my name is jessica (jason) parent. i had an appointment with dr. ********** on may 2 @ 13:00. i am faxing to the office to request a change to a form that was made, and while this may seem trivial, i’ve recently learned that it is important that my medical records be kept accurate and up-to-date, as hostile actors may decide to use it against me. and, for that reason, i would like this fax to be kept in my file. i may be the victim of some ongoing police or other government harassment; i have an ongoing investigation into a member of the windsor police department that is seeking his termination for harassing me, and that i intend to win. i don’t want any misinformation to make it’s way to court.

for that reason, i’m going to be explicit about this - i am talking through reception here and to the file. i apologize if it’s tmi.

in the course of a conversation with dr. ************, he questioned my sexual history, and i was honest and blunt with him: my last recollection of a consensual encounter was indeed with a female some time around 2006 or 2007. i’ve forgotten the date. i have had some concerns about blackouts since and will get to this, but any sex i’ve had since has not been consensual on my behalf. there was lingering sexual contact from a romantic relationship over the period between 2002-2005, that incidentally ended largely under the mutual understanding that i was “gay”. sex with this partner generally took the form of me fantasizing about her in a male role and even of her physically humping me; in the end, neither of us found this satisfying, and we realized we both had to move on.

i had not had sex with anybody at all before i met this person, and have not had conscious or consensual sex with anybody at all since. so, i have had a total of one consensual sex partner in my life, roughly in the years 2002-2007, with a relationship over 2002-2005 and some lingering sex afterwards.

my experience with heterosexual sex over this period was an experiment that was initiated on her behalf. she knew that i identified as transgendered and had a desire to detransition me and convert me back, although she initially approached me with the intent of accepting me as female. i fell for a bait and switch; i wouldn’t have gotten involved with her on the basis of the relationship being heterosexual, but i found myself overcome with the emotions of losing my virginity once i did, and it took me a long time to pull away as a result of it. i wanted her to accept me as female right up until the very end. the lesson we learned from this process is that she actually failed at this task - she did not detransition me, she did not “turn me straight” and i was neither interested nor able to have satisfying sex with her in a male role, as she desired. all i could do for years was imagine her as male, and all i wanted from her was acceptance as a female. so, we tried the experiment and learned from it - a heterosexual male gender role is not the right thing for me. i have had absolutely no interest at all in a heterosexual relationship with anybody else, since.

however, the reason i have not had any sex at all since, inside or outside a relationship, is not due to a lack of interest or opportunity. rather, i made a decision around 2009 or 2010 (again, this was a long time ago, now) that i would refrain from any kind of sexual behaviour until after i’d completed a vaginoplasty; my abstinence is ideological, and no amount of opportunity is ever going to reverse it. i decided a long time ago that it is not possible for me to have satisfying sex within the confines of a male gender role, and have consciously chosen abstinence in order to deal with this. in this period, i have explicitly turned down both men and women for sex.

i should also point out that dr. ********* is aware that i take 100 mg of cyproterone acetate daily, an amount that makes my ability to carry through with a male sexual function nearly impossible. it’s not completely impossible, i do get random erections, mostly during sleep, but i’m essentially impossible to arouse upon command - i have absolutely no sex drive, whatsoever. i am certainly unable to ejaculate, and have been for years. while i can’t say for sure because i haven’t tried, i would probably be unable to have sex with a female at this point, and have probably been unable to for many years. i have also made multiple requests for an orchiectomy, although i have been unable to find a doctor willing to do it. i am hoping to pick this back up again this year.

for all of these reasons, i’m somewhat surprised that dr. ********* filled out “sex with female” as a risk category for hiv exposure. i guess he may have misunderstood me. while i suspect that i may have had sex in a blackout space with a male in the spring of 2016, i nowhere indicated to him that i have recently had sex with a female - and have no reason to think that i have, for all the reasons i’ve pointed out.

the reason i think i may have had blackout sex with a male in the spring of 2016 is that i woke up in the front seat of a car after blacking out, and when i woke up there was a male that was actively trying to have sex with me. i would not classify my memory of the incident as constituting assault on his behalf; it was more of a verbal process. i had been drinking at a dance club in detroit, but not too much, and think i blacked out because i was drugged. i have no evidence of being drugged, besides suspicion around the amount of alcohol being too low to black me out. i declined sex with this male when i woke up. but, i noticed swelling around my anus, and have a missing period of a few hours, so i came in for hiv testing, which eventually came clean.

i do not want it stated in my medical records that i believe i have recently had sex with a female - i will categorically state again that i do not believe i have recently had sex with a female, nor do i think that such a thing would be physically possible when blacked out from alcohol. if i’m unable to get an erection on command sober, i don’t see how i could get one drunk.

for this reason, i would like dr. *********** to correct the blood labwork that he printed out for me yesterday to state “sex with male” in the risk category, as that is what we are testing for. as mentioned, i think this is important for legal reasons, and not as trivial as it may appear on first glance; i have reasons to fear being set up.

i would like to pick up the new print out later in the afternoon and would appreciate a response either to death.to.koalas@gmail.com or a voicemail left at 5199161358. i cannot be reached directly by phone and cannot get through to your office over google voice.