so, yeah, i'm 40 now. and i think i'm over whatever had me stuck in place, like a deer caught in headlights, but i still have to actually finish this. it is important.

i tried to shut this period of anxiety & self-destruction down with a second large edible consumption - the same 10 mg as before - and i had a really confusing reaction to it. the first time i did this, it came on after about an hour, hit a reasonable high after a few hours and didn't really wear off for about ten hours. this time, it didn't really come on for about four hours, hit a weak buzz to say the least and....i'm actually at 11 hours now and still feeling it a little, if not much. so, i had a very long, very mild buzz.

i took them soon after eating both times; i had the pasta bowl the first time and the eggs this time. 

so, did the eggs interfere? did something in the pasta bowl help? the pasta bowl has a lot of betaine, remember, and the eggs bowl doesn't. the eggs bowl is full of fat soluble vitamins, mostly.....

my tolerance has come back up over the past few weeks, which is when i know it's time to stop for a few months. but, still - this is four doses. it should certainly be enough, four doses; i get stoned off .2 g pinners, even after some minimal tolerance has built. if four doses of edibles doesn't do anything, it kind of gets the point across about thc metabolism being unpredictable.

but, that's a bad thing all around, as you want results to be moderately predictable, especially given that we're talking about 8+ hour trips. you need to have a fairly clear idea of what the drug is going to actually do in this context, or you'll never get it right - sometimes you won't take enough and get disappointed, other times you'll take too much and pass out. 

so, that's my actual feeling here: i need repeatably demonstrable results and am frustrated by the variation in outcomes. it's hard to commit to edibles under that reality.