i don't understand why she's chain smoking and listening to loud music in her apartment, by herself, at 1:00 in the morning.

it's just behaviour that is absolutely baffling to me. i wouldn't have acted like that at 15, 25 or 35 - and i don't imagine i'll act like that at 45 or 55.

everybody else is asleep. i'm the only person that's said anything, but i can't be the only person being bothered by it. at this point, i can't gain anything by continuing to complain. but why would you do that?

the smoke, once again, is making me physically sick - there is a good chance that i'm going to start vomiting. it's almost like the reaction you get when you give a 12 year old kid forty cigarettes, in an attempt to gross them out. i haven't had a cigarette in months, but i'm inhaling more smoke than i ever did when i was a smoker.

it's really hard for me to describe how bad it is. and, i can't take pictures or videos to describe it. but, the windows are fogged up from the smoke. i can taste it at the back of my throat. there's a thin layer of ash on the floor.

she must smoke 50 cigarettes a day. it's just constant. & unending.

it hurts to breathe. my stomach is in knots.

but, i can't find a way out.

and i just don't get it. like, what is she doing down there? what is the purpose of this?