ugh. so, i've been over this before....
the reason the drag community focuses on these absurd displays of sexuality is because they're expressing a dominant form of masculinity through a female costume. it's little more than a gay male fetish.
the archetype is madonna, but it's really diversified over the last few decades. if you're focusing your concept of "femininity" on madonna's ultra-masculine dominatrix shtick through however many levels of abstraction, you're not expressing a condition of gender dysphoria, you're merely playing out your male dominance through a kinky costume.
how many drag queens do you see do alice in wonderland or snow white? you don't. because it's not about gender.
so, if you're interpreting the transgender condition through this filter and then you look at me and say "she's not like that....", then of course you're going to get confused - because you're misinterpreting a dominant gay male fetish for a gender condition that encapsulates the exact opposite of that.
i have about as much in common with the average gay male as i do with the average christian fundamentalist. but i'm pretty sure i'd rather hang out with the latter, because i'm confident he isn't going to take his pants off in front of me. well, actually, on second thought, i shouldn't be so sure about that....
the point i'm getting at is that the idea of compressing mtf spaces into gay male spaces is just negating the concept of transsexuality. it's an oppressive implication - it denies that i don't identify as male, don't share experiences with men, etc. and i very well may snap on the next doctor that suggests it.
i want to hang out with a bunch of gay men about as much as any other woman wants to go to any other sausage party. i'm going to sit in the corner by myself, have no idea what they're talking about (probably video games) and hope somebody i can relate to comes in to save me from them. i know this because i've been through it. i'm old. i've lived a life.
like. fuck. if it was that easy, would i have made it so difficult? ugh.