it's actually a little unsettling. what? i kind of want to understand this.

monday seems to be somewhat of a black hole in that there are no posts here. but, posts were a little light all week on account of being stoned (contrary to popular perception, the volume here is not a consequence of drug use, unless you include coffee. marijuana tends to have a distinctly negative effect on my ability to type, write, order thoughts or really do anything creative at all. i don't do other drugs. the dip in volume is a normal consequence of smoking through a few grams and something you can pull out a clear pattern around, given how much is now here...you might even be able to deduce a period of marijuana use is taking place by observing a decrease in posts....), of being more interested in show listings and of being focused on the rebuild. it's unusual for me to skip a day on this blog, which is creating some pause for me, but occam's razor is that i was focused on something else, and the narrative i have is at least consistent with that.

i didn't lose a day, i skipped one. was it monday? or thursday? or some other day?

i came back from toronto with $10 worth of loonies in my pocket. i didn't want to buy a pack of cigarettes on 4/20 because i wasn't planning on smoking through what i had, and i had all this change, so i just went out and tried to buy a few "loosies". it would be useful if i could buy packs of 5s or maybe 10s for rolling purposes. as it happened, i very quickly found two cigarettes for $2, and that was actually enough for the night. i also spent $4 in change on doritos, so that's $6, but i remember being strangely unhungry when i went to eat them. i was then out again for a nice walk around brunch time on sunday morning, and was given two - for free - by a random dude in a car outside the timmy's. i spent the day working before stopping to eat the reheated nachos on sunday night and then am pretty sure i napped for a few hours. i don't think i was planning on smoking any more of it when i fell asleep, but then convinced myself otherwise when i woke up. well, it's a long weekend...

i was out again very early on monday - like 2:00 am-ish. i have a receipt from a circle k (still listed as a mac's by the bank) for mountain dew, and i would have gone to get mountain dew anyways because my throat hurt, but i was really out looking to bum a few smokes to roll with. i thought the circle k would be live enough, but learned it wasn't, so i took a walk down to the 24/7 mcdonald's instead and carried through with the transaction, for two more. that's $8. i took another nap in the afternoon, and then was back out for another walk in the afternoon, under the argument that the long weekend is still carrying on. i have a receipt for doritos from the afternoon, and think i bummed a smoke from a guy at a bus stop. he wouldn't take the change. i then tried to bum one from a guy outside the food basics, and he wouldn't take the change either.

there are a few posts to the music blog on monday night, but the next post to this blog is tuesday morning, and i have to assume i was just too hard at work to post, although i do think i started writing some posts and ended up deleting them. i also think it was on monday night that i took a quick walk to the store around the corner, and bought one from the guy that works there, on his way home. so, that's $9.

i gave out the last loonie - along with four quarters - for two more on tuesday morning. as it was now the fourth day of a long weekend, and there was only around a gram left, i decided to carry through until i either ran out of change or ran out of pot, and was at this point down to four quarters, so assumed it would be pretty quick. i went out a second time on tuesday afternoon, and while i managed to pick up a few cigarettes, i couldn't get anybody to take my change.

i'm sure i went for a walk to get my meds on the afternoon of wed the 24th - this is what my memory says, and i have receipts to prove it. i came back with three cigarettes; nobody took the quarters. this was enough to finish off the pot on wednesday night and thursday morning.

so, given that i started on saturday night and finished on thursday morning, that's around 4.5 days. 3.5/4.5 ~ 0.75, and i smoke quarter gram pinners because i have no tolerance, so i'm looking at three small joints a day over what amounted to five calendar days. i wasn't actually counting, but if you told me i got 15 joints out of that little container, i'd say that sounds right. sometimes, i would roll with half a cigarette and smoke the other half; other times, i'd roll both halves. i understand that this is very minimal consumption, but it's usually more than enough for me.

i had been eating doritos all week, and was consequently behind on my smoothies. so, i do distinctly recall waking up on thursday afternoon and deciding to catch up. further, i distinctly recall knowing it was thursday, because i counted back from the previous date. rather than have six smoothies, which would be absurd, and cost a lot of electricity, i put the equivalent of six smoothies in some tupperware containers and ate it with a spoon. this would be six bananas, six kiwis, 120 blueberries, 30 strawberries, six scoops of ice cream and roughly a box of vanilla soy milk. i then ended up very cold from the six scoops of ice cream and passed out...

the reason i'm sure that i knew it was thursday is that six smoothies would catch me up to wednesday, and i wanted to wait for the meal to carry on with thursday. and, i'm starting to understand this, i think - i got confused by my eating schedule.

and, i actually do have a recording from thursday afternoon that states it is thursday afternoon. i initially thought this recording was on friday by analyzing the dates on it, that i was stating it was thursday despite it actually being friday, but this appears to be a bad deduction - the recording was clearly actually on thursday. and the date on the device doesn't really appear to be reliable. ok. so, i'm pretty sure i haven't lost track of time yet, by thursday.

when i woke up on thursday night, i remember deciding to wait until i was caught up on the rebuild before i approached a meal. that didn't happen - i fell asleep at about 9:00 am on friday morning, without finishing the rebuild and without eating.

i woke up late in the afternoon, and sent an email to the oiprd, fully aware that it was friday afternoon. i did not stop to eat until late on friday night (eggs), but i still wasn't done the rebuild, yet. the next vlog entry states it is early on saturday morning, and  i do now think this was actually true. i would have then fallen asleep early on saturday morning, and woken up again on saturday afternoon. i had eggs a second time on sunday morning, after i finished the rebuild - but by this time i thought it was monday morning.

so, i seem to have mentally skipped forwards to sunday at some point on saturday afternoon, and didn't catch it until sunday night around 22:00. i still don't understand this, but i can at least localize it. let me check the footage again...