right before i need to shit.
conversely, the female and male-blocking hormones i'm taking voluntarily are absorbed extremely fast, via the stomach, and at peak within a few hours.
there's a caveat i need to introduce, which is that my metabolism is bizarrely fast, unless i slow it down with tums, which i have been doing lately. i can push something out within 12 hours. on top of that, my diet is extremely high in fibre, which speeds it up that much more. in fact, i need to take a shit right now.
back.
that was the pasta that i ate half of about 15 hours ago and the rest of less than 6 hours ago, and i think it was mostly from the latter because it's not the first of it. i know it's the most recent pasta meal because i already shit the last thing i ate, the quinoa, out in one massively epic rock hard three foot log that may have mildly torn on the way out and threatened to clog, but did push it's way through after the third flush. it's really that fast - less than 24 hours, unless i'm unusually constipated. i eat these giant meals and don't gain any weight. when it's really fibre based, it just rips through; i'll shit out a family-sized serving bowl worth of salad in 5 or 6 hours. this is probably the actual reason i can't build iron stores, because my metabolism is too fucking fast to absorb anything properly.
that means that what is in my colon is mostly food i ate in the last day or two, max, and probably food i've eaten in the last 12 hours. it's not as fast as the pills i take voluntarily, but it's unusually fast for digestion. it's fast enough to test. i may have to argue this point, but i had a cancer scare a few years ago, and i documented this pretty thoroughly. i have to be really, really constipated to hold on to any meal at all for more than two days, and that's why my bmi is in the 19-20 range, despite eating like a queen. i couldn't gain weight if i wanted to (thankfully, i don't want to).
this is what i did:
- i finished eating around 20:00. it was the last bit of pasta and a couple of pieces of toasted italian bread. after eating the garlic cheese buns, i ate through the baguette and mostly ate the white bread with pb and jam and plum butter. i still have the loaf of italian bread, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a loaf of flax/quinoa bread i bought myself.
- i took a giant shit a few hours ago that cleared out the most recent pasta (it was after the giant quinoa shit). i just pushed out whatever was left as i was typing this.
- a few hours later, i doubled up on all of my hormones all at once - t-blockers, estrogen and progesterone. this is a lot of everything. my doctor would scream at me, but my liver and kidneys are testing ok, and i had to do this to test. this is intended to just overwhelm my system, and it might make me a little sick, but that's ok.
- i then masturbated, which i almost never do. it'd been about four months. ish. i don't like to masturbate because it's male performative. i won't get into the details, but i masturbate in a way that minimizes the male performative aspect as much as possible. it's actually fairly female performative. i cannot generally get erect at all, let alone maintain an erection, and masturbating is sort of weird for that reason. i have to kind of rub up against a mostly limp appendage. i don't usually ejaculate anything out when it's done and the fact that i did tonight is further proof that i've recently been drugged. anything i might do to negate this aside, the reality is that my anatomy is what it is and it's impossible to get around the male performative component, so i'd rather just avoid it altogether. when my testosterone is properly suppressed, i can and have gone months and months, perhaps years (i didn't keep track) without masturbation, but i have been drugged recently and i had to face the cold reality that, because i've been repeatedly drugged and haven't ejaculated in months, anything clogging up my system would be contributing to the problem, in terms of experiential effects. i did this to clear my system out. it should both make me feel better and help isolate sources, for testing. now that i'm completely cleared out, my body should have a difficult time generating anything further, unless i'm drugged again.
- now, i need to be clear about this. when they removed my testicles, they removed both my sperm cells and my vas deferens, so i'm physically incapable of generating or ejecting any kind of sperm at all. however, i do still have a prostate and i do still have various tubes and ducts like the seminal vesicle that create the non-sperm parts of semen, like the lubricating fluid. what came out would actually be mostly sugar, and a bit of protein. once again, when my testosterone is properly suppressed, my body does not produce this fluid, either. however, i've been repeatedly drugged, and there was some fluid in my ducts for that reason. it's more proof that i've been drugged. i removed that from my system, and it should make a positive difference.
- if i don't get drugged again, it should take months for this fluid to build back up to any substantive level, if it even does at all. if it builds back up quickly, it's evidence that the source of testosterone i'm being drugged with is in the air or in my food.
- i'm going to avoid eating for a while and see what happens.
i'm essentially clearing myself out as much as i can, radically shocking my system with a massive female hormone bath and then seeing what happens. do symptoms cease, indicating i successfully detoxed it out and they'll have to get in here to drug me again? or do they continue, indicating it's in my food, or that i'm breathing it in?
for tonight, i'm going to try to clean up and finally get my hair dyed. the massive flush of estrogen will have other, beneficial side effects, as well.
if i notice continued symptoms of forced drugging, i will get to the lab on tuesday or wednesday. otherwise, i'm going to need to wait until what i just shocked my system with comes down a little.
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