July 15, 2014

so, i've got my border pass interview on thursday and i have to admit i don't know how i'm going to get over that bridge to the enrollment centre. i've been sending out emails and calling people all month, and nobody has a good answer for me.

the thing is that the bridge is closed to pedestrian traffic. somehow, the bridge became privately owned, which makes the owner liable. there were some suicides in the 70s from jumpers, and the owner had to pay out, and it's been closed to pedestrians and bicyclists ever since. i'm going to avoid ranting about property rights, other than to note that none of the governments in the region at any of the levels have had anything but problems with the guy. i mean, he has a monopoly on cross-border traffic that can't fit through the tunnel, which is virtually all trucks amongst other things, and he hasn't really been responsible about it....

so, they're building a publicly owned bridge in reaction, but it won't be done until like 2020. i should be able to take my bike on that one, but it's also way out of the way. you'd have to think the operator will make some changes when he gets some competition. until then, i simply can't walk over the bridge.

the tunnel is also closed to pedestrians and cyclists because it doesn't have a sufficient walkway, which is a court case i'd probably win if i bothered, but it's a lot of effort i don't really have to expend. it does have tunnel bus service, which is what i'd have to use to get across the river when i want to. most of the places i'd want to get to are then within walking distance up woodward avenue, but i may want to go to pontiac from time to time and i'd have to take the bus for that. if i find myself doing that often, i'll probably get a worthless bicycle and lock it somewhere near the tunnel in detroit. i mean, they won't let bikes on the bus either, unless they're disassembled into a bag, which is really outrageous. i'd probably want to take one of the tires with me back and forth...

so, the problem is that i'm going to show up at the border crossing on thursday morning and not know how to get across. i'm HOPING the border guards will just drive me over, but i'd like to get some verification of that. if i can't, my plan is going to be as follows...

1) i'll show up to the earliest tunnel shuttle across and hope the border people either let me walk to the enrollment centre or escort me there. hopefully, that's worked out before 6:00 am.
2) if i get sent back, i'll have to walk to the bridge and ask them to get me over there somehow.

the instructions that the center provides just assume i'll have a car. in fact, the primary purpose of this exercise seems to be to get my plates on film.

July 16, 2014

grargh. i still can't get a hold of anybody on the other side of the border. and it turns out booking a taxi is a process of trial and error - most taxi drivers can't or won't drive across the bridge. after all, that's what the tunnel bus is for. and it's going to cost like $40....

catch-22s. gotta love 'em.

i'm just going to show up at the tunnel really early and see what happens. i'm hoping that if they don't let me walk they'll escort me, and if they don't do that they'll let me call the center from detroit, where it's not long distance.

i tried calling two of those numbers from a pay phone.

one was a full mailbox, the other was an automated system. i can't be dropping $5 on dead ends over and over. that $10 is waste enough.

july 16, 2014


i think i'm just going to spend the night listening and analyzing. i've gotta leave early in the morning to go on what will no doubt be a surreal, kafkaesque journey of a nightmare...

see, in order to get across the border, i need a nexus card. but, in order to get the nexus card, i need to get across the border. it would be a simple exercise if the enrolment centre was in an accessible location, but it's located directly underneath a bridge that i cannot cross. (that sounds poetic, but i can't cross because i don't have a vehicle, and they do not allow pedestrian crossing, and there's no public transportation, and it's almost impossible to find a taxi cab driver both willing and able to cross). so, the only option i can conceive of is to try and cross somewhere else, and hope they let me walk, or escort me to the centre and back. but i'm not really hopeful either is a possibility...

i will say that when i get to the border, i'm certain that i'll understand what my actual options are. i'm just a little fearful that none of them are going to be realistic.

but, logically, is there really much of a difference between letting me drive over a bridge to the center and letting me walk over? i'm clearing customs and being allowed to move from customs to the centre on my own either way, right? i may be freaking out over a perception of the location of the office to the bridge, rather than anything rational that the border guards can actually interpret, one way or the other.

if my plan *does* work, i'm basically going to be walking through detroit at 6:00 am. well, i'm going to end up doing that relatively frequently anyways. my experience with walking through unsafe neighbourhoods has mostly been that thugs go after thugs and so long as one does not project wealth (meaning, it's not a good idea to pull out a roll of hundred dollar bills....as though i have any, right...), there's really little risk in these supposed high risk neighbourhoods.

and, for me, in the end, i'm on their side. i've had my share of conversations with thugs that are probably thinking some nasty shit in the back of their mind, but i tend to convince 'em i'm cool - and not any better off than they are. despite being white and well spoken....

the only other thing i can think of is trying to hitch over the bridge. if that's my only option, that's my only option. i'll find out.

i don't want to come off some drug war narc, i'm really not, but i know that the big problem is not poverty but drugs.

and not any drugs. it's the nasty ones. coke. meth. there's no discussion there, no attempt to size me up - it's just a possible income source to exploit to get high.

i know to stay on the main roads.

and 6:00-7:00 am is not 3:00 am, either.

i'll be fine...

like, i've never seen or heard of a fight in any place in any city in any downtown that wasn't ultimately about cocaine. even when it's about sex, it's really about cocaine...

so...

hey, kids.

i'm not going to tell you not to do drugs. drugs can be fun, sometimes!

but cocaine is baaaaaaad.

baaaaaaaad.

baaaaa.

it IS though. don't do coke...

july 17, 2014

so, i took a google tour up fort street, which is where i'm headed this morning.

it's pretty run down, but it's an industrial area so i'm not really walking through the 'hood. and there's only been one shooting in the vicinity this year.

there's been two on my block in windsor. yeah. well, it's perspective.

i'll be fine...

i'll point out i *am* wearing $5 shoes and a stained white tshirt.

it's less about wanting to keep the shoes and more about not projecting wealth.

not that i have any wealth, of course. but shit is relative.

July 17, 2014

well, that was indeed a kafkaesque mess but i got my expedited border clearance. hey, all those years of avoiding a criminal record came in handy. i'm squeaky clean. i get to use the special line...

but, that doesn't mean this wasn't a pain in the ass. i've ranted about this here quite a bit over the last year. it's only fitting that the last section of it was off the wall ridiculous...

getting across the actual border was not a problem. i just showed them my letter, and he let me through. but, he chuckled and wished me luck. he knew what was coming...

the walk up fort street at around 7 am was purposefully brisk; i was admittedly a little uncomfortable. but, the more i walked, the more it just reminded me of montreal. yes: detroit is full of decaying bridges, falling apart buildings, abandoned industrial centres, smoldering sewers and people sleeping on the street. but, i didn't feel threatened so much as i felt a level of empathy. how'd it get that bad, anyways?

the other thing that made me relax a little was a friendly retriever that ran over across a field to say good morning. it's funny how goldens are basically the universal stress reliever.

it was about twenty minutes to the bridge, which is a short walk for me.

once i got there, though, i wasn't sure how to proceed. i tried going under the bridge first. this is the first point that the smog got to me: i nearly heaved, and had to sit down. first attempt at directions was a hotel that looked like something out of a stephen king movie...

"do you know if i can get in some kind of plaza around the bridge?"

no.

"does that pay phone work?"

*laughs* no.

"do you know if there's a phone around here?"

there's no gas stations for a good ways in either direction.

"well, thanks, then."

so, i went back under the bridge again...

there was a side street running along the complex (and it was a complex. it looked like a prison.) that i decided to take a walk up, and it took me into a nicer street full of very old churches and quaint, if dilapidated houses. three houses in a row had angry, barking, unchained rottweilers that could have easily hopped their four foot tall enclosures should they have decided to. it's a problem in windsor, too. cheaper than a security system, i guess.

and apparently very necessary.

i bumped into a border cop on his way to work and flagged him down...

"how do i get in here?"

do you have a car?

"no."

well, why do you want to get into here?

"i have a nexus interview."

why do you want a nexus card if you don't have a car?

"so i can get across the border. i'm from canada..."

you're from canada? how did you get across the border?

"the tunnel."

and how did you get here?

"i walked."

*awkward pause*

"well, you can't get in here without a car. you're going to have to call a cab."

ok, so here's the thing: i can see the enrollment centre through the fence. it's a few hundred yards, at most. and, yet i need to call a cab to transport me those few hundred yards? yes, i do: this is what the cop is trying to tell me. but, i'm not about to call a cab, so i keep walking.

eventually, i get to a cross street with a big sign

MICHIGAN WELCOME CENTER* --->

*note yankee spelling.

well, that sounds like a good thing to try.

hours:
9 am - 4 pm

it's like 7:30...

so, i look up the road and notice it runs into customs. i'm thinking "maybe there's a phone in there". customer service is closed, and there's no barriers so i just keep walking, until a border cop yells at me:

WOAH. WOAH. YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

"well, i'm looking for a phone. is there one in that building?"

PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE AND EMPTY YOUR POCKETS.

"ok."

so, i pull out some pieces of paper, keys, a few dollars...

who do you want to phone?

"i'm trying to get in contact with the nexus office."

how did you get in here?

"i just walked in. there's no barriers or anything."

do you have a car?

"no."

why do you want a nexus card if you don't have a car?

"well, i'm from canada and..."

you're from canada? how did you get across the border without a car?

"i took the tunnel."

what? how did you get here?

"i walked"

*awkward pause*

another officer walks over....

this person just strolled in here, can you believe that.

where are you going?
 
"i'm looking for nexus."

do you have a car?

"no."

why do you want a nexus card if you don't have a car?

i laughed out loud at this point.

"because i'm from canada and..."

wait. how did you get across the border?

"i took the tunnel."

and they let you in without documents?

"well, i have this nexus document. i'm here for a defined purpose."

pfft. anybody could print that off. do you have any drugs on you?

"what? no..."

yeah. right. step into the office, please

so, i walk into the office...

he takes my id and starts running it through the system, asks me all kinds of absurd questions, accuses me repeatedly of living in collingwood and having a record of escaping the custody of an officer, visibly shatters a blood vessel in his forehead when i provide "jessica" as an alternate name and eventually gives up.

go back to the michigan welcome center and call a cab from there.

again with the cab. they were really serious about this.

i did walk back to the welcome center, but i was planning on calling the enrollment centre, not the cab. it's now barely 8:00, so i have an hour to wait, and wait an hour i did.

the cop drives by about 8:30...

"listen, i knew this was going to be a problem, but i'm pretty sure the person i initially talked to said they'd give me a lift. the thing is i think they meant from canada, and i couldn't get a hold of anybody to provide instructions, so here i am."

he seems to have softened up a bit, after realizing i'm both harmless and frustrated. the absurdity of the situation actually seems to have become clear to him. but...

i'd drive you down there myself, but then i have to pat you down, which means i need a female officer present and there aren't any.

"i can't waive that?"

(i don't care what gender my doctor is, and i don't care what gender the cop patting me down is)

no. plus, i'd have to do all kinds of paperwork, and i just don't want to.

ah, yes. a lazy cop. gee, whudda thunk that possible, huh?

but, i'll call you a cab if you want.

there's no irony in any of this.

i refuse the offer, and suggest i'll call the place when the welcome center opens.

this is where i got a break, and i have to say it's every bit as surreal as the rest of this. the place opens at 9:00, i use the bathroom, and then ask if there's a pay phone...

there isn't, but he offers the office phone, depending on who i'm calling.

i'm calling nexus, because i'm on foot and need to find out how i'm going to get in there.

apparently, this kind fellow has been working at the michigan welcome center for years and years, and given out instructions on how to get into the nexus office hundreds of times, but has never been in there himself. he's been wondering the whole time if his directions are even accurate, and he wants to know what it looks like inside the complex.

so, he offers to drive me in.

and i graciously accept.

he takes me back along the side street i came in at, past the entrance the first border cop went in, back under the bridge and around through a gated area. i am now finally at the nexus enrollment area. i thank the kind fellow and that is that.

but, the border guards are concerned about how i'm going to exit the complex.

"i guess i'll call a cab."

nobody else got the sarcasm. i was actually planning on asking somebody for a lift to the other side of the fence.

so, the interview goes well. the interviewer was a little older, and i seemed to convince him i'm a good kid. which is what i needed to do.

i got the marijuana question, i was honest, and he overlooked it. they can be very strict about that. but, the thing should get here in 7-10 days.

at the end of it, he asks me if i have a phone. i don't carry a phone. so, he picks up the phone and starts dialing the number for a cab for me...

"listen. if you call me a cab, i'm just going to ask that they drop me on the other side of the fence and walk back to the tunnel. so, why don't you just let me ask somebody for a lift out?"

and, finally, i got some fucking logic from somebody.

no. we'll just escort you out.

a few minutes later, a truck pulls up with a border cop in it.

"are you here to escort me out?"

yes.

so, i reach for the door....

no. i'm not driving you. you're going to walk.

at first, he tries to lead me to the exit to the ambassador bridge.

canada is that way, but where's your car?

"i don't have a car."

why do you want a nexus card if you don't have a car?

i was on the brink of being a smartass, but managed to restrain myself.

"so i can get across under the tunnel. i just need to get to fort street."

well, how are you going to get over the bridge?

"no, i want to walk to the tunnel."

walk...to...the....tunnel?

at this point, i understand that every single one of the awkward pauses was shock that i'd walk that far. remarkable.

"yeah."

well, follow the truck around the building and meet me at the crossing.

i did this, and we walked to the gate that first border cop went through. then i was out the side street and back up fort towards the tunnel...

without having to call a cab.

this is your tax dollars at work, protecting you from terrorism.

(edit: fwiw, i recognized the collingwood question. now i know why it was asked of me by a specific occupier - and confirmed my suspicion that he was a cop.)