mar 17th is up here:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pQ2-8EV5YwNAeI_d5HRA480_K-bkpSRa/view?usp=sharing

so, i've got up to the end of mar 16th up...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pQ2-8EV5YwNAeI_d5HRA480_K-bkpSRa/view?usp=sharing

i just jumped past 30,000 words with this thing.

but, when they gave cuba fake independence, was it not because they didn't want to deal with the dependency? imperialism is hierarchical, but it's not hobbesian - the hegemon isn't a leviathan, it's defined by it's decadence and laziness, at the top of the class hierarchy. it's not there to colonize, it's just there to extract - and that's the difference between the romans and the greeks, isn't it? history repeats itself: if the brits were neo-grecian colonists, america is a neo-roman imperialist.

just another point, though - nowadays, they call neo-imperialism something else: neo-liberalism. because neo-liberalism is actually neo-mercantilism...

yeah, i'm confident that my teeth are getting better.

i'm just as confident that my gums are not.

i need to call the fancy dentist on monday...

so, there's another minor update, here. it's time to stop to eat.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pQ2-8EV5YwNAeI_d5HRA480_K-bkpSRa/view?usp=sharing

some of the threads in thought may not come off as important or relevant at first, but all i can say is to wait for the narrative to develop.

i'd say every single one of these things is true about me.

https://introvertdear.com/news/intp-personality-signs/

i'm an intp.

firmly.

if you're curious.

but, like i say, i can't completely wall myself off.

i need some way to connect with reality.

and, is the guitar dead?

i don't really care - i do it because i love it, not because it's profitable.

if you're looking for somebody that cares about fashions and trends, you're in the wrong place.

i took blues lessons when i was a kid from a guitarist in ottawa named robert farrell. he was a kind of an srv knockoff, although he was also a huge mark knopfler fan.

i briefly took classical lessons not long after that. it was just an introduction - i just wanted a foundation, so i could pick a classical up and play it, and so i could create on it and transfer the knowledge back.

and, of course, i grew up listening to guitarists like billy corgan, lee ranaldo and kim thayil.

so, what you're hearing there is fundamentally classical guitar music, via a blues filter - and presented as alternative rock.

fwiw, here are some videos of me playing guitar, the first in ottawa and the second in windsor, if you somehow doubt i did or do, for some stupid childish reason:

but, i'm convinced i'm allergic to something, and i need to figure it out before it does more than force me to violently shit it out.

i got more sleep tonight than i have in quite a while, and it was partly as a reaction to the pasta bowl, again - the same reaction. at least i'm pretty sure now that the reaction is real, and it wasn't a virus...

i'm experiencing some mild beeturia, as well. it's not as bad as before. so, is it the beets? it seems to be something reacting with the beets...

so, i'm going to need to rip it apart and rebuild it back up piece by piece, again.

last time, it seemed to be the sunflower seeds....and then wasn't. if i'm to jump to conclusions, i think it might be that these seeds don't last so long in the cupboard, and i should buy them in smaller amounts. so, if i reduce it down to the seeds again, the right conclusion seems to be that they're rancid.

but, why do the seeds create these problems when consumed in the pasta bowl and not in the fruit bowl?

i'll have to sit down and figure it out.

it's also a part of the reason i go to so many concerts, or did back when i could; as an artist, i needed to maintain a connection to what was happening around me, so as to not become entirely divorced from reality. it's this danger that people working in the space that i work in come up against, this constant threat we're all up against of losing touch with reality entirely....

listen.

i like to read. i think that's obvious. but, reading is time consuming, and sitting down and reading something means you don't have time to do something else. i spend the bulk of my time creating media rather than consuming it...

and, you can't multitask; you can't read and write at the same time. or, you can't do that substantively - not unless you're just writing about what you're reading. but, then you're a critic and not an artist. and, i sort of envy the critic in a sense, and become one in various spurts, but i fundamentally want to create art, not consume it.

i remember reading an interview with michael gira where he explained how difficult it was to listen to music, when he spent all his time and energy thinking about making it - and yet concluding there was a contradiction in it, because it strips out the influences around you and kind of keeps you isolated from reality. he presented a multitasking compromise/solution - he listened to music on the tour bus.

i would rather get my information from the written medium, but the multitasking around being an artist provide for minimal opportunities, and i don't want to cut into the time i need to work on my projects with reading somebody else's thoughts. my compromised multitasking solution is consequently to watch lectures when i'm eating. that keeps me absorbing information, while my activities are focused on writing - which is what i'm primarily doing now and will be until i get through these projects directly in front of me. i don't expect to create much music in this basement; the drug-addled environment simply isn't conducive to creative thought, i really need to get out to a more stable studio space.

are lectures as good as books? no. but, they're the second best thing...

that's why it's so important that i ensure i'm getting information from good sources when i am eating, and why i can't be wasting my time with specious garbage.