see, the unfortunate thing is that it took you so long to figure this out. i figured this out about 25 or so. but, i think you still haven't quite figured it out.

you're still lost in the misunderstanding that we live in a meritocracy. but, if you look around a little bit more closely, you will hopefully see that your problem is not that you do, but that you don't - that we live in a system defined by rampant nepotism and corruption. we don't get ahead based on what we're able to accomplish, we get ahead based on the family we're born into and our ability to build social connections up the ladder, often in direct contradiction to our actual abilities. we would benefit from more meritocracy and less class hierarchy. a social reformation, if you will.

what they told me when i was in school was that i was brilliant. i came back at the 99th percentile of all the intelligence tests, for as far back as i can recall. i'll still ace just about an iq type test you can throw at me. but, i also failed the situational judgement tests in the 00s. three times. it's not because they demand the exceptional, it's because they demand conformity. i'm in the strange position of not being able to tell them what they want to hear because i'm so isolated from the people around me that i don't know what they want to hear. the only way i'm able to approach something like that is with logic, which is the wrong way to approach it. it's a test of whether the candidate is properly conditioned to behave in a hierarchical workforce. for me to pass the tests, i'd have to take courses in workplace behaviour that teach me the correct way to defer to authority and when i should not think for myself.

what i figured out about the age of 25 is that it's a waste of time to bother dreaming. i mean, it doesn't matter anyways. even if you get to where you want to get to, you've accomplished nothing of any value. so, i went back to school because i didn't want to get a job - i'd rather smoke a joint in the park and read a book under the tree.

the solution to the conundrum is to stop pretending you want the things you don't have. if you wanted them, you'd have already accomplished them. you studied science instead because you preferred it. so, stop letting the society define you, and take control of yourself, instead. if you can do that, you'll realize that you're happier reading that text book in your parents' basement than you would be otherwise. and that that's why you're doing it in the first place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pglv6VrA8ro