hi.

somebody attempted to reach me from your number yesterday and did not leave a number. some clarification is requested.

i have attempted to reach many urologists in windsor and have been told by four of them that they will not perform a voluntary orchiectomy. i have not been able to reach the first two or the last, and i am not sure if dr s is even practicing as he was cited for malpractice.

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on top of the problems with accessing voluntary surgery right now (as trivial as this one is....can you even really call it a surgery?), the buses are all on indefinite hiatus. so, i cannot travel outside of the immediate region, anyways.

i find the situation frustrating, to say the least, and i don't have much respect for anybody that would deny somebody medical treatment based on a religious belief in the middle of a pandemic, but i don't have the time or interest to drag them through court, even if i think i would be correct to do so. 

what is clear at this point is that surgery is not a likely option for, potentially, years. so, i am going to need to find a way to double or even triple the medication, and plan to be on the higher level of suppression for the indefinite future. this may come with unintended health consequences; i can only tell these doctors that my blood is on their hands, should some complication arise.

i received your referral for the endocrinologist in the mail and appreciate that.

in the mean time, my emergency rx runs out on the 29th of september and i need to find a way to get some t-blockers at that point. i guess i have a bottle of spiro, but, given that it's not nearly effective, i'd want to come in at twice the prescribed dosage - and i expect that will harm my kidneys, and potentially damage my heart. but, if i can't get access to cyproterone, what else can i do?

i have been back on normal dosage since the beginning of september, and while i have been forced to ignore some unwanted erections until they go away, and have been dealing with some violent thoughts and angry mood swings, i am slowly adjusting, even though i don't want to.

the problem is that, because i doubled up from the beginning of june until the end of august, i have exhausted my odb billing. the only way around it is an rx for an increased dosage. or, i will need to pay out of pocket and eat at a food bank, which means some starving, homeless person will get less food because i have to eat it instead. this is stupid....

if you send an rx for one month at twice the amount, i can carry forward with the regular dosage until i can see the endocrinologist and ask him to double or triple it.

i'm very unhappy about the situation. i don't generally suffer from depression, but i have been suffering from extreme bouts of it, over the last three weeks. i've barely been able to stay awake, or get up, and i'm too embarrassed about what's happening to me to go outside and face the world. i don't want to end up back in the hospital. i'm trying to reach out...

jessica