Monday, March 8, 2021

i found myself pent up and frustrated and couped up last year and needed to get out.

that's not going to happen, this year. this year, i'm just looking to maximize productivity, as much as i can. and, if she wants to fight, we're going to fight.

it would be easier if the cops just got a new spy, because i can smell this one from 100 yards away.
that was more sleeping than i would have liked today, but at least it was during the actual day. i need to finish my coffee and make some pasta...

i am going to finish the fruit bowl write-up this week, and get the other two ready for further analysis. 

tonight, i'm going to focus on cleaning the other side of the apartment, as i prepare for total war with the disgusting pig upstairs, who just won't go the fuck away.
this is a later reflection, about 2008-2009, on obama and his relation to bombing campaigns in the middle east.
i just want to clarify where i stood regarding "the war on terrorism".

after the 2001 attacks, i was one of the first people pointing to the pnac documents. i opposed all of it, and i opposed all of it for years. i wrote songs about it:

there's no question where i stood, and it was in strict opposition to all of it.

but, unlike some other people on the left, i've never developed a level of naivete around islam and, as time went on, it became clear that the reasons i opposed this war were drastically different than the reasons i was hearing around me, and a source of disconnect in media started to become apparent. 

the arguments i had heard against the war were mostly from academic secularists, of which hitchens was one of them but ended up aligned on the wrong side of the debate, who argued that this is just not how self-determination works - you can't just eradicate a despot and watch people rise up out of the desert like magnificent mushrooms. that premise is utter nonsense. there has to be a base to build on, some framework to erect the society on. otherwise, you will at best end up recreating the soviet union (which is something like what they already had). if you want a social democracy in iraq, it's necessary to build from below and not above. this may, in the end, result in supporting a bombing campaign once there is a movement on the ground to provide air support to, should it happen to align with those interests (and nobody cares what the imperialists think or why they do what they do, what's important is if they could be taken advantage of to push the goals of iraqi self-determination), but nothing of the sort seemed remotely likely to happen in the iraq of 2003. the iraqis were not ready for this kind of intervention. now, yes - it became rather apparent, rather fast that the bombing campaign was punitive in nature, but that has nothing to do with the initial logic in whether to support it or not. even a bombing campaign with punitive intent should have a positive outcome if there is a force on the ground to take advantage of it. it just doesn't matter why. but there just wasn't....

what i started to realize when i was talking to people around me was that these were not the arguments they were making. rather, they were making much more conservative arguments that the historical left would have largely rejected as utopian, backwards and naive. so, you'd hear them argue for the preservation of "iraqi culture" in the face of "american imperialism", and you just had to chuckle a little when you did, as though the culture in the region was anything worth supporting, as a leftist. you want to cut off peoples' hands? you're into corrective rape? really? but, it became apparent over time that they seemed less concerned about the nature of iraqi culture and how it may affect the lives of iraqis (that is, they weren't interested in consequences) and were more concerned about the sovereignty of iraqi citizens to make their own decisions, however terrible those decisions might be. so, they seemed perfectly happy to support the most right-wing islamic fundamentalists on the ground that they could find, if that was the opposition to "american imperialism" that actually existed. this was often kind of more about them than about the people in iraq - and they seemed to see any opposition at all as their enemy's enemy, and therefore their friend. call them useful idiots, but it's what was real.

(and, of course, most of these groups were actually created by american imperialism, and exist to carry out their goals. but, neither of us knew that then - and i suspect they mostly still don't know that, now.)

i had to grapple with this fact in front of me - the opposition to this war was widespread, and i was a part of it, but it was not a leftist opposition at all, but was rather a conservative, pacifist, non-interventionist opposition. and, if the spectrum was already confused, this is where it becomes incoherent, as the terms flipped meaning almost entirely. the quakers became the far left, and trotsky became the far right.

we can dispense of the terms. maybe you opposed the war because you thought it was wrong to intervene, in which case we have very different perspectives. i did not oppose the war out of "respect for traditional iraqi culture", but because it was clear that there was no revolutionary foundation to build upon. and, i claim my argument is left-wing and your argument is right-wing, and we might argue the point, but we can probably at least agree that the utility of these labels is not what it once was.

and, i continued to strictly oppose the war from what i claim was the left in every way up until something switched over, and that was the rise of isis. unless you are a non-interventionist pacifist that opposes all war on moral grounds (like a quaker), then you have lines where war becomes acceptable. isis is where that line crossed, for me. and, we can understand our differing reactions to isis by looking at the reasons we opposed the war to begin with.

my argument was that bombing iraq was counter-productive and would just make things worse, in the long run; your argument was that it was morally wrong to bomb other countries. so, when bombing iraq did make things worse in the long run, and created a force that actually needed to be contained, the bombing became a self-fulfilling prophesy, from my perspective - i was arguing that we shouldn't bomb iraq because something like isis would happen (whereas hitchens seemed to welcome the anarchy), and you were arguing we shouldn't bomb iraq because you thought something like isis was perfectly ok, if it was indigenous in character - i was arguing tactics, and you were pushing cultural relativism. so, when isis appeared, my argument flipped over - now we have to bomb them because we created a mess, and look what came out of it: utter barbarism that simply had to be destroyed. and, you're just still lost in the same relativistic argument you were in before, where you can't tell what's right and wrong to begin with, anyways. to me, the creation of isis proved i was right to oppose the initial invasion; to you, bombing is bombing, and there's no difference in supporting this or that campaign.

i'm a subtle, careful thinker; you're a zealot.

i was arguing for immediate withdrawal all through 2004, 2008 and into whenever it was - 2012? 2013? - that isis started appearing. but, i changed my position to bomb isis, specifically - now, we had to finish the job, first. i didn't like this change in position, i didn't want to stay in iraq, but i felt it was now the necessary position. we could cut and run when the society is in anarchy, but not when it's being taken over by fascism - you have to fight fascism, whether you like it or not.

and, yes, i was aware that isis was funded by the saudis under american influence and guidance - that we created this force to bomb it. it's a ploy. i understood that. it didn't matter - they had to be mercilessly annihilated and permanently destroyed, anyways. and, we could figure out what's next, after.

standing in 2021, i haven't rescinded my calls for the utter destruction of what is left of the caliphate, but i realize at this point that it doesn't matter. there's no group to align with on the point. the united states is in the process of recreating isis, and is using it to attack syria with. it will no doubt be used to threaten iraq and keep it in line, and it may be used to harass iran. and, we don't seem to need the fake narrative any longer - we're now just giving them direct air support, and arguing they're an indigenous uprising, which is ridiculous and directly from the fucking cia.

my solidarity is where it always was, which is with the secularist, leftist, socialist groups on the ground. i stand with the apostates and the queers looking to do away with islam and radically revolutionize the society on the ground. that's who i stood with then and who i stand with now. i have no patience for people supporting "nationalist insurgencies" or arguing that islamic rule is indigenous to the region - i support global socialist revolution, everywhere. i realize that global islam is an imperialist force in it's own right and a dominant threat to world peace that needs to be restrained and dismantled. the next world war will be fought to neutralize islam as a force of fascism, which is a historical narrative going back centuries, and not something william kristol thought up.

so, i will stand primarily with the russians and assad by proxy as the lesser evil, as they attempt to fight off an absolutely vicious saudi-american invasion force, and i will continue to cite reasons that i believe align with the internationalist left, and not with the isolationist right.

we may again find ourselves aligned in policy, even if we don't find ourselves aligned in intent or ideology. but, i've become wary of building temporary alliances with islamist sympathizers, as i no longer trust your intents, and am not likely to look the other way any longer.
it's a shame they're sinking into the ocean - this is where i belong and want to be, not this backwards frozen wasteland full of drug addicts and retards.

just to be clear on a point...

i tend to prefer to buy almost everything second hand; yes, i'm poor, and it's cheaper, but i'd still buy things second hand if i was rich, and there's reasons for it that are intended to jam up the economy.

so, with the exception of things like socks and underwear and shoes, i buy clothes second hand. always. and, this is a very conscious economic choice. the fact of the matter is that you cannot find clothes made new in this economy that are not created by children in third world countries - it's just not an option. every company at every store in every mall is selling clothes made with child slave labour. i want nothing to do with it, but i can't walk around naked. so, i go to value village - and i would still go to value village even if i was rich, for that reason, and that reason explicitly.

with furniture, i prefer, under normal circumstances,  to buy used in order to prevent the manufacture of new items. this seems backwards, you say - don't i want to support the economy? absolutely not, no - or at least not this economy, which is wasteful and doesn't recycle. yes, generally speaking, i can get usable furniture at kijiji for 1% of the cost you'd get it in a new bourgeois store, but that's really besides the point; i'm trying to reduce the amount of waste in society, and reusing perfectly good furniture is a far better idea than paying through my nose to support union wages to create more and more waste. these are where my priorities are.

and, we can go through item by item, but it's usually the same basic logic - i'm going for the second-hand options because i don't want to support the economy. sorry...
so, after looking at the options available to me, i decided that the cheapest option in front of me was actually to get a table shipped to me - for free - from walmart. i'd be paying almost exactly the same price for virtually anything on kijiji, but i'd have to find a way to drag it here. if shipping is free, i'd might as well take it.

so, i got a 40"x20" table to put the monitor and speakers on for $30 and a 20"x20" end table to put the receiver, cd player and laptop on for $15. there's $5 in tax. i'm not going to do better than that, and it comes straight to my door - and free of smoke.
so, where am i with the cleaning and reinstalling, then?

- i have completely cleaned my bedroom space from top to bottom. every nook and cranny. i've scrubbed the floors. it's spotless...
- i have reassembled my dresser and washed every article of clothing in it, as well. so, all my clothes are clean for the first time in over a year. the problem was that there was a hydrogen sulfide leak in the basement floor directly beside the dresser and i wanted to be 100% sure it was fixed before i set the dresser back up and washed all the clothes. it's all done.
- i need to get a table and a bookcase for this space with the carbon tax refund, which should be easy enough, if i can find it.  
- i'm using my old homemade makeup table as a shoe rack in the closet
- putting all these clothes away meant i could clear out the space intended for recording, finally. that has been done, and everything has been cleaned as much as is possible - including a thorough scrubbing of the floors. this space was absolutely filthy....but i want to keep it clean...
- i have a lot of gear to reinstall and/or fix as i set it up in here. i'm starting with 2 of the 3 pcs, which i'm using as 16-bit and 32-bit windows recording consoles, respectively. 
- i have purchased a large bookcase for $15 that has a broken top but is otherwise perfectly fine and now overlooks the studio space. it will probably hold recording related materials in some currently unclear way. some time ago, i also purchased an organizer for wires and cables. so, this space is actually considerably more organized than it was, previously. 
- i'm going to install racks for the two bicycles along the stairwell. that will clear up space and keep dirt off the floor.
- i still need to clean the kitchen & the bathroom before i get seriously back to work. from here on in, i intend to get back to the monthly cleaning schedule that i had before i got frustrated by the sulfur smell and second-hand smoke from upstairs.
- i have put all of the various items that need to slowly be reinstalled into the other room, which i have been using as a combo storage space + dining area. the process of reconstructing the studio and generally setting things up in here will be reduced to a process of cleaning up that space, bit by bit. when it is done, i will be be done what i'm doing.

so, i've been posting less because i've been vacuuming and lysoling and scrubbing things, but i'm over a bit of a hump with it.

let's check to see if there's anything new up on kijiji regarding tables and bookcases.
ok, so i can't do a brute force hack on the pasta bowl or the eggs and i don't want to do a final run for the fruit bowl. i've got too many loose threads open and i'm just totally unravelling. how do i reweave myself back into some semblance of coherence?

i was building liner notes, and i stopped to fix my diet - thinking it would take a few days to build. six months later, and i'm reaching a conclusion, but need to move on.

i realized my fluoride data totals were wrong, and went to backtrack to fix them. in the process, i decided i'd make a final fruit bowl post because i was almost done and set about compiling it. but, then i wanted to build a book documenting the entire saga. but, then i decided i wanted to build a book documenting my comments on the pandemic. and, i kept going further back, until i decided to go back to the start...

the idea was that, if i start at the beginning, in august 2013, i can spin off a series of different narratives, not just the food saga and the pandemic commentary. these would all be little books to read. in the process, i could spin off the liner notes, as well. i'd actually be multitasking.

but, then, i realized the need to get to the alter-reality, too.

as i was cleaning, i came to the decision that i need to create a schedule and more effectively multitask or i'll continually get lost in these complex recursions. so, i need to be doing three things at once:

1) moving through the alter-reality, starting in 1989
2) actually getting back to the discography, at period 3
3) starting in 2013 with the blogs and rebuilding them, moving forwards

if i do any one of these three things, strictly, then i'll never get any of the others finished. 

so, what if i get in the habit of spending:

sat/sun/mon building the blogs
tues/wed/thurs working on the discography (starting at period 3)
fri on the alter-reality.

eventually,  these things will crash into each other.

and, i need to finish cleaning and fixing machines in here, first.

i don't actually want to do it like this but i think i absolutely have to.