Nov 1, 2031

we wake up today to announce that justin trudeau has just been re-elected to his fifth consecutive majority government. he has long represented the world's last safe space for free trade and market economics. to celebrate this victory for globalism, the liberals have decided to renew the canada-canada free trade agreement (ccfta). let's see what justin has to say.

"we are proud that canadians have once again affirmed their support for global trade. we would like to celebrate with our trading partners. but, as we are the only country left that believes in free trade, we will instead renew our agreement with ourselves. after all of these years, the ccfta remains a pillar in solipsistic global trade relations."

do you still hold out hope for a return to nafta?

"did my father outlive laurier?"

president swift was on vacation in the bahamas and could not be reached for comment.

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