i don't know why i have to explain this over and over, but apparently i do.

listen: there's not any way you can get around this. sex with a penis is a violent act. you can try and minimize it, but chances are you won't get much appreciation from it - nobody wants you to use your penis daintily. it doesn't matter if your victim by choice is male or female; the point of getting fucked is to absorb the aggression. and, so, if you're stuck with a penis, the only choices you have are to come to terms with the violence inherent within using it, or just choose not to use it. and, if you don't have that violence or aggression within you, if you're a person that lives their life with an attempt to minimize aggression and violence, and if you consequently find the idea of sex in a male role to be kind of revolting, then the thing is ultimately just fucking useless to you.

i don't know how to use the thing. i don't want to learn how to use the thing. i just want it to not be there.

but, i don't want to pretend that i'm a gay male, either, because i'm not.

so, i'm abstinent.

let's try a thought experiment because it might help you understand better: if i were to go off hormones and re-identify as male, would it affect my sex life? it wouldn't, because i'd still have that aversion to sex, because i understand that it is an unavoidable act of violence. and, this is empirical, observational. i was off hormones from 2003 to 2010 and i did not have sex with anybody at all after 2005. the one person i did have sex with before 2003 was ultimately just frustrated that i didn't have any real personal interest in it, and didn't know how to use the thing, and didn't want to learn how. there is an unavoidable chemical reality that would reassert itself if i were to stop the testosterone suppressors, but the only likely measurable outcome of this would be a return to disinterested, routine daily masturbation - i would approach it like i'm brushing my teeth.

i might gain an interest in sex in a hypothetical post-op situation, but finding somebody to have sex with me would be a more challenging proposition, and i'm not walking down that path for that reason. at least if i keep it and just suppress the testosterone, i'm not setting myself up for the obvious devastating outcome. and, i keep telling you that i'm a realist.

i ultimately don't care how you label me. if you want to insist that i'm not really female, but am instead an incredibly faggy male that chooses to chemically castrate himself and take hormones to look effeminate, then you can do that. i might say that if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck. you can insist otherwise if it makes you feel good - it doesn't have any effect on how i'm going to behave. and, if you want me to just throw the gender nonconformity in your face to piss you off, i can do that, too. i don't care. really.

but, you do need to listen to me about the sexual disinterest and get your head around that. because, there are situations where i'm going to react in self-defense to coercion. and, these should not be surprising - you should be able to predict them from simply listening to me.

jagmeet singh must cut his beard.