how much does cocaine even cost, anyways? i don't actually even know.

i'm only half joking...

i keep arguing that i'm not depressed, and i don't feel that i'm depressed on an intellectual level. i'm not sad, i don't hate my life, i don't want drugs to numb the pain, etc. but, if the argument is that depression is something physical, maybe i'm deluding myself.

is it possible to be a relatively happy person with a positive outlook on life, but be crippled by the physicality of depression?

i want to drink a gallon of coffee, but it's not working. it's just giving me acid reflux.

i dunno.

maybe i should start smoking again. it seems like my productivity has completely collapsed, since i quit.

*sigh*.

how do i wake up?