it may have been psychological....

but, i could have sworn i felt my eyes refocus as i was eating the first red pepper, as though my body was saying thank you for getting me the nutrients you've been denying me. i'm sorry, ocular system; i'm sorry, brain. i didn't realize it. really.

your eyes are really a window into your brain, literally. it's like your brain burrowed out into the world through your skull and tried to eat the light...

i understand that it won't fix my broader vision problems, which are....this is a very sad story, actually....

i had surgery for a "lazy eye" when i was a kid, which was something my parents got into a heated argument about. basically, my mother decided that i should get the surgery because she had the surgery. that was the extent of her logic - she had it, so therefore i must have it. i don't know if this is a result of how alcoholics anonymous destroys your brain or if she was a genetic determinist to begin with, but she has little concept of the stochasticism and randomness that defines modern science, including modern genetics - she seems to think, essentially, that dna is some kind of god, and we have almost no ability to overturn it. in her estimation, we are entirely predetermined at birth, and that's all there is to it.

she had a lazy eye, therefore i have a lazy eye. qed.

as mentioned, i think the root cause of this weirdness is not some kind of calvinism, or at least not explicitly, but the 12-step program, which has brainwashed her into thinking that she has a genetic disease called alcoholism that she has no free will over. she has extrapolated that exceedingly widely, in absolutely absurd ways, and this is really just one example of it, however extreme it is.

my dad insisted on some kind of evidence and this is the crushingly sad part of it - he took me to doctor after doctor and they all actually told me that i don't have an eye condition. that's right - i saw roughly ten doctors, and they all told me my vision was great.

she finally found a doctor that would do it, and the result is that my eyesight has been relatively poor ever since.

i was too young to really put up much of a fight. and, the court gave my mom custody, despite her history of substance dependence and mental illness, because a child should be with their mother - my dad had no legal ability to stop it.

so, the vitmain a won't undo a surgery that should have never been done or fix my eyesight that was ruined at the end of a knife blade.

but, i swear that i felt it sharpen in focus. for a minute.

it was getting pretty bad for a bit. really. i can handle being near-sighted, but i'd like the distance before it clicks in to be more than a foot. if it helps even a little, that's welcome.