i would like to propose that the next american election be devoted to a contest regarding the extent of public displays of affection for america. it should be televised, in prime time. this contest should replace the debates (which have frankly been useless for years, anyways). there should be a call-in or web vote to determine the winner, who will be immediately inaugurated, afterwards, to the tune of the miss america pageant music.

"folks, it seems like bob dole is giving the statue of liberty a handjob. that's going to be tough to beat."