that second guy actually spent most of his life trying to emulate me, to the point that i repeatedly had to get away from him. i dunno; it was always weird to me that this guy put me on this bizarre pedestal, that i never fully understood.

it's weird to have this longterm friendship with this person that almost worships you, and that you largely don't even respect at all. like, i thought he was a complete buffoon from the time i met him until the fifth or sixth time i tried to explain to him that, despite his reverence for this projection that he imagined i was, and that i actually despised, i didn't actually have the slightest bit in common with him, and never did. i could never really fully grasp why he seemed to see me as this person that...i mean, if i was actually the person he imagined i was, i would have killed myself in disgust.

but, the fetish didn't end until i went firmly on hormones - that's what it took to break the false projection into pieces, after 15 years or whatever it was.

but, he just copied me for like half of his life regarding almost everything you could imagine. and it was tiring and frustrating and sort of pathetic - given that i was trying to reinvent myself as somebody else, the whole time.

in the end, if he got something out of it, whatever. but, i'd probably hate him more as a 40 year old fake me than i ever did or ever could back then.