i would actually agree that she has the right to refuse specific service of this type because the agreement is contracted. if it were a situation where a gay couple were walking into a store and picking something up off of a shelf, the anti-discrimination laws would ensure that the gay couple be treated equally and not denied service. however, this ruling is consistent with the wedding cake ruling from a few years ago that draws a line at contracted work. individuals must be free to choose the work they wish to do, and the contracts they wish to participate in.
a wedding website is not an essential service and a gay couple should be able to find somebody else to make the website for them with minimal difficulty. there is no utility in trying to force somebody to work for you if they don't want to.
ideally, we wouldn't have people that don't want to make websites for gay couples but free speech is paramount and crying over spilled milk, which is all the harm that a denial of the sort has the potential to cause, is not. idiots must retain the right to their idiotic beliefs, so long as they do not harm anybody, and it's vitally important that the queer community acknowledge that point.
10:42
saturday, july 1, 2023
=============
i have now found an evaluation copy of ntlite that works, but the trick is that it has to be applied to the running system (this was also the case with the updates) rather than a saved wim. in some ways, that's actually better because i can test it.
this is the utility list, which may continue to fluctuate. i like the windows xp version of paint and prefer a more versatile calculator. some of the other items, like the iso.exe utility which captures optical discs, are of marginal utility but still dragging around. i should also point out that the fact that this is an air gapped machine makes some of the sysinternals utilities of no utility, but i haven't decided to delete them yet.
what point am i now at in this process?
- i have successfully created a wim with about 60 additions which is on the order of 15 gb which i'm calling "fully updated". this has all windows 7 updates, as well as a number of other microsoft integrations like office 2003. the only 3rd party addition is a virtual dvd drive, which microsoft did not add to windows until version 10. i had to save this from the running system by using the version of dism on the windows 8 iso, as launched from the running windows 7 install disc (using shift+f10).
- i then added another 40 additions, including movie maker (which i forgot because i thought dvd maker was movie maker) and a handful of 3rd party apps like 7zip, do pdf for pdf printing and a very old version of foxit which will largely be superseded by edge. this is the typing machine, so the ability to print from word 2003 to pdf with clickable links (a longstanding issue with pdf printing) is in the core functionality of the os. this is the new fully updated. i had to save this the same way as previously. i was also able to reduce the size of the wim by 4 gb by using the disk cleanup tool, so it ended up around 12 gb.
- i was then able to apply a very aggressive removal script using an evaluation ntlite that stripped 7 gb out of the 20 gb running install. as i took a third out, this should reduce the size of the wim to around 8 gb or less. the magic number is 4.7, but i'm going to need it a little smaller so i can keep the script files on the dvd. worst case scenario, i'll create a second build dvd.
i'm going to need to redo the previous step because removing the desktop window manager broke the pen tablet functionality. testing this to make sure the script isn't breaking anything may take a few days.
i'm also going to do a third iteration of the fully updated because i also forgot to include the sysinternals suite, which should be in the fully updated version. that will also require me using gimagex to add the tag in, as dism doesn't do that and the setup crashes without it.
when i'm confident that the removal process is stable, i'll put that wim aside as the "base minimal" beside the "fully updated". that base minimal will be where i'll pick up when i build the image for the 64-bit recording machine, using the same activation license.
for the typing machine, which is what i'm building right now, the next step will be to install the local drivers and then remove the recovery and winsxs folders. i think that will be last part of the custom wim; after that, i'll be focusing on scripting. i hope this will get me under 4.7 so that i can burn it and use it as a boot disk.
i may revisit some of these steps, but i think i have the basic process in order, now. the trick is that the evaluation copies of ntlite have to be applied to the running system, strictly, and that the wim has to be captured like you're ghosting it. that is not at all obvious and took me a lot of trial and error to figure out.
13:13
this is the list of updates i've added to the fully updated wim, which, as mentioned, is now extremely large:
i've also decided to add notepad++ to the image after all. i wanted to wait because it's something i'll probably update, but meh. some version of notepad++ for diff-checking, specifically, is basic enough to be core.
17:32
yes, i'm going to remove windows media player. i've been using foobar for audio and smplayer for video for years, but those are things that will be revisited on this machine. i frankly haven't watched any local video in years, but this machine will also eventually be used for editing my vlogs into iso files and i'm going to be reapproaching that from scratch. i set up my old altec system with this machine, but the idea is to use the linuxbook for internet access and keep the pc airgapped, so i'll almost certainly be streaming from that source instead. i've actually been toying with getting yet another expired chromebook just for audio streaming in that room.
i will install foobar on this machine, but i want to leave it for the script side because i'm not sure what codecs i do or don't want on this typing machine vs the recording machine. it's not "base functionality", the way that an ebook reader or a diff checker is.
18:01
i really actually don't want to hold on to any of the network functionality in by the systinternals executables and am going to remove them from the directory for that reason. the point is to rip out network functionality such as remote desktop and active directory, it doesn't make sense to leave a backdoor into the system through the systernals utilities.
18:15
july 2
the realization that dism is being used to ghost the machine rather than to build setup scripts necessitates that the concept of the fully updated system be slightly different than it was initially because it now needs to include everything the base system will include, as it transfers to each subsequent system.
this is my last update:
in addition to notepad++, futurix is a photo zooming application that was last updated in 2009; this version, as can be seen, was converted into a self-extracting executable in 2008. i actually use paint for image editing. futurix is more of an xp program (as are most of these core function additions), but it is more stable than the default windows 7 photo viewer and it is what i've been using on my windows 7 laptop for years.
clipx is a clipboard application that allows for up to 25 clipboards. i experimented with this years ago, and now use this feature regularly on my chromebook, so it's become core functionality. it will be used on my typing machine, i'm sure.
these are the utilities that i left in the system drive:
i've kept tcpview so that i can see if programs are trying to phone out when they are running, although that should be of minimal concern here. it's not a liability, at least. yaps is likewise of potential use without being a risk. the other thing i kept was shareenum, as it could potentially draw my attention to a share that shouldn't be there.
however, i've now disabled the network card in the bios again, which is how it will stay permanently.
5:42
what i skipped was an html editor named alleycode, virtualbox (which is scripted for xp and needs to be rethought along with the video editing software), mit mathml fonts, firefox (for mathml), foobar and smplayer as the tentative video player. there's an argument that an old version of firefox, like an old version of foxit, is base functionality, and it may end up that way in the end. i will likely continue to need to install some version of firefox for the foreseeable future strictly for mathml functionality, on the airgapped machine, where i couldn't hit the script in the cloud if i wanted to (and i don't want to).
i know i'm going to use foobar, it's just a question of updating it. i should add foobar as base functionality.
i should also add an old firefox, as base functionality. yeah. then, i should also add the fonts and even alleycode.
5:57
wait. chrome supports mathml again. ugh.
does edge?
yes:
that's therefore now a moot point and firefox is now really not necessary.
6:02
i can't read mathml on my expired chromebook because i can't update chrome but i could download a new version of chrome and install it to the typing machine, or read it in the integrated edge 109.
the only browser integrated into the base install is the last supported version of edge (for windows 7), which is 109. browsers are properly installed at the scripting stage so they can be updated, but something like orphaned mathml support that is unique to firefox might as well be hardcoded. that's no longer a concern; i can place the question of installing or not installing chrome or firefox back at the script level. i will likely need to install current versions of both of them and keep them both updated for testing.
6:08
when was foobar last updated?
the answer is april. surprisingly.
when will i update it next on the typing machine?
i can't imagine ever.
however, i will require different foobar requirements, such as asio, for the recording machine, so i should wait and deal with it at the scripting stage.
6:23
i don't need paint.net as base functionality, but i should also add it to the scripting stage, for the pen, given that it is now at end of life, as well.
i might use this occasionally, but i bought the pen mostly for math input.
6:57
july 3
i have already found a stable base minimal image on the second application, i just had to make sure i kept the hid drivers for the pen input and simply gave up on and uninstalled virtual pc and xp mode, which cleared up almost 2 gb. i wanted a maximal version with everything (i still cannot find an offline installer for the desktop version of one note, but i found everything else), including final updates to software i was going to remove like ie 11, but i'm never going to use this xp mode (i have a a handful of xp virtual machines already) and my go to is and will continue to be virtualbox. the reality is that (1) i have so many computers now and (2) i have shifted to a fully sandboxed internet via using chromebooks, which makes the idea of the virtual machine seems less pertinent now than it did ten years ago. i don't find myself downloading much software at all anymore. if i need to use xp for xp's sake, i have two desktops and a laptop with xp running, and one of the desktops even has a vanilla sp3 with it. the vanilla sp3 will no doubt end up on the typing machine via virtualbox, eventually, as well. there's no utility for leaving the 2 gb of this on the disc.
that's currently reinstallling. when it finishes, i'll need to back it up to wim as the base minimal, which i'm hoping should now be reduced to close to 6 or 7 gb. i want to do a second pass afterwards that might be able to take out another gb.
the next step will be to build the local image, which will require me to first install all of the drivers (all of the windows 7 drivers for these devices are final. it's just the basics: chipset, monitor, sound, video, usb 3.0 drivers and the pen input drivers), set up all of the drives [this machine has three external drives with specific purposes and a usb hub sitting on the outside for a handful of usb keys, several of which have specialized purposes and that act as small external drives] and then rip out the winsxs folder and disable further updates and removals. this should cut the size of the system in half and get me under 4 gb.
my script disc is, itself, going to be about 4.5 gb so it won't be able to fit on the primary dvd. i shouls have bought a blu-ray drive instead of a dvd drive.
i might get this done by the end of the day today (monday the 3rd). once the iso is burned, i'll be able to put the disc in the drive and use it as the rollback point as i build the install script, which will install the software specific to the machine and then rip out what's left of the network functionality, etc.
3:17
7.77 gb after first-pass.
still a ways to go, but a dramatic improvement, clearly.
5:04
i decided not to do a second pass on the base minimal, so that will remain as an 8 gb wim that will need to be picked up from that point when building the parallel image for the recording machine. i did a test install which installed the local drivers, set a few local customizations and then removed the winsxs folder via ntlite (that is, didn't actually just delete it) and it cut another 6 gb out of the winsxs folder, which should get me well under 4.7 and potentially even under 3 gb for the installation disc. this is still the fully updated windows 7, plus office 2003 and a number of other things, but minus gbs worth of superfluous drivers, without windows media player and with almost no network functionality. it's really truly the update rollbacks, however, that both ballooned the size of the install and allowed it to come back down, which is something i already knew but am really seeing the truth of demonstrated to me. in the end, i'm going to have removed close to 10 gb of windows update rollback files, compressed.
to be clear, that means that this instantiation of windows 7 cannot be further updated; it can neither have further updates applied to it nor can it have already integrated updates removed from it. given that there will be no further windows 7 updates, that should be a moot point. however, i know that there will be further windows 7 updates and, because i have kept track of everything i've done in the form of scripts and notes, updating the previously fully updated wim and running it through the same removal scripts will relatively easily reproduce a new image that is both updated with the new updates and has been reduced in size in what is essentially the same way. i hope i won't need to do that very often; the logic in building this final version of windows 7 is that the operating system is, in fact, already finalized. minor update tweaks will need to be ignored.
i will now run this local image through a second pass in order to remove unwanted services directly from the installation media. when i was reverse engineering xp, i would actually prefer to do that at the scripting stage, but because this is now a ghosting process i would rather just have the unwanted services (mostly network services) completely annihilated at the source. unlike with xp, there is no reason to install these unwanted services via leaving them in the ghosted wim and then delete them in a script on first run.
11:53
3.5 gb.
it'll come down a little more, but that is sufficient. i'm done the hard part.
it has taken me a very long time to figure out how to do this without having to buy any software, so it is a positive feeling to accomplish the task. i bought this computer in the spring of 2022 with grocery store lawsuit money, and it's been sitting ever since with half-installed copies of windows 7 and used sporadically for word processing. this should be my main utility pc, to replace the two laptops that both imploded on me. the terse reality is that neither post.
it is no longer cost effective to replace what looks like a burnt out processor in the 2010ish shorted hp, but i may still be able to fix the screen in the now very old and already refurbished 2005 compaq and turn it into a guitar effects processing rig. that said, it may also be cheaper and preferable to buy something newer to use for the effects rig, at this point. that compaq can now no longer run a modern operating system; it would need to use 7, or a specialized linux. in fact, the latter is more logical. it actually shipped with vista.
14:02
it's also nice to finally see some sustained usb 3 transfer rates now that windows is out of the way. even with all of the drivers updated, i was still maxing out around 40 mb/s, if i was lucky, before it started falling to the teens. 20 was the rule. now that i've turned most of the windows networking features off, i'm routinely getting over 150 mbps sustained transfer between my very modest and now actually kind of old ssd system drive and my newest external hard drive, which is 5 tb. that is sustained over 150; it's been bursting at 300, and i saw one probably wrong reading of 720.
that sounds crazy, but it is a longstanding known issue. why does windows do this? it's throttling your bus bandwidth on purpose, probably in the supposed name of security. the truth is that the purpose is to prevent older computers from meeting modern specs, in order to coerce consumers into frivolous upgrades. the fuckers are horribly corrupt, and they're all in cahoots with each other.
the transfer speeds between the hdd and the other drives are a little slower than the speeds between the ssd and the external drive, so i have a significant bottleneck in this 500 gb hdd that came with the machine. at 75 mb/s, however, i wouldn't consider it to be a substantive problem. that hdd is strictly for storage, but i'll have to see how i want to modify the machine as real use asserts itslf. it may make more sense to put that 500 gb hdd in a different machine and replace it with a faster ssd.
for now, the increase in speed is both substantive and noticeable and i'm happy to experience it. i will be transferring large amounts of video around the drives on this machine, and usb 3 transfer rates were part of the reason that i bought it.
the transfer bottlenecks have been a problem in windows since the vista days. i worked for microsoft during the vista rollout; the catastrophe wasn't an accident, they were trying to force people to buy new hardware. that was the point. it was a gigantic scam. don't make the mistake of thinking that upgrading to a newer windows version will help you make better use of your hardware; no, if you want to make better use of your hardware, the way to do it is to do remove windows from acting as a bottleneck (which requires some understanding of what windows is doing), or avoid windows altogether by using linux. 90% of the purpose of all of these services running on your computer is to waste cpu cycles and make your computer seem slower than it is.
macs are even more evil; you need to go open source or bust, and i'm almost there. really. it's my sound hardware requirements that keep me stuck with windows.
14:46
===============
(back to july 1)
7:13
monday, july 3, 2023
22:37
tuesday, july 4, 2023
they're trying to perform an exorcism on me.
what a bunch of retards.
8:37
wednesday, july 5, 2023
that oldfield record is not highly regarded by his core fans, but it is one of my favourites of his, minus the abortion in the middle, which is that dumbfuck richard branson's fault. i just want to address something about the ethnomusicology of the record, which is part of the reason a lot of his fans take a step back from it.
oldfield is best known for his instrumental recordings in the 70s, which largely defined the world music genre but are firmly rooted in british celtic music traditions. it is accurate to call oldfield a celtic musician, and i don't think he'd recoil too firmly, even if he might correct it mildly. his decision to dabble in spanish music on this particular record is a part of the reason his core fans don't like it, but it shouldn't be.
the arabic culture is not currently and in fact never was an innovative culture, but was formed by a ruling elite of barbarians in every sense of the word taking over the crumbling ruins of the roman empire by the sword and holding it in submission via aggressive taxation and oppressive tactics of religious submission and assimilation. while revisionists have tried to extend the history of the arab speaking peoples backwards, they did not truly exist in history in any discernible manner until roughly the 5th century of the common era, which means that they inherited the existing musical traditions of the west and the near east (which i consider a part of the west, because it is foundationally hellenic). we are all the descendants of alexander. there was a brief period where arab scribes had an almost total monopoly on the physical literature of the west, but the truth is that they abused their responsibility; they were poor caretakers, and were responsible for much of the destruction of literature that occurred during the dark ages. they translated what they liked and destroyed what they did not and they added almost nothing of their own; what little was added came from kurds and iranians, and to a lesser extent jews, and in almost no examples from actual arabs. you can count the number of historically important arab scholars over the last two thousand years with the fingers of one hand.
what we currently consider to be "middle eastern" music is defined by a greek pattern of notes called the phyrgian scale, which the greeks assigned to the indo-european speaking peoples that lived in anatolia (modern day turkey). it is not the mode that the greeks associated with libyans, with canaanites or with egyptians; it is the music of the highlanders from the late roman empire, which passed into arabic culture from the galatians that settled in the anatolian mountains and mingled with the descendants of the hittites. the use of pentatonic scales in arab music can also be traced to it's ancient prevalence in celtic music.
oldfield is an ethnomusicologist, and he is influenced by the traditions of the cultures he exists within when he exists within them. i am in favour of borrowing musical ideas from disparate cultures and think the premise of "appropriating" music is base stupidity that should be ignored and ridiculed. cultures don't have property rights, that's idiotic. that particular record was recorded in the galician region of spain, which developed culturally in parallel with the celtic regions of the anatolian highlands. in fact, the singers he uses are galician singers, and the themes he uses are galician themes. the record is discernibly spanish-sounding, and it may come off middle eastern sounding to an untrained ear, but it is in truth galician music that is rooted in the traditions of the spanish celts in the galician region, and consequently merely a different interpolation of his usual themes of british and irish celtic music.
people unfamiliar with european history may not realize that the celts were historically not isolated to the british isles but were in fact the last known (that is, most recent) truly indigenous people of southern europe. at the dawn of recorded history throughout europe - spain, france, northern italy, the alps, switzerland, bavaria, czechoslavakia, poland, yugoslavia, romania, macedonia and also in anatalia - there are celts living on the land, and there were celts living on the land for centuries or longer. greeks and canaanites came as settler colonialists, but the celts had been there from time immemorial. the romans themselves were really just the southern most celts, which came into contact with the broader world. julius ceasar famously launched a vicious genocide against the celts in western europe, which expelled or assimilated them from existence in spain, france and germany, but the remnants of tribal celtic culture continued and form much of the most ancient basis of european tribal music. from constantine (at the latest) to the french revolution, there was the music of the church, which was based on pythagorean mathematics, and there was the music of the people, which was traditional celtic tribal music. what we today call arab or middle eastern music was the music of the people in the roman period, and developed from the ancient musical traditions of the celtic tribes in the eastern roman empire.
if you'd like to hear middle eastern music instead, that is your prerogative, but a deeper understanding is that oldfield was exploring a different kind of celtic music, the galician, when he recorded this particular record in the galician region of spain.
2:26
today, the fake left is aligning itself with the backwards right in an attempt to stagnate progress.
it's a sad display, and it's doomed to fail.
progress always wins.
5:49
the school did the right thing, and it should pay the fine for doing the right thing if ordered to. i don't expect it to come to that; i don't think she has a case.
it sounds absurd to need to do so, but forbidding such unprofessional behaviour should perhaps be worked into labour contracts, moving forward. if you really need to have a porn site, you should look for a different job.
14:23
i spent the last few days doing end/start of the month cleaning and am chipping away at scripting the services and system driver list in this windows 7 build. air gapping a machine negates 70% of what windows does and the point is to not just turn it all off but to actually delete all of it. this requires a little testing, though. for example, i learned this afternoon that disabling the winsock driver breaks local print functionality in windows 7, which was not obvious, so i need to leave that one running.
17:06
thursday, july 6, 2023
she has every right to walk around naked in a school yard, so long as she doesn't try to place a price tag on it. it's the commercialization of sex that is the thing that i don't want to warp children with, not the human body, or even the sex itself.
12:42
i have no idea what these pigs think i'm up to, but the evidence that they're spying on me is at this point pretty deep.
i asked the ministry why they ordered a criminal record check when i asked for my name change, as i don't have a criminal record. that request was not standard, and was triggered by something in their records. what was it?
this is their response:
?
it might have something to do with the cops that were sitting upstairs listening to me for much of the last five years.
i mean, that is what it means, right? they don't want to blow their cover. the problem is that i have no idea who the undercover cop is, or what (in fact, false) information was provided that would lead to such a request.
if my concern was that they have false information about me and are making incorrect decisions as a result of it, the problem is that much worse if the false information is coming from a misinformed pig, and i can't access it to correct it.
this little piggy went stumbling, confused, all the way home.
20:32
what's the point of having dirty industry in your country if you're not generating tax revenue?
worse, there's nothing stopping them from halting production tomorrow. still.
we should have bought a part of the plant and placed it under union management.
21:54
friday, july 7, 2023
the correct answer is that for-pay media is actually bad for democracy, and we're better off abolishing corporate media in place of the blogosphere.
this is the progress that the government-media complex is trying to prevent. it's called democracy.
good riddance to corporate media; all hail democracy in media. as the cliche goes, don't hate the media; become the media.
4:43
i haven't been interested in trent reznor's music in something like 25 years.
the still ep was brilliant, and he essentially imploded into irrelevance after that. my theory is that he got brain damage from injecting himself with testosterone.
15:41
saturday, july 8, 2023
my hair dye came in on thursday, and i'm likely to apply the first batch - a deep red - within the next few days. my hair is almost long enough to use it, but short enough that i'm going to only use half of it. i'm just waiting for it to grow another half an inch or so, which should be a week or two.
i've been in pixie cut territory for the last few weeks and now it's getting to an inflection point where it almost looks "normal"; short, certainly, and far shorter than i'd like it to be, but nearly presentable and getting into a state of near normality, despite the short length. the remaining annoyance has to do with my exaggerated widow's peak.
widow's peaks are actually fairly common in women; my mother has one that is as bad or worse than mine. you don't see women display their widows peaks very often, so if you don't have one you might not even know what i'm talking about. this is a picture of a higher than average widow's peak, on par with mine:
that high hairline isn't any sort of hair loss; she was born with that, as i was, and as it runs on my mother's side. my father had actual hair loss because he took testosterone pills, which probably also dramatically shortened his life. i have no sign of that; my hair line is like the woman in the picture, but the widow's peak does not at all look good on me, and especially not with short hair.
the inflection point is that my bangs are now almost long enough (an 1/8 an inch, really) to completely cover the diagonal gap created by the widow's peak, when parted in the middle (as i always have and always will part). once the hair gets over that hump (which is at about 4", whereas i'm currently around 3.25"), the hair will finally look "normal" again and i'll just need to keep waiting for it to grow.
i've been able to keep the hair parted with a little petroleum, which is re-establishing a sense of familiarity and almost making me look like myself again. almost. i know the red will help dramatically, but insist on waiting until it gets to the right length.
if you really wanted to see me with almost normal short hair in my natural colour for the first time in 15 years and probably for the last time ever, you'd better get here in the next week and find a way to coerce me to open the door, as i'm not leaving and i'm not taking any pictures.
could i possibly upload some sexy pixie cut redhead pics? probably not.
7:26
i think i'm going to need to upload some glamour shots, and that i'm going to need to keep up to date with it, again. weekly or monthly selfie shoots as the hair grows back are going to be a reality. i'm starting to realize that somebody is paying to put me through "conversion therapy", which is laughably stupid. i will spit in your face. i need to crush their souls and break their hearts, and take away any idiocy about miracles or exorcisms. if i were to spontaneously detransition, that would hardly be a miracle, it would be a tragedy and a horrible catastrophe and the selfishness and entitlement associated with defining somebody else's tragedy as the answer to your self-centred prayers is disgusting, and worthy of denunciation and contempt. go kill yourselves, you worthless pieces of shit; that would be the answer to my prayers, if you all swallowed the barrel of a shotgun and pulled the trigger and left behind nothing more than a mess on a concrete wall somewhere so that you couldn't annoy or harass me or others any further. the hair cut may have unfortunately given dumbfounded hope to the clinically retarded. i also need to assert ownership over my picture archive, because i suspect somebody is impersonating me. i have short hair, now, for a while; we're going to make sure people know that, and nobody is able to pretend they're me, by co-opting my hair.
next week.
8:09
dad bod my skinny ass, bitch.
i'm going to do one quick set before i dye my hair, but i'm warning you it's pretty painful.
===
i had difficulty finding the least bad angle. the fact is that my hair is very short, and my skin is bad because i'm fighting off meth addicts from upstairs. there's only so much a girl can do in this situation.
i'm going to document my hair growing back in, and the subsequent path back to sexy girlness, just to piss the fuckers off.
photos from google archive album on the sidebar.
do i still "look like a girl"? well, i'll let you decide. i think i look very irish, with my hair short like this, but, yes, i think i sill look like a girl.
11:09
when i saw defeater play on the floor in a legion in gatineau in 2012, somebody called them "girlfriend hardcore", meaning the hardcore band your girlfriend likes. the audience was, in fact, mostly female. that's stuck with me.
14:20
a new mammatus record is always a treat.
14:57
sunday, july 9, 2023
income caps are discriminatory and don't address the problem. there is no legal concept of property rights in canada.
i would support a law that says that no individual is allowed to own more than two houses, along with very clear regulations around how corporations are to administer multiple properties, should they own them. such a law may be unconstitutional in the united states, but canada does not have comparable ideas in it's constitution and we should take advantage of it.
property rights are perhaps the single dumbest idea in human history and we should not pretend we have them in canadian law or do anything about their absence except make it harder to create them.
5:59
the root cause of the problem is neo-liberalism. increased government regulation won't completely solve the problem, but it will help mitigate it.
6:07
these horrible nazis are legitimate targets for russian missiles.
when will the russians learn to stop trusting the turks?
6:48
this is a high stakes showdown for the canadian government, who is very likely going end up with an electoral albatross around it's neck as it seeks to explain to voters why it broke a part of the internet.
however, canada is a small market and canadian news is an even smaller market. facebook & google very well may just walk away from the canadian market and laugh at the government of canada for destroying it's own news industry and getting itself thrown out of office.
it should be noted that canada is no longer advertising on alphabet, on meta or on twitter. how does the canadian government seek to reach young people? in truth, they've cut themselves out.
this is not a high stakes showdown at all, it's a government in free fall collapse that has shot itself in the foot and is going to have to wear an unpopular policy into an election it may lose over it.
will the liberals (and ndp) go into the next election forfeiting social media as an advertising tool?
9:53
fwiw, i've decided that if anybody tries to annoy me about posting links here, i'm going to fight it by citing fair use. this site is the perfect example of a fair use site, as it is full of commentary (some more academic than others) that is not attached to a revenue generating mechanism. you can buy my music at bandcamp if you want to send me money.
i'll be happy to challenge the law in court with the intent to carve out a set of exceptions that the parliament failed to construct.
9:55
i gave this record a spin the other day and it struck me how powerful it really is. i'm annoyed by poison seeping into my living space, but there are some boys upstairs that have been badly abused for much of their lives, and this horrible drug is at the centre of it. i realize the need for empathy, and to avoid blaming victims.
as stated, i am adopting the prime directive. first, do no harm; i do not have the training to interfere without potentially harming them further.
13:01
does the harley-davidson flag put up in the backyard verify that the drug dealers upstairs are a lowlife worthless biker gang of abject losers, or am i reading too much into it?
if they are bikers, the only information that provides to me is that they have money to give me as i wait them out. it also makes it exceedingly unlikely that they'd be stupid enough to use violence. my mother has dated bikers in the past, and that might explain her presence.
i knew they were pros. if they're bikers, that explains it.
to be clear: i want nothing to do with biker gangs and want out asap.
14:16
in addition, motorcycles are disgusting, obsolete technology that should be banned outright. there is no utility for the motorcycle in a civilized society.
14:44
Facebook and Google may be taking a tough stance with the Canadian government because they fear the power of precedent — if Canada succeeds, other (bigger, more cost-intensive) countries might follow suit.
ugh.
no.
canada is a minuscule, insignificant market and the legislation eliminates the service's profitability in such a small market. facebook and google are a businesses, and they're not going to offer a product that isn't profitable. the legislation has broken the industry's business model, so it's just cutting it's losses and pulling out of the country.
that is all.
20:29
i felt a second drugging attempt come on this evening and didn't let it happen; i called the police, and they called an ambulance. i learned a few things:
1) fresh air mitigated it dramatically, suggesting that the more likely cause is fumes and the less likely cause is pills. that is, if getting out of the apartment stopped me from triggering, i probably didn't swallow anything, i was probably being gassed.
2) my vitals suggested i was not on meth. at all. i was on the brink of tripping into some kind of stimulant high, but i didn't trip into it and i do feel better now.
3) did somebody drug me with testosterone, instead? if so, it would be consistent with what i was feeling and it would not have shown up in the vitals, nor would a blood test be able to identify it.
drugging me with testosterone is stupid, for two reasons:
(1) i don't have testicles.
(2) i take suppressors far more frequently than you're going to drug me with testosterone, and i'm going to increase the amount of suppressors if i think i'm being drugged with testosterone.
the testosterone will consequently not work in my body, because i'm just going to metabolize it like a pathogen and expel it as a foreign substance. it will just damage my kidneys and ultimately have no actual effect. don't waste your time or my kidneys; fuck off.
if it was the fumes, hopefully the house call by police and ambulance services will get the point across to the meth manufacturers that i'm not taking this shit.
22:12
monday, july 10, 2023
no, really.
this is still radically alternative, isn't it? perhaps more so. it's the direct antithesis to "hook up culture". these are the handful of best nirvana tracks, the ones that tell the status quo to fuck off, with flair.
1:33
i took a pre-emptive shower last night, passed out almost as soon as i got out and woke up a few hours later shivering in a cold sweat and smelling like poison. there's now no question they drugged me last night, even if it didn't show up in the metrics. in fact, the measured heart rate of 80 was much faster than normal; i normally have a heart rate in the 55-65 range, due to all of the bicycling i do.
it didn't kill me because i'm in such good shape. that doesn't mean it's ok.
i reacted by cranking the stove up to full blast and inducing a sweat by hiding under three blankets for about three hours. after i sweat out as much as i could, i stripped the bed down, did laundry and took another shower to wash off the stench of rot and death.
i feel ok.
let the message be sent: i'm not going to patiently be passively drugged in order to disprove some stupid ideology. i will aggressively push back and hold people accountable.
8:31
i'm quietly getting a 6.5% increase in disability income at the start of the month which is an $80/month increase. my new meth addict landlord increased my rent by $19/month starting on august 1st. if she had waited a few months, she could have increased it by almost $50/month. now, she'll need to wait until next year before she can increase it again.
my monthly income was $1169/month this time last year and is going to be $1308/month starting july 31. that $139/month is an almost 12% increase, which catches me up to the minimum wage hikes of the last few years. it adds up to an extra $1668/yr.
i agree with activists and advocates arguing that it's not enough for a lot of people, but it's a pretty substantive increase and that extra $100+/month will make a difference to me.
10:13
yeah. my computer chair stinks, the pants i wore outside last night for ten minutes stink...
it's a smell of stale urine, which is caused by your body emitting rot when you're under the influence of the poison and otherwise trying to metabolize it and expel it.
i may have to take another shower because it's coming out of my forehead. ugh.
10:23
i should have asked for a blood test.
it's a reflection of how healthy i am that my heart rate increased from involuntary meth drugging and it was still in the normal range.
10:24
also, the gap across my widow's peak has officially closed.
my hair will therefore be red in the next day or two.
unfortunately, it looks like i'll need to spend the day ordering food online. yeah. i don't want to leave the apartment, as i'm concerned that the crackheads will change the locks.
10:59
just a reality check on the odsp increase.
my new rent is 770 and my new income is 1308. 770/1308 = 58%. that's the best ratio i've seen in years, but it's still very high.
750/1170 = 64%, and it was actually over 70% when i first moved in here.
even if 30% is idealistic in today's world, 50% should be a goal for most people. 58% is still crazy; 70% is absurd, but it was necessary. if i include the climate money ($122 every three months), the gst money (about $100 every three months) and the trillium money ($70/month), it's still not at 50% but it's actually close. what that means is that this apartment is affordable and appropriate for me in my price range. frankly, i couldn't imagine some place more reflective of the absolute bottom of the market, so if this should be the cheapest place on the market, and odsp is the lowest income on the market, then $750-$800 is an appropriate bottom floor on rent n the current market.
30% of $1308 is $400, which is what i ought to be paying. good luck, right? there's not enough subsidized housing, so the market has to absorb me and people like me.
70% of $1308 is $915, and i would have a very hard time finding something for that price in the existing market, even at the very bottom of it. the market is failing, clearly. i'm holding out for information on the federal disability payment before i make a decision but, crackheads upstairs or not, it's going to be very difficult to get me out of here.
11:10
right-wing 70s redux space operas don't sound like substantive art to me.
sorry.
rush sucked the first time. good riddance to them; we don't need a replacement for them.
12:40
screaming females are indeed, amongst other things, the proper heirs to the smashing pumpkins.
13:36
it is true that it is absurd that one of the greatest guitarists of all time hires not one but two piddling hacks to play for him while he noodles around on a synthesizer like a child.
but, corgan simply destroyed himself with his politics.
and, what's jimmy chamberlain even doing nowadays? making coffee?
selling merch?
i'm not interested.
13:45
if i had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars!)
i would buy you an attractive blonde transgirl
(but not a real attractive blonde transgirl, that's cruel)
14:52
the new condition of existence here is that the crackheads are going to want to play bad music if i don't play good music instead. my stereo is more powerful than theirs, and i'll just plow them over. it follows that i need to be filling in the silence at almost all times, or they'll start playing their shit music.
this is giving me an opportunity to reconnect with my very deep and diverse music collection and listen to some things i haven't listened to in ages.
maybe i should get back to updating my np:list, which i put aside because it was connected to the account on the other machine:
14:42
tuesday, july 11, 2023
my hair is now bright red and it's already helping brighten up my face a little.
i only needed to use half of it and will utilize the rest of it in a second application once the roots come in a little.
8:42
this is somewhat of an approximation, because i don't remember what exact day i listened to each of these records on, but it is a rough reconstruction of the playlist from the basement since may 1st.
i'll be keeping track of this at the np:list, linked to on the side bar:
====
july 11, 2023
july 10, 2023
july 9, 2023
july 8, 2023
july 7, 2023
july 4, 2023
july 1, 2023
june 26, 2023
june 20, 2023
june 17, 2023
june 16, 2023
june 15, 2023
june 14, 2023
june 13, 2023
june 5, 2023
may 30, 2023
may 19, 2023
may 18, 2023
may 17, 2023
may 16, 2023
may 15, 2023
may 14, 2023
may 11, 2023
may 9, 2023
may 6, 2023
may 5, 2023
may 2, 2023
may 1, 2023
july 11, 2023
| the trivial group | {e} | 2004 | canada | |
| jjjjjjjjj | ambient works vol 1 + 2 | 2003 | canada |
july 10, 2023
| coil | musick to play in the dark vol 1 | 1999 | uk+ire | 0 |
| autechre | oversteps | 2010 | uk+ire | 0 |
| lingouf | doeme | 2011 | france | 0 |
| pinkish black | self titled | 2012 | us | 2 |
| the great tyrant | there's a man in the house | 2011 | us | 0 |
| speedy ortiz | major arcana | 2013 | us | 2 |
| screaming females | all at once | 2018 | us | 2 |
| screaming females | desire pathway | 2023 | us | 2 |
july 9, 2023
| rx | bedside toxicology | 1998 | canada/us | 1 |
july 8, 2023
| mammatus | sparkling waters | 2023 | us | 1 |
| mammatus | expanding majesty | 2015 | us | 1 |
| defeater | empty days + sleepless nights | 2011 | us | 1 |
| touche amore | is survived by | 2013 | us | 1 |
| rem | up | 1998 | us | 1 |
july 7, 2023
| delerium | semantic spaces | 1994 | canada | 0 |
july 4, 2023
| mike oldfield | tubular bells III | 1998 | uk/spain | 1 |
july 1, 2023
| a silver mt zion | teddy roosevelt's guns | 2005 | canada/quebec/montreal | 1 |
june 26, 2023
| mr. bungle | disco volante | 1995 | us | 0 |
june 20, 2023
| the trivial group | {e} | 2005 | canada | |
| the trivial group | throatmotor fragment | 2005 | canada | |
| the trivial group | impressionist jazz punk | 2005 | canada | |
| jjjjjjjjj | the symphony of psilocybin induced madness | 2006 | canada | |
| tetris | the crash | 2007 | canada | |
| jjjjjjjjj | percussive works | 2007 | canada | |
| the trivial group | guitar jam demo | 2008 | canada | |
| tetris | evil is a human construction | 2010 | canada | |
| the trivial group | grungesong #31415 | 2010 | canada | |
| proverbs | proverbs | 2011 | canada |
june 17, 2023
| nine inch nails | piggy (nothing can stop me now) | 1995 | us | 1 |
june 16, 2023
| dead kennedys | fresh fruit for rotting vegetables | 1980 | us | 1 |
| son lux | remedy | 2017 | us | 1 |
| son lux | stranger forms | 2016 | us | 1 |
| son lux | bones | 2015 | us | 1 |
| son lux | alternate worlds | 2014 | us | 1 |
| son lux | lanterns | 2013 | us | 1 |
| son lux | tear | 2013 | us | 1 |
| son lux | we are rising - remixed | 2012 | us | 1 |
| son lux | we are rising | 2011 | us | 1 |
| son lux | weapons | 2010 | us | 1 |
| son lux | at war with walls and mazes | 2008 | us | 1 |
| indricothere | indricothere | 2007 | us | 0 |
june 15, 2023
| garbage | garbage | 1995 | uk+ire | 1 |
| st vincent | st vincent | 2014 | us | 1 |
| st vincent | strange mercy | 2011 | us | 1 |
| st vincent | actor | 2009 | us | 1 |
| st vincent | marry me | 2007 | us | 3 |
june 14, 2023
| indricothere | indricothere | 2007 | us | 0 |
| mammatus | heady mental | 2013 | us | 1 |
| autechre | tri repetae | 1995 | uk+ire | 1 |
| son lux | remedy | 2017 | us | 1 |
| son lux | stranger forms | 2016 | us | 1 |
| son lux | bones | 2015 | us | 1 |
| son lux | alternate worlds | 2014 | us | 1 |
| son lux | lanterns | 2013 | us | 1 |
| son lux | tear | 2013 | us | 1 |
| son lux | we are rising - remixed | 2012 | us | 1 |
| son lux | we are rising | 2011 | us | 1 |
| son lux | weapons | 2010 | us | 1 |
| son lux | at war with walls and mazes | 2008 | us | 1 |
june 13, 2023
| la dispute | somewhere at the bottom of the river between vega and altair | 2008 | us | 1 |
june 5, 2023
| bad religion | the kids are alt-right | 2018 | us | 8 |
may 30, 2023
| die warzau | engine | 1995 | us | 1 |
| autechre | gantz graf | 2002 | uk+ire | 0 |
may 19, 2023
| the smashing pumpkins | pisces iscariot | 1994 | us | 0 |
| the smashing pumpkins | earphoria | 1994 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | a version of mashed potatoes on one cd-r | 1994 | us | 9 |
| various | no alternative | 1993 | us | 4 |
| the smashing pumpkins | disarm | 1994 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | today | 1993 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | siamese dream | 1993 | us | 0 |
| the smashing pumpkins | cherub rock | 1993 | us | 1 |
may 18, 2023
| various | singles soundtrack | 1992 | us | 4 |
| the smashing pumpkins | i am one | 1992 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | peel sessions | 1991 | us | 2 |
| the smashing pumpkins | lull | 1991 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | gish | 1991 | us | 1 |
| the smashing pumpkins | 02/12/91 | 1991 | us | 9 |
| the smashing pumpkins | 02/09/91 | 1991 | us | 9 |
| the smashing pumpkins | 6/16/90 | 1990 | us | 9 |
| the smashing pumpkins | second 89 demo | 1989 | us | 3 |
| the smashing pumpkins | first 89 demo | 1989 | us | 3 |
| the smashing pumpkins | 3/16/89 | 1989 | us | 9 |
| the smashing pumpkins | 5/10/88 | 1988 | us | 9 |
may 17, 2023
| mike keneally + metropole orchestra | the universe will provide | 2004 | us/netherlands | 0 |
may 16, 2023
| steve reich | reich remixed | 1999 | us | 1 |
| cevin key | music for cats | 1997 | canada | 0 |
| jimi hendrix | if 6 was 9 | 1967 | us/uk+ire | 1 |
| lenny kravitz | are you gonna go my way? | 1993 | us | 1 |
may 15, 2023
| arvo part | tabula rasa | 1977 | estonia | 0 |
| henryk gorecki | symphony no 3 | 1976 | poland | 1 |
| steve reich | new york counterpoint | 1985 | us | 1 |
| steve reich | eight lines (octet) | 1979/1983 | us | 1 |
| skinny puppy | last rights | 1991 | canada | 0 |
| nine inch nails | further down the spiral | 1995 | us | 0 |
| the tear garden | the last man to fly | 1993 | canada/netherlands | 1 |
| barenaked ladies | gordon | 1992 | canada | 1 |
| sonic youth | syr1 | 1997 | usa | 0 |
| philip glass | symphony 2 | 1993 | us | 0 |
| philip glass | symphony 3 | 1995 | us | 1 |
| claude debussy | la mer | 1905 | france | 0 |
| claude debussy | nocturnes | 1900 | france | 0 |
| frank zappa | joe's garage | 1979 | us | 8 |
| steroid maximus | ectopia | 2002 | us/australia | 0 |
| manorexia | the radiolerian ooze | 2002 | us/australia | 0 |
| download | the eyes of stanley pain | 1996 | canada | 0 |
| sergei rachmaninov | piano concerto no 2 | 1901 | russia | 0 |
| sergei rachmaninov | piano concerto no 3 | 1909 | russia | 0 |
may 14, 2023
| a silver mt zion | 13 blues for 13 moons | 2008 | canada/quebec/montreal | 1 |
| david bowie | i'm afraid of americans remix ep | 1997 v | uk+ire/us | 1 |
| philip glass | koyaanisqatsi | 1982 (1997 v) | us | 0 |
may 11, 2023
| human eye | they came from the sky | 2011 | us | 1 |
| autechre | oversteps | 2010 | uk+ire | 0 |
| claude debussy | nocturnes | 1900 | france | 0 |
| sergei rachmaninov | piano concerto 2 | 1901 | russia | 0 |
| do make say think | frederica | 2003 | canada | 0 |
| mahavishnu orchestra | noonward race | 1971 | uk+ire | 1 |
| mike oldfield | qe2 | 1980 | uk+ire | 1 |
| the white stripes | black math | 2003 | us | 1 |
| the white stripes | little acorns | 2003 | us | 0 |
| download | the eyes of stanley pain | 1996 | canada | 0 |
| live | where fishes go | 2000 | us | 1 |
| wellwater conspiracy | tidepool telegraph | 2000 | us | 1 |
| godpeed you black emperor | slow riot for new zero kanada | 1999 | canada/quebec/montreal | 0 |
| do make say think | goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead | 2000 | canada | 1 |
| coil | musick to play in the dark vol 1 | 1999 | uk+ire | 0 |
| a silver mt zion | he has left us alone but shafts of light sometimes grace the corners of our rooms | 2000 | canada/quebec/montreal | 0 |
may 9, 2023
| the great tyrant | adorable | 2011 | us | 1 |
may 6, 2023
| inri | why | 1998 | canada |
may 5, 2023
| reagan youth | usa | 1984 | us | 1 |
may 2, 2023
| bruce cockburn | if i had a rocket launcher | 1984 | canada | 0 |
| our lady peace | hope | 1994 | canada | 1 |
may 1, 2023
| inri | too cold | 1999 | canada |
11:52
i've been sitting inside since the first week of june, and since the second week of june because a very ominous even occurred that included somebody banging on my door yelling "eviction request", followed by a "transgender eviction party" that ended in drugging me with meth, with the intent to influence my behaviour, which badly backfired. i actually appear to be dealing with my own family that is orchestrating this. it's very depressing.
i've sent a number of emails to the landlords reaching out for a solution, but the primary landlord (michelle crispe) seems to be so much of a crackhead that she can barely participate in a conversation and her wife is only a few years of meth consumption behind her and not any more useful. we imagine meth as a drug for the desperately poor, and particularly as the drug most responsible for violent crime (especially theft) at the lowest rungs of society. it shouldn't be forgotten that meth is also a drug that destroys the lives of the wealthy in a slower, more subtle fashion; they don't need to steal things to feed their addiction, they just slowly succumb to mental retardation, or die of organ failure. i don't think that they would even take the idea that meth is dangerous seriously, which is a perspective about a lot of clearly dangerous drugs that appears to be increasing in prevalence, as of late, and particularly in the bourgeois class. this increasing permissiveness towards drug culture in the bourgeois class could very well be their own demise.
for now, what that means is that i'm not getting anywhere with them and that i need to find some way to get around them.
my impression is that they're going to change the locks if i leave for any reason, and that they already tried on two occasions but weren't able to complete the task. they have indicated to me that they want to evict me, but they have not filed any paperwork to do so, nor would they have grounds to do so. the implication is clearly that they intend to evict me illegally. i'm consequently completely stuck in the unit.
the way this drug dealing business appears to operate is that a drug making manager does shift work in the upstairs unit, while the runners transit the drugs in their cars. the managers are all middle age women, whereas the runners are brainwashed sex slaves collected as clients from the owner's previous nutrition business. there's consequently always somebody up there, and trying to get out is going to be almost impossible.
i've been waiting for some break in the standoff, in the form of some level of acknowledgement but the abject scatter-brained airheadedness of the property owners is making even trying to get some concept of their plans for the apartment impossible. it's easy to argue that they don't want to tell me what they're doing, but it is in their self-interest to be transparent and forward, in order to get the issue dealt with asap.
i'm consequently going to have to get sneaky; i'm going to have to booby trap the place.
one way to stop a landlord from changing the locks, for example, is to put crazy glue in the screws on the lock so that they can't be unscrewed, or not without a very serious power tool or without replacing the door. something i did before was put packing tape all over the front entrance, to make it impossible to get in and out. i'm also going to need to call the enforcement unit tomorrow to get some advice as to what to do in a situation where a landlord is clearly indicating they're going to illegally evict you, but hasn't made any clear threats.
i will need to stay inside for long periods, yes, but i need some supplementary tactic, as well.
17:53
wednesday, july 12, 2023
i can't believe i just ordered $300 worth of groceries from walmart to have it delivered because i'm afraid to leave the apartment.
i also bought a stationary for the walmart bike, so i can at least get some exercise while i'm stuck in here.
15:49
21:45
thursday, july 13, 2023
"i'm not stupid and I refuse to pretend to be." - howard devoto explaining why he shifted from the buzzcocks sound to the magazine sound
17:28
friday, july 14, 2023
i'm currently 42 years old and i've never been interested in building relationships with people younger than me. for my whole life, from the time i was a child and all the way through high school and through university and into adulthood, i was always more interested in building relationships with people older than me. this is a function of being born in 1981 and identifying as gen x, while most of the people that i've known that are born in 1981 or even 1980 would prefer to identify as millennials. i felt a generation gap with people my own age from the time i was very young.
further, i am happily celibate and not interested in revisiting that decision at this time.
however, if i were to fill out the age range at a dating site it would be 35-60 (and would indicate i'm interested strictly in older men). i would not be interested in people under the age of 35.
annoying people that won't go away should take note of that reality.
0:58
i had essentially no friends at all throughout most of high school.
i preferred to spend time talking with people 5-10 years older than me, and mostly located in the united states, on internet message boards for bands with gen x audiences, like skinny puppy.
1:04
i want to post a summary update regarding what i've been able to figure out regarding the people coming in and out of this unit.
there's three ~20 year old boys living upstairs. i was told they were students at the university, but they appear to actually be street level meth dealers, and they appear to be working for the women that own the place. i've been able to determine that one of them was previously one of the owner's clients, a woman named michelle crispe who was previously seen from time to time on ctv talk shows. all evidence is that the owners are obscenely wealthy and the money is mostly or totally michelle crispe's. this particular boy seems to be the primary concern of the owners, who are extremely protective of him. i actually strongly suspect that he fathered a child with michelle crispe when he was still a teenager, and that she's adopted her former client and father of her child as a son. the child lives in toronto.
the woman's current wife (a chantelle simpson) and her ex-wife (a julia warren, the woman who bought the place as a sotheby's employee) are both frequently in and out of the house, which i've been able to determine by tracking the vehicles. chantelle is driving a tesla, whereas julia is driving a blue hatchback. the three women appear to have a close three-way relationship. these women are 45-50 years old.
it would seem as though chantelle is actually sleeping with the specific aforementioned boy (the suspected father of her wife's child), and that is the reason she spends so much time here. julia would appear to have a dominatrix like relationship with one or more of the boys, and would appear to actually be controlling the meth business. i have not heard as much sex, or really any sex at all, in recent weeks. they may be fucking in the garage, instead.
my hypothesis at the moment is that they're a front for a biker group that carries out satanic rituals. i don't know which biker group is most likely, if i'm trying to tie them to actual satanist practices. a lesbian biker gang is in itself also odd, but the immense toxic masculinity coming from these dykes and their young male employees is entirely consistent with biker culture.
i have not seen continued evidence of my mother's presence and do not know if she's still there, but there's a brown car that seems to belong to somebody here and that i couldn't otherwise assign to anybody. my mother has a history of meth use, dated a woman when i was in grade school and has a history dating biker guys; while she's 15-20 years old than them, these are otherwise exactly the kind of people my mother associates with, and it's entirely believable that she's involved with this. in fact, i could state explicitly that these women are very similar to and remind me quite a lot of my mother. chantelle has stated she is from ottawa.
in recent weeks, the women seem to be spending less time in windsor and more time in wasaga beach. they may have underestimated the size of windsor and misunderstood the nature of their purchase; they may have thought they were buying a cottage, rather than a house in a city. a house in wasaga beach may be something closer to what they wanted. if they are disengaging from the property, that might signal that they are intending to sell it, which would at least get them out of here.
i would rather they buy me out, and all evidence is that they have the cash to do it. however, i may have, unfortunately, turned the situation into a game or a battle of egos and i want to make an effort to reverse that. i don't want to win a fight with a lesbian that's bitchy that i turned her down for sex, i just want a safe and clean living environment. i want to disengage. my demands are practical, and they can spin it and frame it so they win if they want, i don't care.
the mexican standoff continues; my food came in yesterday, and my stationary should be here within the hour. yet, what's unfolding is a lesbian drug crime syndicate using young boys as street level dealers and, as best as i can tell, they legitimately thought i'd be into it and are legitimately disappointed that i'm not.
11:33
17:10
saturday, july 15, 2023
mean sounding dogs upstairs. hrmmn.
i now have the front door barricaded with a large pile of boxes, which will slow down any attempt by an animal to enter for long enough that i can pick up a weapon. i have an assortment of hammers, heavy blunt objects and butcher knives available for quick access.
don't be stupid.
idiots.
0:12
i have enough leverage behind the wall of boxes that i will easily break the neck of any dog trying to get in here by smashing it with a heavy, blunt object before the dog is able to understand what's in front of it.
0:20
you only get one chance to pull off a stunt like that.
don't do it.
0:23
it should be clear at this point that i am not remotely interested in the people that moved in upstairs or in the people that bought the house and that i would simply like to get away from these horrible people and move on with my life. i do not have the financial freedom to leave, given the state of the rental market and particularly the very low vacancy rate. i'm unfortunately stuck here, unless they pay me out.
i want to clarify that this was not necessarily a foregone conclusion. there is some possibility that some people that i may have wanted to be friends with might have bought the house and might have moved in. i am an introvert, and i don't like people much, but i don't completely reject the human species as depraved monsters. it was not that long ago that i spent a large amount of time partying in detroit. it is these particular people that i completely despise and hold with utter contempt; it is possible that some other people that are less than utterly revolting might have taken over the property, and that the situation might have worked out differently.
the boys that moved in - and they are boys. they are not men. - are douchey, greasy, fonzey types. they drive muscle cars, listen to shitty testosterone-addled garbage metal and techno, rarely wear shirts and generally exude a level of toxic masculinity that is beneath contempt. these are the kinds of guys that you dump your drinks on when they hit on you in a bar, that you call security to have removed when they don't leave you alone and that you pepper spray when they follow you home. they're utterly disgusting, and most women would be completely revolted by them.
i am generally going to avoid boys of their age because i'm not a pedophile, which is a concept that the women that have taken over the property may have difficulty with. they say everybody looks younger as you age; these boys look, to me, like they should be in high school, even though i know they shouldn't. i can't tell the difference between a 15 year-old and a 25 year-old anymore, they all look like teenagers to me. these boys do not look like young men to me; these boys look like children, to me.
nor would i have anything in common with these kinds of toxic men. i couldn't stand them; i'd just end up calling them retards and insulting their opinions and beliefs as vapid and idiotic over and over again. i would be horribly rude and dismissive towards toxic men of this variety.
that said, had they moved in some actual students that were politically active (perhaps as union activists), drove sensible vehicles, listened to interesting music (or perhaps were themselves musicians), didn't get drunk or fucked up on meth every single night and projected the impression that they could have an interesting discussion as an adult, i might have wandered outside to have a beer or smoke a joint once or twice.
as it is, what i hear outside my door is rambunctious children running around fucked up on dangerous drugs and that is not something i want to participate in, that is something i want to avoid, and something that, frankly, frightens me as occurring outside my door, and more than a little bit.
as for the women themselves, they seem to enjoy hanging out with teenage boys. they may be going through a mid-life crisis. their psychological problems are not my problem, and i can only assume that they'll look back on this summer with a level of distinct embarrassment. might there have been some other outcome, if some other women had purchased the property?
when i was informed that the property was being purchased by lesbian investors, i initially thought i dodged a bullet. my initial concern was that the property would be bought by conservative muslims, and i'd end up in an awful fight with them. it initially seemed as though a couple of relatively young women purchasing the property would lead to a higher level of hygiene upstairs, which was a welcome development. i thought it would be a net positive. i didn't even guess that the women might be drug dealers or that they might want to turn the property into an opium den.
i could imagine a type of lesbian couple that might have purchased the property and that i would have gotten along with spectacularly, but these women aren't it. the basic problem is that these women are macho dykes; even the femme is actually a toxic dude. they listen to awful biker metal, they smoke in and around the house and they're always on the worst kinds of drugs. they remind me of the loser guys i used to know in high school, and went out of my way to get away from. there is a kind of butch lesbian that is functionally a loser guy, and that is what these women really are. it was a false hope that some cleaner young women might be purchasing the property; these women are, in truth, the dirtiest old men you could imagine.
some more femme lesbians that listen to girl music (or, at their age, perhaps to classical music), aren't obsessed with muscle cars, aren't crackheads and legitimately desire to keep the property clean are the type of people that i might have honestly become friends with. that could have worked out. really. however, these particular women are utterly toxic drug addict loser guys and i simply don't want anything to do with them.
i think i've made my point clear; i'm not going to engage with any of these people, and it is largely because i'm so deeply introverted, but it's more because these are legitimately horrible and disgusting humans that most educated and intelligent people would interpret as social liabilities and seek to avoid.
it is me, but it's more them.
as for their opinion of me, they seem to be under the impression that i've rejected them because i'm not transgendered enough, but that is in truth some kind of face saving mental gymnastics intended to gloss over the stupid assumptions they made when they bought the property. they spent a lot of money to buy me, and i completely rejected them. if i don't want to have heterosexual sex with the aging blonde crackhead, it's because i'm not enough of a girl? ok. that's a strange deduction. meth destroys brains; this is perhaps exhibit a. in fact, the mistake they made was that they assumed i was really a guy with long hair that would act like a guy when provoked and what has broken their preconceptions is the realization that i am, actually, too much of a girl to act in the toxic manner they seem to have assumed i would, naturally. what they wanted was axl rose, and what they got was michael stipe and they're outraged by it. that is 100% their mistake.
11:58
i am slowly but productively working through this list of services/drivers in windows 7 and deleting unnecessary ones, while listening to tunes on my ancient kefs (corelli 1051s. late 70s. 45+ years on, they still sound fucking great.). this won't reduce the size of the install media, but it will reduce the memory imprint of the running system.
everything is working in a minimal load of #-s. t-z to go.
23:19
sunday, july 16, 2023
i finished testing the services/drivers early this morning before i fell asleep. this is the slowest part of the process, and progress should pick up now that it's done.
9:38
the tesla has now disappeared, but it seems like the woman is still up there, and that she's currently crunk and singing like ella fitzgerald (not really). she seems to be upset that she "can't go back home".
this gross woman has been fucking these little boys for weeks. her wife has been in toronto for the bulk of the period. i have no idea if the wife back home is aware of it or ok with it.
if the lesbians have now broken up, which would seem to be imminent if there's any logic in their relationship, it might be in my benefit. the one in toronto owns the house. outright. the woman upstairs may very well have to leave soon, and she may take one or more of these boys with her.
i don't know what happens next, but any change in the status quo would be positive.
what seems obvious enough is that this woman is going through some combination of a drug relapse, a midlife crisis and a mental breakdown and i'm convinced that what catalyzed it is the fact that she hadn't had a proper fuck since she got married. she needed to get laid so badly that she lost her mind.
as stated previously, i'm just glad i'm not dealing with it directly. that hair cut was a godsend. i can only hope that the mess now works itself out in my favour, as these people rearrange their lives however they decide to.
18:37
given what we know about each other now, and what i now realize about the intent of the lesbian buyers, can we stop for a moment and consider the depth of the conflict that would have occurred had i not, by chance, cut my hair the week the property changed hands?
i keep going back to this. it's one of those inflection points in a person's life. i really dodged a bullet.
make no mistake: i would have rejected any advances. firmly. and without further consideration. i would not have been polite about it, either.
20:33
22:39
tuesday, july 18, 2023
after pointing out i was getting great usb 3 transfer rates, i seem to have broken it somehow, so i want to rigorously test it. that is going to take a few days, but it should also be the last thing i need to do before i start to close this project down.
21:10
wednesday, july 19, 2023
seems like wifey from toronto has shown up upstairs, that the woman that was staying here has cleared out and that, from the sounds of things, somebody is moving out. i wonder if the kid is moving out with the woman, or if he's actually just going home to recalibrate with his mom. the latter would be advised, kid.
i know that wifey owns the house because i asked the city of windsor and they told me it was wifey. it seemed for a while like the other one was moving in, though.
i think the crunk one that was going through a midlife crisis actually has a better income than i initially thought. an initial google search suggested she worked in a clothing store in a mall. she may be more of a sales manager for a large clothing company in an office in downtown toronto.
it may be a harsh moment when she wakes up and realizes what she's done to herself; my concern and interest is that she wakes up somewhere else, and this depravity clears itself out of my living space. it sounds like something positive, from my perspective, is afoot.
0:02
on second thought, it sounds less like somebody is moving out and more like wifey is cleaning up the mess left by the boy and her wife, which is likely not much fun, even as it is in my benefit that it turned out that way. i think i can hear her crying, actually. hope the mess isn't too sticky and gross. kids that age can get eager, but they also regenerate quickly.
based on my ears, there was fucking to be had all over the place up there - in bathrooms, on counters, etc. that's the meth for you. turns you into an animal.
i used to hear the previous owner crying about his own ex-wife from time to time, like when he found himself alone on new year's eve, and wasn't invited to his family get together. this is a house for broken hearts.
they had apparently been married for less than a year. the woman has two kids that are roughly 10 years old. she was obviously married to the father of those kids at some point, and was obviously a straight girl for much or most of her life. i don't know what happened. did she get picked up on the rebound?
marriages don't last long in our society, in general, but lesbian marriages are particularly short lived, and this is why: one or both of the partners ultimately need to get laid and the thing just implodes from there. i could tell when this woman came downstairs to "meet me" in april that she was beyond overdue. this is just a dramatic example of something that is a common occurrence.
as mentioned several times, i kind of saw this coming and took steps to get out of the way. it seems like the boy lost his place to stay; whether he goes home or runs away with the crunk woman is his business, but i could do neither thing. i need to maintain this basement as my residence, for the foreseeable future and i did not want to end up between or as a cause of my lesbian landlords dissolving their marriage.
as it is, i have nothing to do with this, and it should not affect me at all, except perhaps positively, if it means the crackheads are moving out and/or the woman is selling the place.
1:26
i thought i had broken the usb 3.0, but the testing i'm doing is clarifying the limitations of the hardware, and i'm realizing i didn't break anything after all. testing at usb 2.0 levels (pre usb 3.0 controller driver install) v usb 3.0 levels (post driver) makes the difference between pre and post driver install absolutely clear, even as it is exposing the limitations of the hardware i'm using. the operations i'm observing are also helping me understand the speed differences between read and write operations, as i copy large files back and forth from an ssd, an hdd and two external hard drives.
23:01
july 20, 2023
i was in the process of completing the 6th capture (which removes unnecessary services, superfluous files and folders and unused system drivers) when i decided to test the usb 3.0 functionality, and i decided to rewind backwards to the 4th capture, which was right before i installed all of the extra drivers. the 5th capture is after i've installed all of the drivers and then removed almost all of the winsxs folder, which is not an ideal system to test because it doesn't let me compare usb 2.0 to usb 3.0.
this is the system i'm testing.
c is 120 gb ssd, windows drive
d is 500 gb hdd. machine manufactured 2013-2016ish.
e is 1 tb external (unplugged). purchased in 2013. unclear if it is usb 3.0 device.
f is 5 tb external hdd, usb 3.0/2.0. seagate. purchased in 2022. in blue usb 3.0 port.
g is 2 tb external hdd. seagate. purchased in 2018. in blue usb 3.0 port. usb 3/2 or usb 2?
p is 2 tb external hdd (unplugged), purchased in 2017. in blue usb 3.0 port. usb 3/2 or usb 2?
e + f + g + p on same internal usb hub.
e, g mostly full.
f almost empty.
i am copying a folder consisting of three large wim files that is, in total, 22 gb. i am always copying the same folder across the drives, to ensure consistency. in almost all cases, the copy starts with a burst that is hundreds of mb/s, or even measured in gb/s, and then comes down as the total transfer approaches the 22 gb. numbers recorded are always final numbers, not burst numbers. in all cases, smaller files would transfer at much faster speeds, so i'm underestimating the transfer rates in all data points.
======================
first, test with uac disabled & no usb 3.0 drivers.
this verifies that the system is operating at usb 2.0 speeds before the usb 3.0 drivers are installed.
c--->c: fast. 120+. 150+, for a full 20 gb.
c--->d: 80+
c--->f, c--->g, 30
d--->c, 90+ mb/s
d--->d: 30 mb/s
d--->f, d---->g, 30 mb/s
f---->c, f--->d: 30 mb/s
f---->f, f--->g: 20 mb/s
g--->g, g--->f: 20 mb/s
g---->d, g--->c: 30 mb/s
===========
then, test with all drivers (incl usb 3, chipset):
c----->c, 150+
c----->d, 85+, mostly (95+ mostly, 80+ at very end)
c----->f, 120+
c----->g, 65+
d---->c, 85+
d---->d, 30s
d---->f, 85+
d---->g, 60+
f--->c, 135+
f---->d, 75+, mostly 80+
f---->f, 40s
f---->g, 65+, mostly 70+
g--->c, 60 solid
g--->d, 60+
g--->f, 60+, mostly 65+
g--->g, 20s [drive is very full]
- c is fast, d is slow
- g is slower than f.
with g unplugged and e plugged in, instead:
c---->e, 65+
d---->e, 60+
e---->e, 20s
f------>e, 65+
e---->c, 65+
e----->d, 70+
e---->f, 65+
e is about the same speed as g, maybe a little faster, and much slower than f.
p is slower than e.
===========
are these usb 3.0 speeds or is something broken?
first, note that the fast speeds are coming from the ssd, not from the usb 3.0. also, note that the hdd assigned to the d: drive is very slow.
the usb 3.0 transfer rate data is as follows:
c----->f, 120+
c----->g, 65+
d---->f, 85+
d---->g, 60+
f--->c, 135+
f---->d, 75+, mostly 80+
f---->f, 40s
f---->g, 65+, mostly 70+
g--->c, 60 solid
g--->d, 60+
g--->f, 60+, mostly 65+
g--->g, 20s [drive is very full]
a "good" usb transfer rate would be around:
w: 70–90 MB/s
r: 90–110 MB/s
the testing consequently determines that my f drive is writing at excellent speeds when data is coming to it from my fast ssd c drive (i say 120, but it was mostly 150+) and is still writing at "good" usb 3.0 speeds when data is coming to it from my much slower hdd d: drive. however, my g drive is writing at much slower speeds that are at the lower end of the usb 3.0 spectrum, regardless of whether the data is coming from the faster ssd drive or the slower hdd drive. realizing this is what gave me pause. however, given that these two drives are plugged into exactly the same hub, it must be the physical drives that are determining the differences in speed and not the protocol. the g drive is much older, much smaller and has much less free space than the f drive. perhaps transfer rates to the g drive will improve if the g drive empties out, or perhaps that is the limit of the hardware. given that the e and p drives were even slower than the g drive, i would suspect that it is the case that the drives themselves are the bottleneck and that 60-70 mb/s is as fast as they are ever going to transfer at (sustained, after 10 gb of data has already been transferred. all three drives transfer over 100 mb/s for smaller amounts of data, even up to 5 gb of data transferred. i'm being very hard on these drives, here.) due to their own limitations.
the testing likewise determines that the f drive is sending data to the fast ssd c and slower hdd d drives at speeds approaching the maximum speeds that they can accept data at, in sustained transfer: 135+ mb/s to the c drive and 85+ mb/s to the d drive. it is the d drive that is the bottleneck here; the f drive is reading at usb 3.0 speeds, but the d drive can't accept it at that speed. as before, the g drive cannot send data nearly as quickly, and it must be the drive itself that is the bottleneck because the f drive is plugged into exactly the same hub. the e and p drives had similar maximum read rates under 70 mb/s, which puts the drives in the purgatory between usb 2.0 and usb 3.0, but i'm blaming it on the drives and not on the protocol being broken. i don't have the boxes to check the marketing; these drives may be better labelled as usb 2.0 drives than usb 3.0 drives and what i might be experiencing is the usb 2.0 protocol maxxing out under the implementation of the usb 3.0 drivers.
the reason i plugged the g drive in was so that i could measure rates between two drives, but it seems as though none of the other drives i have can keep up with the f drive and that i'm not getting the kind of test i want out of that procedure. rather, sending data from f to g or g to f, or e to f or f to e, is just exposing the non-f drive as the bottleneck, which is affirming the upper limit of around 75 mb/s on these other drives, the g and e, for sustained transfer (again, i can transfer over 100 mb/s in bursts). i wish i had another drive as fast as the f drive to test the usb 3.0 with more directly, but i've convinced myself it's functioning at full speed by testing with the ssd drive.
the curiosity i'm left with is data transfer from an external drive to itself, from e-->e, f-->f, g--->g. these are the slowest, always. why is that?
my best guess is that the overhead doubles, so you lose all of the speed for all that reason. that makes less sense for f, though. i would like a better answer to that.
9:03
i think breast implants are disgusting, actually. in fact, i wouldn't even be attracted to women with natural large breasts. rather, the women i've been attracted to in the past have had smaller breast sizes and more muscular chests and stomachs. i would be more attracted to a female athlete than a female porn star.
i would certainly never consider getting breast implants for myself. yuck.
16:45
friday, july 21, 2023
it's becoming increasingly clear that the crunk woman is actually moving in here and i'm becoming increasingly weirded out by the implications of it.
this woman is supposed to be married to the property owner, but that seems to be over. at this point, she seems to be hopelessly addicted to meth. is her (ex-)wife parking her here for some future purpose? is she trafficiking her?
drug dealers are horrible people. i don't know what this is a front for, except that it appears to be deeply organized. i'm trying to take the prime directive with the kids, but i'm having more difficulty being disinterested in a 45+ year old woman potentially being hooked on meth and trafficked by her own wife. that is an unsettling outcome that i really don't like.
yet, at some point, there becomes few other options to explain what's happening upstairs. she's supposed to have a job in toronto, but she's been upstairs and on drugs now for weeks on end. i think i heard her convert the living room into a bedroom tonight.
5:28
i keep pointing out that i'm glad i'm not the one dealing with the situation, but i didn't initially realize that the people moving in were drug dealers or that the woman was a drug addict. i realize that it's not really about the boys, it's about the drugs; i realize it wouldn't have been about me, it would have been about a way to get easy access to the drugs. she would have quickly ended up upstairs, anyways, because that's where the drugs are.
5:33
i think the situation should clarify itself next week, and by august 1st at the latest.
i'm expecting the grossest possible outcome, at this point.
5:36
i'm increasingly unsettled by the premise that i'm the one that was supposed to be trafficked, but it was reversed when i cut my hair.
has the property owner decided to substitute her wife for my place, in order to prevent herself from losing money on the purchase?
yikes.
drug dealers are business people. never forget that.
5:44
what i've learned about myself over the last month is that i'm not the risk for accidental addiction i feared i might be. insofar as addiction to drugs like meth and heroin is a physical condition, i worried that the history of addiction on my mother's side might make me a sitting duck. i've turned down uppers like cocaine and meth on multiple occasions for the reason that i didn't want to risk getting accidentally hooked. however, after being drugged once (and successfully preventing a few follow-up attempts), i've learned that i actually don't even like the effects of the drug. getting hooked on something you dislike the effects of seems unlikely.
that doesn't mean i'd react any less viciously to somebody trying to addict me to something or trying to traffic me into something.
let me state this clearly: i will not allow myself to be trafficked. i'm a bad victim, a poor slave. i'll bite. i'll claw. don't bother with me, i'm not worth it. i won't do it.
5:50
saturday july 22, 2023
the weekends have been a little cooler than the weekdays this year, meaning i might have actually wanted to stay in last week and the week before, if i had been able to leave the house. i would generally avoid going out on the canada day weekend because there's abject losers everywhere. the weekend of june 24th/25th had weather more reflective of the kind of weekend i'd like to go out in, but there were other reasons i would have wanted to stay in, had i not been stuck inside.
it's nice this weekend, finally, and, yes, i'd like to go out to a real party in detroit and have some actual real fun. unfortunately, i cannot leave the premises because the property has been taken over by crackhead losers doing stimulants and listening to speed metal in the garage that are threatening to take over my space and steal my stuff if i leave the premises. therefore, i'm stuck here; i can't leave.
i would never party in my own house like they're doing, it's pathetic. it's not like they're having parties, either, it's the same five or six losers out back getting high on meth every night. the better way to describe what they're doing is to call it an absence of a party. it is, in truth, hopeless drug addicts tending to their addiction, instead of going out to a party.
frustratingly, they then criticize me for never having any fun. well, i certainly don't want to hang out with drug addict losers like them, that's for sure. worse, i can't ditch them and leave and go out to a real party because they're constantly here and persistently threatening my space. they've trapped me here, and there's nothing i can do until they pay me out.
yes, i want to be out somewhere having fun this weekend. i can cross the border again. it's nice out. i have some cash to spend. unfortunately, the fact that these crackhead losers have parked themselves here means i can't go out anywhere, i'm stuck here protecting my space, instead.
1:57
i set up my stationary this evening and will be able to take it outside to get some exercise tomorrow afternoon, so i can sweat in the heat and get some vitamin d in the sun. it's been annoyingly wet and cloudy this year, so i haven't missed as much as i might have, otherwise; there were only five days in the second half of june where the highs were around 29.5 degrees and there's only been three 30 degree days so far in july, and only one at 31. there's also been two 29 degree days. in total, that's only ten potentially sufficiently hot biking days, and i don't have the data in front of me to know if it was hot enough and not raining for long enough to make any of them truly sufficient. i'm sure i'd have taken advantage of a few of them, but there may have only been a couple of truly sufficiently hot biking days that were skipped. the forecast is calling for two weeks of hot and humid days in the 30s and with humidity pushing into the 40s, which are the kinds of days i truly like to bicycle in. the slow start to the year may potentially be undone by doing some extra bicycling this week. the walmart bicycle doesn't require a brake if it's connected to the stationary, but i've nonetheless ordered a new brake with a new cable and hope that that is the only thing that needs to be replaced, immediately. the brake was not installed correctly at the factory and broke almost immediately out of the box.
the stationary is going to be used outside for now while it's hot out so i can sweat outside and get some vitamin d, but i will then set it up in the space between the rooms so i can exercise while listening to music over the winter. i have never had a good winter exercise routine and have consequently needed to lose weight in the spring almost every year. if i can keep up the cardio via the inside bicycling, i should be able to avoid that, moving forwards.
on that note, i'm finally completing the process of building the windows 7 image and have ordered some extra parts for the system, namely an rj-45 to usb 3.0 connector (with a built in three port hub) for the linuxbook internet gateway, so that i can work on setting that up next, as well as 100 feet of speaker cables so i can set up my celestions in my bedroom. i have my kefs set up in the living room (or studio space) with my main amp and have generally connected the celestions in "the other room", whatever that room was, and powered them with a backup amp. this space is not just smaller but more crammed together than previous spaces, so it hasn't made sense to have two different stereo systems set up [either one in the studio and one in the living room, or one in the living room acting as a studio and the other in the bedroom; in this space, the living room, studio and bedroom are essentially one large room separated by trivial enclaves and the other room is the eat-in kitchen]. rather, i've connected the backup amp to the broken chromebook, which streams youtube lectures, and am using it to power a pair of mini sony desktop speakers that are placed in front of a couch, and which i listen to when eating. i've set up my altecs to the typing machine, but they are measly gaming monitors and not appropriate for listening to music. they really don't sound good, and you can't turn the subwoofer off. the linuxbook will be used for email and news reading, but i can also leave a pair of headphones plugged into it, if i need to hear something from it. what i've been doing for the last several years is just turning the kefs in the living room up when i want to listen to something while reading or sitting in bed.
what i'm going to do instead is run the speaker wire on order out of the main amp in the living room and into my bedroom, so that the celestions and kefs are both connected to the main amp, but set up in the two different rooms: the kefs in the living room and the celestions in the bedroom. i won't need to turn the kefs up quite so loud, that way. or, perhaps, if i want to turn the whole system up loud, i can really blow the fucking floor off, with kefs in one room and celestions in the other.
it just doesn't make sense to have two amps running in this basement, even if that's how i normally design my audio systems and what i will likely revert to, in the next basement.
the inputs into the amp in the living room are currently a five disc cd/dvd changer (that can read mp3 discs), my 32-bit recording pc (when it's on) and the internet connected chromebook, streaming from youtube or bandcamp. this chromebook is currently my only real internet gateway, but as the typing shifts to the typing machine it will be converted into primarily being a media device for streaming music and uploading media to my own sites. i keep my recording pcs off the internet so i will need to use this chromebook as the gateway device for internet access from the studio, and move things in and out of the recording machines using usb.
i am toying with getting a fourth and maybe fifth expired chromebook, as well. i currently have one for streaming youtube lectures (which operates as a tv), the one i'm typing on and one i'm intending to convert into a linuxbook for email and news reading. it might be useful to have one that is put aside strictly for coffee shop use (as required) and one that is strictly for audio streaming to the amp. i'm not sure yet. i'm wondering if it might make more sense to get something like a pi for the audio streaming, and hook it up to the kvm in the studio, instead.
after however many years of everything being broken, i'm starting to turn a corner in having my tools of production functioning, again. that's fundamental to creating things.
4:41
well, that got me some vitamin d, that's for sure.
16:40
sunday, july 23, 2023
i'd like to clarify a few facts in response to what i'm hearing from upstairs.
- i live in the basement of a duplex that was recently bought out by some crackhead losers that seem to have purchased the property because they wanted control of my sex life in some way, which is something they can never have.
- i'm 42 years old.
- my name is legally jessica and my gender is legally female. however, i was born a male.
- i have been female presenting and female identifying and on hormones since 2002, although i went on "natural hormones" for a few years from 2003-2008 as i tried to organize the financial part of my life to plan for a more serious transition, which i launched myself into in 2008. there are pictures of me in the google archive going back to 2008 on the side that has the name photo album in the link list. the pictures are mostly screen shots of vlogs and are not edited in any way, except to crop and perhaps to digitally increase exposure. i have not had difficulty passing as a female in public, but am rather consistently complimented on my attractive and feminine appearance. i am used to enjoying desired attention from men, and also to being annoyed by unwanted attention from women.
- i have recently had my testicles removed. i have not had any other type of surgery and i do not want plastic surgery. i think that plastic surgery for purely cosmetic reasons as an expression of vanity is disgusting and pathetic.
- i recently had to cut my hair because it was badly damaged. it will grow back within 10-15 months. i am not interested in the opinions of the pathetic loser guys that moved in upstairs about my hair cut or about anything else and would suggest they fuck off and go kill themselves if they really don't like my hair cut that much, and further that one of them send me pictures of their corpses so i can take satisfaction in the outcome. they have the option of moving out if they're that upset about my hair cut. they are not in the age range of men i would consider having sex with, and, frankly, they're not attractive enough for me to consider having sex with, either. the pretty boy is far too scrawny to ever potentially sexually interest an adult woman; he has the body of a 14 year-old child. you'd have to be a pedophile to get off on that. if he wants to have sex with attractive adult women like myself, he will need to invest in some time at the gym, first, lifting weights and building his chest up. as it is, he would currently not be considered fuckable from the perspective of any attractive female over the age of 20 that isn't fucked up on drugs or isn't a legitimate pedophile.
- i am strictly attracted to mature heterosexual cismen. i am neither attracted to transwomen nor to ciswomen, and i do not enjoy the company of or want to spend time with people in their teens or 20s.
he's kind of a wet dream, but a good example of the kind of man i'd be interested in is henry rollins:
this is what hot guys look like, as it seems like the world has somehow forgotten:
0:40
https://thehardtimes.net/music/rock/red-hot-chili-peppers-wear-dress-socks-on-dicks-for-court-date/
3:15
i never burn this time of year, because i'm always tanned. i'm used to spending hours in the sun, at mid-summer, without even using sunscreen (which doesn't work, anyways.).
this six weeks inside at this time of year has been very weird.
am i going to arrive at some solution in the first week of august? i doubt it, but i suspect that the shape of what a solution will look like will begin to become more clear.
it's going to be the upcoming last week of july that will make the situation more clear.
4:54
i don't want to dwell too much on the kid upstairs, but he seems to be central to whatever this intended scam was and i want to point something out.
i've stated repeatedly that he looks like a 14 year old, and he does. in fact, i think his mom just picked him up (i thought it was the amazon package, but it was an older woman taking him away in a van). i actually think that his stunted development is because of the training he's been doing rather than in spite of it.
the kid appears to have a longstanding relationship with the property owners, as i have found pictures of him on the property owner's instagram page dating back to 2016. the property owner is a lesbian that was at one point a very muscular woman (and has recently let herself ago, apparently due to a meth addiction) that used to work as a personal trainer. the actual relationship would appear to be between the property owner and the kid's mother, and it is not a stretch to imagine it was sexual at one point or still is, but the relationship between the kid and the property owner was initially that the property owner was the kid's personal trainer. unfortunately, i actually suspect that the kid is the father of the lesbian's recently born child.
the kid often walks around without a shirt on, so i can tell you that he has the kind of stomach that a lot of masculine lesbian women would desire, but he's clearly male identifying and clearly looking to have sex with people that are female identifying and having a sexy midriff isn't the way to get what he wants, as it just juvenilizes him. his lesbian fitness advisor has trained him to develop the body of a lesbian woman. he has clearly not spent any time on his upper body at all - despite his flat stomach, he has no shoulders and no chest and it is for that reason that he looks so remarkably boyish, which is going to make most adult women recoil, or perhaps want to sit him down and make him lunch, instead.
the general comment i want to make here is that this is something that young boys, or perhaps their mothers, should be more conscious of. i'm not a gender absolutist, but the lesson here is obvious; don't send your young boy to a female personal trainer. the boy is confused, now, and needs the attention of a male role model.
13:34
so, if mom just came to get the kid, what does that mean?
does it mean the crunk woman is tired of him? that was predictable, and the kind of dynamic i wanted to avoid.
does it mean that the kid's mom's relationship to the fitness trainer necessitates she takes her kid out of the house after the lesbians have broken up, even as he's in the centre of the crunk woman's apparent mental breakdown?
does it mean she's moving in and needs to clear him out to make the space?
14:00
i also want to point out how i feel about other people entering my apartment.
there have been a number of people parading through my apartment over the last six months due to the house being for sale and then the property being sold. i've been obligated to let these people come through here, and what has developed is that a number of older lesbian women have interpreted the place as somewhat of a pad. i can grasp that; i can understand how a certain kind of woman could walk into the apartment and instantly want to move in, and i can even understand how a certain kind of woman may even be aroused by the apartment, itself. it's full of musical instruments, recording gear, computers, stereo equipment, books, cds, bicycles, vegetarian food and....makeup, tank tops, dresses and lingerie. on top of that, the occupant is one of the hottest trans girls most people have ever seen (or was, before i cut my hair. i still am. my hair cut changed nothing about my hotness, really, even if i want my hair back immediately.).
in fact, i don't let anybody down here. ever. the only reason i let people in here when i did was because i had to, and i think i actually made it clear (implicitly) that i found it invasive. i did not want to allow anybody to come down here at all.
this is my personal space and, as a deep introvert, i don't like to share it with anybody. at all. somebody would have to be very special to me to get invited down here for any reason at all.
this isn't any sort of a "pad", it's more like a cave. it's an escape from the world.
it's jessicaland, population: 1.
when (or if) i start regularly partying again, it will be outside of my apartment. strictly. nobody is allowed down here. ever.
22:48
monday, july 24, 2023
i'm starting to get these rooms in order, so i'm going to post a few pictures.
i'm back to watching lectures when i'm eating so i'm going to post a few pictures of what the space looks like, set up. this is stable and will transfer itself to any future living spaces.
there's a four port switch behind the monitor that connects to the ip phone (that i spent several weeks last year setting up before finding the secret tweak, which is to set it to tcp/ip instead of dns), the chromebook in the back and the 90s laptop on the right. the 90s laptop runs the tftp server for the ip phone, although i can also use it to search google for phone numbers, as well as take notes in notepad when i'm on the phone. the chromebook streams lectures from youtube and sends them out to the monitor. the kleenex boxes are for wiping my mouth and blowing my nose when i'm eating, you perverts. i eat a lot of spicy food.
i'm ejaculation-free, if you're curious. no testicles means no semen. in fact, i've been ejaculation-free for years because i've been chemically castrated for years, the orchiectomy just made it irreversible. no clean-up necessary. really. i'm really not into porn, though.
this is a shot from a different angle, to capture the fact that there's a couch in front of the monitor.
this is technically supposed to be a bedroom, but you could only fit a small kid's bed in the room and would have a hard time fitting any other furniture in it. it's better described as a storage room. i use it as a dining room. i do sleep in here on the couch sometimes when i'm too yucky from bicycling to allow myself in my bed and too tired to shower first.
this is from behind the camera and captures the amp i'm using to drive the desktop speakers, which currently only has an in from the chromebook. i do have an ip68 zoji cell phone, but i never use it. i want to eventually put a custom android image on it and use it strictly with roaming wifi. i really prefer the ip phone, which operates over voip.
i do have a couple of webcams that i could plug into the 90s laptop or the chromebook for use with zoom, but my internet connection is too slow for zoom and i would not expect to be allowed to connect to the network. it will also not be long before xp is not allowed on zoom (edit: xp is already not allowed on zoom), and this laptop can only run xp or linux (or something older than xp, like me or 98). i tried to install vista recently and it wasn't happening. i find zoom invasive and would rather talk on the phone, but i realize i can't resist forever and that i will eventually need to find a way to integrate a video conferencing component into this phone/tv system dining room space. so long as i can hold on to my grandfathered 6 mbps internet connection at under market prices, the internet connection is a bottleneck and it's a moot point. i will likely eventually need to replace the 90s laptop with something like a pi and a kvm, and i'll be able to use one of my old webcams when that happens, although if i do bring a pi in, it will also replace the broken chromebook and i won't need the kvm. the utility of this particular setup (for now) is that i'm using old equipment that has no other purpose and would otherwise be thrown away or closeted, and not buying new equipment. however, i may eventually get a cheap video phone and install it in parallel to the ip phone, instead. it's not clear from a quick google search that zoom is currently compatible with sip over video, though. that might seem absurd, but the point is to not use a cell phone. i'm intentionally avoiding connecting anything through the cell network because i know it's used for surveillance.
1:40
the question of whether i made the right decision to place the action against the landlord in my previous apartment on hold is appearing again, and i want to reiterate that i did make the right decision. it seems from a distance that i got suckered, and in some sense i did, but i made the best decision i had available to me in a collection of less than optimal choices. it is true that the landlord immediately filed to evict me, but they were going to do that anyways, the tribunal erred in it's decision and i would have likely won the case on a technicality had i appealed it (which i very nearly did). i made a decision to move out of the basement and into a non-smoking apartment of almost equal size because i had recently quit smoking and a new tenant had moved in upstairs that was utterly disgusting in her habits and was making the space uninhabitable due to the second-hand smoke. i vacated the unit due to the smoker that moved in, not due to the eviction process put in place by the landlord.
i did not intend to carry through with the action, it was intended as leverage against an aggressively harassing landlord that was doing things like throwing cat feces at my window (which i have on video) in an attempt to intimidate me to leave. i did not realize at the time that they legitimately wanted to move their mother in and didn't understand that the law allowed them to do so, if they could generate the proper documentation. they didn't have to resort to thuggery and were doing so out of low intelligence and base ignorance.
however, what would have happened if i had carried through with the action? it is not clear that i would have won. while i had a long list of examples of harassment and did have some video evidence, the decision to act on that evidence would have beeen up to the adjudicator at the tribunal, and i realized i would have to make the argument at the hearing, which would have been awkward at best. i may have lost the argument, which would have just paved the way to the next step, anyways. even if i had won the case, i would not have been able to keep the money under the then existing odsp rules and the case itself stipulated that the request was for the property owner to donate the money to charity. it is not clear that they would have donated the money if ordered to, and it is not clear that a court order would have resulted in them stopping their harassing behaviour. rather, i was seeking some way to push back against an aggressively harassing landlord by standing up for myself, i was not seeking financial compensation; i wanted the harassment to stop and was flailing back in the only way i could, i knew i couldn't receive a payout.
when the paralegal agreed that the property owners were acting aggressively and were in the wrong to do so and promised their harassing behaviour would stop, that was the outcome i wanted and the paralegal was aware of it. he understood that i wanted an end to the harassment rather than a payout and cynically offered me what i wanted; further, the harassment did stop, and i did get what i wanted. however, he also immediately launched an eviction process against me, which is what his clients wanted. it was a double-edged sword; i in fact succeeded in winning the outcome i was fighting for, but the result was a fresh attack using more directed and ultimately more successful tactics. i insist that that result was imminent, anyways, and not something i might have been able to avoid.
i consequently continue to insist that i made the right decision and that i should have won the case for personal use, as the adjudicator erred in her application of the burden of proof, assigning me with the burden of proof rather than the property owners. she also misinterpreted the appropriate part of the code. as mentioned, what changed was that the new heavily smoking tenant moved in upstairs, which made the apartment uninhabitable due to the second-hand smoke and an evacuation of the space desirable. i was told the apartment i was moving into was smoke-free, and only later learned that was untrue.
what i regret was not re-opening the action. it is relatively clear that the paralegal was acting in poor faith, which provided me with grounds to re-open the case (in contrast to what i think they thought was true, which was in fact not true). as mentioned, the law at the time was such that i could not have kept any winnings from a landlord harassment action at the board, i would have had to sign them over to odsp. there would consequently not have been any purpose in re-opening the case. i did not realize that the wynne government was changing the law and that i would have been able to keep any winnings, had i re-opened the case and won the action.
due to the realities that (1) the woman that bought the house was an insufferable, abject piece of shit and (2) the smoker that moved in upstairs made the basement uninhabitable due to second-hand smoke, my best course of action was to evacuate the unit and then sue the property owner for forcing me to do it, but only after the subsequent change in the law allowed me to keep any money from the lawsuit. due to the constant harassment from the new landlord and the newly unhealthy living conditions, staying in the basement was no longer a desirable outcome, i wanted out of the space. had i realized the law was changing, i would have re-opened the case and suspect i would have won a settlement, given that they got what they wanted through different means. i did not realize that the law had changed until after the legislated time frames had passed.
on it's face, i also got what i wanted, which was moving into a non-smoking apartment building. i would greatly prefer to live in the higher levels of an apartment building than the basement of a house, i just can't find an affordable smoke-free apartment in windsor or elsewhere and got stuck in the basement of a non-smoking house instead! that basement apartment was full of cockroaches, had heating problems and had serious plumbing issues that the property owners didn't understand the nature of. the neighbourhood was being overrun with heroin addicts. i wouldn't be surprised to learn that the basement has since flooded. it was cheap and spacious, but it was dirty, unhealthy and unsafe and consequently wasn't as desirable as some might think from watching the vlogs. the neighbours were disgusting people. it is true that i had subsequent issues with the new apartment i moved to, but that doesn't change the logic in the decision that i made. the decision did not cost me any money and, relative to the law as it existed at the time, i could not have made money by making a different decision. i stand by the choice i made and would make the same decision again.
the eventual outcome of me moving into a marginally smaller (while the layout of the other space was preferable, the difference in size is negligible, in terms of square footage) but much cleaner and much safer space with a much better landlord was a distinctly positive and infinitely preferable one. i had to move twice to get it, but i did get what i wanted, in the end, at least for a while. i am now again in a similar situation, where i have insufferable loser landlords taking over the building and making the apartment unhealthy and uninhabtable.
however, the low vacancy rate in the existing rental market makes these considerations irrelevant to the scenario i am now in. the idea that i might find a new apartment at an affordable rent that is cleaner or safer than this apartment is not real in today's canada, where finding anywhere to live at all is increasingly difficult. i will need to fight to hold this space all the way to the supreme court, if required.
12:45
there is a form to re-open an application that ended in mediation due to the landlord not having signed it in good faith, but it didn't make sense for me to do that under the presumption that i couldn't keep the funds (which was wrong due to the very recent legislative changes that i wasn't aware of).
the tactic was to enact a cost on the landlord every time they harassed me, with the intent to make harassing me too expensive to bother with. they would have had to pay a fine to the board or to charity, rather than to me. i was seeking to enforce some concept of consequence for their harassment to get them to stop, not to capitalize on their assholery.
unfortunately for me, they were harassing me because they were legitimately trying to move their mom in, which they were actually allowed to do. they had a better tactic, which was explained to them by their paralegal.
16:56
i now have the celestions set up to the central amp and placed on a bookcase in my bedroom. as the kefs and celestions are on the same circuit, any power to the celestions comes at the expense of the kefs and they will balance each other if played at the same time rather than blow the top off of the floor. in practice, i will generally be in the habit of turning one set off while the other is on. the celestions are 70 w, whereas the kefs are 50 w; the celestions are slightly rawer and slightly bassier. i know the speakers well and know that some types of music sound better on one or the other speaker pair. the celestions are better for types of music with distorted guitars (many of the most famous guitar parts in rock music history were recorded by micing celestions), whereas the kefs are far better for electronic music because they're more compressed sounding. i prefer the kefs as studio speakers because they are absolutely flat, and broadly prefer the celestions for listening to rock music because they provide for more dynamics. the right celestion is, however, missing a tweeter, and that has been true for years.
i need to spend a day or two on legal work before i can get to finalizing that image and posting some pictures of the bedroom setup.
19:15
the kefs are late 70s corellis, and the celestions are ditton 110s, probably early 80s, both care of my dead father:
19:49
when i first moved to windsor, i took a run down to one of the local bars, villain's, for a cd sale by the local radio station, which was giving away old cds for $0.50 each. i took the opportunity to purchase a large pile of classical and jazz records that i decided i ought to have on my shelf, and then never listened to any of them. in fact, i've kept them in a separate box for that reason.
i'm going to get them out of the box and on the shelf over the next few days as i listen to each of them. i'll document that on the np: list.
23:19
wednesday, july 26, 2023
i am of the viewpoint that taking independent actions to neutralize, minimize and restrict the effects of second-hand smoke coming from private residences is a form of environmental activism and a valid expression of civil disobedience. i reject the concept of property rights and rather demand that the right to clean air is paramount, and makes the supposed right to "property" trivial and meaningless in comparison. my politics do not allow me to look away when people emit pollution in a way that directly harms their neighbours, they demand i take action to put an end to the oppression.
non-violent civil disobedience and direct actions are preferred, but activists need to make choices on the ground regarding what is proportionate.
my action today appears to have been successful. outcomes are what is important.
0:52
sometimes, things that are legal are wrong and activists need to resort to vigilantism because those things are legal, rather than in spite of it.
1:18
i am posting a few temp shots of the typing system.
this is a picture of the celestions, from the perspective of sitting in bed, reading. i have now connected them to the central amp with the speaker cables i recently bought, which is in the distance near the white fan.
this is a picture of the shelf from standing beside the bed, and you can see the amp and cd player in the distance:
this is a picture of the typing machine system, from standing a few feet away. it is blurry, so note the closeup that follows, but you can see the linuxbook in the lefthand corner (and a red usb key with arch on it) on top of the record player, which is not connected to anything, as well as the tablet pen and usb hub in the centre and the actual computer with a woodblock and an assortment of external drives and keys on the right. the linuxbook is for internet access (email, blogging) while the pc itself is completely air gapped, except via the usb keys as transfer mediums. again, the kleenex box is for my nitrogen allergy, you freaks. when this is finalized, it will be an idealized glorified typewriter with all the peripherals imaginable. i still think 7 is ideal for this, but we'll see if i find a use for 10 in the log run. building the 7 image for this typewriter machine is what i've spent most of the last two months doing.
this is a closeup of the side of the system, with the tablet more visible. i have tested the tablet with paint for drawing, with a number of built in windows 7 tools for mathematical formulas, with windows journal for handwriting and with wordpad as the unexpected preferred word processor integration, as creating and inserting images is integrated into wordpad and not into word 2003. it works perfectly with everything, which i'm a little surprised by. there's a mild learning curve with writing on the surface, but i'm getting past it. i have a complex assortment of usb keys at this point, as many people no doubt do, so that hub is for all the keys and their various specific purposes, as mini externals or removable partitions. those little altecs don't sound good for music, and you can't turn the subwoofer (under the desk) off, at all. i might take them back out. that habs mug is simply the largest mug i have been able to find, which makes it the best mug i've been able to find for drinking coffee, although i admit to having fond memories of the 1993 playoffs, when i was growing up in ottawa. the mug will be there at almost all times, too.
my ancient sansa plugs into the front of the tower. almost nothing else will, although there's an extra usb 3.0 port there. there's a five disc cd changer that i can't get to open under the tower which i was intending to use for listening to physical cds through headphones and will eventually if i can open it. it's stuck shut, and i'm not sure why.
i'm typing legal work tonight and will be back to finishing what i was doing within a few days.
5:47
i am not a sinead o'connor fan, but she happened to do guest vocals on the track 'release' on the afrocelt cd i was listening to this morning, probably as she was dying. that's an odd bit of synchronicity.
15:25
it's many years too late to have this discussion.
the ndp has never been a socialist party, it was historically a prairie populist "progressive" party. progressivism is a right-wing religious conservative movement that successfully fought for and argued for some reformism in labour practices but has nothing to do with socialism. the ndp has always struggled to win union voters and has rather been at it's strongest when it's held a base of religious voters.
the canadian left has, in truth, long abandoned the ndp, it's just not clear where it should rebuild or if it even can. i have been arguing that the greens are a better option for the future of the left than the ndp for a long time because the new left has to be fundamentally about carbon transition at it's core foundational principle, and still think it is true, even with the recent challenges faced by the greens.
15:42
ministers in canada don't really do anything substantive, they mostly read scripts presented to them by their parliamentary secretaries. these changes are cosmetic, and the way to read it is that the liberals are reacting to poor polling numbers and perceptions about things like representation and identity politics.
17:40
i indicated that i'd have a better understanding of what's happening here this week.
- they continue to expect me to leave the premises, despite the fact that i've told them i won't.
- a number of incidents have clarified that the woman is in fact upstairs and is in fact waiting for me to leave, apparently in order to change the locks or the door.
- however, she doesn't want me to know that she's upstairs and thinks she can lie to me about it.
- more people i haven't seen before have begun exiting and entering the property, indicating that the house is now a part of some kind of network of drug production
- the cars are all of a sudden being parked sideways or diagonally, indicating the drivers are on something that is not a stimulant. could they merely be drunk?
- everybody is all of a sudden wearing sweaters in july, indicating that they're trying to hide needle marks.
these people might be rich, but they're junkies. they'll sleep on the floor with the other junkies. heroin is the great equalizer, in that sense. it doesn't matter who you used to be, once you're a junkie.
how confident am i that it's heroin or *gasp* fentanyl? well, the sweaters in the 30 degree heat are a pretty strong give away, and they've actually become very quiet all of a sudden, despite the fact that i know there's at least five people living up there.
what does that mean, for me?
it depends on if it's one of the lesbians or both of them, and i'm sure it's just the one of them. it depends on how patient the other one is going to be. you'd think the relationship is done, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's going to get thrown out of the house. i was told the woman has a job in toronto; she can't take the whole summer off, surely. losing your marriage is one thing, as you can move on; losing your job is another, as it's much harder to react to. if she's too far gone, it's a matter of time before she's removed, and she can be removed much more easily than i can be.
if i was expecting clarification this week, it doesn't appear as though i'm getting it, so much as i'm getting further confirmation that the woman upstairs is in the process of having her life collapse around her, and i need to ensure that i'm not collateral in the chaos.
i'll pay my rent on friday or saturday and ask them a third time what their plans are.
i may not get clarity or be able to leave until september, but now that i'm getting some exercise, it's less of a problem.
18:52
thursday july 27, 2023
i fully acknowledge that, on the specific issue of drug use, the socialist left has more common ground with conservatives than it does with liberals. i'm not ashamed of that or interested in trying to deny it; i embrace that truth and i welcome the hate of hedonistic liberals. leftists have tended to be exceedingly critical of what we call bourgeois liberalism and frivolous drug use and drug culture is a primary symptom of the catastrophe of bourgeois liberalism. that is not true with most economic issues, broadly, and it is generally economic issues that drive left-wing voters, not social issues. it is for that reason that socialists may endorse temporary alliances with liberals on economic grounds, while being uneasy about supporting liberal social positions. social issues drive liberal voters, and that fact drives socialists to the barricades; it's one of the primary things that leftists absolutely hate about liberals. socialists want everything to be about economics, and think social issues are largely distractions. it is incumbent upon liberals to realize that i am neither a conservative nor am i a liberal, and i neither support conservative parties, nor do i support liberal parties. i have tended to endorse the green party in the united states and to openly agitate against voting for the democrats as i am doing so. i did not endorse biden, i did not endorse obama and i did not endorse gore. i did endorse clinton, in 2016; i did endorse kerry, in 2004. it would appear that i am going to very tentatively endorse cornel west, while being apprehensive about his religious views; it's not like he has any chance of winning.
as some abstraction of this front for this biker drug gang slowly takes over the property, i'm remembering the time that i got picked up at a bar in detroit by a woman trying to coerce me into her hot tub, and who asked me to wear hunter s. thompson glasses when i got back to her place, as some kind of apparent kink. i was stuck in detroit for the night and just wanted somewhere to hang out for a few hours, until i could bicycle back to the tunnel so i went home with her, but i told her i wasn't going to have sex with her. i ended up having to carefully, but firmly, lift her up off my lap, which she had decided to sit on, and place her down on the couch beside me, and she seems to have been embarrassed by that and stopped hitting on me further for the rest of the night.
the implication was that she had read some of my blogging, and i got that on the spot.
is there some potential path in the world of gonzo journalism, in some way i could work with this mess?
i don't want to, frankly. i keep explaining that i'm not a journalist and that i don't want to be a journalist and that's my basic reaction; it would just cut into my time doing things i care aboug. i'm also not interested in the drug culture the way that hunter s. thompson was.
i would prefer to get away from these people and have nothing further to do with them.2:01
i've been rejecting the advances of women for so long that i think i should write a book, with each chapter being about a woman i rejected the advances of and how it happened.
the earliest example i can remember is in the eighth grade. there was a period of about ten minutes on the bus ride home when i was the only biological male left on the bus with about ten biological females. almost every afternoon for months, two girls (a kristin and a sarah) would tag team me by taking their shirts off and essentially lap dancing me. in hindsight, this was young girls having difficulty with their hormones and using me as some kind of test subject, and the reason they were doing it is probably because they knew i was well behaved enough to not react. the sarah was half-teasing me (that went back to elementary school) and half-not, but the kristin was legitimately into me. i'm going to guess the kristin ended up a lesbian, but i don't actually know. when she wasn't lap dancing me, we used to argue about who was superior, l7 or sonic youth (she picked l7, i picked sonic youth). she never gave me back my copy of pretty on the inside, either; i should calculate a library fine and send her a fucking bill.
sarah got off the bus first, and kristin would often keep going for quite a while, and she did not give up. i did not react. for months.
from that point, it's been years of rejecting women, sometimes more aggressively than others.2:27
saturday, july 29, 2023
i'm watching transgendered sex workers walking in and out of the house, which is indicating to me that i was correct in deducing that the purpose of buying the property was to have sex with me, and they've given up on me, which is the correct choice. i have yelled through the floor that they're better off buying a sex worker than trying to seduce a trans woman, as getting transwomen into het sex (so-called lesbian sex with a pre-op transwoman is just het sex. really.) is really hit or miss, and the only way to be sure you're going to get it is to buy it. if you pay, they'll perform; otherwise, you could get another girl like me that simply isn't into it, or you might get one that is into it in theory but seriously isn't any good at it. expecting transwomen to fuck you like a man doesn't make any fucking sense.
i don't absolutely know if the patron is one of the teenage boys upstairs or one of the lesbians, but i strongly suspect it's the latter. it's clear that they're sex workers because nobody dresses like that (especially not to go to their car) unless they're paid to, and the upsweep in the hair is a dead giveaway. it's obvious.
it's been clear to me for some time that this was true, but it's that extra bit unsettling and disgusting to see the evidence on that extra level. wow.
somebody actually paid $500,000 to fuck me, without even asking if i'd be into it. i know i looked good. i didn't know i looked that good.4:00
sunday july 30, 2023
i don't see any substantive difference between biden and trump and don't think it makes sense to vote for biden to stop trump; on some issues, i'd be more inclined to vote for trump to stop biden, but i would largely argue that they're interchangeable and it doesn't matter who wins. i would, however, endorse biden in a hypothetical matchup against mike pence, who actually scares the fuck out of me.
try getting caught smoking a joint in china, or even in cuba. they will sentence you to death. even democratic socialist countries like sweden have far stricter drug laws than liberal democracies like the united states and canada. this is something that is true across the spectrum; as you become more socialist and less liberal, the drug laws become more harsh, not more lenient.
as is the case with most self-identified anarchist leftists, i'm relatively libertarian on drug use, which means that while i don't use drugs myself and i recognize the threat that drug use causes to leftist solidarity, i would argue that the idealized society and desired status quo would be for the culture in that society to reject drug use on the merits of it turning people into retards rather than for it to need to be protected from drug addiction by a nanny state telling it what to do and i don't care if the losers around me want to ruin their brains with damaging substances, so long as they keep it out of my face and go die by themselves in the bushes somewhere in a way that doesn't bother me. i'm not interested in liberal do-gooding about saving the drug addicts, either; let them die lonely deaths. the problems i have with residential drug users have to do with their habits infringing on my right to fresh air and my right to sober living, the latter of which are real and substantive rights, as opposed to their supposed right to be stupid, which is not any sort of real right, but merely frivolous and irrelevant. a hypothetical scenario where my idiot drug addict neighbours were loser crackheads and never bothered me would be tolerable; i'd just ignore them. whatever. unfortunately, the reason that mainstream society has tended to attack drug users so viciously is that this is not a realistic projection because drug users lack the self-awareness, the basic decency, the common sense and the respect for others that is required to quarantine their habits in a way that doesn't negatively affect the people around them. they don't give a fuck if they're bothering others, which invites abuse on themselves. i have to align with systems that seek to prevent them from harming others, not systems that want to maximize their so-called freedom to be enslaved to substances that are destroying themselves, often for the financial benefit of corporate or state actors. the issue of importance is not about protecting the addicts from society, that is backwards thinking; the issue of importance is rather about protecting society from the addicts. liberals need to correct their blurry thinking on this topic and re-establishing their priorities correctly, but it is unlikely that they will do so.
while my positions on drug use are broadly consistent with those held by members of the libertarian left, my positions on selling and distributing drugs belong more to the authoritarian left. i think that drug dealers should go to jail for lengthy sentences, even low level drug dealers. i realize that marijuana is some sort of exception, but i never supported the legalization of marijuana in canada and i would today support recriminalizing marijuana, and would especially support recriminalizing the corporatization and mass manufacturing of marijuana production. while the law should revert back to it being technically illegal to grow or sell any amount of marijuana for any reason, the cops should ignore people that have a few plants in their backyard, or a hydro grow-up in their basement; we should certainly not have stores that sell marijuana on every corner, nor should we have large scale gangs or organized criminals selling marijuana or any other drug. residential marijuana smoking should be eliminated as much as possible via the enforcement of strict bylaws with heavy fines. you should have to either go to a park or secluded area away from where people live, or have to smoke inside with the windows closed. ideally, most marijuana use should occur at public events, or at bars or cafes, in social settings. the law should be intended specifically to produce incentives to prevent people from smoking marijuana alone, as it is when people get high by themselves that addiction sets in and other mental health issues develop as a consequence of routine use, however frequent or infrequent.
1:15
friday, july 28, 2023
i have now for the first time seen some evidence that the crunk woman is in the process of reversing her downfall. meth can have absolutely devastating effects on people. rehab has a very low success rate and the root cause is generally a lack of human interest. the most effective input to maximize success is somebody that loves you.
if she's been removed from the house, as it seems like she has, it does not clarify what the future of the space is. it does, however, indicate that same certainty is forthcoming. some clarity is likely to present itself in the next week.
1:02
this would be broken up via antitrust legislation.
i love that this is the pinned comment.
I love everyone.
god bless all of you.
3:46
Highlighted reply
5:18
sunday, july 30, 2023
nope.
she's baaaaaack.
addiction, huh.
ugh.
i'm buying her drugs when i pay the rent. fuck.
8:43
i've been able to learn by googling them that tomorrow is the lesbians' one year wedding anniversary.
as far as i can tell, she left yesterday to get money from her wife and then came back. did she forget it was her anniversary?
they both look about 10 years older than they did last year. it's dramatic. it's what meth does.
obviously, if they're not in the same place tomorrow, that's a pretty dramatic signal that the ownership of the property is in the air.
on top of that, all of the cars have suddenly disappeared, but there's still people here. i'm actually concerned that the cars got sold for cash.
somebody even tried to steal my garbage walmart bicycle yesterday when i went in to get some water. it's more important than ever that i stay inside for a bit, i think.
10:05
it would actually seem as though she came back to clear the place out.....and then left. i was able to watch a little bit of it from the window, and it was an entirely different dynamic. instead of being there to escape from reality, she was there to order the kids around.
the kids cleaned the yard, mowed the lawn, cleaned the garage and then apparently left with her. this isn't a normal tenancy arrangement, she's clearly managing them in some way; it would appear as though she's the boss and they're the employees. a landlord cannot generally order you to clean the yard, scrub the garage or mow the lawn.
at this point, the upstairs and garage both appear to be entirely vacant. there are no cars anywhere to be seen and no sound coming from anywhere.
i've noticed air bnb type lockboxes upstairs.
is the upstairs going to turn over on tuesday?
is the house actually for sale?
11:40
july 31, 2023
while i would agree that there should be parity across whatever rules exist, i would actually be more in favour of banning male nipples in public than allowing female nipples. shirtless men in public are a toxic, disgusting thing. put your shirts on, you douchebags.
1:10
somebody did come back tonight for a few hours, but they were clearly cleaning the place out.
and i mean cleaning the place out.
they may have even broken in through the back. the fridge and stove and etc might not be there anymore. somebody also seems to have broken into the garage and that garage may now have a permanent squatting problem, after the landlords apparently allowed (probably mostly homeless) people to smoke meth in it for weeks. it's like trying to get rid of raccoons. what were they thinking?
the answer is that they were on drugs.
they'll need somebody watching the space nightly for years if they want to reclaim it.
i'm not getting involved unless i think my own space is under threat, but it's going to be awkward if they have to call the cops to evict meth addicts from their garage, given that they'll have to explain how they got there and given that the reason they're being evicted is probably to deal with the landlord's own addiction. what a mess.
i do think that the upstairs tenants have now at least left, potentially for good.
therefore, i don't know what's stopping the squatters from entering the house. it's a normal outcome around here to have drug addicts break into empty houses. that was the first thing i told this woman (i told her to keep the lights on), and she walked right into it, anyways.
2:56
i think that sex work should remain illegal, but it is not because i have any sort of moral opposition to it. i couldn't do it, myself. that's not really the point.
i think that the economic modelling that advocates of decriminalizing sex work use is naive; i think that the best way for workers to get paid the most amount is for it to stay illegal. a full legalization policy would quickly lead to mcbrothels, where sex workers are reduced to wage slavery and the profit goes up the hierarchy to shareholders. mcbrothels will mass market menus of sex services for under-market prices and even take losses to drive competitors out of business. independent workers will have difficulty competing. mcbrothels would be great for consumers and terrible for workers. my support for the continued criminalization of sex work is consequently a labour rights position, designed to maximize both worker's rights and women's rights; while i understand that the argument is frequently that legalization will produce the opposite outcome, the neo-liberal economic models used to arrive at those outcomes are, like all applications of neo-liberal marketization, deeply flawed.
for that reason, i'm happy to ignore sex workers that are working or living in my dwelling.
...so long as they don't smoke in the house.
3:08
actually, the sex worker is back, and i don't think that either the tenant or the crunk woman are here.
that would suggest that the new tenancy upstairs is sex work related and that that is probably what the lockboxes are for.
ok.
they'll still need to get the squatters out of the garage.
the shape of the situation is clarifying, and i think they intended that outcome for me and still might. those childish boys may have been moved in to chase me out, after i cut my hair. they might have decided i'm sexy after all, after seeing me in a bike.
yuck. i'm not interested in wasting my time judging people, but i'm not interested in that lifestyle. at all.
3:30
if somebody offered me a single major infusion of cash for one night, ala indecent proposal, i might think about it and be done with it. but, i'm not about to get hooked on meth and pimped out by some fake lesbians. what the fuck.
3:32
i think she's here today, and i think that her and the tenant that looks like a little kid are moving into the garage. like, that they're going to live, permanently, in the garage, and rent the upper unit to somebody else.
meth. huh.
that's obviously sheer idiocy and not sustainable, and it doesn't really clarify much except that meth makes you fucking retarded.
8:08
i'm starting to understand that the marriage is intended as a business gloss to hide the illicit activities and that trying to ascertain whether they're on the brink or not is misreading it's seriousness.
what i'm hearing and seeing here might be indicative of substantive marital problems if they were meaningfully married, but they aren't, so it doesn't actually matter and it isn't actually going to have any effect on the future of the property.
i still think the kid is moving out, and i'll have a clearer answer in the next 12-24 hours, but i now think she's going with him rather than moving in upstairs with her kids, which is...that's actually great. really. getting them out of here is a good thing.
16:38
i literally saw her walk by yesterday, but she's denying she was here at all. it's plausible deniability. she doesn't want anything tying her to the activities on the property; she was at home, with her kids, being a mom.
this is only important to me because i'm trying to figure out if what appeared to be dramatic and substantive marital problems was going to lead to the house being put up for sake, and that doesn't seem to be a grounded deduction for the reason that it's just about managing image.
16:40
i'll admit i'm baffled by the premise of a 45 year-old woman being in an apparent relationship with a 21 year-old boy that looks like he's 14, and the observation that he's feeding her meth is only half useful given that she's the actual drug dealer. i'm reminded that i was the initial target of this depravity, and need to reiterate that i couldn't and wouldn't do what this kid is doing, however abusive it is to feed somebody meth to control them, and however willing the other party is. i intuited something creepy was going on and immediately shut it down and i'm glad i did.
i expected today to be an inflection point - would the purportedly married lesbians be in the same city? if not, would the house go up for sale? it seems like they aren't in the same city, and it seems like the upper unit is being repurposed, but that would be less profound an observation than initially thought and i'll need to wait it out a bit longer.
i need to order groceries, then.
16:45
i'm going to give it 24 hours and see what happens and then actually make the suggestion to her. she'll tell me she's not in windsor.
but, instead of spending the next three years fighting with me over lifestyle choices, why doesn't she just get her own place with the kid and move some non-smokers in? they have the cash, right?
you can still get a bungalow in windsor for roughly $100,000.
they seem to be having sex frequently enough to deduce they're serious. and, i mean, yes, he's fucking somebody up there. i'm only 95% sure it's her, but nonetheless.
16:54
i'm surprised that the other two guys just came back, and at the same time, which indicates that she just left. they were gone because she was there and she wanted the space alone with her little-boy friend. i thought they had left permanently because she was moving in; if they came back, i actually think that makes it more likely that the kid is leaving. as a landlord, you can't clear the space out every time you come over like that so you can fuck the tenant that sells you drugs.
maybe they think i have a good idea with the bungalow.
22:20
@dkdghfhjfdhfchlfa