listen, i never interpreted myself as the smart kid. i didn't want to go enriched classes; i preferred to hang out with the dumb kids. this isn't self-delusion - i would rather be stupid. in a backwards society, intelligence is actually a curse.

but, they kept doing these aptitude tests and i kept coming back in the 99th percentile. it started in grade school, carried on through high school and was most recently demonstrated through government employment tests. i scored in the 99th percentile on the gct-2, which is a kind of iq test for government hiring. i got something like 96% on a test with a 60% pass requirement. i destroy these things. routinely. consistently....

i went to an interview, and they were just astonished by the sight of me. most people that write these tests fail them outright. 75% is exceptional. they'd never heard of a 96%. they thought there was some kind of mistake. then, i showed up in like sneakers and a plaid shirt with shoulder length hair, and they basically told me to go back to school. well, they probably all got Cs, so that's not hard to grasp.

i'm not the kid that overreached, i'm the kid that underperformed. i didn't do my homework, i skipped a lot of classes; i generally didn't take it seriously. sometimes i was irresponsible, other times i was disinterested and still other times i was dealing with heavy real world shit like homelessness and just unable to focus. i really strongly disliked participating in class. what i think is more important to point out is that my heart wasn't in it, and for that reason i fully agree that i should have dropped out - not because i was unable to do it, but because i legitimately didn't want to.

and, my grades are actually reflective of that. i initially graduated with a B+; my marks went up when i went back, and my gpa is now a weak A. but, it's not a bunch of marks in the middle - it's a lot of extremes. it's strings of As followed by strings of Ds, and you can see my life experiences very clearly reflected in it, if you read the attached essay.

but, nobody wants to read the essay. and, i don't even care, really; what i care about is an end point of actual academic work, not some letters or numbers to get a job with. i'm all about the love of learning, and i'm only frustrated by my inconsistency in the doors it's closed.