i don't know why my father had this obsession with me owning a vehicle.

he put a lot of hubris into owning a car. for him, it was a big part of going to work everyday. i'd make the argument that he worked his whole life for no gain - that he largely wasted his life on unrewarding labour, and in the end accomplished nothing of value. but, in his mind, car ownership was a big part of the reason he went to work every day. and, if you asked him what he accomplished in life, he would say "i owned my own car".

it seems trivial, to me. almost stupid, really.

but, he found my rejection almost hurtful. this is something he never understood. he'd fix up my bike for me every year, and he'd bite his tongue, but it ate at him inside: why didn't his kid want a car?

he seemed to think i'd "grow out of it", without fully grasping the depth of my commitment to fighting climate change, and my aversion to buying oil and funding all of the hell that buying oil funds.

and, i actually think the position he took was extremely selfish. he had the ability to pay my loan down; instead, he insisted on buying me a car, and pouted like a child when i told him i didn't want it and would rather have my debt cleared off, like the responsible young adult that i was.

he's been dead for years, and i still don't want a car - and still have a large student loan.