Friday, June 30, 2023

temporary full june, 2023 backup archive (not source material - to be permanently deleted when pdf uploads)

thursday june 1, 2023

this is at least something approaching sanity after months of absurdity, and the precedent should in fact apply to female terrorists and the children of terrorists in the future, as well.

we can't do what we should do, which is summarily execute them. the next best thing is that all of them - men, women, children, dogs, etc - should be left in syria to rot, until they die from whatever gets them.

3:51

the so-called labour shortage myth is a demagogic bourgeois political response to legitimate concerns about the economic effects of the current pace of immigration.

there is some logic and legitimacy in the idea that immigration policy in a major global economy should be focused on labour demand rather than on vague notions of philanthropy. however, that's where the validity of the concept begins and ends.

the way the idea has been expressed in the media has been as a form of propaganda, to counter much more legitimate concerns about how the speed and scope of immigration in the country is harming the interests of the working class.
10:43

friday, june 2, 2023

there is a noticeable increase in punk fashion amongst young people this summer, but it doesn't seem to be correlated with any sort of musical stimulus. i bring this up because we're about on track for the periodic punk resurgence, and it would seem to be happening this cycle as a purely fashion phenomenon rather than a counter-cultural, artistic or musical one. it's not fair to overly generalize, but these kids would seem to mostly listen to minimalistic techno and would seem to actually be exceedingly right-wing in their politics.

old punks should be cognizant of what's unfolding and seek to counter-organize; the furthest fringe of the right seems to be successfully co-opting our culture and aligning it with a deplorable brand of right-libertarian capitalist nihilism. punk has been fighting this off for decades, but we may be at an inflection point were they might actually win.

i'm not the first person to point this out, but i hadn't experienced it directly until the last few days. this isn't exaggerated hyperbole, it's actually real.

3:48

saturday, june 3, 2023

this is a vaccine i would take.

8:39

i've been riding the old mongoose that i bought on a slightly truncated 50k ride the last few days and i'm surprised by the bike's speed once it gets some momentum but am also realizing that i'm pushing the thing to it's limits. this is a bmx-branded mountain bicycle (it was the brand bmx used to sell mountain bikes) that was intended for racing over difficult terrain, but it should be clarified that you're going to have a hard time finding an actual bmx-era mountain bike in the 2020s, given that they were made in the 70s and 80s. mine was made in 1995 and would be from the period when they were transitioning from being a bmx imprint into being a big box brand, which started after the year 2000. this is still a sturdily built bike (that was bmx' actual selling point, that the bikes were built to handle a lot of abuse. that's why you'll still see a few around, even if the oldest ones you see today were likely built in taiwan.), but it is not a california-era custom built bmx mongoose, it was built in taiwan.

it's relatively small for a mountain bike by today's standards. it has no shocks. conversely, it's too heavy to actually be a hybrid, despite being better for roads due to the lack of shocks. the wheels are too thick for a road bike, but not knobby enough to be a gravel bike. the hardest gear is just barely hard enough for me, and i'm finding myself in the frustrating situation of having to upshift when i'm riding up hills, because i can't get enough torque.

these issues aside, i could use this as an exercise bike if i had to, i'd just have to be cognizant of it's flaws and adjust. i actually bought this for detroit and then realized i can't leave it in detroit, it's a 30 year old mongoose, it'll be stolen by the first person that knows what it is. once i have a working hybrid again, it's going to end up as a back up bicycle, but it may also be the better bike to use to get groceries, depending on how i solve the exercise bike issue. i may decide it's better to use the mongoose if i need to leave a bike locked somewhere and just keep the hybrid for riding, without ever leaving it locked outside a store.

it's been gorgeous here this week; i caught a 36 degree reading in tecumseh when i went by the board today. i needed some exercise and feel refreshed after working out a little.

i've been working on legal loose ends for weeks and have a few more days of legal writing to do before i can shift focus back to the art.
16:09

i want to strongly defend the actions of the driver. i would not have been able to plow through a family of geese either, and i hate geese; they're shit machines that belong in the cretaceous period and have no place in the holocene. to hell with them. fuck geese. but, i could hardly mow a family down in cold blood, either. i can barely eat a chicken sandwich.

it seems outrageous to charge somebody that was trying to prevent a loss of life; that is morally deplorable, and i would call on the crown to drop the charges at once.

more pertinent is the question of civil liability, and who is at fault here? is it negligence to stop for geese? the question of conscious thought is of paramount importance. sure; a robot might instantly calculate that the truck is going to kill the geese anyways, so you'd might as well just drive through them because they're going to die, regardless. a reasonable human being would not show such a deficit of compassion, only a sociopath would be able to reason so oppressively logically on pure reflex, without time to be dour in reflection.

i actually think the city ought to be liable. if there's geese wandering around everywhere causing accidents, it's because the city isn't controlling the population and the city consequently needs to adjust it's policies. there could be fences put up around the highways, for example. there could then be special geeseways over the highway, which is how deer get across highways in bc.

i can neither fault the driver criminally nor civilly, but would rather applaud their humanity and compassion for non-human life when faced with a situation they should not have been faced with. 

16:29

sunday, june 4, 2023

i am at 10.5 weeks since i shaved my head (mar 23rd), and it is indeed just growing in, now. about a week ago, it reached the top of my ears and i was able to part it in the front, if just barely. i can now grab a handful of it, already. what i noticed this morning was that the volume is filling back in, and from here it needs to just grow. if i had any concerns about hair loss, they were entirely unfounded; i have a full head of very dense, if very fine, hair.

i've decided i'm going to dye it in waves as it comes in so that there's a different shade every six inches or so. i want to avoid the bleach until at least next year, maybe even two years; it's going red relatively soon, i just need to wait for it to be an inch or two longer. i'm currently at about two inches after 10 weeks, which is on the high end of normal hair growth variability and probably pretty impressive for my age. must be my diet. it might be long enough for the first red in early to mid july.

i'm planning for orange some time in the fall and then maybe purple early in the winter. the intended outcome is that i'll have red + orange + purple (a violet) on the bottom, orange + purple (a reddish brown) in the middle and purple or purply black on top. i'll probably then lightly bleach the whole thing in the summer, but i'll have to see how long it is.

i don't like my natural hair colour, which is a dark brown. at all.

i might post short hair pictures when it's red.
8:44

no, i think that the nomination process is internal to the party and that the deep state would be overstepping it's bounds attempting to regulate it.

10:42

so long as i'm allowed to wear my spiderman costume, i don't fucking care.

10:58

i would expect stories about the chinese discovering america to increase in the upcoming decades, as china seeks to legitimize a stronger presence in the southern part of the landmass. 

this claim is not inherently insane, but it is probably impossible to actually prove it.

i actually think there was substantive trans-oceanic trade across the atlantic during the pre-roman period. according to the mostly fanciful stories passed down to us about them, and these particular records are notoriously bad but nonetheless, the carthaginians (who were a tribe of ancient jews that colonized north africa and spain) would routinely sail out beyond the pillars of hercules and bring back obscene amounts of gold. presuming that this is actually true, the only possible explanations are that they were sailing to america or to west africa and either one would be a substantive rewriting of history. wherever it was that they were sailing to, they kept it a state secret; if it was ever known to history, it has been lost to us. the stories we have simply say they sailed out into the atlantic and came back with ships full of gold. lest it be considered insane that ancient jews regularly crossed the atlantic as a part of the existing trade routes, i would point to the curious fact that jewish mitochondrial dna shows up almost uniquely in east coast native american populations; this specific mitochondrial dna (X mt-dna) is both very old and currently very rare in the eastern mediterranean, indicating it must have crossed the atlantic several centuries ago, before it dramatically declined in frequency in the middle east. the idea of transatlantic carthaginian trade routes is necessarily a minority view due to a lack of evidence, but i suspect that a survey of carthaginian experts would show a majority in the field consider it plausible, if unprovable.

the story of columbus discovering america is truly a myth. the existence of a distant continent across the atlantic was not known to the south of europe, but it was known to the north of europe. this isn't even obscure history; there was in truth a substantive narwhal tusk trade between northern europe and greenland, and there are academic histories (such as that by adam of bremen) as early as the year c. 1050 that document the existence of greenland and vinland. it was even known to the vikings that you could get to africa by following the coast south from greenland, which indicates routine crossings of the atlantic from brazil to africa.

it is likely that there were northern european fisherman routinely sailing to what is today atlantic canada as early as the year 1100, and they may have even been there several centuries earlier than that. trying to prove this, however, is probably impossible. a few coins have been found, but it doesn't actually prove anything.

the twist in the stories of the italians that sailed west (columbus & cabot) is that it is so intrinsically linked to the fall of constantinople that it makes you wonder if the byzantines knew what was beyond the pillars of hercules. byzantium was centuries ahead of the world surrounding itself; it was atlantis, in the actual sense. however, these late romans had views about science and technology that would be unusual to scientifically literate people today, but less unusual to those working in corporate r&d. the byzantines understood that their superior technological development was a weapon that protected them from the barbarians around them and hoarded the knowledge to themselves to prevent it from falling into the hands of their enemies, who dramatically outnumbered them. the primary example is the greek fire, which was a petroleum derivative that burned on top of water and which the barbarians mistook as a divine, magical spell. the formula for the greek fire was never recorded anywhere, it was passed down through generations as the highest form of state secret. did the byzantines know what was beyond the pillars of hercules? if they did, they left no trace of it, other than the curious fact that several italians left for china through them not long after the city fell, purportedly to re-establish collapsed trade routes. the reality is that they would have left no record of it if they did know what was beyond the pillars because it would have been a state secret, like the formula for the greek fire. our understanding of the depth of byzantine science will always be distorted by the intentional lack of documentation, although one of the things we do know about them is that they used an early form of cryptography to encrypt the parts that they did write down, which was later used by early western scholars during the renaissance to hide what they were learning about from the church, who would have them put to death of they caught wind of it. one of the stories about pre-columbus transoceanic contact has to do with knights templar hiding and transporting treasure and while this particular version of the story may have no actual truth to it i do wonder if the premise of secret orders transporting stashes of gold and silver from the secret land across the ocean has a very ancient basis to it, through byzantium and back to carthage.

the story of chinese explorers sailing across the ocean to their east is just another narrative to place in the list that seems plausible but is almost certainly unprovable. nobody suggests that the chinese ever set up settlements here, like the vikings did; shards of pottery, whatever their age and wherever they are found don't actually prove anything. the japanese were likely here much earlier than the 15th century but, like their celtic counterparts, came solely to fish.

the narrative of china discovering america is going to be written with the intent of providing the chinese with justification to claim a right of discovery over south america, particularly. whether or not there were chinese ships sailing down the south american coast hundreds of thousands of years ago, the narrative will be purposefully presented without the context that deprives the narrative of meaning, which is the insularity of ancient chinese culture. the actual reality is that the chinese would not have colonized the americas whether they found them first or not. the chinese ruling class was not interested in colonizing outside territory, but rather saw itself as having the responsibility of protecting chinese culture from the corrupting influence of outsiders. it is for this reason that the chinese would not even colonize close island chains like the philipines or taiwan, which is what allowed the dutch and spanish to walk right in. china has no real historical claim to taiwan, despite it existing directly off it's coast; chinese settlement on taiwan only happened after european settlement, and strictly to displace the europeans moving in. the indigenous taiwanese are pacific islanders! the chinese were actually perfectly content to let taiwan sit there occupied by pacific islanders for millennia, by themselves pointing out that it wasn't a part of china. china only wanted control over what it considered to be china; outsiders could only corrupt china's culture and could only undo chinese unity so the chinese did not want to conquer or colonize them but rather built walls to keep them out. it is easy to understand why china wouldn't want to colonize peru, given that it didn't even want to colonize taiwan, but it's not actually an anti-colonial mindset driving this rejection of colonial adventure, it's a fear that the colonists might bring back corrupting influences that would harm the purity of chinese culture. lest that be ridiculed, is it not the truth that the spanish and english and french brought back corrupting influences from the colonies that damaged and dismantled the purity of their own cultures and led to their decline and collapse? well?

i don't consider the idea that the chinese sailed by peru 1500 years ago to be unbelievable; conversely, i think that old world contact with the new world was actually relatively common, and that the lack of documentation of it in mediterranean sources (as opposed to germanic sources, where there is actually documentation in the 11th century, which is about as old as germanic sources get) may actually be more of a conspiracy of silence than a reflection of actual ignorance. i can give china their claim with little dissent, but only in exchange for the recognition of early transoceanic contact from northern europe, and perhaps even the acknowledgement of very old trading networks involving carthaginians and egyptians. however, it does not have any relevance in terms of establishing chinese claims to america, as the chinese were too insular to colonize the outside world until after the cultural revolution. if they sailed by more than twice, they demonstrated no interest in communicating with the inhabitants.

they're going to make this argument, though.

wait for it, and know how to react to it by throwing their own history back at them.
12:10

as for chinese vessels operating in the taiwan strait, what justification do they have to act belligerently?

the actual reality is none at all.

even if you accept chinese claims to taiwan (which have no historical validity, as taiwan passed into american control as a japanese possession after world war two, which it had been since the turn of the century, after only briefly coming under chinese occupation in order to drive out dutch and spanish colonists. taiwan was historically the northernmost part of the philippines island chain and was not a part of any historical chinese empire), the reality is that the taiwan strait is international waters, like gibraltar or the dardanelles. the americans have every right to sail through it and the chinese are obligated to provide safe passage for them.

i may be taking the opposite position on ukraine v taiwan relative to most of the contemporary left, who are eager to condemn putin and hesitant to criticize the chinese, but that is a reflection of the contemporary left not liking where putin exists on the political spectrum and not seeing china clearly for what it is, which is the most brutally exploitative capitalist regime in the history of the planet. i'm not letting my position be clouded by allegiances to one system or another, i'm trying to look at the actual history and to draw a correct conclusion from it.

ukraine has a right to self-determination; however, if you actually ask people in ukraine what they actually think, you might be surprised to find out what side most of the country is actually on and this is a big part of my thinking surrounding the events occurring there. regardless, ukraine is clearly historically tied to russia and the arguments otherwise are manipulative and lacking. i don't like the idea of invading a country by force, but that isn't really what's happening in ukraine; russia, nonetheless, has an absolutely legitimate claim to at least most of ukraine. taiwan, on the other hand, has no substantive history in china at all, and the chinese have no legitimate claim to it whatsoever, except as a geopolitical necessity in driving the yankees out of the yellow sea.

i realize that i am taking the position opposite to most of the contemporary left, but they don't understand the history very well or at all; i will be much harder on china, should they get aggressive on taiwan, than i have been on putin.
19:47

monday june 5, 2023

i did some blood work on friday and i have some good news about the iron; ferritin was at 74, which is the highest reading i've ever had and nearly at the cutoff point of 75 that is considered normal. i have not taken any iron pills in months. my iron has consequently recovered.

rbcs are at the same level they always were, but because the lab is now testing female ranges they are no longer being flagged as low. the truth is that my rbcs have always been in normal female range, with the exception of the initial point of discovery in march, 2021. it only took a few weeks of iron therapy to get the rbcs and hemoglobin up and they've been ok ever since.

so, what happened? it may have been covid. i did adjust my diet by bringing in spices like cumin, which are high in iron. whatever it was, i have fully recovered.

the cea is at 0.9, which is nice and low.

cholesterol is great as usual, although my hdl is not higher than my ldl on this reading (which is absurd, but it often is):



estrogen therapy + exercise + minimal meat consumption = great cholesterol. every male on my father's side is rolling in his grave (and they're all dead, as they all died of heart disease).

hormones are in fact great, with estrogen at 575 and testosterone at <0.4.

bone metrics are mixed; alp at 54 is good, but pth at 6.1 is higher than i'd like. i'm not doing vitamin d anymore because it's too random. i wish i had more pth data from over the winter [it was rising but still only 5ish in december], but the simple analysis is that the vitamin d pills did not keep my pth down over the winter and i need to get actual sunlight or take massive d injections to keep it down.

however, i have had periodic questionable results with my kidneys, and this test is one of them:

1) there is a small amount of protein in my urine, 0.3. some tests consider this normal, but it is at the highest range of normal.
2) there were crystals in the urine, and specifically oxalate (that is kidney stone) crystals in the urine. that is slightly ominous, but i may have been dehydrated.
3) the blood creatinine was a healthy 78 but the egfr was a slightly concerning 81. does that even make sense? 78 is in the range of creatinine i've had over the last several years and egfr is calculated from creatinine, but the formula is different depending on gender, as explained here:

i actually think that the only thing that changed was my legal gender.

if i was still legally male, the egfr would be at 107, as it was when i had a creatinine of 78 in march of 2021. 78 is a normal creatinine female level, so why is the calculation weird?

i think this is less concerning than it initially seemed, but i'll ask.

4) albumin in urine is at 59 g/L which seems very elevated.
5) creatinine in urine is at 22 mmol/L, which is slightly elevated.
6) the ratio is 2.7, which is high.

i did bicycle to the lab and i haven't been biking as much in recent months. but, it looks like i'm going to need to do tests on kidney function and also for diabetes, which i forgot to ask for last time i talked to him. my tsh was lowish at 0.42, but that is normal for me. i don't think i have diabetes, but i need to remember to stay hydrated when bicycling. i will do another july test before i speak to him again.

the fit test result and a urine culture test are coming.
11:43

i'm curious what kind of public response he gets to this, as he's not making concrete demands but is rather demanding that the liberals do the work for him. in past eras, conservative voters would be outraged by such nonsense, but the contemporary conservative movement is defined by spoiled and entitled whiners who might actually buy into it.

if he actually orchestrates this stunt and doesn't get sacked for it, it really signals the start of a new era for the conservative party of canada.

15:49

i am shifting directions tonight. i really lost the first half of this year, and much more so than other segments of the last several years. i got lost building a watch later list and sucked in by a court process, both of which have run their course. all i can do is move on.

i was building a series of workstations when i left off in.....march? april?

i think i can even multitask, and can potentially do this relatively quickly if things cooperate. once the workstations are set up, i want to very quickly shift into actually using them, which means going back to the journal writing starting in 1989 and just plowing forward linearly. it's the only tactic left.

these posts continue to be edited without my consent in real time and there is no use in pretending i can upload things to the internet without them being vandalized. this is a very depressing reality, but i have to adjust. i won't be able to post anything i'm doing to the internet until the iso is done. sorry.

you're going to have to actually buy the iso in order to read it, which i actually don't like but is how it is. blame the vandals.
17:37

the conservative party is no longer the party of grumpy old men, it's increasingly the party of entitled rich kids.
19:22

tuesday june 6, 2023

in recent years, the primary consideration in setting interest rates in canada has been to make investment in canada more attractive than that in the united states by inching them out by a quarter point. the federal reserve is in truth being driven by right-wing ideological considerations, and canada had to keep up to maintain that quarter point edge. however, the bank is indicating that 5% is a red line and stopped the arms race before it got there.

a primary factor in the decision being made is going to be whether or not the bank thinks the fed is done climbing. the bank of canada would like to sneak past the fed on interest rates, but it doesn't want the process to go on forever.

i think powell would like 20% interest rates and that the fed is not done yet. the bank likely realizes that. however, the bank may feel the need to take a risk because canada is in a very uncompetitive position when the americans have higher interest rates. we are not the petro dollar; we don't have a magic check book, we can't just print money forever.

there is consequently a good chance you may even see a very big rate hike tomorrow, to 5.5%.
10:39

this time, the russians are the most likely suspect in blowing up the dam, because the water is going to flood the north of the dnieper, thereby creating a wider protective mechanism over the river. it's actually a smart tactic.

russians are stubborn; they should have done this in the first place and what they should do now is bomb out all of the infrastructure over the river to cut off the supply lines to the east of the river. they avoided this because they wanted to take the country in tact, but it should have been clear months ago that that was impossible.

stranding ukrainian forces on the east of the dnieper will reduce them to sitting ducks. the result will be carnage, but at least it will be over with. the sooner, the better.

as to how the russians address phase three, the answer is that they'll have to eventually invade from belarus, once they've secured the eastern bank of the river all the way up to novgorod, or wherever it goes.
11:05

wednesday, june 7, 2023

i'm not an olivia chow fan, but she is clearly the best candidate in the toronto mayoral race. unfortunately, she has a habit of saying outrageous things that hurt her dramatically, so i would call on like-minded candidates to avoid withdrawing for a while still.

the question as to whether toronto has shifted to the right is currently being put off. john tory was obviously a compromise candidate to block doug ford and it's not surprising that his support has bled strongly to his left in the absence of ford, but that's just the point - there isn't a strong candidate on the right, so it's hard to measure what kind of shifts have occurred on the ground.

it is important that a leftist candidate does not just win this election but is aggressive in making changes through the mandate, because it might be the last time toronto sees a left-leaning mayor for decades to come. the mandate needs to be to put the ship in order before it sinks.

this is too important to let olivia chow deal with on her own; don't drop out just yet, please.
18:14

i completely avoid fish due to the mercury and other heavy metal poisoning, but i would like there be to a place for fish in my diet.

i would buy this; i won't buy fresh fish.

18:28

i think we're long overdue for the whitest man ever (an indie rock kid.) to do a hip-hop cover of the track "honky tonk man".

i don't know why these things cross my mind.
20:15

thursday, june 8, 2023

i want to take a different approach this pride week than many in the queer community, by reminding everybody in and outside of it of the important role that free speech played in defining the concept of queer rights in law, by specifically drawing attention to the arguments in on liberty by js mill.
https://socialsciences.mcmaster.ca/econ/ugcm/3ll3/mill/liberty.pdf

mill was not particularly pro-queer; the text that was foundational in defining queer rights in law is full of dismissive language about homosexuality and other attitudes that were reflective of his era, the victorian. however, mill made two simple but incredibly important arguments in that text that created the legal framework that permitted homosexual activity in law:

1) homosexuality is harmless behaviour that the society really has no grounds to concern itself with and that is consequently outside of the proper scope of state regulation. when pierre trudeau said that the government has no business in the bedrooms of the nation, he was paraphrasing mill, and he knew it.
2) mill had negative views about homosexuality, but he acknowledged that he is a fallible human being and that he might be wrong in his views. maybe he's got this all wrong and the gays are actually totally awesome; who is he to make that decision?

without these two arguments, there would be no concept of queer rights in law today and it is for that reason that i become exceedingly queasy when i hear queer advocates become authoritarian in their policing of the thoughts of groups or individuals that are critical of the idea of queer rights in law. we need to remember that we are a tiny minority in society and that we are shooting ourselves in the face by embracing authoritarianism, as our rights are directly incumbent on the concept of liberal democracy. there has never been an authoritarian society in the history of the world that didn't slaughter the gays purely on suspicion, without even bothering to try them.

that does not mean that we should not be vigilant against threats, but we need to get back to the plot in asking whether these idiots are actually harmful or not. following mill, we have grounds to use state power to protect ourselves from harm, if we have it at our disposal in this rare moment in history. is that dumbass with a sign actually harmful to you, or is it better to ignore them, or even to make fun of them and call them an idiot to their face?
 
it was predictable that a period of such free and open queer rights would create a reactionary movement against them. cite hegel, cite marx, whatever; a society where the gays can largely do what they want is inevitably going to result in a political movement trying to stop them, and it is incumbent on the queers and their allies to mobilize against that movement trying to stop them. yet, we must all understand that this unprecedented situation exists only due to the almost restrictionless free expression we've enjoyed here for more than 50 years and that maintaining the status quo of queer rights depends on maintaining the status quo of free expression. you have to let the idiots express themselves, too.

the cops will always attack the queers first. that is a law of the universe; call it the fundamental theorem of law enforcement. argue with the idiots and make them look stupid, which isn't hard to do; don't shut them down by force.
18:16

both my fit test and urine culture came back negative, btw. if i have cancer, it's doing a good job of hiding by evading all testing and not creating any symptoms. i'm glad i took the time to take a closer look at my diet, regardless.

i just need to ask about the various metrics for kidney function, and ask for a glucose test, which i forgot to do last time.
19:02

listen, you won't find many people more concerned about climate change than i am, but i know that these vicious fires are almost all man made.

i wonder if there's a correlation between marijuana legalization and forest fire frequency in ontario. this round of fires started after the victoria day weekend, right?

put those blunts out all the way, kids. stomp them. spit on them. dump water on them. etc.
19:48

i was waiting for the last esu updates before i built my 7 iso, but microsoft actually extended support for another year.

i can't find a functional and free version of ntlite and none of the older tools want to load the newer iso, which is the one that the product key i still have works for. the older tools i found also didn't seem to work in removing features and i'm not convinced that it's actually going to work, as everything seems to be stored in the winsxs folder anyways. i've consequently made the decision to script it myself using dism.

in the process, i'm learning more about how the windows 7 install process works, which is dramatically different than the xp or vista process. there seems to be a single compressed file that stores the os and editing it's contents seems to be very similar to working in a unix os. while adding and removing packages is the clean way to do it, i may also be able to just rip out files i don't want altogether.

my understanding is that i'm going to have to get a list of installed packages and decide which ones to delete, then clean up the winsxs folder after. none of the guis will actually do that, they'll just disable the ability to add or remove the feature, which is actually making things worse.
22:42

friday june 9, 2022

we need a good guy greg II with a beard to be the new smokey the bear (with large blunt in mouth) to tell these kids to put their joints out at the campfire, with some saucy flair, or they're going to burn the fucking planet down.
9:59

an organized peace movement would be helpful. it is in the interests of global peace for russia to win this war and erect defensible borders that push nato out of eastern europe, and i have stated repeatedly that i am a panslavist, but that doesn't inherently align with me russia outside of the particular context and the goal, the plot, is to establish peace, not to establish russian hegemony. the west currently has too much power in areas that are outside of it's sphere of influence, which is a threat to the broader global order; supporting russia against nato is a balancing position to re-establish global parity and undo american hegemony, not a statement of alignment with the kremlin. this really puts me in direct opposition to the neo-cons (who argue that russia should be attacked while it is weak) more specifically. i am far more anti-american than i am pro-russian.

there has been no discernible peace movement and it's partly because the media is so bourgeois. what we call left media is in fact almost without exception bourgeois, liberal media. there is an opportunity here to use this crisis to rebuild the left in ways that parallel the left's rise during world war one.

10:22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6eoL5NuDmw
https://hackandpwn.com/windows-7-esu-patching/
12:19

a 37 count indictment doesn't seem correct for donald trump. that must be a typo.

donald trump's indictment should have 1337 counts, clearly.
18:46

saturday, june 10, 2023

the argument that climate change is creating the forest fires has to do with the idea that it is making careless human set fires more intense, primarily due to dryness. yet, in most of canada, that is a counter-intuitive suggestion, as the effects of climate change are largely the opposite. even the weak suggestion that careless human behaviour is being made worse by climate change is exceedingly questionable.

this is actually a teachable moment, because the focus should be on correcting poor behaviour, such as smoking in the woods. blaming it on climate change is actually deeply irresponsible.

however, the effects of the wildfire smoke should be a cooling effect, and we are indeed predictably set to deal with that this week in the middle of the continent.
8:27

the place i live in was purchased by 50 year-old lesbians, and i'm sure the intent was that they wanted to fuck me, as a hot blond transfemale. i quickly realized that and did everything i possibly could to turn them off, which worked. i'm not into women at all, and the idea of getting bought for sex by anybody is flatly disgusting to me; i'm not for sale. in response, they brought in these idiot 20 year-old douchebags upstairs that fit every definition of gross greasy shitheads, with the apparent intent of fucking them, instead.

i am about 95% certain that at least one of but probably both of the 50 year old lesbians is currently fucking at least one of the 20 year-old douchebags upstairs (there may be as many as five people having sex upstairs), and all i can say is that i'm glad i reacted pre-emptively and took steps to avoid having to react to that disgusting scenario. it's utterly degenerate and revolting. better them than me, at least. getting hit on by my lesbian landlords is the absolute last thing i want to have to deal with.

however, i'm not fully convinced that these kids are consenting adults. the femme was wearing the worst kind of mom jeans, and probably is the same age or older than their mothers. i'm almost the same age as the lesbians and i thought they looked old too old for me; i'm twice the age of the douchebag kids, and very much interpret them as children. the kids could hardly find the situation arousing in the same way the 50 year-old "lesbians" do, and i mean....i'm not attracted to children, i have an urge to protect or teach them. i don't understand that impulse from the older lesbians, either. they're into little boys? some lesbians.

is a 50 year old lesbian couple propositioning and actually fucking their 20 year-old male tenants an abuse of power and subsequently an act of sexual assault?
8:33

i spent the gorgeous day out in the sun on a bicycle, doing the full 50 km ride as extended to 65 km by adding the extra leg on out to belle river and back. i hadn't done that since october, so it pummeled me, but i'm actually feeling great now that i'm off the bike, bruised tailbone notwithstanding.

i'm still trying to figure out this windows 7 package system, but i think i've just about got a script finished.

as mentioned, it's going to be cold this week, so i hope to finally get that done in the next few days.
16:14

no, i'm aware that the primary component within the religious right in canada is not christian but muslim.

it is no more fair to assign all arab immigrants as religious extremists than it is to assign all italian or irish immigrants as religious extremists, but it is also a historical fact that italian and irish immigrants brought cultural challenges and social stagnation and that middle east immigrants have and will continue to as well.

i'm overwhelmingly annoyed by the frivolous request to relitigate an issue that the broader society isn't interested in discussing anymore. if you don't want to send your kids to school here then don't; i'd invite you to take the first plane back to the middle east. i don't want to have anachronistic arguments with you, or have to unteach your kids nonsensical things that you taught them that civilized society did away with decades ago. assimilating you and your offspring into civilization is a frustrating waste of my time that i'd rather not have to deal with and i'm just as happy to throw you away in the trash, instead. there's certainly more coming where you came from, right? we have the luxury to pick the ones that choose to assimilate and throw away the ones that refuse to. if some muslims insist on turning the clock back to iron age religious laws, they're best put out in the bin than bothered with further. i certainly can't be bothered with educating them, nor is it my responsibility to do so.

the feeling is mutual, and the problem is going to get worse until society addresses it by dismantling the religious extremism. we need to stop hiding behind specious ideas of "religious rights" and we need to stop pretending that the increase in religious extremism is being driven by white supremacists. the latter is simply not true, and is going to continue to become less true as the religious right increasingly becomes more muslim and increasingly becomes more brown.

i had to read a bullshit and entirely warped article from turkey to inform me of the religious nature of an anti-queer protest in ottawa. the canadian media is completely silent as to the identity of these extremists. that has to change.

16:36

it is the responsibility of enlightened arabs to take ownership of the religious extremism in their community and organize methods to teach itself how to act like modern humans rather than continue to behave like anachronistic barbarians by citing some specious concept of religious belief as justification. religion is the source of bigotry in the world, but it is not an excuse for bigoted behaviour, not in the modern world. they need to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, and do away with their own backwardsness.

canadian society isn't interested in and doesn't have time for anti-queer bigotry. muslims will simply be left behind to rot in ghettos, and rightfully so if they refuse to adapt. toronto arguably already has wide swaths of muslim ghettos that the rest of the city doesn't care about anymore. that's not going to get better if they insist on being insular.

they will simply be excluded from everything and nobody is going to care. look towards quebec for the future, if arabs don't take responsibility for their own and clean up their community of religious extremism, which includes but is not restricted to anti-queer bigotry.
17:13

it is not the strongest that survive, but those most adaptive to change. that was not stated by darwin, but it is nonetheless a succinct summary of evolution. given that these posts continue to be edited by the government, i want to state clearly that evolution is a fact and that the civilized world does not have time for those that want to question that any more.

i don't give a fuck what your religion says; you can shut the fuck up about it unless you're asked about it and you can get your religion the fuck out of my face. that is what society actually believes and is what society will actually enforce. those that cannot adapt will die.
17:18

in the mean time, it is imperative that society actually understands what the religious right is in order to effectively neutralize it. if you think the religious right is a bunch of white supremacist christians, you're going to find yourself woefully unequipped to fight against a barrage of hate coming from brown muslims. it's an empirical question. you have to know what your enemy is in order to neutralize it.
17:25

sunday june 11, 2023

can cornel west be a new eugene debs?

we could use something like that right now, surely.

cornel west may be the least irritating christian on the planet, but he is no eugene debs. there are upsides to cornel west, and he is probably worth supporting as a distinct protest vote. however, his major downside - his faith - is a substantive problem that should not be brushed aside or overlooked. christian socialism is a very weird contradiction in terms.

i think he would probably drop the bid if somebody offered him tenure.

7:59

often (this is not unusual.), people will become friends when they are young and then grow in different directions until they have nothing in common anymore, yet remain friends out of a sense of loyalty, familiarity and legitimate camaraderie, until such a time comes as some conflict develops that converts the differences in personality into fault lines that become more real than the previous friendship. during that intermediate period of growing or having grown apart before the seismic event, the former friends may actually even despise each other silently, but not act on it.

that actually happens all of the time.
19:57

i'm going to guess that some sports team somewhere must be performing well, because the idiot children upstairs keep hooting and hollering for no apparent reason, like rowdy buffoons at a strip club (or so i'd assume. i've never been inside a strip club, not even once.). 

i simply have no experience with drunken idiots like this. the only reference point i can conjure up is that they remind me of the kind of retards that i used to find it so painful to avoid when my dad dragged me to montreal canadiens or ottawa roughriders games when i was a kid, the kind that found it amusing to howl when they urinated (always with arms raised in victory), as though hitting the urinal was scoring a point and, in montreal, usually with a cigarette in their mouth. certainly, none of my friends when i was that age ever acted like that, and i wouldn't have stayed friends with them for very long if they did. even the kinds of concerts i go to simply don't have these kinds of losers at them; i don't listen to genres of music or go see bands they would want to go to, and it's even sort of a defining point of the music i do like. alternative music over the last 50 years has very consciously defined itself in direct opposition to dumb jocks hooting and hollering.

i'm less concerned about the noise and more concerned about my safety. there was a bang on the door tonight that i'm not happy about. i've also never lived in such close proximity to such idiocy and have (thankfully) never had to deal with stupid drunken children stumbling around and vomiting where i live, so this is actually something entirely new and entirely unwelcome to me. i went to carleton for 13 years and actually never set foot in the bar on campus. that wasn't some kind of accident; it was a place i didn't want to be seen at or associate with, largely because it was full of people i'd prefer to avoid. i'd rather get a beer in an alternative club somewhere downtown, or just not get drunk.

carleton is actually an odd example, because it had a straight edge concert hall for years that i'm just not old enough to have ever gone to but would have been at all the time if i was, in contrast to the bar that i strenuously avoided. they eventually turned it into a food court. i didn't actually know that the pizza pizza is standing in a place that once saw a parade of the best punk bands of the 80s, where the likes of ian mackeye and henry rollins and nivek ogre all once howled, in their prime. i turned ten in 1991; i was just legitimately too young, but it's too bad. nothing replaced it, really. ottawa just fell off the map.

i really don't want to call dumb kids in for drinking and acting like hooligans, but there is a line related to my perceived safety that they're getting perilously close to and banging on my door in a drunken stupor isn't something i'm going to tolerate.
20:40

it really is funny how events in life can sometimes accidentally turn, and how decisions you make that seem inconsequential can have unexpected outcomes.

why was my hair curly all of a sudden, when i've had straight hair for 42 years? i think curly hair is revolting, partly because i have a strong level of hate for italian culture, as i associate it with christian colonialism and the destruction of the indigenous societies in northern europe. i decided it must be because the split ends were so bad that the hair was literally fraying at the seams. yet, i'm reminded of this disgusting wop that tried to hit on me several times, out of nowhere, when i was out getting some exercise last year (and which i had to tell to fuck off repeatedly), and that didn't understand why i was disgusted by his cigarette. he expected that i was a smoker. he knew me from somewhere.

somebody around that time started sending me pictures of his erect penis, and i had to get him blocked in several social media platforms and even filed a police report about it. not long after that, i started getting messages sent to me from a "promoter" that basically wanted me to dance on stage for him and make a profit from it, and i had to tell him to fuck off, too; however, i'm actually convinced that the promoter guy is the same person as the penis guy, who is the same person as the disgusting wop.

there are some other events occurring around me that i'm realizing seem to be linked to my hair. a few months ago, a drummer moved in across the street, and seemed to expect i was going to go talk to him. i certainly thought about it, but the fact is that he sucked. i need a workhorse drummer that i can put sheet music in front of, not some kid struggling to play along with old u2 records. he was having difficulty with sunday bloody sunday; that's just not good enough for what i need. i can play better than that, myself. if he was trying to attract me, he actually succeeded in repelling in me. over time, he found some friends, and i eventually began to hear some very boring metal emanating from the space, which i did not find interesting and did not want to explore further. he disappeared the week i cut my hair, after noticing it in observed horror. is that a coincidence?

while i felt the need to just mow it down and start over because it was too damaged to save, i am this morning feeling incredibly grateful for having made that decision, due to a number of ramifications it has had on my living situation. i am suddenly aware that if i had not cut my hair, i would be currently dealing with something that i would find utterly disgusting, and that i would interpret as criminal enough to get police involved. i am wondering if these gross old lady lesbians that bought the place are potentially even a front for something even grosser, like jeffrey epstein gross. who was that disgusting wop following me around?

they sent a slightly younger scout out to find me, and while i initially thought she was a sex-starved lesbian that would fuck the first penis that hit on her, and as such couldn't handle herself walking into my bedroom, i'm now realizing that she was probably running a ruse on me, to see how sexually interested i was. she was supposed to make sure i was going to be into it, and failed. the fundamental problem is that the scout badly misinterpreted me as the long haired metal guitar player that i'm not rather than the high maintenance blonde and classical composer that i actually am. had the scout not made this mistake, we would not be in this situation, but i also saved myself from would have likely resulted in a violent interaction by cutting my hair and by clearly sending the message to them from the get-go: "no. not under any circumstance. not after any debate. don't even try. no.".

the situation now is that they want to evict me because i don't want to fuck them and possibly because i don't want to do drugs with them, either. the likelihood of me wanting to fuck them has now gone from 0% to -1000%; they've moved from the "no thank you, you're not my type." category to the "i wouldn't touch them with a 1000 ft pole because they're utterly disgusting" category. further, it seems as though they're doing the kinds of drugs i have never done and have no intention to ever do. i will have to beat the shit out of them if they try to push that garbage on me.

they currently have no grounds for eviction, but i'm not sure what kind of rights i have in a situation like this where some disgusting perverts buy the house i live in and try to turn it into an opium den. the issue at law is usually to do with owners having difficulty evicting drug addict tenants. what precedent exists to articulate the rights of a straight edge tenant when drug addict owners with sexual issues take over as landlords, and are frustrated by the tenant's sexual disinterest in them and broader disinterest in the "porn star" lifestyle, as vapid and unfulfilling? how far do they have to go before i can call it sexual harassment?

how long has this been going on for?

for now, i'm just very lucky i cut my hair as that has saved me a lot of grief and prevented the situation from escalating, as of yet. i at least got the message across and they at least listened. that is a very fortunate, coincidental stroke of pure luck.
22:27

monday, june 12, 2023

it is a travesty that berlusconi had the luxury of ending his life in a hospital bed, rather than the indignity of being strung up on a lamp post.

the only good fascist is a dead one; good riddance to the douche.
13:37

tuesday, june 13, 2023

i want to make the reality of the living situation i'm in clear because the scenario does not seem real. it seems far more likely that somebody has manufactured the situation. i found an lds pamphlet in my box and started to wonder if some gross mormons might have actually moved in, but even that doesn't add up because mormon polygamy isn't actually anything like this. i'm left to wonder if they're even filming pornography or running a prostitution ring up there. i'm sure that whatever's actually going in is infinitely more revolting than i could actually imagine.

there's a constant parade of people in and out of what is a one bedroom apartment, with a large garage. it makes no sense.

my position is that i am not interested, and i'm not going to react. at all. i am going to sit inside and ignore them while i work on my projects and wait this degeneracy out. 

i don't expect it will last very long. none of the scenarios suggest anything that could sustain itself long term. if one or both of these old women is or are actually fucking one or more of these young boys, that is going to end in a disaster and i'm wise to wait for them to start fighting with each other and then clean up after them once the dust has settled. the dumb, apish boys will start fighting over who is fucking who, the gross slut dykes will start bitching with each other over everything and then they'll all start fighting with each other over dominance and favouritism. these kids are young enough that one of them might even develop messy feelings, which goes back to what i was saying about landlord harassment. i strongly doubt either of these women want a relationship with one of these kids. it will be a veritable shit storm. that is utterly predictable. if it's something even grosser than that, i should eventually catch them in the act and be able to shut it down. on the other hand, if it's some kind of theatre to gross me out, mission accomplished, but i'll stomach it and wait it out.

they may decide to start trying to harass me to push me out, in which i case i will need to stand my ground and sue them for harassing me.

i also need to be clear that i'm not imagining this. i'm hearing loud fucking up there. banging. beds rocking. there may be tables involved. it doesn't seem like it's two people at a time, either, it seems like it's regularly in groups. it's not ambiguous, and there's a limited number of explanations; the question is whether the fucking i'm hearing is actually the landlords fucking the tenants or if it is the tenants fucking somebody else. i haven't heard any moaning yet, but i've definitely heard female voices amidst the smashing and rocking and i think one of them is one of the dykes. i can't state that with certainty, but there is little ambiguity that i'm overhearing a fair amount of gross sex, and i'm fairly sure the landlords have been up there when i've been hearing it. as stated, it doesn't seem real in the sense of being genuine, it seems like it's some kind of act, but it's definitely happening.

i've finished most of the script on the dism integration but i'm getting an access error integrating a handful of updates and, again, the internet is aware of the problem but does not know how to solve it. i suspect the problem is that either the update has a bug in it that is calling a waik library or it's confused about the fact that the computer is actually an ibm oem machine, and i'm integrating and using a vanilla iso. i spent the night downloading waik and am going to see if installing it and putting the libraries in the paths being called solves the problem.
16:28

it doesn't have the file i'm looking for.

ugh.

i'm looking for a file called "unattended.cpp". can i find it or should i just skip this?
16:51

long-haired men are not attractive. yuck.

see, and this is the problem: people don't fucking get it. 

i actually think guys with long hair are disgusting, and i actually don't listen to music made by guys with long hair, either. i'm sorry. but, smart people don't make stupid assumptions, and i'm not interested in taking responsibility for your errors.

i like a nice clean cut guy with good politics that takes care of himself and has a good education, myself.
16:53

as mentioned, i'm glad i cut my hair because it redirected their attention elsewhere and eventually to the upper tenants. these particular women are being far too aggressive, and the only possible outcome was that i was going to vomit all over them. there's no way i'd go for something like this; i've mentioned i'm not for sale and it's not negotiable. i'm really happy they're fucking them, instead; there's going to be problems created from that, but they are lesser problems than would have been created if they had gone after me, because i would have rejected them with as much force and violence as was necessary to reject them.

however, i've been thinking about the premise. might i have gone for something like this?

i could potentially see myself maybe going for a single female, if it was organic and it happened over time. i could not imagine a scenario where i'd consent to lesbians hitting on me - in any context, at all. i'm not attracted to lesbians and i don't have gross guy fantasies about girl on girl sex; i am really exclusively attracted to straight men. if a single woman (even one with a kid or two, despite my aversion to children) had bought the house and moved in upstairs and had come on slowly over time and built a friendship with me rather than treat me like a piece of meat for "hookup sex", there is some chance i might have eventually come around to it after 7 or 8 months, despite everything i've said about being intentionally celibate as a positive life choice. of course, a pre-requisite would have to be that i'd actually have something in common with such a female. in fact, i'm struggling to imagine any other scenario besides the one described where i might consent (due to my utter disinterest in sex and the fact that i live such a sheltered life, having somebody actually physically move into where i live is about the only way i could imagine getting close enough to somebody that i might consent), so maybe there was a stroke of genius there after all, despite completely misinterpreting my personality. i need it to happen painfully slowly, because i'm not sexually active and don't have much of a sexual history and don't particularly want to be sexually active or to build much of a sexual history. if i were to seriously consider having sex at all, i would be looking to it as something that happens after a long term relationship has already been established (as an extension of a real and lasting friendship), rather than something that happens at the very start of it out of lust; i would not be interested in having sex with somebody, unless we are the last person that either of us ever have sex with again, and we have both already decided that in advance. it's really less about being monogamous in an ideological sense and more about having absolutely no interest in playing the game. i think that sex, as it exists in late capitalism, is barbaric and childish. i don't care what people think of me for having those views. and, no, that doesn't mean i believe in god, all of a sudden.

this situation is revolting.
17:02

i'm not integrating a driver, i'm trying to integrate an update, but this is the same underlying issue and the deduction seems to be that it was a bug that never got fixed:
17:49

the type of rock music i like is punk rock.

punk rock musicians have generally had relatively normal looking short hair, as they initially defined themselves in opposition to "hair metal". that was the point.

sort of new (not really anymore) rock bands i've been to concerts for relatively recently include defeater, touche amore, screaming females, a place to bury strangers, disappears and la dispute, which are (mostly) all (nerdy) guys with short hair, or females with varying hair cuts. that's about where i exist, relative to contemporary rock music. however, i don't listen to contemporary rock music as a preferred form and actually never have. nor do i consider my own compositions to be "rock music". my favourite contemporary artist would probably be son lux (three nerdy guys with short hair).
17:51

yeah, there's some moaning.

i'm pretty sure they're reading this and pretty sure they're trying to gross me out and it's not going to work. that just convinced me that i'm right about this situation being orchestrated. i don't know why, or what the intent is.
17:53

if lesbians from toronto buying your duplex to fuck you and then getting turned off by your haircut and personality and moving apemen in upstairs to fuck them instead sounds too bizarre to possibly be true, it's occam's razor that it probably is. right?

but, why is this happening?
17:58

i would appreciate it if everybody just got the point and got up and left - if the macho guys could move out, and if the lesbians could sell the house. otherwise, this is going to get messy, and i don't intend to lose the fight.
18:08

i'm realizing something, though.

the three cars that were moved in actually belong to the landlords, not the tenants.

the reason that is obvious is that they're taking turns driving them. if the cars belonged to the tenants individually, that wouldn't be the case. 

this is also sort of just obvious; they're supposed to be grad students. rich grad students with fancy cars could surely find a place nicer than this. right?
18:10

it is just more evidence that this is being orchestrated; landlords are not usually going to buy their tenants sports cars, or let their tenants drive their pre-existing cars. that would strongly suggest that the landlords already knew the tenants, and the sex that is occurring is less random than initially assumed.
18:12

it could be a while before i understand the situation fully, but i'm clearly watching a pre-written narrative unfold. as stated, this is just too crazy to be real.
18:14

so, if they bought the place to fuck me, and they're filming porn, what's the logical conclusion?

no.

not when my hair grows back. not for a million dollars. not at all.
18:17

instead, give me the money and let me move out and let somebody else move in that's into it, instead.
18:18

do i care if they're filming porn?

no.

it's a little loud, but it doesn't actually bother me and i don't actually care, no. it would be helpful for them to confirm it so i know that's what is actually going on, but i'll get used to it.

i just don't want them to smoke inside. i'm not actually going to complain about them filming porn or having sex, so long as they don't explicitly bother me about taking part in it.
18:23

fuck yer brains out.

just don't knock on my door.
18:26

there's a tesla in the front that i'm pretty sure belongs to the landlords.

they should just park it in the laneway, so i know they're here and am not trying to figure it out.
18:27

the only reason that the issue of the landlords fucking the tenants is of any concern to me is that we may end up in court over the smoking and if i can establish a sexual relationship between the tenants and the landlords that is a pretty clear indication of bias.

i otherwise don't care, and if they can keep the smoking under control, their sex life is of no further concern to me.
18:29

those that have been reading this space know how libertarian i am, but my interpretation of that set of moral codes is that your right to blow smoke in my direction ends where my nose and air passageways begin. it's actually very consistent and principled.

and i don't care about anything else.
18:32

....but if there was some intent to fuck me, give up. there's no chance.

pay me out, but it has to be substantive and it's the reality of the market conditions.

i'll gladly take the money and go.
18:34

they're already yelling at each other.

great.

will this absurdness even last until canada day?
18:40

lol.

i think (one of) the landlord(s) asked one of the tenants to hang out somewhere else tonight (and the other one to stay there), and he didn't like it.

predictable.
18:42

again: she's quite clearly playing with these kids, right?

a 50 year old apparent multimillionaire (that is married to another woman) isn't really falling into a relationship with a 20 year-old university of windsor student, is she?

that's not real, is it?

i'm laughing. really. the depravity on display is comical. i've got the most disgusting kind of reality tv imaginable going on upstairs. what else is there to do but laugh?

and, yes, there appears to be substantive drug use involved.
18:46

there were initially a lot of guys up there, but i think there's only two left.

one of them looks like a macho 14 year-old, and i think that's the one they were initially most interested in, and i'm going to guess it's because that's what they thought i was like, which is insulting to me. he's pretty much the exact diametric opposite to me. however, i think he was asked to leave tonight.

one of them is a little more muscular and manly looking and i think he's the one they're actually fucking. he has a kind of car mechanic look to him.

like, i get it; they're not my type, but i can see how they might be interesting to some women, particularly to very immature women.  but, these women are not very attractive. they're rich, but they're not hot, and they've over-extended themselves by looking for what they are imagining are "hair metal guys" like this. remember, they're 50.

but, maybe that's the point.

like, they had to buy a fucking house to get laid.
19:14

if you really want to fuck a tranny, there's plenty out there advertising it, sweetie.
19:22

i didn't hear what was said because the fan was on and i was in the toilet, but a decidedly female voice was yelling at me, and seemed discernibly angry, which answers the question: at least one of them is in fact here.

good.
22:02

the 14 year-old never came back, though.
22:03

tuesday, june 13, 2023

i actually thought she might be planning on taking a run at trudeau.

she's not on the left of the party, but she's popular enough (and, frankly, attractive enough) that she could potentially win a general.

19:07

don't get too mad, now.

you might make a poor decision.
19:19

wednesday june 14, 2023

it absolutely boggles my mind how people could be such losers in life that they have nothing better to do than sit on their porch and "hang out" and get drunk and high, night after night, week after week, while they talk about nothing and do nothing and accomplish nothing.

talk about missing out on life; talk about wasting your chance to live and experience. they're going to wake up at some point and realize they wasted their lives hanging out.

these are supposed to, nominally, be students. do they even read?

it's very sad, very pathetic. i don't want it distorting my own quality of life, and my own value of existence.
0:04

i've decided that the bug is probably lenovo specific, but that it was never fixed. it only seems to affect rollups. i'm deducing that the tasklist in the rollup package is not completing properly due to some badly written code. the workaround i'm going to try is to integrate each update in the rollup individually, instead.
0:07

it's relatively normal to hit a bar once in a while when you're young (like, a few times a month), but it's not normal to get drunk every single night, or to frequently get drunk in your own home. drinking is something you're supposed to do outside of residential areas, in bars, or perhaps in secluded wooded type areas; drinking at home is something that normal people do very infrequently. it's tuesday night, and it's shitty out. these kids aren't normal, they're alcoholics and drug addicts.
0:08

am i, as a transfemale that is attracted to men, supposed to want to compete with the teenage boys for who gets to fuck the 50 year old lesbians?

is that the setup?

lol.

no. no thank you.

they're good for each other - they're all very immature. i'm not a good match for those women, as i'm too mature for them, notwithstanding the fact that i'm. not. into. women. 

the premise is absurd. i'd be happy to get out of the way, if the situation called for it.

that doesn't mean i'm moving out.
6:50

i would be more likely to want to fuck the guys upstairs than the lesbians, but they're utterly gross and horribly immature, even for their young age.
6:52

ok, those guys aren't doing laundry or vacuuming up there. i don't think they've even showered since they moved in.

i'm going to guess she moved in, as absurd as that actually is; then again, i'm getting the impression these people weren't strangers to her when they moved in due to the car issue.

what does that mean to me? that is what i care about. the reality is that lesbian marriages don't last very long, and this is exactly why; one or both partners get sex starved and fuck the first thing they can find, which in this case was their 20 year old (if he's even 20 years old) tenant.

so, if the lesbian marriage is over, as it sure seems that it is, who now owns this house?

see, i think it's actually the other one with the money, but that doesn't matter when a marriage breaks up, right? if she's moving in here, she likely plans to stay here, and this likely becomes her house. then, what?

the truth is that it maybe opens up further options for her in evicting me, but she'd have to move down here, which i don't get the impression that she's interested in doing.

hrmmn.
11:09

this is going to be a mess for me one way or the other, clearly, but i'm glad i'm not the one dealing with her repressed sexuality coming out after however many years, at least. yuck.
11:13

the reality is that i wouldn't be of much use to her.

but, the next question is what she does with these guys when she's done with them, if she's intending on moving in upstairs. that is what i'm glad i avoided, even if it just puts the issue off.
11:18

this isn't like a powerful, brilliant woman or anything, here. if she's moving to windsor, she's going to need to find a job, here, too.

like, i think she works in a mall (based on googling). she might be having fun, but this could be the biggest mistake she's ever made, actually. it's really legit the other one with the cash; i think she's an author of some sort, and you may have even seen her on tv selling a book.

i think i would be more likely to get along with the author than the mall rat on a friendship or acquaintance or working professional level, which shouldn't be surprising. so, this is kind of the opposite of ideal, for me, if it turns out i'm right.
11:21

does she get the house and sell it, then?

or, do they flip houses?

there's no use in guessing, right.
11:22

the other one will no doubt get all of the four or five cars in the laneway, too.

they may not be happy about that.

i mean, that's a fucking tease, huh?
11:30

thursday, june 14, 2023

ciswomen are so uniquely clueless about transfemale bodies. this is a longstanding issue.

as you know, i currently have short hair for the first time in years. i was recently labelled "hot" by a 20 year old female with apparent breast implants (or an absurdly stuffed bra. she was young enough, it might have been stuffed.) because i have a "dad bod". this isn't an isolated occurrence, i get this kind of shit all of the time.

i've told some of these stories before. not now.

delusional observations aside, i simply don't have a "dad bod". that is just empirically wrong. i actually have pretty defined curves, and pretty nice bicycle legs that look unambiguously effeminate in cut-offs or skirts, and i do wear cut-offs frequently. the "dad bod" comment was likely a result of misinterpreting my chest.

i actually have nearly as large breasts as you, sweetie, and i don't even have to shave it. i have never grown a single hair on my chest. ever. dad chest it is not; those are actually giant, rounded tits with huge nipples, not muscles or male boobs. sorry.

i am in great shape because i do a lot of bicycling, including 65 km to belle river and back on saturday, but i have a female body and am not afraid to flaunt it.
14:21

it initially seemed as though the landlord was moving into the attic, at least temporarily. now, i'm concerned that she may also be trying to forcefully remove me, and that the reason she's hanging out up there is partially that she's waiting for me to leave.

if something like that is attempted, the landlord is going to go straight to jail.

there is a backdoor process for "emergency evictions" in ontario, but they have no grounds for it and i have seen no notice of it. that backdoor process is meant for scenarios where tenants are, like, raping a member of the landlord's family, it should almost never be actually used. even so, i have an appeals process available to me, but i'd have to move quickly. i can tell the sheriff i haven't seen the notice, if it comes to that; they have to give me the opportunity to appeal.

i thought something like this might happen, so i bought enough food on friday to last me until the end of june. that's right - i don't plan to leave this basement until after july 1st. i have planned this summer out around the necessity to be inside for long stretches at a time. i don't trust them for obvious reasons and will need to be physically in the unit as much as possible.

if anybody tries to break in here on the 15th, they will be met with a violent response that i will win and then they will be thrown in jail. i would advise against any such stupidity. i am actually confident that i could easily destroy either of these kids, if required; they're flabby drunks, and i'm a fit health freak. i could beat either of them at a 100m, too, because they smoke. i will pay my rent on june 30th, and the same thing will be true on july 1st.
19:15

everybody thinks they can beat their dad in a fight.

nobody ever does.
20:03

how is my hair doing?

it's 12 weeks tomorrow, and i'm at three inches. so, i'm growing my hair at an inch/month. that's relatively fast. i'm moving to bright red in the first week of july, which should be close to four inches, and then an orangish shade in october, which should already be almost eight inches.



i may be "presentable" again in july, but am going to need to prioritize staying in, regardless.

it should be past my chin again by saturnalia. i can honestly grow my hair to my shoulders in less than a year, and i should be back at it before next april.

the fact that i knew my hair grows fast was a factor in the decision to cut it.
20:38

why does my hair grow so fast?

staples in my diet include large amounts of egg, soy milk, sunflower seeds and nutritional yeast, all of which accelerate hair growth. however, i remember my aunt (who was a hairdresser and used to cut my hair when i was a kid) remarking that my hair grew absurdly fast even then. it may be genetic. the large amount of estrogen i consume, and the frequency of which i consume it, also no doubt helps a lot.
20:49

i should be hot again just at right about the same time as the invasive mess upstairs clears out. i always had good timing.

i actually think that one of them is moving out tonight, but i'm wondering if it's temporary.
20:53

we may have some more drama here than i thought.

the kids are clearly not into the landlord, as was predictable, and the wife may be inserting another girl (one that charges to hang out with her) to distract the kid with. so, the landlord is back for the night, and the kids left with the call girl.

i couldn't make that up, right?

the one that left (the one that looks like a child) might not be coming back. if i'm looking at this like survivor, i'm happy for each one to leave the island, right?
21:07

now, the other guy left, too, and he usually doesn't leave at night because he works all day, unlike the other one.

i think the only person up there is now the lonely landlord. that, however, might be the intended outcome, eventually, if her kids (yes. she's old, she has kids.) are coming after her.
21:08

these people baffle and disgust me, but i feel like i'm in the middle of some kind of depraved circus, as well. they're mildly entertaining in their degeneracy.
21:11

i'm going to order my red dye now and maybe dye it a little early. it's not as long yet as i want it to be, but i'll make the choice next week or the next. i didn't enjoy being misgendered today, but i have to be empirical; it's hard to present as female with my hair like this. it's just too short. the dye will help, so i need to dye it sooner than later. the misgendering was a catalyst to get me going.

this is the idea i'm imagining, as i dye it every couple of months and the different dye jobs result in different waves of colour.

21:38

saturday, june 15, 2023

the integration process last night was slow and it produced the same error at parts.

i wonder if i'd get the same error in a virtual machine.
1:42

as far as i can tell, the party kids are gone for the night, so it should be a lot quieter.

there are a handful of possibilities regarding what's unfolding, but all evidence suggests she wants to stay upstairs. her only tactic at evicting me is for personal use, which requires moving downstairs. if she were to do that, the property would become almost worthless, because she can't rent the rooms upstairs. so, i'm her only rental option, which makes my position relatively safe.

there is one guy up there that she might want to keep, but they seem to be sleeping in different rooms tonight. if there's two kids, as i think there are, they would stay in the two rooms upstairs. that would be very similar to the previous arrangement, with the caveat that the woman is definitely an upgrade in terms of keeping the upstairs clean, even if she's letting him smoke inside right now.

if that is the end outcome - she moves in with her kids and i pay her rent - i can deal with that. while i can imagine a number of permutations, none of them actually make any sense. if she's staying, that's the only thing that makes sense. some other outcome would mean she's not staying.

i should be less aggressive about the smoking upstairs for the next 24-72 hours for that reason.
1:49

installing a 64 bit windows 7 vm on 64 bit windows 7 might not be worth it.

i know it's image specific, as well. can i find a newer image, first?
1:59

the bleach was a part of the reason i had to shave my head. i want to avoid the bleach for a while.

i will likely bleach it again next spring, when it is close to shoulder length. when it bleaches, it should be a mixed of pink, purple and orange due the various shades lightening.
2:34

In the fictional universe of Star Trek, the Prime Directive (also known as "Starfleet General Order 1", and the "non-interference directive") is a guiding principle of Starfleet that prohibits its members from interfering with the natural development of alien civilizations.
15:37

friday, june 16, 2023

i saw the idiot children in some nicer clothes today, and they are not 20 years old. 18/19, tops.

is it against the law in ontario to rent to underage children? or is there a grown-up there at all times?
21:00

for this issue, the age of consent is 16, and i do not doubt they are 16.
21:01

saturday, june 17, 2023

i'm living under a nazi clubhouse organized by a threesome of lesbians from toronto that may also be selling and is probably making meth or other things.

you might think that sounds like fun.

i am in for a hell of a fucking fight.
0:55

somebody will tell me it might have turned out differently if i had done things differently. ok. what?

if i had done meth a few times?  if i had let the second-hand smoke fill up? if i didn't get a tan when biking? if i had sex with one or several of the creeps that i was apparently supposed to, without asking?

this is a hierarchy, there isn't consent. people are assigned, and i was assigned, without even signing up. however, i by a fluke of luck cut my hair before it happened.

none of the compromises i can comprehend are acceptable outcomes. there is no alternative but to fight.
1:05

the problem with fighting this group off is the persistence. my only tactic is to bleed them; they are quite wealthy. it potentially goes on forever, until they aggressively destroy my belongings when they finally can.
1:09

what is frustrating about this scenario is that they don't care about rules. i can follow every law, every rule and they'll just break them immediately; i can call the cops and get it fixed, and they'll undo it in five minutes. so, they'll steal something from here, and i'll smash their car up in response and get the cops to change the locks back (or smash a window) and move back in. it's a cycle of endless pointless stupid retaliatory violence.

if they could utilize a cost-benefit analysis, they would realize they should pay me out, rather than have to constantly go through this years-long cyclical process with property destruction on both sides.
1:18

cycles of endless pointless stupid retaliatory violence are exactly what thee people teach because they're retarded.
1:22

yes, i still live in the same location and i will remain at that location for the foreseeable future, potentially even the next 2-3 years. i have no plans to move and will not likely move. the owners will not be able to legally remove me during this period.

rumours to the contrary are simply false.

my hair is dark brown, but often dyed various shades of red or bleached. i am most known for having very long bleached blonde hair. there's a picture archive of pictures of me - all of them - on the side. i certainly hope some pathetic person wouldn't want to impersonate me. was their life too boring? aw. the fixation on the blondeness of my hair is due to the fact that the owners of the property are now actual nazis. in addition to attacks on queer people, i've heard them chasing jews off the property, in 2023. i would avoid these property owners and these tenants strenuously in all scenarios, if today's activities didn't make the intelligence of doing so clear enough. they also appear to be meth dealers and may pose largely fraudulently as lesbians in social situations. what i'm hearing up there suggests they aren't lesbians at all, even tentatively, and even if one likes the hair.

i actually haven't seen the mess yet as i decided it would not be safe to go into the backyard. i don't think there was actually anybody there. nonetheless, a proper social response should be contemplated within the queer community to this kind of depravity. you'll excuse me for focusing on suing the property owners for harassment and discrimination, instead.

the owners are not law-abiding and may attempt to repeatedly remove me illegally. every approach will fail, and many will be costly. these are stupid people, so they will do it anyways.

the dishonesty of the tenants and the owners alike is beyond anything i've ever experienced, as well.
2:19

june 17, 2023

what a nightmare.

how much of this is real?

i don't know what to do. i don't know how to escape.
15:38

this apartment is beginning to feel like a jail cell.
15:39

i've thought this through carefully, and any attempt to contact police is going to put me in jail, instead. i was drugged with meth this morning, but i don't know how. i heard a lot of things, but i can't prove any of them are real. this woman, michelle crispe, seems to be running some kind of positive reinforcement scam on stupid people that have "uncool" family members by convincing them to give her large amounts of their money to essentially drug them and then run them through the reinforcement under the influence of drugs, when they're weak. i'm gathering that "uncoolness" is being presented as a disease that the family member has and meth is being presented as the "cure" to that "disease". it seems like my legitimately retarded mother was responsible, but this information is based on things overheard under the influence of the meth i was drugged with. i don't know what was real and what wasn't and can't prove the truth of anything i heard.

here's the suede denim secret police,
they've come for your uncool niece!

i have never done meth before, or at least not on purpose. does laced marijuana really exist, or is it a myth? i've smoked a few joints that made me race and it's an easy guess that they were laced. i have, however, smoked a very large amount of marijuana over my life. my experience smoking marijuana blunted the initial plow of the meth high and allowed me to think clearly enough to deconstruct the simple logic. i am also, as people that read this know, somebody with a deep formal education in mathematics and logic, and something that simple just wasn't going to get by me, even after being drugged. i don't know what you'd have to drug me with to get me to fall for something as stupid as the routine they put me through, which must have been written for kids in the 15-16 age range and would be a form of child abuse worthy of a lengthy sentence if it were ever actually enforced on a real child. thankfully, i was old enough and mature enough to see how stupid it was; my heart would bleed for some outcast child put through this ritual that lacked the intelligence to deconstruct it. the ritual, if completed, would also appear to include some kind of pseudo-freudian sex act between the uncool child and a representative of his mother, and i take it that the ideal is to use the mother herself if she's willing.

does this woman have a history of this? i googled her previously and found nothing. 

if i were to call police, i'd have to tell them i heard a lot of things after being drugged, and not knowing how i got drugged, and it adds up to some kind of scam that involves in having sex with one's mother. what are they going to say? i can't process any of what happened as actually happening, it's all too utterly ridiculous. i will remember this morning as a bad dream, but i know it was real. i'm a victim; i haven't done anything except follow the rules and try to exist with the least amount of harm as i can. i've been attacked by some kind of nazi sex/drug cult.
15:41

first, how do i regain some level of normality and sobriety so i can think clearly?
15:45

is this over now, or does this continue?
16:05

i might wonder how similar the ritual is to a pagan rite. however, pagan rituals were consensual. this is being enforced on me against my will as a cure to a supposed disease, and apparently paid for by my retarded mother. where did she get the money? let me guess. ugh.
16:07

yes, it's insane. what i'm trying to get across is that i don't believe it, either. alas, it is real, and i have no idea what to do.
16:09

i've been calling them nazis.

they're probably actually satantists. nazis aren't that plentiful anymore.
19:07

i want to make an attempt to explain what's occurring where i live.

i've been in this basement since october, 2018. i've been on estrogen since 2002, changed my name in november 2022 (it took a long time because who cares?) and shaved my head at the end of march. at the beginning of april, 2023, a new owner took over the duplex i live in and moved what strongly appears to be meth or e dealers in upstairs. i've been fighting with fluctuating t-levels for a while, but i noticed an unwanted increase in facial hair after that. it took a few days before i noticed they were on meth or e (i don't touch the stuff, but i've been around it for years) and a little longer before the situation clarified itself. i think it is meth. i don't know.

it was initially the case that i thought that they wanted me out because the rent was too low, and they have attempted a series of harassment campaigns against me to get or drive me out, but it is now clear that they want me out because there's a kitchen they can use for a second lab in here.

whether it is because they are nazis or satanists or just don't care, they are not interested in following any sort of rules and are threatening to just smash down the door and drag me out. i have a valid lease and the rent has never been missed. they have never sent me an n5. they do not have an eviction order.

satanists don't believe in asking people for permission. that's one of the differences between a satanist, which i am not, and an anarchist, which i am. anarchists are seeking to eliminate authority because it causes oppression; satanists ignore authority because it prevents them from being oppressive. anarchists and satanists don't have much of a history, but they ought to truly hate each other.

as stated, i don't have an algorithm out, but i'm going to try to force them into the courts as much as i can by launching a number of lawsuits against them. i live in a society governed by the rule of law and will not be pushed around by a lot of thugs. 

i want them to pay me out. they know that.

for now, i'm stuck in here with an impossible rental market and no support from law enforcement and i have nothing to lose in being aggressive with them.

this is a mexican standoff. if they send me the money, i'll make plans to leave.

21:49

sunday, june 18, 2023

it's eerily quiet tonight. that's very unusual.
0:04

i don't know how they drugged me this morning, but i'm feeling a little light-headed again tonight. i've had a few migraines since i moved in, as well, and i don't question that they are related to the meth lab up there. there is some kind of machine that was running again tonight and it might have something to do with it. they may have succeeded in drugging me with this garbage a second time tonight as a result of it.
0:33

the only other thing i can think of is that it might be in the water supply.

well, they own the place, and it's rigged up for all kinds of nefarious purposes.
0:35

this idiocy has been sold to my mother as some kind of therapy, but it's just a bullshit front for a meth lab. it's a cover story that she's given them if they get caught. what it means is they'll keep at it as long as she keeps paying for it, and my complete revulsion to the premise is just going to make the process worse for me, with no way to stop it. the more i reject the drugs and the more i reject the prostitutes, the more therapy i need. right?
0:39

i don't know what actually happens if i do give in and fuck one of the prostitutes they're floating in front of me in order to get the drugging to stop, as disgusting as it is to me. do they kill my mother (please do.)? do they kill me? do they drug me even more?

fuck.
0:41

i should have some legal mechanism available to me, but i need to at least figure out how they're drugging me before i can think about calling it in. otherwise, i'll simply be accused of having a meth dream. this is crazy; it's so crazy, nobody would believe it.
0:54

i suspect the truth is that they'll change the locks as soon as i open the door and potentially kill me as soon as i'm out of the house. i'm trying to rationalize to end the drugging, but they're floating the girl to draw me out because they don't understand that i'm queer, or don't believe in queer people or something. it's the point; she's bait.

no. it's a non-starter; non-solution.
1:03

yesterday's drugging was intentional because there was a two-way communication through the wall that clarified the point. there is no ambiguity. i would suspect this is not how this is usually done in the "treatment"; i may have been expected to want to go outside at some point and socialize, where i would be given the drug, but the music outside was horrific and these are the type of people i would generally prefer to avoid. if the scam is that they accept me after i take the drug and i'm supposed to be happy i made some friends, the reality is that these are not people i want to be accepted by and not people i want as friends; they're losers. i don't actually have difficulty making friends at bars anyways, but my mother has developed an insulting fantasy projection of me that is based on the character bud bundy because she hasn't spoken to me in 30 years and she's an idiot. my mother is trying to make bud bundy "cool", when the fact is that i look more like christina applegate and am generally accepted socially in the way that somebody that looks like christina applegate would be. i'm a hot girl and people actually like to be around me. i'm an introvert and prefer to be alone, but that doesn't mean i can't make friends when i try, it just means i'd rather not, generally. i'm more like alf than bud bundy. that may have been a misunderstanding of my personality type. there is a lot of evidence that i was mis-perceived as a metalhead, which is something that has happened repeatedly and that i've found repeatedly incredibly annoying since i was a teenager. i really actually can't stand most loud music and my tastes are more in the post-rock/classical/jazz/ambient/electronic region; i can tolerate loud music if it's paired with a technical guitarist, but that is my limit when it comes to loud music. i'm a guitarist, so, yes, i like guitar music. if your loud music doesn't have incredible guitar playing (and i mean top notch), i'm going to think it's very stupid very fast.

it is possible that i may have breathed in fumes tonight, as i had previously, but i am skeptical. it gave me a hemiplegic headache last time i breathed in fumes. tonight, i'm trying to avoid a mild buzz and largely have, but it's there.

this is a reason to get out, but the pay out is required. the market is such that i would not be able to move unless given a substantive payout, first. that's the point.
1:43

if they want me out fast, they need to write me a check. otherwise, this is going to take months or years to work itself out.
2:12

i don't know how much meth they gave me last night, or how they gave me it, but what would i actually say about it, given that i had not done it previously, or at least not intentionally?

i felt like i drank about ten pots of coffee. that's it. really. i did recognize the high from certain joints handed to me over the years, and am now a little more confident that i actually was handed pot laced with meth at a handful of times in the past.

regarding the effects of the drug, i would rank it as less intense than alcohol and less intense than marijuana, but it was certainly far more intense than coffee. i hadn't had anything else in my system for quite a while, so it was a strict meth high. i don't know what that states about dosages. it did last about 8 hours, kind of.

i would not be able to identify a use for this drug at my age and, after getting very angry that i was drugged without my consent, i actually largely slept it off. it felt something like an insane sugar high; if i was less than half but more like a third of my age, yes, maybe i might want to go play outside in the park, like a ten year-old. nowadays, i exercise via bicycling and i actually would prefer to avoid performance enhancing drugs as i'm not trying to race, i'm just concerned about my cholesterol. i would challenge the premise that the drug might aid in concentration, and would not expect it would be useful in completing physical tasks with my hands as it would rather lead to a higher than normal error rate. i don't see the attraction of having sex under the influence of stimulants, but could grasp how others might.

in the future, i'd rather continue to drink coffee when i'm at home.

further, i'd rather stick to pot & beer at clubs.
2:42

it's not the water, it's the drains.

i feel ok right now. i'm sure that's it.
11:36

all the drains are plugged, and i'll have to get into the habit of running the water before i use it until i can get out of here.
12:02

i think i'm finally almost feeling normal. last night was mostly withdrawal. for everything i'm saying about not liking drugs, i am taking the addictive potential of this poison very seriously and taking every step i can to reduce exposure to it.

i do not have a history of being addicted to anything except cigarettes and think that the fact that i don't like being fucked up should be decisive in preventing me from accidentally getting hooked on this garbage.

i am developing a working theory about what happened, which is that the fumes entered my bathroom via the drains and had the result of making me sick. the kitchen and bathroom are right beside each other, so there are two sinks, a toilet and a tub all very near each other on that side. the fumes that come up out of the drains in a meth lab are methylamine, and they are psychoactive. methylamine gas can also enter bloodstream through skin! if the drugging on saturday morning was intentional as seems obvious given the positive enforcement scam, it would either be through manipulating the drains or through understanding that the processing they were doing would lead to that result.

i am also beginning to recognize a dry smell identifying the chemicals coming from the lab that are making me disoriented and sick, which should help me better react to it.

if that is the sole source, and that is by no means clear, simply plugging the drains at all times and running them before using them should be successful in keeping the fumes out, hopefully. i also need to be flushing the toilet frequently to keep the drains clear.
19:08

i want to be clear that when i say that i think the meth dealers upstairs are satanists i don't mean they are members of a recent political group called the satanic temple, which is relatively liberal and tends to align with leftist causes. rather, i think they are laveyan satanists, which is a philosophy of the radical right that draws heavily from ayn rand and actually is very similar to nazism.
21:09

they seem to do a regular ritual that involves dragging a bench across the floor. i can only hear the dragging and i can't find a reference via google.
21:13

i'm a completely no-bullshit atheist that doesn't have time for make-believe and doesn't see the value of tradition or ritual. my interest in satanism, in the sense that it has been thrust upon me, is strictly anthropological, and strictly to understand what i'm dealing with.
21:17

see, it might be this, though, too:

i don't know. i know it's a clubhouse somewhere in the neo-nazi or randian satanist ideological neighbourhood.
21:19

whoever they are, they are clearly very bad people that should be avoided.
21:21

you hope that what satanists are doing is just a bunch of silly nonsense to shrug at and nothing to think twice about. besides the drug activity, what i would be most concerned about upstairs based on what i've heard is child abuse, but these particular kids upstairs are probably of legal age to consent, however tentatively. they have, however, likely been "groomed". my initial concerns about landlord harassment were actually too naive; at least one of the kids up there has pictures of himself up on a fitness training page run by this michelle crispe from 2016, when he was clearly very young. my previous guess of late teens is probably right. i was told they were local students that signed leases as tenants; they are probably all from toronto, and i doubt any have actual leases. they're employees. the sex i'm hearing up there is gross, but it's not quite child abuse, technically. i would strongly suspect that some or all of them were groomed underage into obedient employees that are controlled with sex by these handful of dominant women, but that's a supposition.

what i can hear is dominant middle aged women fucking barely legal young men that are clearly trained to obey them. that's a fact. i have to guess the rest.
21:31

one of them has locked himself in his room and is blaring young music, a very teenager thing to do. is he pouting?

it might be deadly; the other thugs are yelling at him to be quiet.
22:15

monday, june19, 2023

i didn't sleep much over the weekend and caught up today.

i think i'm feeling better. almost.
17:31

tuesday, june 20, 2023

it's not clear what they're doing with this, but if i were to guess it would be some kind of gai focused on disabled people as a start that uses the poverty rate as a base calculation. i am not sure i would qualify for this, but if i did qualify i could potentially see around $5,000 year to push me up to the poverty rate in ontario. 

i like the idea of a gai, but it doesn't make economic sense. targeted bursaries like this are a better idea. there should be a program to get everybody over the poverty line.

i could use this right now, as i listen to some meth addicted thugs get into some kind of wrestling match upstairs. ugh. get me out of here.

22:55

the young one may be on somebody's bad side, as he seems to be being chased out of the house repeatedly for being loud and disruptive. that actually makes sense. you wouldn't expect that these people would want to draw so much attention to themselves. a grown-up may have moved in upstairs, but it's kind of too late; i know what's going on now and i don't really want to keep hanging out here. this is not my scene.
23:17

like, i heard the nosy neighbour howling the other night and i'm honestly wondering if the burning smell was that they sacrificed her.

it wouldn't be much of a loss for humanity, admittedly.

granted, that may be over the top. nonetheless, it's reflective of the lack of safety i'm feeling, right now.
23:22

wednesday, june 21, 2023

while it would be better if it weren't necessary, it is nonetheless nice to see new brunswick define itself differently than the united states.

5:02

market fundamentalists might have their worldview collapse on these revelations.

however, the reality is that you learn in first year economics that firms seek to collude to raise prices, not to compete to lower prices. you actually need government oversight to write rules and regulations to force firms to compete, if you want to manufacture a social reality of capitalism and competition via state control. i don't see the value in such things, myself.

when you remove government regulation, the result is corporate monopolies that collude to keep prices high.

so, you could argue that there should be more regulation in the sector to increase competition, but that undoes the economics of canada's wheat industry. a better idea is that there should be a publicly run board setting the price.

16:50

thursday, june 22, 2023

ugh.

those fucking loser methtards up there smell so fucking bad it's all i can smell downstairs, and i cleaned meticulously after they got me.

gross.
19:19


friday, june 23, 2023

i'm still in the mexican standoff, but it's now also a phony war, so i need to do something else while i'm waiting for the nazis up there to fuck up.

i left off last week trying to figure out how to slipstream the last updates into a final windows 7 iso for the typing machine and concluded that the update had a bug in it that is related to the oem i'm building the image on (it's a lenovo, but i'm building a vanilla install). the bug arrived late in the windows 7 cycle and never got fixed, as enterprise moved to 10 and then 11. there is consequently no actual answer, and none of the workarounds i tried worked.

i can install the updates, though, so it seems as though i'll need to capture a running copy of windows 7 rather than try to slipstream the update in offline.

i want a fully patched system as a base before i rip it apart, so i need to be able to do these slipstreams, i can't wait to update post-install.
0:51

can i actually do this?

ugh.

it's just an image, right? it should pull back into the wim if i can find the right command.
1:38

it's /capture-image, but i need to use the dism binary on the windows 8 iso.
2:13

this is essentially going to be a ghost of the drive, but that's how windows installs nowadays. i just need to make sure it's in the format that allows it to be further manipulated using the appropriate tools.
2:15

well, i got a test capture done. it worked. i just have to load the windows 11 binary from a windows 7 boot dvd.

i think i should be able to completely update a vanilla install, double check at the windows update site and then capture it offline.

the benefit of this is that i'll never have to use the windows update for windows 7 ever again and i'll be able to rip out everything from the install, as well. i'm airgapping this machine, remember.

if i understand correctly, this should also capture the post-install stuff like the dot net updates and microsoft edge. further, i should be able to use this process to capture images run through post-installation scripts (to remove services, for example), once i use the various tools to dismantle the crap in the image.
3:07

i may change my mind, but this base 7 image is likely going to go on at least two desktops and at least two laptops. i have no use for windows 10/11 at this point.
3:12

this would indicate that you should be able to access normal news services over facebook via the use of a proxy server.

the government is pretending it's upset about this, but this is in truth what it wanted. the state's actual concern is that it is losing control over the framing of information and wants to eliminate user-generated news content for that reason. facebook is walking into it, and is probably aware of it.

for that reason, i support what facebook is doing, but only temporarily as a protest tactic. this is now an election issue, and i will probably vote explicitly for a party that wants to revoke the legislation in the next election.

for now, use a proxy.

i don't actually use facebook at all, myself; i stopped using it in early 2014, which is now quite a long time ago.

18:00

saturday, june 24, 2023

i am utterly disgusted by the junkies that bought the house i live in and want them to buy me out as soon as possible.

i do not want to see them again, to talk to them again or to have any communication with them again except for them to hand me a check to leave the property.

they are utterly revolting people in every way imaginable.
19:44

i don't know exactly how much of that garbage poison they gave me, but it took me a week to come down from it.

i do feel mostly normal again, finally.

meth wasn't very exciting and it was painful to clear out after only being drugged with it without my consent once. i can only imagine how hard it is to quit doing it.
20:06

i am not in favour of decriminalizing hard drugs like meth. i actually think legalizing marijuana was a mistake and it will likely be undone in the next ten years.

meth dealers should be charged with multiple counts of attempted manslaughter and sent to jail for lengthy sentences approaching or equal to life imprisonment.
20:07

the disgusting thuggish meth dealers upstairs, by the sounds of things, are now getting ripped off on their own front step. yes, they're just sitting on their front lawn selling homemade meth and people are coming here to buy it, it's disconcerting.

listen, kids; these drugs are being made out of cleaning supplies by some of the dumbest, most oafish imbeciles i've ever met. i would advise thinking twice about it.

yet, this is what happens when drug dealers set up from out of town; the city doesn't respect that. nobody knows you; you have no cred; nobody's got your back. you're just the out of towners everybody wants to rip off.
20:54

1227 curry. that's in windsor, for the slow kids.

come rough 'em up a bit, give 'em a hard time. the cops won't do their job, we have to do it for them.

they're selling fucking meth on the front fucking lawn; they deserve a kick in the head and a decade in the slammer.
21:02

i have actually managed now to:

1) install a list of ~60 updates to an updated windows 7 image
2) use dism to extract the image to a wim file
3) i had to use a gui called gimagex to add a description tag to the wim file to get the windows setup to read it, and i had to figure that out myself.
4) i am currently reinstalling windows 7 with a 13 gb wim file that fully updates windows 7, including with software like office 2003.

the intent is to now use ntlite, etc to remove items from the wim, but i'm also realizing that this is just a ghost, which gives me extra flexibility if required. i'll have to sit down and look at it, but i'm expecting that most of the 13 gb is going to be windows update files and ripping them out isn't going to be something that can be done via strict deletion.
22:31

sunday, june 25, 2023

i formatted/reinstalled it to be sure, and this is actually a true imaging process. it came up activated, i didn't need to type in my time zone and it already had my user account. i wasn't expecting that.

that said, can i still use dism to make it small enough to burn to a dvd?
2:11

(something about reducing the size of the winsxs folder by deleting it in realtime and exporting it using dism)

i want to have a better understanding if how this works, but i may just end up ghosting it, unfortunately. i try to avoid ghosting images.
16:21

monday, june 26, 2023

i am building a windows 7 image because i'm trying to end windows at 7, but, unfortunately, the toolbox i'm using - dism - is almost entirely undeveloped for windows 7. that is, i would be able to do what i want to do if i was building a windows 8-11 image, but it's becoming clear that i'm going to have to do almost everything by brute force on 7 because the functionality doesn't arrive until windows 8.

i may have to script it and ghost it instead.

yet, given that i don't intend to roll back or uninstall any updates (at all) and that the point is that this 7 image is essentially permanently updated as a base installation, what happens if i just move the winsxs folder over to an external drive and recapture the image using dism? it's there if i need it, right?

i know that dvds are very oldskool in 2023, but i desire the permanence of burned optical discs.
4:04

the 7 base install need to form the basis of the more detailed customizations for the typing machine and the 64 bit recording machine when it's done, because i wasn't impressed with the stability of windows 11 when i tested it (in 2022. it should have been stable.) and i don't like contemporary windows' reliance on the cloud. these machines are air gapped; 7 seems like the right place to cut it off because i don't see any really good reason to upgrade to 10 and i see a lot of reasons to avoid the switch to the windows store as to the centre of the gui. i intend to stick with cheap chromebooks for internet use for the foreseeable future. the next gen will eventually be a jump to linux, unless windows can pull me back, if windows 12 even ever gets released at all. whatever the next step is in terms of desktop operating systems, i see a utility for windows 7 by my bed as a typing machine and general processing machine for many years in the future. i still have several xp machines running, including my main recording machine. i still have a windows 98 recording machine for sparse and particular use.

if i can get extra dism functionality, however, is there a benefit in jumping to 8 instead of 7?
4:55

for now, i'm going to move the winsxs folder to an external drive and stick with 7, but moving to 8 if i need to is a possibility, albeit an obscure one. the only thing i remember about 8 was that it was a service pack upgrade to 7 that was intended for touchscreen functionality, which is not relevant to me.
5:01

at least my head isn't throbbing any more, but i have neither been able to actually sleep for a week nor have i been able to stay awake to focus on something. instead, i'm wasting my time staring at the wall. it's like purgatory.

i keep getting up to shower because i can't scrape off the filth. i don't suffer from depression, but i hate feeling dirty and it tends to get me very upset when i can't get clean. filth makes me utterly miserable.

i can only hope i'm passing something through my system and it will be gone soon. i don't know how they drugged me, but i'm going to assume it wasn't much more than a half a dose. it's just a reminder of how toxic this poison really is.

i actually like life; i don't think it's painful, and i'm not looking to numb anything. i have a happy, joyful existence of good food, rewarding exercise and fulfilling art projects....or, at least i did before these retards showed up with their horrible drugs. i like being healthy and living life to it's fullest.

there's like a 1% vacancy rate. there's just too many people in canada nowadays; there's almost nowhere to go. i have to deal with this.
8:52

tueday, june 27, 2023

i forced myself to sleep all day.

the type of problem that i'm currently experiencing is not uncommon, and the society will need to learn that it has to alter it's behaviour until the supply of housing recovers. the root cause of the problem here is that the upstairs tenants are being moved into their own space in their late teens, which is something that the society can no longer accommodate for. these kids will need to move back in with their parents and stay there until they're in their mid to late 20s, at the earliest. the new normal will need to be that kids will need to start thinking about moving out closer to the age of 30 than the age of 20. these kids have places they can stay for free, and they will need to do so to help ease the existing deficit in housing supply and that will need to be done en masse. this is the consequence of unchecked immigration on the households of the bourgeoisie and something they'll need to accept; their kids have lost the freedom to move away young and will now instead need to stay at home much, much longer. changes in immigration or housing policy or both will be required to re-establish the previous status quo, which is now lost.

canada no longer has the excess housing to allow for teenagers or young 20-somethings to live on their own; that's an ahistorical luxury that the society can no longer allow for. that era is now over.

parents (which means people my age) are going to need to adjust; they're going to have to keep their kids at home for much longer. there's no longer excess housing to dump them in.

the era of frivolous, cheap student housing is over until housing is no longer so scarce.
3:56

the fight i'm about to get into is going to be messy, and it's going to largely be driven by the entitlement of the property owners. i'm going to be continually aghast by the kinds of things i'm going to hear from them. i need to expect that.

the simple reality is that they can't have what they think they have a birth right to; it's been taken away from them by a broken immigration system, and they were in truth ahistorically lucky to have had it in the first place. instead, they're trying to compete with disabled people for falling down shacks that they want to mark up for obscene profits. it's depraved.

they need to wake up and realize they're not living in reality, and the world has passed them by, and then adjust to what is actually happening around them.

this is an unusually small house; it's best fit for a single person on disability, and it's being used for what it's best fit for.
4:01

i think i may have already succeeded in fighting them off in their initial plans, but i'm not sure what's next.
4:04

20:20

wednesday, june 28, 2023

i'm in a very bad situation where some massive losers have bought the house i live in the basement of (and pay rent, as a tenant) and are selling hard drugs (meth) in the upstairs unit and broadly ruining the place. it's becoming increasingly clear that they are aware of my online presence and are targeting me due to it. the place may be rigged up and i may be streaming.

i can't live in these conditions; i'm straight edge, and i need peace and quiet. 

my sole source of income is the ontario disability support program. my family is very right-wing and won't give me any money because i don't want children and am broadly not interested in being a taxpayer. i have no assets. everything i own is in this room, and it's worth less than $5000.

in order to get out of here, i need to raise a lot of money and i need to do so quickly.

i don't know what kind of audience i have. i've never made a cent from youtube, and i've made roughly $50 in profit from bandcamp since 2009. i haven't made a sale on bandcamp in over five years.

the fastest, easiest way to send me money is via email at death.to.koalas@gmail.com. if you would like to make a purchase at bandcamp (link on side), that would also be helpful.

i am not a streaming media star and i do not make money via ad revenue. if you want to support me, you have to actually buy something on bandcamp. this is intentional, as i don't like the streaming media model and the power it gives to advertising executives.

these people are aggressive drug addicts and i don't know if i'm under threat of harm or not. i know that i don't want to do their drugs with them and need to evacuate the premises to protect my health.
5:42

canada is a failed state.

fuck canada.

fuck canada day.
6:06

thursday, june 29, 2023

the population of canada is currently roughly 40 million.

a dividend payout (perhaps not quite as much as a million dollars for everybody, with the money to be placed in trust for minors) is really appropriate, is it not?

6:29

Canadian users will still be able to search for news content from international outlets such as BBC, New York Times and Fox News.

i'd actually in some sense prefer this, as i found googles algorithm to insist on local news to actually be rather annoying. canadian news sites are not exactly known for their high quality journalism.

12:25
at
Location: