what is my experience with assault and/or harassment?

i've never been raped.

i've been hollered at. i've been followed. i've been groped. i've had people expose themselves to me. i've been kissed without consent, albeit not with a tongue.

the truth is that the only time it's bothered me is when it's been an issue of safety - being followed, mostly. generally, i'm going to laugh at you if you try to act indecently around me.

i remember one night a few years ago, when i ended up in a park with a stranger in downtown ottawa that is known for two things at the wee hours - marijuana and public sex. i was there for the marijuana. it seemed like this dude also wanted sex. but, he was too drunk to get his pants off, and his attempt to expose himself just ended up cracking me up. rather than accuse him of assault or exposure, i ended up helping him to a different and safer park bench, with his pants around his ankles, and left him with instructions not to lay on his back.

a lot of women would have put this guy away for that. i just thought it was funny.

and, there is a difference in mindset here, and it is a result of a difference in conditioning. i simply wasn't raised in a conservative environment, or with conservative values. and, i usually have this conversation when i'm attempting to explain that i haven't had to unlearn anything, but in this context it's more like i have to try and figure out what people are even so indignant about, because these are legitimately values - and a value system - that is simply foreign to me. these aren't things that anybody ever told me to get angry about.

i was raised to laugh at the absurd, not to get angry or feel victimized. and, i was raised to give as much deference to the free will of others - as absurd as it may be - as i give to myself.

so, when somebody gropes me, i push them off of me. and, then i forget about it. and, i don't quite understand what the purpose of acting further might be. when somebody hollers at me or slows down in their car to check me out, i make sure i'm in a lit area and keep walking. and, i tell them to fuck off if i have to. and, when somebody exposes themselves to me, i just laugh it off - because it is usually comical, if viewed from enough distance.

i don't think i'm oppressed. i don't think i'm carrying around some systemic burden of being at the bottom of some hierarchy. if anything, maybe my indifference is a sign of liberation, or at least a lack of repression. i just think i'm a human being navigating it's way through an unending sequence of complex social interactions, and trying to make the best of it.

there's lines to be drawn, of course. as mentioned, i've never been raped. but, i don't think i'd shrug it off, if i had been.

but, as a liberal anarchist, i'm going to draw these lines very differently than a conservative - or, as it seems, a progressive - might. and, i'm going to insist that people see the relativism in this, and the necessity of being careful about where the law puts these lines down, as a result of it.

not everybody shares your values.

jagmeet singh must cut his beard.